God Use It

Often on here, I’m just prayerfully processing from the gutter. I figure my God story won’t be complete if it doesn’t include the good, bad and ugly. I’m still waiting on my meds to make me comfortable enough to rest. Once again it feels like I’ve got ice water running through my veins. And I certainly don’t mean that in a good way.

There are times I wonder, what if I’m left to feel like this or worse the rest of my life. Then what? Not only do I not enjoy thinking about that possibility I can’t imagine what I would feel like if I knew all hope was gone. Sure, I know no matter what God has a plan. But, it’s dealing with the long term misery I can’t get my head fully around. At least not at this age and season of my life.

Most of the time I feel either on fire with nerve pain or just broken all over. Finding ways for God to use this valley is critical for me. Believing it is purposeful motivates me to keep the faith. I’m praying and believing that one day I will look back and see clearly how far I’ve come. But, for now I’m just at this seemingly forever bus stop while feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I’m just begging to use every struggle.

“But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
John 11:4