As Real As It Gets

This will be as real as I can get with most of you. Right now, I’m laying on my side just trying to catch my breath. Just 30 minutes ago, I was wrapping up several hours of sermon prep and other ministry efforts. Then, boom out of nowhere my entire body was wrecked again. Physically, mentally and emotionally I feel like I’m back at ground zero. Yet, I know I’m my heart that is not totally true.

I feel like a fish that’s been out of water for a very long time. It’s very discouraging considering all my daily recovery efforts and prayers. I really have been doing everything possible to overcome my debilitating nerve pain. Yet, it continues to prove that it can totally wreck me anytime it chooses.

Fortunately, I’ve reached the point where I can process my brokenness calmly with my wife. I told her it rips the joy out of my heart anytime I can’t enjoy quality time with family or friends. Right now the waves of chaos are coming from every direction.

My spinal stimulator is slowly building back up within me what my nerves desperately need. I’m having to make some medication adjustments because even the least anxious thoughts make my entire body vibrate in intense pain. My main surgical spot on my lower back is like a hot eye on a stove. My legs feel like they’ve been totally deflated of all strength. Most of all, I’m in another battle that demands persevering faith.

My friends, I understand how pain knocks you to the ground. I understand feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle. I understand feeling awesome one minute and totally depressed the next minute. I understand why it’s hard to be vulnerable with just anybody when it comes to your personal struggles. I understand what it’s like to lose faith in your ability to change things.

However, I’ve learned that confession is healing to the soul. I’ve learned that other’s prayers can give you wings when your wings are weary. I’ve learned that God can always resurrect me or my situation. I’ve learned that we all have to spend our times in the valley. I’ve learned that no matter what I feel, my faith can move mountains.

I share none of these truths for sympathy. Instead, out of obedience whenever God prompts me to humbly share such things. My days are rough right now and my nerves only give me a short leash. However, you can bank on the fact that God will resurrect me and my situation once again. God can do the same for you as well. Let’s all keep walking by faith together.

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20