Pastor Craig Crosby

Real Pain = Real Distress

Posted on November 19, 2025     Leave a Comment

I’ll never forget a lady who told me several years ago that my pain was “only in my head.” Honestly, it was all I could do not to knock her in the head. When pain is real and intense, you’re simply not in an easy place. And the longer it lingers, the more it affects you physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally.

This morning I woke up with that same throbbing pain in my left side. Like emergency flashers, it’s letting me know it’s still very present. Yes, the same pain I thought my recent Rhizotomy had already brought under control. For the last five days it’s been faintly tapping me on the shoulder. But today it’s leaving no doubt that it’s still a threat to my relief.

It’s still too early to panic, but I’d be lying if I said my concerns aren’t rising. All I can do right now is try to throw water on the fire. All I can do is pray and place it all in God’s hands.

Lord, whatever You want me to see in this pain, please show me. Have Your way both in me and through me. Encourage someone else who is blinded by their own pain. I know You are with me and with them. No matter how high the pain rises, You are always greater.

Give us Your grace as we seek Your face. Lift our spirit through the power of Your Holy Spirit. Help us not to lose heart regardless of what we’re feeling. You’ve proven Yourself faithful time and time again. I know You’ll do it once more.

“For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.” Psalm 143:11

It Always Follows Me

Posted on November 5, 2025     Leave a Comment

Overall, I’ve had a blessed week. Great quality time with my wife and a much needed break from the normal grind of ministry and work life. Aimee and I are both so used to staying fully engaged in helping others every day. It’s always good, and necessary, to step away and breathe for a bit.

The weather has been beautiful. The laughter has been real. The peace has been refreshing. The stress level has been low.

Yet one thing still remains. I still wish I could take a full break from my body. There’s just no escaping it. The pain always finds me. It follows me wherever I go, quietly waiting for its moment to remind me of my limits and to knock the air right out of my sails.

Still, God keeps using this discomfort to draw me closer to Him, to keep my heart tender toward the pain of others and to remind me not to live in self-dependence. I may never again be who I was physically ten years ago, and that’s a hard reality to accept. But every season of life brings something that humbles us and brings us to our knees.

Thank you for your continued prayers. God’s grace remains more than enough.

“And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” James 4:6 (NLT)

Very Grateful to God

Posted on November 3, 2025     Leave a Comment

As we leave today for our trip, I feel just like I would on any other Monday—grateful and hopeful. I’m thankful to say that I’m almost completely past the temporary pain caused by last Tuesday’s Rhizotomy. Praise God for continued healing and relief!

God bless each of you!

I’m Doing Much Better

Posted on November 2, 2025     Leave a Comment

Things aren’t perfect, but they’re improving day by day. I still can’t bend down easily, and my legs remain weak, but I’m so grateful for every ounce of relief and healing. Of course, the colder weather never helps these aging bones.

Tonight, I’m going to bed with greater peace. I’ve been leaning heavily on the Lord lately—seeking to hear His voice and follow His direction. If it takes a little pain to align my heart with His purpose, then I’ll accept that pain as part of His plan.

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s services at Refuge Church. God has given me a message I’ve never preached before—one that focuses on walking in God’s favor. I can’t wait to share it with others. I’ll definitely be staying seated more than usual to let my body continue recovering. Still, I praise God for the progress and for all your prayers.

“In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears.”

— Psalm 18:6 (NIV)

Painful Waiting Is Never Easy

Posted on November 1, 2025     Leave a Comment

Today has been another emotional and physical roller coaster. This recovery is definitely testing my patience. On one hand, I hardly have any of my usual nerve pain. On the other hand, new pain keeps pulling me down. My legs feel very weak, my left hip aches every time I move, and all of this is the temporary side effects of my recent rhizotomy. I had none of these issues before my procedure.

Sometimes the timing of your pain makes the pain feel even worse. Knowing I would be out of town this coming week, I started planning months ago to make sure my pain would be decreased as much as possible by now. But due to insurance delays and unfortunate timing, nothing went as planned. My rhizotomy was supposed to take place at least two to three weeks ago.

Now, not only do I not have enough time for full pain relief to kick in, but I’m also heading into this trip with increased pain due to the late approval. I’ve found myself upset, angry, and disappointed. Still, I keep having to trust God for His divine favor and daily healing.

I’ve got until Monday for things to turn around. However, the relief I need is out of my hands. I’m praying that what feels terrible right now will one day become a testimony of God’s greatness. I’ve seen God turn things around against all odds before, and I’m believing He’ll do it again for His glory and my comfort.

I do feel like things are improving day by day, but it’s just been slower than I would like, even 84 hours later. Yes, I’m a pastor, and yes, I have faith that God will take care of me. But prolonged pain at unfortunate times can really disappoint and humble you. I’m not going to pretend I don’t battle human emotions. Pain can make anybody go hillbilly deluxe pickup truck!

All that said, I’m very grateful for every inch of progress and every answered prayer. I’ve got 36 hours of healing before Sunday services, and 62 hours before I cruise out of town for a few days. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Please know I’m praying for you as well.

“But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

Getting My First Rhizotomy

Posted on October 28, 2025     Leave a Comment

We leave at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning for my first-ever rhizotomy procedure. This may help me far more than the previous steroid injections. If it works well, it’s something I’ll likely only need once or twice a year. There are virtually no long-term side effects, whereas quarterly steroid injections can definitely affect bone health over time.

Because of my extensive nerve damage, I feel good about the potential for relief. During the procedure, they’ll burn specific nerve fibers in my lower back. I’ve already had two trial treatments, and they seemed to work wonders. While it can take up to four weeks to experience the maximum results, I’m praying it begins working right away.

I’ve considered doing this for several years, and it finally clicked that this might be another answer to prayer. Please pray that everything goes as smoothly as possible. I’m also praying for each of you who are dealing with your own pain.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:7–11 (NIV)

God Uses Every Storm

Posted on October 23, 2025     Leave a Comment

Last night, sometime after 3 a.m., I wrote these words before finally passing out from exhaustion:

“Here I am again. The pain running throughout me like a wildfire. It comes with no warning. Right now, it’s suffocating and takes my breath away.”

Earlier today, every nerve in my body felt like it was on fire 🔥. When those flames overtake me, there’s nothing I can do to stop them. I just have to hold on, pray, and wait for the storm to settle. It humbles you. It frightens you. And it hijacks your self-confidence.

After taking some emergency medication, I’m so thankful to finally have some relief. Each time, I search for possible triggers hoping to prevent things. But no matter how proactive I am, moments like these remind me of my limits.

Sometimes I feel like my weakness gets in God’s way. But then I remember that God never allows a storm He doesn’t intend to use.

The storms we face are rarely random. They often become the very tools God uses to shape our faith, deepen our dependence, and draw us closer to Him.

“O Lord, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reasons.” Jonah 1:14 (NLT)

No storm is wasted in God’s hands.

Writing with My Left Hand

Posted on September 10, 2025     Leave a Comment

Today has been a long, up-and-down day. My hand is wrapped much more than I expected, and I thought it would be able to breathe a little easier. The brace and bandages are very uncomfortable, even though I know they’re protecting the incisions.

The next few days will no doubt be painful and make everything more difficult—especially since it’s my dominant hand. My routine for now is simple: elevate, take pain medication proactively, pray patiently, and repeat.

I’ve already weathered the first emotional breakdown that comes when new medications, heightened pain, and the reality of recovery all collide. But I’ve put on my “big boy britches” and am determined to take it one day at a time. Thankfully, the pain medicine is helping.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I’m trusting God to bring great results through this process—it’s been a long journey to get here.

Minor Surgery Tomorrow

Posted on September 9, 2025     Leave a Comment

I can’t remember the last time my right hand could lie flat. My pinky finger has been bound for years due to Dupuytren’s contracture, and it hurts anytime I try to grab something. Over time, it has continued to restrict my hand from opening fully.

This condition is hereditary. I noticed my dad had it just months before he passed away. I asked him, “Dad, how long have you had that place in your hand?” He replied, “Ever since I can remember.” I told him, “Well, I’ve got the exact same issue with my right hand.” It seems I not only inherited my dad’s name but even his hand condition.

Over the past five years, I’ve received two Xiaflex injections in hopes of breaking up the cord growing in my hand. Unfortunately, those injections brought no success. Now, I’m finally scheduled for surgery to repair things. While there’s no permanent cure, I should at least experience relief for a time. It could return in a year, five years, ten years, or even longer—but in most cases, this isn’t the last chapter with this condition.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m., I’ll be having hand surgery. Thankfully, it’s not nearly as invasive as my three previous back surgeries. Still, I don’t want any more nerve damage or unnecessary pain. Please pray that everything goes smoothly. I’ll have some limitations for 4–6 weeks, and full recovery with rehab could take 6–12 months.

I’m optimistic—both because I have a very skilled surgeon and, most importantly, a very awesome God.

Fighting with My Body

Posted on September 5, 2025     Leave a Comment

The battle with my body never seems to end. Some days, nights, and weeks are tougher than others. Heat, ice, and Epsom salts have become a regular part of my life—probably half the time, if not more. I try to be proactive, doing what I can to stay ahead of the pain. But there are moments when all I can do is wave the white flag and let God do the fighting for me.

Because of my pain, I can relate to people of every age and stage of life. I know what it feels like to be trapped in a body you wish you could trade in. I know what it’s like to be so miserable you just want to be knocked out. I know the helplessness of being held hostage by pain you can’t control. Every morning I pray myself out of bed, and every night I pray myself back to sleep.

While I still hate the unpredictability of my pain, I’ve come to see the unexpected blessings it brings. It humbles me daily and forces me to draw closer to God. It grows my compassion and grace towards others. It pulls me away from dependence on Craig and anchors me in full dependence on Christ. Somehow, even though the pain is heavy, God’s purpose always proves to be greater. Even in my limitations, He keeps taking my faith to new heights.

My prayer is simple: Lord, use me and my broken body for Your glory. I don’t want people to see only my pain—I want them to see God’s power flowing through me. Even as I write these words, my hope is that someone reading this will find strength to keep going. Life will throw body blows your way, but every single time, God will be there to pick you up.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13

Dealing with Constant Triggers

Posted on September 4, 2025     Leave a Comment

If you have a chronic health condition you can probably identify with mine. My chronic pain and chronic hives can both be ignited by so many things. We’re talking water, sweat, heat, cool weather, walking, sitting, stress, thinking, not enough sleep, too long laying down, riding or driving, and honestly I can name many more triggers. Even my medications can help with one issue while creating another.

My mind gets exhausted seeking to monitor all the chaos within my body. It appears the Dupixent I’ve been taking for my chronic hives is going to have to go. Both of my hands feel like they are boiling inside from morning until bedtime. It appears this is a common side effect for many who take these bi-weekly shots.

All that to say I know what it feels like to face an ongoing battle everyday. While I don’t like it, I’ve had to learn to accept it. The old me ended 10 years ago. The new me is still getting used to my new body.

Whatever you’re facing don’t give up. You can endure more than you think you can. God can heal you more than you think He can. God has you and I on a daily faith walk. On this journey we learn how to trust Him as we observe His faithfulness.

Don’t let your pain define you. Don’t quit praying and believing God for strength and healing. God’s grace is sufficient and His strength is enough. Even if you didn’t see this coming, none of it caught God by surprise.

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world”. (1 Peter 4:12)(NLT)

Understanding Chronic Pain

Posted on August 27, 2025     Leave a Comment

10 Things to Know

1. It goes wherever you go—you can’t run from your own body.
2. It affects every part of life: physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually.
3. It often strikes without warning—like a hurricane you never saw coming.
4. The longer it lingers, the more discouraging it can feel—like being stuck at the bottom of a well.
5. Only those who live with it truly understand the daily battle.
6. You always hope it will disappear one day, but accepting a new reality is never easy.
7. The key to walking through pain is not walking alone—sharing and processing with others helps.
8. You are not alone. Many people around you are fighting similar battles.
9. Don’t be afraid to be real with those who love you. Pain doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
10. Pain is never wasted in God’s hands. On your own, it feels like a crushing weight, but in His hands, it becomes a tool for His glory.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
—2 Corinthians 4:17 (NIV)

God Has You Covered

Posted on August 22, 2025     Leave a Comment

After 31 days away from Facebook, I’m back. Not because my health was at its worst, but because I needed a reset and some quiet space.

Six weeks ago, I had a steroid injection that brought much-needed relief on my left side. Another one is scheduled soon. Overall, my health is about as good as it can be with ongoing nerve pain. Every movement—whether bending, sitting too long, or standing too long—comes with some level of discomfort.

Still, I’m learning to accept my hardships and limitations with more peace. God continues to show me that no matter what comes my way, He will make a way—even if I need to lean on His shoulders often.

My prayer is that others can see God’s grace and goodness shining through my daily struggles. And I continue to pray for all who live with pain of any kind. 🙏

Isaiah 46:4 – “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

Psalm 34:19 – “The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

God’s Grace is Enough

Posted on July 15, 2025     Leave a Comment

My recent steroid injection is giving me more relief with each passing day. Along with my pain decreasing, my stress is decreasing. Through my pain, God drew me back closer to Him. I can feel His hand upon me with each breath.

    Each day, I’m waking up simply seeking to be faithful with what God has given me. I deeply desire to be a more godly man. I fall short in many ways, but God knows my heart. He always knows when we’re giving our best and trusting Him with the rest.

    Those extremely painful moments can knock anyone to their knees. It’s hard to see clearly when the pain goes insane. Yet God is using my limitations to keep me totally dependent upon Him.

    I honestly never ask God to take away all my pain or problems. I just keep asking Him to carry me through them and keep me in the center of His will.

    I am a living miracle due to God’s grace. I could have never gotten back on my feet. I could have easily developed an addiction to narcotics. I could have easily given up as a pastor. Yet God keeps teaching me that He is enough.

    I don’t have to feel superhuman or figure everything out. I just need to keep trusting that God is working things out. I’m so grateful for His continued grace, strength, peace, and purpose in my life.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
(Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV)

God Will Make a Way

Posted on June 25, 2025     Leave a Comment

We’ve been on a lot of cruises over the years. However, none of them ever had a bathtub. Not only is our Disney ship stateroom twice the size of any other cruise line we’ve experienced, but it also has a full bath and shower room—plus a separate toilet and sink area.

During any given week at home, I spend hours soaking in a warm Epsom salt bath each night. God knew my back would be in desperate need of that kind of relief. I actually prayed on the way here that we’d get a room with a tub. God heard and God answered my prayer.

Last night, I got nearly 12 hours of the best sleep ever. The battle is always present, but God is giving me just what I need. I feel a deeper peace, and my son is having a wonderful time too.

So I’m just going to keep relying on God’s grace, strength, peace, and provision for all my needs. Now it’s time for another much-needed afternoon nap. Thank you for your continued prayers as I walk through this purposeful pain. I’m also praying for each of you and the battles you’re facing.

“This is what the Lord says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters…
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
— Isaiah 43:16, 18–19 (NIV)

Loaded with Inflammation

Posted on June 21, 2025     Leave a Comment

I’m no longer suffering from my spinal fluid leak, which is a major relief. However, I’m now on my second day of feeling absolutely loaded with inflammation. The discomfort in my hips, back, shoulders, and neck has been about a 7 out of 10. This is likely a byproduct of the intense stress that accompanied my recent battle.

Last night was rough—I struggled greatly for several hours before finally passing out in sleep. Even after a full night’s rest, I woke up knowing the struggle was still present.

Despite it all, I was able to accomplish a lot over the past three days of ministry. Evidently, I’ve been operating just one degree away from boiling.

I’ve been in this place a thousand times before, so I’m not shocked. Heat, ice, bath, rest, and repeat have become trusted companions. I’ve taken four muscle relaxers in less than 24 hours. I fully believe I’ll be good to go by tomorrow.

Please pray that everything continues to settle down—hour by hour. I’m also praying for each of you.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
—James 5:16 (NLT)

A Father’s Day ER Visit

Posted on June 16, 2025     Leave a Comment

Literally, by the absolute grace of God, I made it through this morning’s services. Last night, spinal fluid was gushing through my head. All I could do was keep my head leaned back until I finally passed out asleep. When I got up this morning, I knew only God could make it possible for me to preach.

Fifteen minutes before the first service, my heart rate reached 132 bpm. Fortunately, several deep breaths and a lot of prayer brought it back down. My back was killing me, but at least my head didn’t feel like it was going to explode.

Several hours ago, spinal fluid gushed in my head again. I knew then that I needed to get to the hospital. I dealt with a spinal fluid leak about five years ago. Otherwise, I would think something much more serious was going on, considering how awful it makes you feel.

Hopefully, when we check in at the ER, things can be evaluated quickly. I’ll need a blood patch to stop this insanity. All I know is I need a break from this pain and the added stress. Please pray that everything is evaluated properly and that whatever needs to be done takes place. I praise God for continuing to carry me through what has felt like a never-ending week.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NIV

God Use My Life

Posted on June 15, 2025     Leave a Comment

Overall, I’m doing wonderful in my mind and heart. I’m grateful for what’s not going wrong. For some reason it still feels like I’ve got something stuck in my lower back. I just can’t stay up on my feet long without my lower back not feeling like it could give.

All that said, God’s peace is flowing through me more than ever before. All week God has been prepping me for a mighty work He plans to do through both Sunday services. In a way I can’t fully explain, I always know when the spirit of God is moving in a mighty way.

Please pray for me to fully let God have His way. Pray for God to use the brokenness and openness in my life. I’m not a pastor just for a pay check. I’m a pastor because God has called me through His grace. As my daddy once said, “Ministry is my joy not my job.” We do all that we can letting God lead us step by step. Then, we have to trust God fully with every step forward.

All I know is God is wanting to deeply touch some people’s lives tomorrow. Only He can save souls and change lives. What an honor it is for God to give me a front row seat into people’s hearts. It’s a privilege I don’t take lightly and will always approach reverently.

Sorry, I don’t know any other way to say things except straight from the heart. I appreciate every prayer warrior that has called down Heaven on my behalf. I’m getting stronger everyday. I just have to keep being okay with not being fully okay. We all have things that make us feel broken and vulnerable. Praise God, He uses our brokenness the most.

“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.” Philippians 2:17 NLT

Pressing Through Your Pain

Posted on May 24, 2025     Leave a Comment

I only write here when I feel deeply led. My prayer is that anything shared might encourage someone. I know some who follow my page can totally relate to my struggles. I know some others have no clue what life altering pain feels like. So, here is my unfiltered processing of what it’s like in this battle.

First of all, when you’ve battled something so long it becomes exhausting. It takes a huge toll on your body and mind. You have to push yourself out the bed many days. Major chronic pain drains you physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally.

Secondly, even the smallest things can feel overwhelming. You wake up feeling the limits of your body. What you would like to do and can do feels miles apart. You have to proactively think about every step or you will only increase your pain.

Thirdly, you have to be honest with yourself and others. Confession is healing and boundaries are a critical necessity. You can’t expect others to read your mind or totally understand your everyday struggle. However, you have to make it clear that your old normal is not your new normal.

Fourthly, you have to focus on the praiseworthy. When you feel really bad you have to fight to celebrate the good. How has God blessed you? What are you grateful you can do, despite what you can’t do.

Finally, you have to lean heavily on your faith. Life is a faith walk, not a cake walk. You can’t make it through life’s toughest valleys alone. You need to walk daily with Jesus. You also need other Jesus followers in your life who can encourage your faith walk.

To me, one of the biggest lid lifters is repurposing your pain. You have to choose to believe God has a purpose for all things. You have to choose to let God use your pain to help others through their pain. None of us want pain, but there is nothing God speaks louder through than pain.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT

When You Don’t Know

Posted on May 3, 2025     Leave a Comment

Nobody feels great when absolutely nothing feels certain. This is especially true when it comes to your health. Over the past 10 years I’ve had a lot of “I don’t know” days. Now, here I am again feeling that way once again. 

I want to know what seems to be in my bloodstream. I want to know if I’ve developed some autoimmune disease. I want to know what keeps causing these painful breakouts in my hands. I want to know what is causing this pain in my left side. I want to know how progressed my osteoporosis has become. I could go on and on with things I just don’t know. 

A lot should reveal itself over these next several months. So many doctor visits, tests, bloodwork, X-rays, trials and error ahead. I look forward to even one doctor saying “I do know what’s wrong with you now.” I just long for greater clarity and clear direction. 

I’m willing to face by faith anything revealed to me. That doesn’t mean it will be easy to swallow. However, I will do whatever I can on my own part to improve my situation. I will apply any discipline possible to deal with my new health issues. I know there will always be things in life “we just don’t know”. Thank God we can be sure He does know the past, present and future. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Proverbs 29:11 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Such A Painful Reality

Posted on April 21, 2025     Leave a Comment

First, I want to thank God for helping me make it through three Easter weekend services. Despite not having any caffeine, I was able to stay focused and deliver God’s word. I spent countless hours seeking what God wanted me to preach. I also spent lots of time praying for God to move in a mighty way. Praise God, we had 333 people in attendance and 7 souls were saved. I felt God carrying me all throughout the weekend.

Afterwards, we enjoyed Easter meals with family at lunch and dinner. I thought I might escape the typical downfall of most Sunday nights. Then, suddenly it felt like my body was on fire. On top of the pain, my entire body has been breaking out with dermatitis. Praise God I see my dermatologist this Wednesday.

Last night was one of my most painful episodes. All I could do is pray for God to settle me and let me fall to sleep. With medication and my wife’s help I think I would’ve gone crazy. I would’ve given anything for someone to fill me with morphine.

Here I am again tonight knowing I’ve got to get in bed and hope to fall asleep soon. I can feel that all too familiar pain rushing into my body like a tsunami. My body feels like someone lit a match inside of me. I really have no clue what I can do to make things predictable.

I have no choice but to stop, drop, and pray. Like it or not, it’s my painful reality once again. Thank God for his grace and strength. I’m learning that I must accept my limitations and whatever God sees fit to allow. Even though the devil often threatens my joy, the Lord keeps helping me live victorious.

(1 Corinthians 15:57) But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

My Crazy Reaction to Caffeine

Posted on April 18, 2025     Leave a Comment

You would think by now, I would know better. I’ve had this happen so many times in years past. I put a couple cups of caffeine in my system both yesterday and today. I just needed a clear mind as I prepared for this weekend’s Easter services. Tonight, it finally throttled my entire nervous system. 

Every part of my body vibrated. My hands have felt hot and painful. My face felt like it was twitching for no reason. My legs and feet were shaking. You would think someone turned my spinal cord stimulator up as high as possible. Fortunately, I know my excess of caffeine is the clear culprit. 

If I didn’t know any better I would have a hard time calming myself down. Thank God my nighttime meds are starting to work. The allergic reaction I have to certain levels of caffeine is no joke. I had already backed off from caffeine majorly. Now, I believe I must completely remove it from my life. That is not easy to swallow. However, I don’t need anything extra to flare up my nervous system. 

Fortunately, I’m super ready to see God move this Easter weekend. A good Friday can easily lead to a great resurrected Sunday. I’m gonna have to rely on the Holy Spirit for clarity and power from above. God is gonna use this to help me fully rely on Him even more. 

“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.” (Romans 8:11)(NLT) 

Neurologist Visit Went Well 

Posted on April 11, 2025     Leave a Comment

Finally, I feel my nerves will be adequately tested. With my extensive nerve damage this neurologist visit was long over due. We thoroughly went over my past and present issues. 

In early May they will do a total body nerve conduction study. They will do a (BLE) Bilateral Lower Extremity test. They will do a (BUE) Bilateral Upper Extremities test. 

They will do specific blood testing at the same appointment. The (ANA) test will help diagnose any autoimmune disorders. An immune fixation (IFE) blood test will measure the number and type of proteins in my blood. They will check all my vitamin B levels. Plus, a heavy metal panel test will be done to check for any levels of possibly harmful metals in my blood. 

Then, in early June the neurologist will have all my results. I truly feel I’m on the right track so that has given me great peace. I’ve really had a great week compared to last week. My breakouts are staying more under control. And, my overall pain has just been normal compared to extreme. I appreciate each of your prayers. 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 

God is Restoring Me

Posted on April 3, 2025     Leave a Comment

I’ve definitely felt battle weary all day. But with every step forward, I’ve gotten much better. God is holding back the raging waters once again. I feel myself getting stronger and stronger.

I can still feel heat flooding my hands and face. However, I’ve not had any big breakdown all day. I still haven’t drank an ounce of caffeine. I hate the cloudiness, but I’m glad it seems to be helping.
I’m still eating much wiser and I feel that certain that is helping as well.

In God’s perfect timing I will discover what is attacking my body. I know it’s something new so I just keep putting everything in God’s hands. I was finally able to minister to others today and work on this Sunday’s sermon.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s improvement and renewed strength. Thanks so much for all your prayers! God has really been drawing me closer and ministering to my soul.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

When the Pain is Insane 

Posted on April 2, 2025     Leave a Comment

I know I’m on the right track. I know I’m seeking God’s will. I know I’m doing everything possible to take care of this nerve wrecked body. But there are so many times this pain drives me absolutely insane. 

The last several hours alone have been as bad as ever. My entire skin from head to toe feels so miserable. I’ve done everything I could possibly do to prevent things from falling apart. Yet, tonight my nerve pain still did me like it’s done me so many times before. Left me kicking and screaming inside. 

It’s like someone has just lit a match inside me again. I run out of words to describe the misery I feel in these times. Just like all the times before you wonder how long this will go on. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone period. Even my hands broke out again tonight. 

God has to have a huge purpose for this pain. Yet, it’s still driving me in sane. God please keep using me and my situation for your glory. May others not just see a broken man, but a man you keep holding together. My greatest prayer is that I never waste this pain and I never quit believing God is greater. 

Whoever you are out there curled up in misery. You can’t understand why God is allowing you to feel so miserable. You are not alone and you are not hopeless. The God of hope will hold you, carry you, and show others His glory through you. 

I don’t share any of these words for self pity. I’m just seeking to be obedient anytime God tells me to share things. So, I will continue to be raw, real, and vulnerable if that is God’s will. I know who holds my hand and I know God will resurrect 

me once again. 🙏 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28)(NLT)

Back In God’s Workshop

Posted on April 1, 2025     Leave a Comment

I’ve been so blessed compared to so many. God has pulled me out of so many pits. He has taken me through so many seemingly unbearable seasons. Every time He has made me stronger through the trials.

Here I am back in God’s workshop. I have way more questions than answers. My body once again is holding me hostage. However, God now has my full attention. There is literally nothing I’m taking for granted. My prayers are not out of obligation, but opportunity to seek God desperately.

I feel like a child who has been put in timeout. Yet, I know God has purposely allowed me to be in this season of greater discomfort. God never gives me a sermon He doesn’t first make me practice. So, here I am Lord trusting you fully even when I don’t feel in control of anything.

Pain is never truly welcomed by us. However, God often uses our discomforts to get us back to full reliance on Him. He understands our frustrations, disappointments, and sorrows. Even still, it’s in these times God is working more than ever to draw us closer to Him.

“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.” (Job 23:10)(NLT)

Not Doing Too Well

Posted on March 31, 2025     Leave a Comment

I try to refrain daily from just talking continuously about my health issues. However, I’ve reached another season where I must request intercessory prayer. I’ve seen God come through in miracle fashion before and I know more miracles are to come. Unfortunately, I’ve been feeling very miserable in recent days.

For the past few months my skin has been breaking out in red splotches all over for some reason. My dermatitis has either been escalated to new heights or I could have some autoimmune disease. Even all the increased steroid shots could play some factor. Something has definitely pushed these outbreaks into four wheel drive. They are easily triggered by my nerve pain, heat, cold, water exposure, sweat, stress, caffeine and even not enough hydration.

All I know, is the only time I’m not feeling uncomfortable is when I’m asleep. My hands can go from normal temperature to feeling on fire in a split second. These sudden areas of redness can pop up on any area of my body. They are very painful when they are deep underneath my skin. They could be here one minute and be gone 30 minutes later.

I will finally be seeing a neurologist on April 10th. However, I can tell this stuff cannot be diagnosed overnight. I feel like I’m going back into another great time of testing. The enemy is doing all he can do get me to quit ministry. It’s like I’m being clawed all over to see how much more I can take. I know I must keep putting this battle in the Lord’s hands.

I’ve been going to different doctors to be evaluated. But this is the kind of stuff only faithful prayers can bring about the most necessary breakthrough. So, I humbly ask for your sincere prayers once again. Please know I’m praying for each of you as well.

“Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.” (Mark 9:28)(NLT)

8 Health Steps Forward 

Posted on November 12, 2024     Leave a Comment

My health has really been struggling lately. Keeping my nerve wrecked body pain free is truly a full time job. From sun up to sun down, I have to calculate every move. I feel like I’m walking on a very thin balance beam with very little room for error. 

For a good while my health was somewhat predictable. However, I’ve hit another major speed bump. I’ve definitely been forced to slow down and make some drastic changes. I’m doing all I can to get my health back on track with God’s help. 

1. I will continue eating and drinking healthier. I’ve lost over 6 pounds since starting my elimination diet 10 days ago. 

1. I’m doing all I can to completely eliminate caffeine intake. It appears to be giving me really bad tremors. I’m not sure what I will use to give me clarity when I need it most. 

1. I plan to only do only what is truly necessary ministry wise moving forward. It’s very hard as a pastor to step back. But, I’m having to do what I can and trust God fully with what I can’t. 

1. I’ve got to get back to consistent walking and stretching. I received a referral for more physical therapy a few months ago that I’ve just got sitting around. Life just seemed to busy to take better care of myself. 

1. I have to get quality rest and relaxation. Resting in bed and resting in Jesus’ arms. My deeper prayer life has already been reactivated.

1. I’ve got to be patient with this recovery process. I know God will turn things around, but waiting patiently is always difficult. I have no doubt this increased pain is purposeful. 

1. I will be going for my first neurologist appointment on December 11th. They will begin testing to see if something new has evolved in my system. I’m just leaving that all in God’s hands. I’m looking forward to my next steroid injection this coming Thursday morning. 

1. I will be deleting my FB App and Messenger App for at least the rest of this month. I’ve got to stay focused on getting healthier day by day. 

I am praying for each of you and I appreciate your prayers for me. 

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

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God’s Grace is Sufficient

Posted on November 4, 2024     Leave a Comment

I never started this page for myself, but to truly help others. I want my pain story to encourage others through their story. I want everything I share to bring God all the glory. That said, I have to get over my pride and keep processing things when the Holy Spirit leads.

Yesterday, I experienced such pain and shed so many tears. The devil was throwing flaming arrows from every direction. All I could do was pray and ask others to pray over me. The heartfelt prayers of some men gathered in my office gave me just what I needed to preach both services. I could feel God’s presence so strong in me and around me.

Then, first thing this morning the devil started early on me. I got up early to setup a necessary appointment with a neurologist. I was shocked when they said no one could see me until 4 1/2 months from now. Like, that just blew my mind. Suddenly, that old familiar pain on my left side reared its head significantly. I called my orthopedic doctor to make sure I get another steroid injection this month. Praise God all of that is already in motion.

I’ve laid in the bed the last few hours just begging God to settle that pain on my left side. It was torching me and crumbling me moment by moment. Even with all I’ve seen God do before, it was paralyzing me with fear. I knew if that pain stuck around long it would halt all physical movement forward. Praise God the muscle relaxer I took drastically decreased that pain for now.

We all have to remember God is always God. Whether you’re on the mountain or in the valley. God is right there willing and ready to help you. You don’t have to wonder whether God has a plan or purpose. He uses our pain as a platform for His glory. We don’t need to look like we have it all together. We need people to see only God’s grace holds us together.

I really do look forward to what God has ahead. Anytime I experience this level of warfare, I know great breakthrough lies ahead. So, Lord whatever it takes to accomplish your will I’m ready. Our pain will only last a little while, but God’s glory will last forever.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Take Care of Yourself

Posted on November 2, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’m happy to report that I am doing much better than a few days ago. Over 48 hours ago, I started back on the diet that changed my life back in 2019. I’m back on a total non-inflammatory diet. So far it’s been just what I needed during a very painful season. By God’s grace my nerve pain and dermatitis flares have been very minimal. 

Now, I’ve known for sometime time that I really needed to change some things. However, sometimes it takes reaching an unbearable low state before you make those necessary changes. I’ve always believed that you have to do your part, while you fully trust God to do the rest. Between the prayers of many and some God led discipline, I’m thrilled with my present momentum.

For now, I’m just doing what’s called the elimination diet. It’s simple because it clearly defines what I can eat. I can eat any fruits except grapefruit. I can eat any veggies except corn. I can eat any nuts. I can eat any beans. I can eat any lean meats. Then, on top of that, I make sure I drink 90 ounces of water daily. Basically, all I ever drink is water anyway, so that’s not hard for me. 

On top of all this, I’ve been making sure I put myself to bed at a reasonable time. My body has been screaming at me for quite sometime. I simply can’t do things like I used to do. I can only work for 8 hours a day when it comes to the demands upon me in ministry.

I still have some bigger steps to take as well. I’ve got to get back to some daily walking and stretching. I’ve got to take at least one day weekly that I don’t do anything. I haven’t even gone fishing in a couple months. But, I’ve been so exhausted after everything else I’ve had no desire. 

All I know is I can’t blame anyone else for my unhealthy choices. Settings necessary boundaries, getting proper rest, exercising, and eating wisely are things I can control. Me and Jesus have also gotten a lot closer lately. So, expect to hear plenty of positive and encouraging posts moving forward. 

I pray you will take that next healthy step for yourself. It’s not a decision that just benefits you, but also those you love. If you don’t stay healthy it will always catch up with you. With God’s help we can all make better health decisions and encourage one another. Now, let me get myself in bed. Remember, with God’s help anything is possible. God has proved me wrong time and time again!

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Prayer, Peace, Progress

Posted on October 30, 2024     Leave a Comment

Today has been very long. I went to my orthopedic appointment with mixed emotions. I was very prayerful every step of the way. I prepared myself to communicate things clearly as possible. I knew my doctor’s assistant would truly care and give me the best guidance as possible. 

I started out trying to explain how unpredictable my hand breakouts have been. Suddenly, both of my hands did the talking. Within seconds my hands went from looking perfectly normal to red hot. I could see the shock and concern on her face. She was like “you weren’t joking about them looking and feeling on fire.” 

We processed what might have escalated this condition. Finally, she said “I really feel we’ve got to get you tested by a neurologist.”She spouted out several things this could possibly be. I really wasn’t wanting to hear any of those speculations. In fact, I knew it was best that I just swallow this one faith step at a time. 

Less than one hour after my doctor’s visit my hands looked and felt perfectly normal. Fortunately, they were able to see this stuff is not just in my head. So, I will await a call from the neurologist’s office. I feel in my heart that it’s critical that I rule out anything major. And, God could clear this up totally anytime he decides. 

Moving forward, I will refrain from writing anymore about this matter unless I feel led. I don’t want to feed anything negative into my own mind. I’m certain God has a plan. I just don’t know exactly what that looks like right now. Praise God, I’m going to bed with a peace only God can give. I appreciate all of your prayers. Every prayer has definitely made a difference. I’ve had zero breakouts over the last 8 hours straight. 🙏 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 28:11) 

Weary, Discouraged, Hopeful

Posted on October 29, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’m not sure where to even begin with this post. There must be someone out there who needs to hear these words. As a person of strong faith, I don’t want to ever sound like I’m only complaining. However, the truth is I’m feeling very tortured and discouraged.

I still have no idea why my hands are being consumed with a painful heating sensation. I thought things were getting better with time. However, today and especially this evening my hands ache so much.

Even without any signs of red breakouts, my hands are so hot. I’ve been researching as much as possible to discover what has changed. I feel this stems from my extreme neuropathy or something else going on inside of my body.

When you already feel battle weary from other things, one more thing overwhelms you deeply. You just don’t feel like you have the strength to keep pressing forward. You hate the way your health issues affect you and especially those around you.

I can truly say that my desire to be healed is not connected to anything selfish. I just want to live out my life’s purpose to bring glory to God. I want to impact as many people possible for Christ. I want to be more of a strength for my wife, kids, family, and friends.

Tomorrow, I’ve got an appointment with my orthopedic doctor to setup another steroid injection. However, right now I’m concerned more about what is evolving with my hands. Please pray they can direct me anyway possible towards detecting and dealing with this new unpredictable pain.

I know God has a plan even in my pain. He has always taken me through the darkest of valleys. Yes, these seasons can drastically affect your feelings. This is why it’s so important we keep walking by faith.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

God Deliver Me Again

Posted on October 25, 2024     Leave a Comment

I believe most of us can identify with the following words. If it ain’t one thing it’s another. Unfortunately, that continues to be the same case with my health. The pain in my lower back has been bearable as long as I stay on a heating pad. My overall nerve pain has felt mostly under control. However, my dermatitis skin condition has gone absolutely crazy.   

All week I’ve been breaking out with painful red lines and splotches. For the most part it keeps attacking my hands and feet the most. I’ve been moisturizing my skin with lotion specifically for this condition. I’ve also been taking allergy medicine along with an antihistamine prescription. Nothing has been able to get it under control. 

Sadly, there has not been one main trigger that stands out. I have to limit my exposure with any water. Sweat can set things off and even the slightest bit of stress. Shampoo, soap, or detergent can affect things. Any elevated pain in my lower back can make everything run wild. 

This is one of those times that I’m absolutely clueless on how to stop this madness. Yesterday, I took a shower and afterwards my body was covered in bright red splotches. I get this stuff to settle down eventually, but it just won’t go away. 

I know I’m going through another major spiritual test. I’ve definitely been here many times before in the past. Honestly, the misery has been constant and the answers have been few. I’m just trying to recognize trigger points and will need to go back to my dermatologist. I would greatly appreciate all your prayers. I know God is going to give me a breakthrough soon. 

My hands continually feel boiling hot. Even when the rash looking spots fade away. I’ve been seeking God more than ever recently. The devil just keeps finding a window to distract and discourage me. God only knows what it feels like to live this way, while pastoring so many others. I will fully trust and follow God until the day I die. 

“Then the Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil. And he has maintained his integrity, even though you urged me to harm him without cause.”

“Satan replied to the Lord, “Skin for skin! A man will give up everything he has to save his life. But reach out and take away his health, and he will surely curse you to your face!” “All right, do with him as you please,” the Lord said to Satan. “But spare his life.” 

So Satan left the Lord’s presence, and he struck Job with terrible boils from head to foot. Job scraped his skin with a piece of broken pottery as he sat among the ashes. 

His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.”

(Job‬ ‭2‬:‭3-10‬)(NLT)

Overwhelming Suffering

Posted on September 13, 2024     Leave a Comment

I just finished having another major earthquake inside of my entire body. I had just completed Sunday’s sermon prep. Next thing I knew, every nerve inside my body felt electrocuted. Just imagine someone unplugging all of the nerves within you. Then, plugging each of them into the wrong outlets, leaving you gasping for relief.

My hands, feet, and face are still throbbing in pain and feel very warm. If I hadn’t experienced this many times before I would think this was crazy. Thank God I was able to take some emergency Valium to calm down my nerves. And, fortunately I always know God is going to take me through. I’m fixing to finally give my mind and body the rest it desperately needs.

Maybe you feel on fire in similar or far different ways. Just know there is nothing God can’t carry you through. We all have some major struggle we wish wasn’t our present reality. However, God is using them for His glory and one day they will cease.

“18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay.

22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.

24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

(Romans 8:18-28)(NLT)

MY BACK IS ON FIRE 🔥 

Posted on September 9, 2024     Leave a Comment

The inflammation in my lower back has been rising and rising the past few days. I’ve pretty much been staying on heat or ice constantly. Early this morning, I knew I was in for a very long day. Not just because my entire day would be busy. But, I just knew my deep pain was about to bend me over. 

Around 6am this morning my dermatitis was raging. I had painful red splotches deep in my hands. I knew these were directly connected to my extreme lower back pain. These splotches looked like someone branded or tattooed the insides of my hands. It’s like having pain you can’t reach because it’s stuck inside your skin. 

My back has had me squirming all day long. By God’s grace, I was able to get through a very long, painful day. Lying here on ice the pain is extreme again and those splotches have resurfaced in my hands. My legs are aching and aching. They’ve felt at best 40% all day long. 

I guess God needed to grab my attention just a little bit more. It’s very hard to master such life altering pain. It’s also hard to fake it while you make it. Extreme pain will run you down and quickly leave you gasping for relief. 

I’m so grateful that everyday God takes me through my pain. I certainly don’t like how it makes me feel. I often wish I could jump out of this body. However, we all have our painful crosses to bear. Mine just happens to include a very broken body. 

Anytime I write something it’s usually in the eye of my struggle. I want whoever reading this to know you’re not alone. I know it’s tough to keep going at times. I know not everyone understands your pain. I’ve found the only one way through the pain is faith walking. Run to Jesus, lean on Jesus, walk with Jesus and trust Jesus with every step forward. He will give you what you need. 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

When Your Pain Won’t Stop

Posted on August 29, 2024     Leave a Comment

One thing has proven to be true the past 8 years of my life. My health will never be the same this side of Heaven. I do about everything a human can to improve my health condition. However, permanent nerve damage throughout my body makes everything difficult.

I absolutely hate admitting this fact. However, I’m having to swallow this painful reality everyday of my life. My condition affects me morning, day, and night. If only I didn’t have to live inside this body my life would be so much easier.

I know there are so many others who can relate to my pain. You think to yourself “if only I didn’t have to deal with such life altering pain.” You feel those around you are tired of hearing about your struggle. I know firsthand you’re just trying to process the raging pain within you.

I’ve learned to realize that pain is an ongoing part of this life. You can’t run from it, once it runs you down. There’s no need to hide it from those around you. Pain is a universal language that comes in many different forms.

Praise God our pain will be no more once we get to Heaven. Thanks to Jesus it won’t be like this for long. Until then we must keep walking by faith. We must keep trusting God’s purpose for all our pain. Our greatest pain is often God’s greatest platform.

(One day) “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” (Revelation 21:4)

Another Unexpected Divine Moment

Posted on August 15, 2024     2 Comments

Right now I’m lying on ice. I’m recovering from another epidural steroid injection. I’m now having to get them done every three months. However, I praise God they are able to relieve some of my pain. They literally make the difference in me being able to get up and about.

Earlier, due to very heavy traffic we were almost 20 minutes late to my appointment. So, they said I would have to wait an hour before they could fit me into their schedule. That delay setup another divine appointment in the waiting area.

In the waiting room was just myself and one lady. I asked her if she was getting an injection herself. She said she was just there assisting a friend that was presently with the doctor. Next thing I know she is asking to hear about my story and present pain.

Little would I know this lady has been working with a well known Christian producer on an upcoming Documentary Film. This film will be about many different types of life altering pain and how people have experienced God’s power through it. She asked if it would be possible to interview me sometime.

As soon as I got home she had already emailed me. She said “it’s so interesting seeing God work. My producer will be getting in touch with you.” Ironically, this documentary film will be all about how people find “Purpose in Pain.” I never grow weary of seeing God work in ways only he can. My lateness was the only way this divine appointment was made possible. God never ceases to amaze me.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Back on the Pain Train

Posted on July 20, 2024     Leave a Comment

Well, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve written about my pain. I guess that in itself is a praise report. It’s not that I’ve not had pain, but the pain has not been holding me hostage near as much. However, this week I’ve been living on the pain train.

Anyone who has been in this sort of pain for long knows one thing is true. Anytime you can feel on top of it versus it on top of you it’s a very good day. Five days ago God led me to go on a 40 day fast from social media. So, everything I’m writing is only seen by those who have subscribed to my blog.

Honestly, I’ve been absolutely miserable all week. Praise God this is not my worse pain ever. But, it is definitely life interrupting pain. My left side hip pain definitely has me very concerned and pretty down if I’m honest.

As I lay here on ice I’ve already had to put my faith walking shoes back on. Now, it’s only been 2 months since my last steroid injection, Bur, it seems another shot is necessary very soon. That shot definitely gives me hope for consistent relief if all goes like it has in the past.

In the meantime, God is leading me to go and stay in my prayer closet. Sadly, it often takes some kind of pain for God to get our greater attention. So, I know my hope is not just in a shot but will be highly impacted by prayer. Please pray for my pain to decrease and know I’m praying for you too.

(Matthew 6:6)(NLT) Jesus said, But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

God Keeps Restoring

Posted on June 2, 2024     Leave a Comment

Sorry I’ve not been in contact more. I’ve just needed to get myself back on track. The past 2 weeks knocked a lot out of me. But, God has restored my health once again.

Surprisingly my ribs are much much better. I believe what happened was just caused by me suddenly pouncing over the side of the boat. I went out on the boat yesterday evening and this evening to find God’s peace.

My gut tells me my body is actually the strongest it has been since early 2015. All my pain is fully under control and I don’t believe my osteoporosis has gotten any worse. I think it’s much better the more I actually do stuff.

That said, I’m still going to do all the testing the endocrinologist has recommended. Then, I can know exactly what my bones look like and what is the best proactive treatment moving forward.

One huge benefit of what happened two weeks ago is I’m back to being very strategic with anything I do on water or land. I’ve basically have to live with my handicaps in mind.

Tonight, I’m going to bed with great peace and gratefulness. I feel really good especially since it’s the night before Sunday’s two services @ Refuge Church. Thanks for all your prayers and know I’m praying for you as well. 🙏

Nights Aren’t Easy Anymore

Posted on May 30, 2024     Leave a Comment

My days have been okay and my ribs seem to be healing very well. However, the moment I lay down to rest my right side hurts so much. It’s like I have nothing to protect my bruised or fractured ribs. This has been the case for eight nights straight and sleep is not coming easy anymore.

Research leads me to believe that many struggle to lay down with rib issues. I guess I’ve just got to keep letting time heal things. I don’t like reading that bruised or broken ribs can take up to 6 weeks for things to heal.

My endocrinologist has ordered multiple tests to see if my osteoporosis has advanced. I was only in stage one over two years ago. But, there’s no doubt that my bones feel very fragile and vulnerable. However, there’s no obvious reasons to think things have gotten any worse.

I’m agreeing to all the new testing to see if it’s something I need to address further. So, a lot of things have to be evaluated over the next 4 weeks according to my doctor. Then, I will take any medications and do anything I can to proactively slow down my osteoporosis. After all, I’m way too young to not address these issues.

In the meantime, my sleep is definitely being disturbed by my rib pain. Usually, sleep is the one thing I’ve been able to control. Now, I’m finding myself up until 2am and 3am. Overall my body desperately needs consistency and adequate rest. This stuff definitely has me back in my prayer closet. I’m just having to wait on God’s healing over time.

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.” Psalm 6:2

God Keeps Answering Prayers

Posted on May 26, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’ve had one of my toughest weeks ever between my physical pain and emotional challenges. I’ve had so many up and down moments. All I could do was call out to the Lord for help. God keeps answering so many prayers. He has proven His faithfulness over and over again.

God gave me the strength and guidance towards facilitating the funeral of a precious 2 year old. This beautiful little girl was shot and killed last weekend along with one of her grandmothers. The grief of her mom, dad and other family members has been immeasurable. All I could pray was for God to use me in some way to comfort them and celebrate her. I really had to seek God and His word heavier than I’ve ever done before. I’ve preached a lot of complicated funerals, but never one like this before. Please keep praying for them as the shock keeps wearing off.

I’ve also had other deaths and crisis situations on top of that one. I’ve just had to take things one day at a time. My badly bruised or fractured ribs have been covered in kinetic tape since Monday. God has get my pain manageable during the days of applying continuous ice packs. My lower back is responding well to my recent steroid injection. My ribs are improving during the day, but making my nights very difficult.

Now, I didn’t finish my Sunday sermon preparation until 2am this morning. But, God gave me just the clarity and message I needed for His people. This season has not diminished my faith, but only made it stronger. I’m so grateful for your prayers and for God answering them. Please pray I sleep a lot more soundly tonight as I will go to bed very soon.

“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.” Philippians 2:17

Keep On Praying Please

Posted on May 24, 2024     Leave a Comment

Ministry for me lately has been very overwhelming. In fact, tomorrow I will preach the most difficult funeral I’ve ever preached or attended. I believe God plans to work in a mighty way. I don’t have any magic words, but I do have God’s word. I’m wholeheartedly seeking to let God have His way in me, through me and around me.

Please join me in asking God to work in a mighty way tomorrow. Pray God keeps giving me strength, healing, comfort, wisdom, and clear direction. Pray I place all my confidence in the Lord. Pray this family who is dealing with such tragedy feels God’s love and finds God’s comfort.

I appreciate everyone who takes time to sincerely pray over these things. I’m just a man who happens to be called to Pastor. So, I need the Holy Spirit to fully take over me and those around me.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Lift Me Up Please

Posted on May 22, 2024     Leave a Comment

Monday night and all day Tuesday have been very rough. This time my greatest pain is coming from an unexpected direction. Monday I went fishing and really enjoyed some much needed quiet time with God. Then, came another rib cracking moment.

Two years ago, I fractured a rib on my left side twice in a six month period. Bone density scans revealed I had the early stages of osteoporosis. This made my bones so fragile that just stretching forward fractured my rib. On Monday history repeated itself while I was reaching over some stuff in the boat. This time it feels like a couple ribs on my right side are fractured. Breathtaking rib pain has held me hostage the past 36 hours.

Praise God my quarterly steroid injection in my lower back went great this morning. I’ve been icing my back and my ribs around the clock. However, I can already tell this rib pain is not letting up any time soon. It’s all I can do to find any position that allows me to rest.

Now, I’m no rookie at experiencing such pain. What I hate is the timing of this struggle. I have so many critical ministry situations God has led me to help with right now. I need divine strength and breakthrough pain relief asap.

I have a virtual appointment with my endocrinologist this Thursday afternoon. Then, we will discuss the best way to handle my osteoporosis. They may have to do some further bone scans to see if things have progressed any further. Then, I will weigh out my options.

Now, I will definitely do whatever I can to improve things. But, some things can only turnaround through prayer. Please pray I can get greater relief and rest. Pray God strengthens me for the things He intends for me to do. I can totally accept my limits, but I just need prayers lifted up for my recovery.

I’m very grateful for all God has helped me overcome and I have no doubt victory is mine through Jesus Christ my Savior and Lord. I really appreciate your prayers and know that I’m praying for you too.

“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.” James 5:15

Another In The Fire

Posted on April 30, 2024     Leave a Comment

My physical pain itself is not more than usual. However, this level of neuropathy can drive you completely crazy. My hands, feet, and face feel on fire. For this particular issue I’m hoping Benadryl and time will calm the fire.

Fortunately, my actual nerve pain has been staying under control most days. This has been so rare lately that I’m pretty surprised by this level of discomfort. I’m so glad I don’t live like this daily anymore. I know in my heart this too shall pass.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

IT’S BEEN A WHILE

Posted on April 21, 2024     Leave a Comment

Anyone who has dealt with severe chronic pain long, can relate to my post. Once you experience major breakthrough you never wish to go back in time. Sure, you remember the days of such struggle, heartache and stress. However, you hope your health never severely declines again.

Last night my health totally crumbled again. The pain on my lower back surgical spot still feels like it’s on fire. Since 5am this morning it’s been all I could do to get my legs underneath me. By the grace of God I got through both Sunday services.

While I was on that stage I couldn’t hide my pain. However, I begged God to use me despite my pain. Pain feels so uncomfortable in those moments. It’s hard to be around people. It’s hard to swallow the pain you just can’t pray instantly away.

Fortunately, I’ve had a long stretch of much improved health. I know all my body needs is some rest and time to heal. The devil likes to use these flares to put fear in you. God likes to use these flares to humble you and draw you closer. He wants you to know that no matter what life brings His grace is sufficient.

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

I Know It’s Exhausting

Posted on March 20, 2024     1 Comment

Well, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve talked about my pain. There are a few reasons that’s been the case. One, I’ve been having more good days than bad overall. Two, when things have been really bad I just didn’t have the strength to share. Three, I really try hard not to feed my pain anymore attention than necessary.

All that said, I understand how chronic pain wears you down. It stares me in the face every morning, day and night. It frustrates me and always threatens my joy. It honestly affects every aspect of my life. I feel like I spend most of my life fighting for pain relief.

Fortunately, God’s grace always comes through for me. God continues to use my pain to draw me closer to Him. God shows me daily that all my pain has divine purpose. However, I know it’s completely exhausting constantly battling with pain. Somehow with our little hand in God’s big hand we will make it through each day.

“I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4)

God Will Help You

Posted on March 8, 2024     Leave a Comment

This week has not been good on my nerve pain at all. Since Monday morning, I’ve had a whole lot of flared up nerves. I’ve discovered so many things that can escalate things to new heights. However, nothing cranks things up more than anxiety and stress.

Sometimes the only reason I don’t write about things is I don’t want to feed my nerve pain anymore. However, there are times you just need to process things out loud. Life is full of decisions and pressure situations. You really have to operate with as much healthy boundaries possible.

You have to make sure you’re taking time for daily prayer. You have to make sure you meditate on God’s truth to counter Satan’s lies. You have to not be too prideful to share with others your burdens. In this life we all must take turns encouraging and praying for one another.

So, don’t underestimate the power of unnecessary stress. Know that you’re not alone in your struggles. Don’t be afraid to ask for prayer. In fact, under this post you’re welcome to mention your request for prayer. I promise to lift you up to God’s gracious throne. Keep pressing forward by faith my friends.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16

14 Days Seeking God More

Posted on February 19, 2024     Leave a Comment

Well, I will turn 49 years old on March 4th. Wow, just writing that number down gives me a lot to ponder. However, I’ve never been more excited with what the future holds. God has me seeking Him more than ever before. So many God things are happening daily.

Ministry wise I’ve got a little high mileage on rough roads. Often, I’ve just got to find a shutoff valve whenever possible. By that I mean how can I step away to just soak in God’s love and peace. How can I let God keep filling me so I can be an instrument He uses to fill others. I’ve learned that always call for a decision on my part.

Therefore, for the next 14 days I’m gonna fast from social media. This means deleting the Facebook App off my phone. This means giving God even more undivided attention. God has me back in His word and in my prayer closet. I can wait to see what God reveals next as I seek Him even more.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

Sickness Finally Caught Me

Posted on February 14, 2024     Leave a Comment

Well, after dodging sickness for many months it finally caught me. I started feeling light headed late Sunday night. Then, Monday came and I was really feeling bad. Then, Tuesday came and I felt even worse. I wasn’t able to get a local doctor’s appointment before today. So, I just let my wife be my nurse and took whatever she gave me.

I just assumed my nerves were flared up due to preaching two Sunday services. I was relieved to discover that my nerve pain remains under control. Unfortunately, anytime a sickness gets into my body it makes my entire body vibrate. When you live just one degree away from boiling one degree really matters.

Earlier I finally got to see a doctor. It was clearly confirmed that somebody blessed me with Covid. I’ve already been taking medications that have helped with the symptoms the past few days. But, today I’ve started the medication that should knock this out much quicker. So, I won’t be out and about until this weekend.

I hate it because my youngest son turns 14 this Friday and we had plans together. Fortunately, I’ve still got others day to enjoy with him. In spite of my sickness, God has been flooding me with great clarity daily. After, over 15 hours of preparation I’m so excited about the message God has given me for Refuge Church this Sunday. Sometimes, you’ve just got to look at all the positive stuff in the midst of the rough.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

Suddenly Zapped Again

Posted on February 12, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’ve gone 3 1/2 days without my nerve pain crashing me. Seems I’ve found the right medications and routine that is working for me. However, time always proves that my stimulator, medications, steroid injections, and routines are just tools. They only cover things up that never really go away.

Today I’ve had a very productive day of ministry. Two hours ago I was overjoyed with what my body was allowing me to do. Then, suddenly my nerve pain came back like a tsunami. Like a snake it snuck up on me and then strived to strangle me once again.

In these moments, all I can do is be still and know He is God. Be still and know this too shall pass. Be still and focus on all the good things God has been doing. Be still and know that everyone has a kryptonite that takes away their super powers.

As I’ve said many times before, apart from my pain you would never hear from me on this page. I’ve just got to believe God has a greater purpose for my pain. I hope this helps someone know they are not alone in their struggle. I understand what it’s like to have life altering health issues that often disrupt your life and threaten you joy. I’m praying for you and I’m always thankful when you pray for me.

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.” Romans 16:20

Another Super Sunday Ahead

Posted on February 11, 2024     Leave a Comment

My nerve pain has been under control for the past two days. After a minor medication adjustment I’m doing much better. I’m also sleeping much better. However, I’m having to put myself to bed much earlier than usual.

Tonight I’m going to bed very grateful for my pain relief. I’m also feeling very dependent on God’s grace, peace and power. To me every Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. I always prayerfully prepare before I put together any weekly sermon. Then, I expect to see God work in a mighty way because I’m letting Him lead.

Please pray God might decrease me and increase Him. Pray that my weaknesses will only point to His strength. Pray God’s spirit and truth might touch the souls of everyone worshiping with us. Pray God’s will be done at every place of worship throughout the world. Thanks for your prayers and know I’m praying for you too!

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Things That Can Aggravate Nerve Pain

Posted on February 8, 2024     Leave a Comment

Why is nerve pain worse at night?
By Dr. Bussell

It can seem like living with chronic nerve pain is a never-ending merry-go-round of discomfort. With a constant struggle during the day, why does it seem to flare up at night?

Let’s take a closer look at why pain comes in droves when the sun comes down.

Fewer Distractions
There are no meetings, phone calls, after-school events or errands to run when it’s time to go to bed. Instead, it’s just you, the bed and your thoughts. You become more aware of your surroundings. You notice your body is hurting more in the hands or feet that cause you to concentrate on the pain.

The brain becomes concerned with the nerve pain rather than simply shutting off and falling asleep. You may even find your bed sheets to be a culprit when it comes to fueling the pain. Almost as if the bed sheets themselves are stabbing you.

Cooler Temperatures
Who doesn’t love the cool night air? Perhaps everyone suffering with chronic nerve pain. When the temperature drops, your perception of pain often shifts. This perception can cause pain.

Here’s why.
Your peripheral nerves that signal to your brain whether it’s cold or hot can also send pain signals. When your nerves are damaged, your brain may translate the change in cooler temperature to feelings of tingling, sharp or burning pain. Cooler temperatures tend to make your heart beat slower, causing blood flow to move slower.

Stressful Nights
Emotional and physical stress on the body can cause additional pain. Whether it’s rigorous exercise or stress from a long work day can take a toll on the body. You might find that when you’re ready to go to bed, the body is still recovering from the stress of the day. Emotional stress can take a toll on your back and stomach. If you’re feeling sore, give your body a rest.

Foods that aggravate nerve pain:

Foods that are high in sugar – Sugar can aggravate nerve pain and discomfort, so it is best to avoid foods that are high in sugar. This includes sugary snacks, desserts, and processed foods. Fried foods – Fried foods are unhealthy and can worsen neuropathy symptoms.

What drink is good for nerve damage?

Water reduces nerve stress, and it can help to relax muscles. That can mean reduced pain, healthier nerves, and faster recovery from nerve damage. Be sure to drink plenty of water alongside your diet to keep your body and nerves hydrated.

*I’ve found that educating myself on all these matters is helpful in finding some solutions.

He Is With You

Posted on February 8, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’ve had a very decent and productive day. However, something is definitely buzzing like crazy in my nervous system. My hands feel like they are 100 degrees. My hands, legs, and feet continue to vibrate. I hate it when I have no clue how to stop it.

I prayed a lot more than usual today. Not for God to just remove this storm. Instead, just to help me weather this storm. It could be the weather, stress, or just my nerve damage rearing it’s ugly head. I follow up with my pain specialist tomorrow. I may talk with him about a potential Rhizotomy to burn the nerves in my lower back.

In the meantime, I’m just seeking to live mindful of my condition. I’m so thankful for the pain relief I have received. I’m confident my nerves will settle back down soon. Even when you’re a pastor you can’t deny your humanity. Hopefully, I fall asleep quicker tonight and my nerves are calmed soon.

Praying for anyone reading this that’s going through a battle. Trust me, the God beside you is greater than the battle before you. Sometimes you can’t just get over things. However, God can take you through anything.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

The Battle Never Ends

Posted on February 7, 2024     Leave a Comment

Battling with chronic pain day after day can be so exhausting. In fact, it can be quite discouraging. It sucks the joy out of so many things. No matter where you go unfortunately your body goes with you. Unfortunately, you can’t take a break from a battle that is living within you.

Seems my physical struggles always come in so many different forms. I went several weeks with no major nerve pain but debilitating back pain. After steroid injections drastically helped my back pain, my nerve pain came right back in rare form.

I get so tired of dealing with constant discomfort. I can completely understand why so many do whatever possible to numb their pain. Apart from my faith and the strength God provides, I would definitely do the same thing.

Just like the most suffering prophet Job I know my faith is being purposely tested. I thank God that He has not taken my wife or my children from me. I would much rather carry this pain than see any of them in similar pain.

Practically every night I just have to wait on my nerve pain to settle. Realize, I write these things when I’m in the eye of my daily hurricane. That way I can most accurately and compassionately connect with others. Many who read this know exactly what I’m talking about. You have a similar struggle that keeps you on your knees. You and I just have to keep casting all our cares upon the Lord. Somehow, some way God always carries us forward.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Posted on February 5, 2024     Leave a Comment

Monday Morning Hangovers

Being a minister in today’s world can easily deplete you. It feels like you’re always counseling someone, intervening in a crisis or preparing a sermon. After awhile it feels like your days simply run together and you lose track of time. However, no day feels more draining than a Sunday.

You prepare so hard to make sure you’re seeking God step by step. Your expectations can’t be real high if you’re just throwing something together. However, when you know you’ve prayed hard and prepared thoroughly you’re expecting God to do great things. It is so awesome to see God change lives through the combination of His truth and the Holy Spirit working together.

When Sundays are finally over I find myself needing extreme relief. You pour out so much that your mind and body desperately need rest. Many pastors experience what I call a Monday morning hangover. Therefore, I try to take Monday’s off the best I possibly can. Why? Because I know if I don’t stay healthy, I won’t be helpful to anyone for very long.

“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16

Everything Keeps Improving

Posted on January 30, 2024     Leave a Comment

The past few days I’ve felt the healthiest I have in quite some time. This is a result of several things coming together at once. One, the steroid shot I received 12 days ago has given me maximum relief. Two, I’ve been eating much healthier the past 7 days. Thirdly, I’m back to exercising daily. Last, but not least I’m living with a much greater balance when it comes to handling daily ministry demands.

Last Tuesday I was having lunch with my bride. I had on a button up shirt that is a flexible fit. In the past this shirt has always fit perfectly. However, on this occasion it appeared that the buttons could fly off anytime due to my weight continuing to climb. I unbuttoned my shirt immediately so that no one got hurt 😂. Then, I told my wife things would be back on track as soon as possible.

Last Tuesday I weighed 195.8 lbs. Today, I weighed 10 pounds less at 185.8. I feel so much better eating so much healthier. I no longer feel bloated and I’m pretty sure that shirt will fit me now. I plan to get down to 180 lbs and try to maintain that weight through diet and exercise.

Despite the cool weather our backyard pool has been another saving grace. We have a heat pump that has gotten the water up to 75 degrees. It’s still way too cold to swim. However, I’ve been able to swim laps and exercise for about 15-20 minutes each day. I’m ordering a wet suit that I’m hoping will allow me to exercise in the pool year round.

I could not be happier with my pain relief and renewed recovery momentum. It’s something I know must be a lifestyle not just an event. I don’t know how long this steroid shot is gonna give me this relief. So, I’m striving to get my body stronger while it keeps my pain manageable. I’m definitely leaning towards getting a steroid injection every 3 months to proactively manage my pain.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. I’m very excited about what God is doing. The vision God has given me for impacting people’s lives has never been clearer. I’m just continuing to trust God daily and taking the next God led step. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Wherever life finds you right now, don’t think for a minute God can’t turn things around.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Resting In His Strength

Posted on January 23, 2024     Leave a Comment

Over the past 14 days God has proven that He alone is my strength. Somehow, He helped me to preach at 4 funerals, 4 worship services, and to minister into countless situations daily. In the past, my nerves would’ve completely gone over the edge. Only by God’s grace did I not completely fall apart.

When your heart is completely attached to everything you do there is always the risk of becoming a nervous wreck. I just kept giving and giving things over to God. I’m talking the kind of humble prayers where you’re desperately asking God to intervene.

God held me together even when I had zero confidence in myself or my situation. I still can’t lean forward any further than my knees. I’m just having to let my lower back muscles heal. However, after two steroid injections I’m feeling better and better by the day. Apart from some restrictions I feel great and have no major pain right now.

Today, I know God has just told me to simply breathe. Breathe in His peace, promises, comfort and restoration. I’ve learned that always begins and continues through earnest God seeking prayer. God always gives us what we need when we need it most. I plan on taking my lovely bride on a dinner date and just enjoy this God given day.

Your prayers have meant so much and made such a difference in this season. Wherever life finds you I’m praying you might find the same strength God has given me. Don’t let your situation dictate your faith perspective. Keep holding on to Jesus and know He is holding on to you.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”(2 Corinthians 12:9-11)(NIV)

God Supplies Our Strength

Posted on January 21, 2024     Leave a Comment

This morning marked three days since my last steroid injection. I woke up feeling really good. My mind was clear and it felt like someone put a generator inside of me. I knew God had given me the answer to so many prayers. I thank God for everyone who lifted me up in prayer.

After mixing my improvement with some caffeine I felt ready to carry out today’s services. I find that I have to use so many tools to keep myself upright. Medications, caffeine, ice, heat, my spinal stimulator, sitting down as much as possible, and being thoughtful with every step. I still can’t bend forward much an all. However, my pain has been manageable and under control for the most part.

My body is definitely exhausted since this is my first time up and out in a few days. I finally had permission to take a hot epsom bath. My body desperately needed heat in my bones. I took a muscle relaxer an hour ago and I can’t wait to take a much needed nap.

While I wish I could accelerate this process, I’m so thankful for what God has done. He always gives me just the strength I need to carry out His daily assignments. I will definitely keep icing and resting. But, I fully expect tomorrow to feel even greater improvement.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

Another Injection Tomorrow 🙏

Posted on January 18, 2024     Leave a Comment

Tomorrow will be 16 days since my last steroid injection. In the morning, I will get another injection to build on the last. Overall, I’m much better than I was prior to the last infection. However, bending straightforward is not an easy task. In fact, not bending forward is what has kept my pain under control.

I definitely received great relief initially from the last injection. However, it just wasn’t enough to knock out whatever is binding my waistline. I’m very optimistic about this next shot and very grateful I’m able to get another one. Of course, you always have to put on your faith goggles to see beyond these seasons.

Please pray I get maximum relief from this next injection. Please pray I’m able to rest and relax tonight and the next 48 hours following. I’ve got so much calling for my attention, but my health must come first. I know if I don’t respect this back issue I won’t be able to do much of anything soon.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”
Isaiah 40:29

I AM SO RELIEVED

Posted on January 11, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’m just getting home from seeing my pain specialist. They told me I would definitely be able to have another steroid injection asap. I was told this is not abnormal to get a second injection so soon. Due to such high level of inflammation the second injection will need to build on top of the first injection. Now, I’m just waiting on insurance to approve things and then it will be scheduled very soon.

My heart is so relieved to hear this news. I’ve had many injections over the years, but never had to request one less than two weeks later. I’m so glad I can get it. I’m so glad insurance will likely approve it. I’m so glad that greater relief is on the way.

Over the past 24 hours I’ve been doing everything I can to not escalate things. This literally requires that I continuously monitor how I sit, stand, lean, get up, get down, or pick up anything. I woke up this morning feeling at least 20% better than yesterday simply by making adjustments. However, this good news has helped improve me even more mentally, emotionally and physically.

I can sincerely say that this brought me to my knees. I just kept throwing up earnest prayers to God. I knew God just kept saying hold on my child. This is just another opportunity for God to demonstrate His faithfulness. Once again my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has given me continued hope.

“But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.” Psalm 18:6

God Works Things Out

Posted on January 11, 2024     Leave a Comment

I’ve been up since early this morning. Ice and heat remain two of my best friends. I’ve been swallowing my disappointment and discomfort all day. However, I’ve kept things in prayer mode and trying to keep taking the next right step.

I contacted my pain specialist to discuss the pain that has returned in my lower back. Tomorrow at 11am I have another appointment to discuss things further. I feel like my right and left sides feel much better. But, I’m praying there is the possibility of them giving me another steroid injection in my lower back.

In the meantime, I’m having to get up and around very carefully. No lifting, twisting or bending has already made some difference. That lower back center area just feels so inflamed. Tonight, I praise God for the comfort, peace and options. I’m walking hand in hand with Jesus so everything is going to work itself out.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Not Out The Woods Yet

Posted on January 10, 2024     Leave a Comment

Well, I’m not sure where I am right now in my pain journey. I definitely experienced significant relief initially from my steroid injections. However, just seven days later I’m shaking my head in disbelief. It appears there is still very significant muscles pulled in my lower back. Like it’s just pinned underneath the metal in my back.

This morning I had a funeral to preach. The moment I tried to get out of my car I could barely get up period. Fortunately, I was fine as long as I was standing straight up. However, bending forward feels like my lower back is broken. That feeling has only progressed as the day and night progressed.

I’ve taken a muscle relaxer every 8 hours the past 24 hours hoping to calm things down in my lower back. I’ve been icing my back as often as possible. Fortunately, everything else on my body is doing wonderful. My overall nerve pain is completely under control. Plus, despite my initial disappointment God has been stabilizing my heart and mind.

All I know is this is purposeful pain. God has allowed this for reasons I can see and not see. God doesn’t owe me an explanation. I just need to trust His good plans. Please pray God continues to guide my steps, calm those muscles, and use my pain. I plan to contact my pain doctor tomorrow.

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things.” Psalm 103:1-5

Everyday Is Brighter

Posted on January 6, 2024     Leave a Comment

It’s now been exactly 84 hours since my steroid injections. Overall, I’m a whole new person compared to my previous state. I can sit up myself with no problem. I can now do some stretching exercises. Everyday has been more promising than the day before.

I can tell that due to whatever these shots are masking I’ve got to still be careful. This shot still has a few more days to work even pain. However, overall pain wise I feel as good as I’ve ever felt over the past 8 years.

My nerve pain has stayed completely under control even through this season. The pain in my surgical area is the best it’s ever been since 2015. I’m now only having to use my heating pad on the absolute lowest setting. For me that is 66% lower than has been the case for many months.

All I can say is it’s like being let out of prison. For now, I’m not a captive inside my own body. I can do anything I need to be able to do by myself. I can think, see, and pray with much greater clarity. I’m so thankful for the relief God continues to bringing. Please keep praying I continue to get maximum relief from the shots and for these steroids to help me long as possible. Wherever life finds you there is always hope to be found in Christ.

“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

GOD DID IT AGAIN

Posted on January 4, 2024     Leave a Comment

As I lay here on Ice this morning I can’t help but look up to Heaven with Thanksgiving. Today, marked exactly 14 days since I’ve been able to bend over and put both socks on by myself. Well, that streak just ended my friends. Theses steroid shots continue to renew me hour by hour.

It’s only been 48 hours since my injections, but the difference is incredible. Just getting to finally take a warm shower warmed my heart. I can tell I still need to take it easy, but the greatest pains are once again behind me. By this Sunday I may need to run around the church just to give God the praise He deserves.

Anytime you get knocked down so low you wonder if you will ever get back up again. You wonder if this will be the final dagger that keeps you down and flips your life upside down. My friends the odds of rebound never matter when God is on your side. He can resurrect you just like He has me time and time again. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and know that I’m praying for you as well. Don’t lose faith in the hope you can always find in Christ.

“In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. God’s way is perfect. All the LORD ’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the LORD ? Who but our God is a solid rock? God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect.” Psalm 18:29-32 NLT

5 Things I Choose To Believe

Posted on January 1, 2024     Leave a Comment

Heading into 2024 full of back spasms and still not able to bend over. I’ve been relying on ice, heat, epsom salt, tens units, pain medications, and faith things will change. This is definitely not my first rodeo so I know things will get better in God’s perfect timing. I can’t wait to get my next steroid injection this Tuesday morning. I‘m mainly praying that my pain journey in some way can encourage others through their pain journey. Happy New Year! I’m praying for each of you!

Continuing To Faith Walk

Posted on December 29, 2023     Leave a Comment

It’s been another long day, but also a God made day. Putting on my own socks and shoes is still quite a challenge. Leaning forward period still hurts really bad. However, besides my lower back the rest of my body is doing much better. I’ve really been helped by therapy, adjustments, rest and continuing to ice that area.

Tomorrow I will be seeing my pain specialist. I’m hopeful they will setup another steroid injection for me. I learned today that it’s been almost 8 months since my last shot. Based on how this pain seemingly came out of nowhere, I believe it’s definitely time for another injection. It helped so much last time, so I have great confidence it will help again. It’s practically the same area as before pulling to my left side.

I’ve had a lot of tough moments this week, but I’m much more at peace tonight. I’m just doing everything I can to keep my pain under control. My poor wife is an angel and I don’t know how I would survive without her. I greatly appreciate your continued prayers for her and for me. We both know God always works things out according to His plans, His timing, and for His glory.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Walking Through Fiery Trials

Posted on December 28, 2023     Leave a Comment

For about an hour earlier I had no major pain. It felt like I could finally breathe again. Now, that extra pain medication is no longer working. It feels like all the pain has come rushing back into my body.

I’ve found myself back in a place that I had forgotten. I forgot how it really felt to stay in ongoing pain. Maybe God knew I needed the reminder. You can quickly forget the struggles of others once you’re doing much better. Once intense pain is no longer dominating your mind and life.

Chronic pain affects you in so many different ways. Physically you just hurt and often miserable. Emotionally you can easily feel distressed and depressed. Mentally you can hardly think straight sometimes. Relationally it can make you feel isolated from others as it’s hard to do things you once did with ease. Spiritually it can actually be a great plus because you know you’re desperate for God’s helping hand.

I don’t know how I lived in this level of pain everyday for almost five years. Somehow, God took me through it all to much better days. Now, I must believe in what God is able to do in this season. Six days have felt more like six months.

I’m having to pick back up the shield of faith to defeat the enemy. I’m having to seek God’s face desperately through prayer to counter all the flaming arrows coming my way. This not just a physical battle, but a spiritual war. All that matters is that God’s will be done. All that matters is that God is glorified somehow through my suffering.

“12 Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.
13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. 19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you. 1 Peter 4:12-13,19

Sometimes It’s Just Harder

Posted on December 28, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve still been nursing extremely pulled muscles in my lower back. The past 48 hours I’ve iced my back countless times. It’s the only thing that runs out the pain. However, I’ve been miserable anytime I’m not knocked out asleep. Tomorrow will be 6 days I’ve battled this different and extra pain.

I woke up this morning feeling like my pain had been reduced 20-25%. That progress was encouraging, but that feeling was very short lived. Next thing I know my entire body was in total flames again. Whether it be sitting, getting up or lying down it’s all difficult. This time it’s just been harder than many battles before.

While I’ve been hurting the stress just keeps mounting on my shoulders. If this was my first rodeo I would likely panic. Fortunately, I’m still able to borrow faith from countless victories in the past. I’ve just been having to take things hour by hour.

I’m trying my best to keep taking the next right step. I’ve got an appointment tomorrow to get my back adjusted and worked on. Please pray the inflammation keeps reducing. Pray I get relief from my back appointment. Pray God gives me peace, patience, and wisdom. This has nothing to do with my nerve pain. All of that feels under control, but my entire lower back feels like I’ve been kicked relentlessly.

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Blessed & Broken

Posted on December 26, 2023     1 Comment

This post is mainly for those who are presently walking through severe chronic pain. You feel like most don’t understand. You feel like most can’t see past your friendly smile. You feel like words can’t fully describe what you are feeling inside of your body and mind.

Trust me I totally understand. Nothing has been the same for me since this past Thursday evening. You would think every muscle in my lower back was torn. It’s so uncomfortable to sit down, sit up, get up, lean forward or lean back. My body has made me feel so on edge all day.

For the first time in over 24 years I didn’t get up to see my kids open Christmas presents first this morning. Aimee and I knew it was just best I try to get extra rest to make it through the day. I’m so glad I was able to see all my family healthy and happy this Christmas. However, I’ve fought with this pain every step of the way.

Chronic pain feels like a total thief when it has you in its tight grip. It makes it hard to do much of anything. Plus, anything you can do is so hard to truly enjoy. You just have to keep walking through the pain. Even when it hurts and you feel you can’t go on. Somehow, some way God always takes you through it all. Hopefully, my body settles down from an epsom salt bath. Then, I’m praying I can rest well tonight. I’m praying for any of you battling in any similar way. Merry Christmas and God bless.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

Grateful for God’s Grace

Posted on December 25, 2023     Leave a Comment

It’s been a long, but God made day. Getting out of the bed before 6am was extremely hard for my body. However, there was no way I was missing today’s Christmas Eve Services. I knew I had prepared myself as much as possible. I also knew the only way I could make it was relying fully on God’s grace.

Thanks to my new tens unit the severe muscle spasms in my shoulders calmed down completely. However, I still can’t lean forward at all without instant pain in my lower back. Something is bound or broken in there. I was so grateful for those who prayed with me before both morning services. I needed to shed some tears and I desperately needed God’s grace.

Over 200 people got to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ today. From one broken soul to another I shared what God put on my heart. My brokenness did what it always does at this level. It forced me to rely entirely on God grace. If not for the grace of God I simply don’t know where I would be.

I’m just like everyone else despite being a pastor. God has to often break me to get my full attention. To change me from the inside out. To teach me to rely fully on His strength and not my strength. I thank God for His continued grace even in my brokenness.

Jesus himself was totally broken and became the perfect offering for our sin. Praise God for his birth, death and resurrection. Praise God for the grace and eternal promise He gives to all who choose to believe in His son Jesus Christ.

“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” Isaiah 53:5

Feeling More Hopeful

Posted on December 23, 2023     Leave a Comment

I want to thank everyone for your continuous prayers. Please pray that God continues to take the edge off this discomfort. Pray that my pain doesn’t serve as any distraction for both upcoming Christmas Eve services.

I feel very prepared for what God has given me to preach. I just need my mind and body to cooperate with each other. Even as I type this it feels like the Holy Spirit is massaging my shoulders. Even much stronger pain medications I took did nothing. But, God is using your prayers and this tens unit. I feel some calm amidst the raging storm within my body.

“When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm.” Mark 4:39

What A Long Day

Posted on December 23, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve had to continue taking muscle relaxers every 8 hours. I just don’t have any choice right now. Getting up, sitting up, and even lying down is still very uncomfortable. The muscles in my lower back and shoulders are going off like fireworks. My body and mind are exhausted from a long day of battling this sporadic pain.

Mentally and emotionally I’m doing fine. My normal nerve pain or surgical spot is better than ever. I just have no idea why my lower back suddenly gave way. However, it has left me lying on my side and feeling very miserable.

I just took my nighttime meds so hopefully I can fall asleep soon. I do feel that I’ve improved just a little. I was able to sit a few hours as long as I was reclined in just the right position. Every move still takes my breath away. However, I’m trusting God that tomorrow will be much better. No matter what this couldn’t have come at a much worse time.

I thank God for a wife who is so patient and understanding. I thank God for my son Asher’s steady improvement as he keeps recovering. I thank God for past trials that have prepared me well for moments like these. I thank God that I’m lying in my bed and not a hospital bed. Things could definitely be much worse. I really appreciate your continued prayers and I’m confident God will answer those prayers in accordance with His will.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

Satan Found Another Window

Posted on December 22, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve actually had a really great week overall. My nerve pain has stayed under control. Despite anything I’ve eaten or how much I’ve had on my shoulders. However, I should know by now that Satan is always looking for another window to knock my down.

I usually never lift anything more than five pounds per Doctor’s orders. However, Wednesday night I thought I would help put up some metal chairs up after a leadership Christmas party. I never lifted more than two chairs at a time. Yesterday morning I really thought I dodged a bullet after a really good night’s sleep. Then around 7:30pm last night I suddenly couldn’t bend forward at all without breathtaking pain.

I took muscle relaxers and got another good nights sleep. However, I woke up this morning with the same breathtaking pain. Like a good while back the muscle strain feels trapped in my lower back. Feels like a big block of metal is sitting in my lower back. I can’t take off my own pants, socks or shoes without taking my own breath away.

Fortunately, I still have 48 hours before I have to preach on Sunday morning. I know all I can do physically is be still, rest and wait for relief. However, I also know that prayer can accelerate things. Sadly this stuff can sometimes worry me more than my normal nerve pain. Especially when I never know what is going on exactly in my lower back and will I need another shot soon. Just keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for all of you. My back may feel broken, but I honestly feel completely at peace. After another muscle relaxer and epsom salt bath I should be able to rest some more soon. 🙏

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:20

Rest, Pray, Trust

Posted on December 17, 2023     Leave a Comment

Sometimes the air is just knocked out of your sails. Pain can make everything feel like a battle. Pain can drain your strength and emotions. You can feel so battle weary that it’s hard to even pray. However, it’s in those moments we all desperately need prayer.

I’ve experienced all of these things the past few hours. My nerve pain reached such a high level earlier that I had to take some extra medication. It was like a neurological tornado ran through my body. Now, I’m just trying to breath in and out. I feel somewhat like a fish out of water.

Pain will leave you feeling like a shell of yourself. I’ve learned all I can do is rest and pray. It’s not about magic words or just thinking positive. You have to get the rest you need and cover everything in prayer. Then, expect God to breathe life into you once again. I expect to wake up refreshed as I rest everything in God’s hands.

“But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.” Psalm 18:6

Pray With Me Please

Posted on December 14, 2023     Leave a Comment

After 30 plus years as a minister God has richly blessed me with so many opportunities these days. Daily God puts me in position to be His instrument to so many crisis situations. In my heart, I want to help every possible soul. However, time and my health issues have made it clear I have major limitations.

All that said, I’ve been in a season of feeling overwhelmed. My heart hurts for so many people and I don’t ever want to lose my compassion. However, I have to live with the healthiest boundaries possible. I have to say NO a lot more than YES these days.

Here is my simple prayer request. Pray that the power of God might consume me. Pray that I might find true peace resting fully in His power. I don’t give a rip about being called a pastor or holding that position. I just want to be a complete love offering to God that touches as many souls possible.

“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.” Philippians 2:17

What’s Your Thorn?

Posted on December 11, 2023     1 Comment

Last night I had another extremely tough night. In fact, I was in the bed by 7pm because every nerve within me was fried. All I could do was wave my white flag and say help me Lord. Praise God I was able to get to sleep rather quickly. I believe it was due to my spinal cord stimulator being turned up too high. So, I had to make some adjustments.

When I got up this morning I wasn’t sure how my body would function. However, God did what he has done so many times for me. I got up at 6am with a clear mind and a much more confident heart. God gave me the strength to preach and minister because of His grace.

Tonight, I’m back in the bed early because my nerve pain has my body vibrating all over. I’m finally learning not to fight with it. I’ve just got to accept this is a thorn God has allowed in my life. Hopefully, it makes my life more impactful for God’s glory. I don’t ever like how it makes me feel, but I know God has a purpose for it.

Your thorn might look different than my thorn. However, we’ve all got something that makes us feel desperate for God. Satan wants to use it to steal, kill and destroy us. God wants to use it to draw us closer, strengthen our faith, and to use us in ways otherwise impossible. Tonight, I’m giving God my thorn, my feelings and my future. He has proven to me time and time again that His grace is sufficient. I know God will wake me up tomorrow and give me just what I need. I believe He will do the same thing for you.

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Another Breakthrough for Asher

Posted on December 10, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, my little buddy finally hurdled another barrier. He has struggled so much emotionally the past two days when it came to removing all his knee bandages. After a few intense hours he can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Not only was everything removed, but he took his first shower in 7 days.

He is so relieved and proud of himself. This entire journey has really made him stronger. Now, hopefully these wounds will heal asap. His pain is now completely under control without pain medication. The next big step for him is to be able to use a knee scooter.

Hard to believe it’s been almost a week since Asher’s recent surgery. That means just 5 more weeks before his cast and foot pins can be removed. He may or may not return to school before Christmas break. However, he should be good to go starting in the new year. It feels so good to have these surgeries behind him.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

It Breaks Your Heart

Posted on December 9, 2023     Leave a Comment

So, it was time to look at taking Asher’s bandages off of his knees. Sadly, as soon as Asher saw all the blood he freaked out. He just kept crying as his anxiety went through the roof. He didn’t even want me to pray beside him tonight.

For me these have been the toughest moments. Seeing your child terrified or having to endure more pain breaks your heart. Asher is such a sensitive young man. He tries to act as brave as possible. But, as soon anyone talks about needles, surgery, or blood he quickly falls apart. We definitely had some tough moments before and after his surgery this past Monday.

I’m sure most parents feel like us. You want to protect your child from any pain. You wish you could take their place. You know God has a purpose, but it’s still just tough to watch. You finally realize all you can do is keep praying and faith walking.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Little Faith Walker’s Progress

Posted on December 9, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, it’s now been a little over 4 days since Asher’s recent surgery. This surgery definitely brought him much more pain than the one before. He kept telling us that his left foot was hurting so much more than his right ever did right after surgery. He said it felt like someone just dropped a big brick on his foot. Aimee was just having to be proactive in keeping his pain under control.

Now, we definitely know why he’s felt that extra pain. One, because they pulled out the plates and screws from both of the growth plates his knees. That hardware was much more than we had anticipated was put in there. Secondly, they did much more invasive surgery in this foot. They sought to create a deeper arch and had to put 3 pins in his foot to stabilize things. These pins will be taken out in 6 weeks along with his cast.

All that said, today has been a big breakthrough day. He hasn’t taken any narcotics or pain relievers all day. His pain seems to be totally under control. He just needs to keep resting and healing in God’s timing. Getting around is very difficult, but as soon as his knees feel better, he’ll be getting around on a knee scooter. We all greatly appreciate your continued prayers.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine,but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” Proverbs 17:22

My Growing Faith Warrior

Posted on December 5, 2023     Leave a Comment

We finally made it home from the Shriner’s Hospital for Children in Greenville, SC. Over the past 7 months my 13 year old has endured so much physically. He’s now had surgery on both feet, both calves and both knees. Basically from the knee down desperately needed to be realigned. Plus the issues created by his feet alone would take far too much time to explain.

Sadly, these surgeries can’t fix every issue created by his feet. However, God is helping him step by step. God is using his doctor’s hands to put many things in their rightful place. Just what has been done already will be life changing for my son’s quality of life. We are thrilled with the loving care he has received and the prayers that have been lifted.

Now, you always hate to see your children in pain. But, this emotional and exhausting day has lifted my spirit. I see God raising up a mighty warrior for His glory. I see God taking my son on a faith walking journey that will only strengthen him in the long haul.

The doctor prayed over Asher before his surgery. He later told us the surgery went perfect and he could see that Asher has such a “special spirit.” I’m thinking to myself it’s called the “Holy Spirit.” You see the Holy Spirit within you is not bound by age or by your condition. I’m so excited to see how God is going to use all of Asher’s healing scars for His greater purpose!

“O LORD, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reasons.” (Jonah 1:14)

Nothing Like Momma’s Love

Always Hard To Swallow

Posted on December 1, 2023     Leave a Comment

For the first time in a few years we’ve got all four of our boys together on one trip. Even my daughter in love made it to Orlando. My youngest son Asher wanted to take a trip to his favorite place before his next big surgery. So, on Wednesday afternoon we all travelled to Universal Studios. This is the last opportunity for Asher to enjoy something physical prior to his surgery on December 4th.

Now, I had in my minds eye what this trip might look like together. However, my hopeful vision and reality didn’t quite match up. Night one, my health fell completely apart and I spent half the night in miserable pain. The next day, I wasn’t physically able to get out with everyone until 5pm. Once supper began around 7:30pm my health began tumbling down again. I knew it was best that I head back to the room asap. So, I made my way back to the room without even eating with them. Today, we all headed back to Universal around 1pm. After only 4 hours together I’ve headed back to the room and won’t even go to supper with them. My pain started escalating and I knew once again I couldn’t ignore this reality.

All that to say it’s been another very painful dose of reality. Fortunately, tears no longer fall and I’m not depressed over it. I’m just having to let things move from my head into my heart. Praise God I was able to do something. Praise God I’ve not totally ruined their trip. Praise God I’m continuing to learn my limitations and solutions. I’m grateful to head back to South Carolina tomorrow with all my family healthy.

Anyone with life altering health issues knows it’s hard to swallow your new normal. You don’t won’t to be a burden. You don’t want to miss out on things. You don’t want to stand out because of issues you can’t control. You ultimately just have to believe that God makes no mistakes. There’s always someone who wishes they could be in your shoes. I know my list of blessings far outweigh my limitations. I sincerely have a great peace knowing God is still God.

(Isaiah 50:4) The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

My Little Pastor

Posted on November 27, 2023     Leave a Comment

My Little Pastor

Today, I experienced something very special. Towards the end of my 2nd worship service message, I experienced quite an emotional roller coaster ride. The spirit of God was churning within me. God’s grace in my continued pain journey was realized more than ever.

While I may have been preaching to others, God was preaching to me. He’s like “don’t you realize where you used to be a few years ago? Remember when you thought things were hopeless? Remember when you thought you may never have quality of life again?”

All I could do was take moments to catch my breath and let God speak through me. I wanted to run off that stage so bad. I desperately needed just a few minutes to cry things out of my system. Instead, I just relied fully on God’s grace through what felt like forever.

I finally finished preaching the message God had given me. During the invitation I sat down on the front row and just tried to gather myself. Seconds later my 13 year old came over and sat beside me. Calmly he said, “Daddy you need prayer too, so let me pray for you.”

For that next minute he felt like my pastor. Yes, he has prayed with me many times before, but this time was different. I didn’t call him to me. Instead, God called him to me. God used my youngest son to breathe new life into me. It’s a moment I won’t ever forget and will treasure deeply in my heart.

“I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God [with faith and humility] like a child will not enter it at all.” (18:17)(AMP)

P.S. This young fellow will praise God when others won’t and he will pray when others won’t. 🙏

I’m Doing Very Well

Posted on November 16, 2023     Leave a Comment

Many have reached out wondering how I was doing. Therefore, I thought it was best I give this update. God has been in the process of rearranging a lot inside of me. I’ve had to go back to living with healthy boundaries so that I can actually be healthy. Anyone with my level of chronic pain issues knows every step you take matters.

I’m still taking an extensive break from social media. I’m presently taking a step back from anything that is not truly necessary in my life. With each day God is renewing my strength. With each day God is renewing my peace, joy and perspective. I’m not trying to be the Savior to anyone. I’m just striving to point people to His saving grace.

Being a pastor that genuinely loves people makes it hard to ignore all the needs that surround me. However, I’m striving to be healthy daily so that I can be around longer to impact more lives. Not only has my nerve pain greatly improved, but my walk with the Lord has been much improved. I can totally understand why Jesus had to often withdraw from the crowds to pray. I appreciate all of your prayers and I’m praying for you as well.

“Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Stepping Away Until Further Notice

Posted on November 8, 2023     Leave a Comment

My health has once again demanded a total reset in my life. I can’t deny the fact that anything can flare my nerves further at this time. So, I’m going to step away from all social media for quite awhile. I’m also going to step away from anything not absolutely necessary in my life.

I’ve been overdue for another personal reboot of my health. Fortunately, I know exactly what I must do for that to happen. With my condition every little thing matters and I must live with healthy boundaries. All I can ever pray is that those who love me will respect those boundaries.

I will still preach every Sunday and be wherever God “truly” needs me to be. However, I’ve got to let God realign my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I can’t operate like I used to do before I inherited this extensive nerve damage within my body. I’ve got to embrace my new normal and not resort back to my old normal. If I take these obedient steps I know God will renew me with every faith step forward.

I greatly appreciate each of your prayers and please know that I’m praying for you as well. My Facebook app and messenger will be deleted from my phone. This will likely be the case for the rest of this month. I’m very thankful for one of my friends reaching out to me to hold me accountable. He knows and I know that I’ve got to do what is necessary for my personal health.

“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16

Peaceful Moments

Posted on November 8, 2023     Leave a Comment

Typically, I only write things to process deep pain and encourage others through their pain. I’m usually writing while in the vice grips of misery. I’m holding on to hope, but still longing for relief. Right now, I’m writing from a place of great peace, comfort, and gratitude.

My night time meds have settled all anxiety and nerve pain. Turning down my stimulator has appeared to reduce the buzzing all over. I can think clearly and not be clouded by the ongoing painful struggle. I can feel the peace of God in every fiber of my being.

I’m so thankful for these peaceful moments. I believe they are a glimpse of what lies ahead in Heaven. Every true believer in Jesus Christ will forever be at peace. No more struggles, heartaches, or pains will be in Heaven. Yet, for just a little while in this life we will always have fleshly and earthly battles. Even still in Christ we can find peace both now and forevermore.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Just Be Still

Posted on November 7, 2023     Leave a Comment

I slept okay last night and my body woke me up really early. By God’s grace I’ve gutted out another long day of ministry. However, something is just not holding down my extra nerve pain. I’ve got a nonstop burning sensation running throughout my nerves.

My excessive nerve pain seems to escalate early afternoon each day. It makes practically anything feel miserable. I’m sure I sound like a broken record, but I really don’t know what’s got me out of whack. I just finally turned off my stimulator to see if I’m being overstimulated. Hopefully the next few hours reveals the problem.

In these moments you just have to be still. Be still and know He is God. Be still and rest in His power. Be still and wait for relief and peace. Be still and keep giving everything over to God. You can’t always make sense of these things or see beyond them in the moment. You can choose to be still and be sure God is working.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

When You Can’t Run Away

Posted on November 6, 2023     Leave a Comment

I can’t count how many times I’ve wished running away from my own body was possible. Lying here feeling like every nerve you have is on fire never feels good. Other than knocking yourself completely out with medication all you can do is pray. Severe chronic pain is something I don’t wish on anyone. I feel like a prisoner inside my own body most days.

Sadly, you reach a point that you really don’t want to talk about it anymore. You just want to be able to say everything is fine. You want to say all the pain is behind you. However, the extreme flares make it impossible for you to lie. So, you’re forced to acknowledge your struggle that tosses you around like a rag doll at times.

The only reason for my posts anymore is for others. I want you to know I understand how pain steals your confidence. I understand how pain makes you not feel like doing anything. I understand how pain can make you feel so isolated and hopeless.

Fortunately, I’ve learned that somehow God will take you through it. It may feel terrible right now and simply unbearable. Still His grace is sufficient and strength is enough. Even when things feel like you can’t take one more minute. God has a plan and will carry you forward to better days. Hang in there my friends! I definitely understand how chronic pain keeps you on your knees.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

Full Circle Moments

Posted on November 6, 2023     Leave a Comment

I can’t help but think my daddy would be smiling his head off today. He served over 45 years as a faithful pastor. He and mom dedicated their lives to serving the Lord. They were living examples of two imperfect dedicated people, following daily a perfect savior.

Today, God led me back to one of the churches my dad started pastoring when he was only 39 years old. This church is practically where I grew up from age 12 until I moved off to college. This church family has always meant a lot to me. Today, God brought me back at age 48 to preach their 195th homecoming celebration service. Several folks told me they could tell I brought a piece of my dad with me. I could feel it bringing some closer both to me and to them. I knew in my heart God wanted me to be there on my dad’s behalf and I’m so glad I said yes many months ago.

Now, while I was preaching at another church, my oldest brother Chris was sharing a powerful word back at the church I pastor. I knew my people would be in for a great treat. Especially once they realized my brother could’ve easily been dead just a few years back. Satan had wrecked His life in every way possible. Fortunately, my dad got to see the beginning of his major life turnaround. However, I wish my dad could’ve seen my brother sharing his testimony of how God’s grace totally turned his life around.

No matter how much we grow up there will always be certain days you just don’t forget. I love how God weaves every part of our lives into a perfect masterpiece. I love how God shows us His goodness and grace everyday we live. Today, was a God made day and the product of many prayers over the years. To God be the glory!

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

My brother sharing at Refuge Church today where I currently pastor.

What’s On Your Nerves?

Posted on November 1, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve had a very long day of ministry. However, I thank God for the strength He has given me. The fact that God can still use me in my shipwrecked condition still amazes me. I’m definitely able to lay my head down in peace knowing I’ve given God my all today.

Due to my health, I stayed home while the rest of my family got out for Halloween. I knew I needed to rest my body as much as possible. Even still my nerves have kept escalating and escalating the last few hours. My body is so sensitive right now in every way. My nerves are vibrating constantly once again. The only thing I can do is pray and wait on the storm to pass.

This got me thinking about the fact we’ve always got something getting on our last nerve. Whether it be physical, emotional, relational, occasional or constant. There is always something in this world trying to steal our joy. The only true peace is found in Jesus Christ. When all else fails He can stabilize us and give us lasting peace..

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Another Stormy Day

Posted on October 30, 2023     Leave a Comment

I typically try not to do anything more than necessary on a Monday. After Sunday services and a long week of ministry my body typically crashes. Today has been no exception. My wife helped me crawl out the bed after lying in bed close to 15 hours straight. Then, I immediately had to put some things in motion letting God lead my every step.

Regardless of the rest, I’m still not able to rush the recovery process. Since noon today my entire body has been buzzing off and on. I’m doing very good in my mind and in my heart. However, the battle with neuropathy all throughout my body usually catches fire on a Monday. My stimulator is in the process of settling my nerves, but God is in the process of settling my heart.

The truth is each day is different. You may have a tough day today, but a much better one tomorrow. You may feel like things are falling apart now, but later feel God is bringing things together. I’m so glad that no matter what I see, feel, or think God is working out His purpose in my life. I’m sure He is doing the same in your life. Don’t let the waves of life steal your joy. Instead, let the master of the wind and waves calm your heart as you wait out life’s storms.

“26“You of little faith,” Jesus replied, “why are you so afraid?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it was perfectly calm. 27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the sea obey Him!” Matthew 8:26-27

PRAYING FOR YOU

Posted on October 27, 2023     Leave a Comment

For the one who is battling some overwhelming pain.

For the one who is dealing with a life altering situation.

For the one who feels all alone and like no one really understands.

For the one who feels their situation is hopeless.

For the one who just needs to know somebody cares and is praying for them.

I’m praying for you that God would reach into your situation. That you would find God’s comfort, peace, and strength. That you would keep holding on to your faith knowing nothing is impossible for God to change. I’m lifting you and your situation up to our Good Good Father. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray!

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

GOD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU

Posted on October 25, 2023     Leave a Comment

Like water to a thirsty soul my body is being replenished by my spinal cord stimulator. Minute by minute I can feel it it pouring it’s magic throughout my lower back, legs, and feet. What wisdom God gave man to create such a device. It revitalizes your nerves even if they are totally shipwrecked like mine.

I’m so grateful to God for taking such great care of me. For always giving me just what I need when I need it most. His power is so evident in my life right now. I would still be totally deflated, discouraged, and depressed. He has come in once again and resurrected my mind, body, strength and hope.

In our lowest He is still God. In our highest He is still God. When we we can’t do anything more God is still God. He will pick you up and carry you forward. He will fight for you when you can’t fight for yourself. Ask me how I know this to be true. He has done this for me time and time again. He will fight for you too!

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

As Real As It Gets

Posted on October 24, 2023     Leave a Comment

This will be as real as I can get with most of you. Right now, I’m laying on my side just trying to catch my breath. Just 30 minutes ago, I was wrapping up several hours of sermon prep and other ministry efforts. Then, boom out of nowhere my entire body was wrecked again. Physically, mentally and emotionally I feel like I’m back at ground zero. Yet, I know I’m my heart that is not totally true.

I feel like a fish that’s been out of water for a very long time. It’s very discouraging considering all my daily recovery efforts and prayers. I really have been doing everything possible to overcome my debilitating nerve pain. Yet, it continues to prove that it can totally wreck me anytime it chooses.

Fortunately, I’ve reached the point where I can process my brokenness calmly with my wife. I told her it rips the joy out of my heart anytime I can’t enjoy quality time with family or friends. Right now the waves of chaos are coming from every direction.

My spinal stimulator is slowly building back up within me what my nerves desperately need. I’m having to make some medication adjustments because even the least anxious thoughts make my entire body vibrate in intense pain. My main surgical spot on my lower back is like a hot eye on a stove. My legs feel like they’ve been totally deflated of all strength. Most of all, I’m in another battle that demands persevering faith.

My friends, I understand how pain knocks you to the ground. I understand feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle. I understand feeling awesome one minute and totally depressed the next minute. I understand why it’s hard to be vulnerable with just anybody when it comes to your personal struggles. I understand what it’s like to lose faith in your ability to change things.

However, I’ve learned that confession is healing to the soul. I’ve learned that other’s prayers can give you wings when your wings are weary. I’ve learned that God can always resurrect me or my situation. I’ve learned that we all have to spend our times in the valley. I’ve learned that no matter what I feel, my faith can move mountains.

I share none of these truths for sympathy. Instead, out of obedience whenever God prompts me to humbly share such things. My days are rough right now and my nerves only give me a short leash. However, you can bank on the fact that God will resurrect me and my situation once again. God can do the same for you as well. Let’s all keep walking by faith together.

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20

Brighter Days Coming

Posted on October 24, 2023     Leave a Comment

Many have reached out wondering how my day turned out. The short answer to that question is “long, but as well as possible.” I survived 16 1/2 hours without my stimulator running. Fortunately, I was able to sleep over 10 hours straight of that time. Only once I woke up did I start feeling any buzzing or anxiety.

My stimulator appointment went great as well. I fully explained my past history and the details concerning my recently fried nerves due to over stimulation. My new technician said my nerve damage is the rarest case she has ever encountered. She’s been blown away by my journey and nerve sensitivity.

She was heartbroken and very apologetic about what happened due to her recent adjustment to my stimulator. Her eyes got so big when she fully realized how fried my nerves became due to a drastic increase in stimulation. On Friday my stimulator fed me as much power in 7 hours as my body ever gets in 55 hours.

While my energy is very low and my body feels very depleted. I’m really not in any abnormal pain. I’m just waiting on my stimulator to replenish back into my nervous system the coverage that was lost. That can take anywhere from 48-72 hours before I feel revived. However, I’m extremely confident in my new programming and fully expect things to turnaround in God’s perfect timing. Thanks so much for all your prayers and support. It really means a lot because we all battle with human weaknesses.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Another Big Faith Step

Posted on October 23, 2023     Leave a Comment

Earlier my spinal cord technician scheduled me a 12:15pm appointment tomorrow to get things readjusted. However, she has requested something for me to do prior to the new adjustment. She wants me to turn my stimulator off as soon as possible, so we can start over with a clean slate. For whatever reason tingling from my stimulator can linger in my system for quite awhile. She needs my nervous system to be cleared out of anything that has built up inside Then, hopefully we can find the absolute best setting for my stimulator.

Therefore, I’ve decided to do something I’ve only tried once before around 5 years ago. I turned my stimulator off at 8pm tonight and I plan to leave it off for over 16 hours. I once left my stimulator off for 23 hours and then my nerves totally crashed. Like I was crying uncontrollably and could barely speak. It was like someone took my body off an oxygen machine. I was amazed that it was helping me so much.

Obviously, I will definitely turn my unit back on if I get really sick. But, I’ve been so over stimulated the past few days that I believe it’s necessary. I’m praying that it will help get things back on track without completely setting me back. Sometimes, all you can do is just keep taking the next best step God puts in front of you. Praying for each of you and your loved ones.

“ For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

One of My Worst Nights Ever 🔥

Posted on October 22, 2023     Leave a Comment

Last night was definitely one of my absolute worst nights ever. Sometime between 12am and 2am is all I can truly reference. I thought I was just struggling to fall asleep. Next thing I know my entire body felt like someone lit it on fire from within. I remember desperately calling for my wife to come press on my legs and turn off my stimulator.

It appears that my stimulator finally reached an epic overload within my nervous system. Every part of my body felt like it was in flames that could not be extinguished. My wife did everything she could do to alleviate the pain in my legs and feet. All I could do was keep praying and hoping for my emergency Valium to settle my nerves asap. Eventually, I passed out asleep for the next four hours.

This morning I had to wake up early. I needed to look over my Sunday message notes and pray for God’s peace. My spinal stimulator had been off all night so the fire inside was finally out. However, my nerve pain that is typically covered was quickly returning into my body. I felt like I had to at least turn my unit back on the lowest setting possible and hope to get through both morning services.

By the time I even walked into church I could feel my nerves were about to crash. I went back to my church office so I could take some deep breaths and allow a few church leaders to pray over me. Their prayers finally hit the release button I needed. Tears began to flow and toxins began leaving my body. I felt like someone with a bad virus throwing up for the first time.

Next thing I knew it was time for me to be on stage to preach. I was able to come up on stage just in time while still trying to gather myself. I knew I needed to simply be honest that I had been suffocating in pain. However, as soon as I opened my mouth it became obvious there were still more tears to be shed. Somehow with God’s help I was able to gather myself and share the message God gave me.

After the first service I went back into my church office. My entire body was so exhausted. My nerves were so fried during the night that I could’ve slept upside down. I had no choice but to chug down a sugar free energy drink. I had some leaders cover me with prayer once again. Finally, it seemed the last batch of tears left my system.

You see, for me both my regular nerve pain and my spinal cord stimulator can chemically overload me once things build up. Then, the only true breakthrough possible is for me to cry out the chemical overload. There is no doubt in my mind that my stimulator overloaded me beyond what I thought even possible. Here is what I know now made things so catastrophic.

On Friday when I got my stimulator adjusted several things were done that I didn’t realize were done by my new technician. One, my unit was set to come on 30 times per hour whereas before it only came on 4 times per hour. Two, instead of my overall strength level being set at a 1 it was changed to an 11. Thirdly, my stimulator was reprogrammed to cover twice as much area as ever before. Here’s how to put this into perspective.

On my old setting my unit was set to come on only 96 times in 24 hours for 30 seconds. On my new setting it came on 210 times in just 7 hours and it was running a 11 levels higher then before covering twice as much area. Therefore, on Friday for 7 hours straight I had no idea that my nerves were being absolutely fried. Until, I literally felt like I was plugged into some electrical socket and quickly shut things off.

I am now much more relaxed knowing what actually happened. It will be addressed and it will ultimately get back on track. I’m still waiting on my adrenaline to settle so I can get some sleep. The nerves inside my legs and feet are still mildly vibrating. Hopefully, tomorrow they will get things adjusted correctly.

Mentally, this weekend brought me back to a few years ago. Remembering when all I could do was pray. Every Sunday I would fight to get through both services and cry in between services. God has definitely parted the Red Sea for me and given me back some quality of life. Maybe, I just needed to be reminded that my present health is nothing short of a miracle. Thanks so much for your continued prayers.

“I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.

With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. The waters saw you, God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. The clouds poured down water, the heavens resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.” Psalm 77:11-20

A Few Praise Reports

Posted on October 21, 2023     Leave a Comment

To continue positive momentum you have to recognize your blessings. In the midst of a lot of issues this past week, I’ve really had a lot of breakthroughs. There has just not been anything that could fix itself instantly. However, right now I’m still more encouraged than discouraged.

First, I’ve been completely on top of my anti inflammatory diet. Daily I’ve been eating more of the right things than I have the wrong things. The scales let me know that my daily diet is headed the right direction. In 10 days I’ve moved from weighing 193 lbs to now weighing 185.6 lbs. I can feel the difference especially sense I’m not staying bloated all the time from junk food.

Secondly, I’ve discovered why my nerves felt completely fried. I am used to my stimulation only running every 15 minutes for 30 seconds. Where as my new program has been running every 1 1/2 minutes for 30 seconds. That’s why I felt the greatest over stimulation ever yesterday afternoon.

My spinal cord technique before discovered that my sensitive nerves can’t handle things running anymore often. So, my nerves are settling down. I’ve gone back to my old programming at a very low level until the frequency is adjusted on my new programming. I’m very grateful for answers, breakthroughs and prayers.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

No Clue Right Now

Posted on October 21, 2023     Leave a Comment

I finally got my stimulator adjusted yesterday for the first time in 17 months. I was very excited for this appointment and very optimistic headed back home. The lady who has always made my adjustments for the past six years retired. So, instead of a veteran adjuster I had a very nice young lady who’s only been doing this for 8 months.

Unfortunately, I’m not their normal patient they all tell me. My nerve damage is very extensive and my nerves are very sensitive compared to most. This lady adjusted things best she knew how in hopes I could get the most extensive coverage throughout my body. Well, 5-6 hours after my adjustment my nerves were fried beyond what I’ve ever experienced. My body was vibrating intensely as if my legs could have exploded. So, I had to immediately turn my stimulator off for a few hours.

Before I went to bed, I turned in on a much lower setting on the new program she created for me. Sadly, I woke up this morning with things still not working great. I’ve felt nauseous all morning and my feet are cramping. So, I’ve turned things off for just a short while as I try to determine what to do next.

Unfortunately, any time you get in no man’s land with these things there is no exact answer that comes easy. The only sure thing is your anxiety rises the longer you go without a clear solution. That cluelessness is not only on my end, but hers as well. All she could say is what I already knew “wow your nerves really are more sensitive than most.”

My prayer request is simple at this time. Pray that God would give me the discernment on what setting I should leave things on at this time. I have numerous settings and numbers to choose from with no idea where to start. All I know is my body needs this stimulation to be on and not over stimulating me.

I’m not in tremendous pain right now. However, I am very uncomfortable and on edge feeling. My skin throughout my body feels very prickly. My legs and feet still feel like they’re vibrating even with the unit off. All I can do is pray about it and try to find something that works consistently. I know God will work things out, but I don’t have a clue exactly what to do. To be continued…..

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Finally A God Made Night

Posted on October 19, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’m just waking up after nine wonderful hours of sleep. Last night, I was in bed by 7:45pm and fast asleep by 8pm. My body was desperate for rest and relief. It appears I’ve finally got my spinal cord stimulator back on track. Time keeps proving that without my stimulator my entire life would be upside down.

This week has been so physically and emotionally draining. Every night especially has been awful and unpredictable. Due to over stimulation, I kept having to turn my stimulator off for several hours at a time. Therefore, my nerve pain has not been consistently under control for four days straight.

I’m still waiting for an appointment to get my stimulator adjusted. However, I’ve been able to keep it running the last 24 hours and that’s very encouraging. Last night, I took some of my night time meds a lot earlier than usual. I was praying so hard that I could avoid another nightmare night. Praise God, I was able to sleep peacefully and with no pain all night. I so grateful for your prayers and for God answering those prayers.

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

The Trials Keep Coming

Posted on October 18, 2023     Leave a Comment

At this point, I shouldn’t be surprised. Nothing is coming easy for me right now. This will be the fourth night in a row that has felt like a torcher chamber. This time there seems to be some kind of allergy underneath my skin. This allergy is creating a nonstop prickling and burning sensation in my face, hands, and lower body.

This particular feeling isn’t something I recall ever battling before. I finally took some Benadryl around 2am once nothing has appeared to change. I’m praying this might knock this discomfort out soon. I’ve been keeping a daily log of anything I eat or drink daily. Maybe there’s something I will detect as the main culprit.

In the meantime, I’m just throwing up prayers for relief and endurance. I’m still confident that I’m on the right track and doing all I know to do. In the meantime, the my misery right now just keeps escalating. This is the kind of misery that usually only goes away once I’m totally knocked out asleep.

I’m back to feeling exhausted and impatient. Actually, I really have no choice but to be patient. Praise God, my nights are not normally like they’ve been in recent days. I find myself desperately looking for something to throw on the fires within my bones. All I keep coming back to is faith and prayer.

The truth is life continuously throws chaos our way. It could be physical, emotional, mental, relational, or all of the above. Unfortunately, the worst battles are the ones raging within you. You only have one of two options for your response. You can either choose to curse God or trust God. I’m gonna keep choosing to do the latter, since God has never let me down. Now, hopefully I will able to sleep real soon since it’s already 3:15am.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

I Can See Daylight

Posted on October 18, 2023     Leave a Comment

I finally got out of the house this evening. It was my first time out of the house going anywhere since Sunday. Everyday has been a battle and today was definitely no exception. I’ve had buzzing nerve pain all over my body most of the day. One of my boy’s birthday gathering inspired me finally get out of the house.

It did me so much good to feel normal. Just to eat a solid meal after pretty much running away from food the last few days. I’m still having to take some extra medications to get me through this rough patch. However, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

When you’re pinned down with pain even a few days it can quickly overtake your body, strength, heart and mind. You have to look very hard to find positive momentum. You have to keep taking one courageous faith step at a time.

I’ve got my eating back under control. I’m trying to take strategic walks each day. I got out to my mom’s tonight. All of those things alone have been encouraging and empowering. I definitely have to keep tabs on my anxiety related to sudden, unexpected nerve pain surges. One of my keys is to get to bed as early as possible before things rip my heart out again. If I can get a good nights sleep tonight it will make a very big difference.

I’m still waiting on the opportunity to get my stimulator readjusted. Things are just not right with my settings anymore. Plus, it’s been 19 months since my last adjustment. I’ve had to cut my unit off and on everyday for the past five days. I know this can get back into rhythm soon. In the meantime, God is definitely flooding me with a lot of messages. God always speaks the deepest when we’re in the lowest valleys. God has definitely had my full attention. Praise God I keep seeing daylight. Continuing to pray for each of you walking through similar valleys.

“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Another Painful Night

Posted on October 16, 2023     Leave a Comment

For the second night in a row I’m going to bed flooded with pain. It’s as if someone lit a match and threw it inside my lower body. My legs are aching and my nerve pain is raging. Fortunately, it’s been awhile since I’ve had back to back nights like these.

God has been so gracious to me all day. Especially considering last night I only slept a few hours after a miserable night. Somehow, I made it through an extremely long day of ministry. I’m trying to let my life be a love offering to God. However, I’m continually running into my own humanity.

Unfortunately, pain like this can make you feel paralyzed quickly. It leaves you shaking your head as you pray for answers. What gets me through is remembering God has always taken me through even the hardest of days.

I’m so blessed in so many ways. Yet, I can’t deny this pain makes most things very difficult. For the second night in a row we’ve had to turn my stimulator off due to overstimulation. Please pray things ease off soon and my body can rest. The longer the pain lingers the more my anxiety goes through the roof.

Lord knows this struggle keeps me on my knees. I have no choice but to lean on the Lord. It’s the only way to keep moving forward. We all have our crosses to bear. We just have to keep putting everything in God’s hands. I’m praying for each of your struggles as well.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

Time For Change Again

Posted on October 11, 2023     Leave a Comment

Five years ago, I went on an extreme diet that further helped my nerve pain get under control. In a little over 3 months I moved from weighing 205 lbs down to 165lbs. For the longest time, I never gained back more than 10 lbs. Then, eventually I gained back a total of 20 lbs. I concluded that I was perfectly fine weighing 185lbs.

Unfortunately, my sugar addiction has reared its head again. In the past five days alone, I’ve gained five more pounds. I’m now back up to 193 lbs. The weight alone doesn’t bother me greatly. However, it reflects why my lower back has been feeling greatly inflamed lately. Pudding, pies, cakes, donuts, cookies, candy, and anything else sweet has once again become my kryptonite.

I’m putting this out here because it keeps me accountable. My sugar detox and change in diet starts tonight. I will be back down to just 185lbs in the next two weeks. I still drink only water daily. However, the sugar and fast food has got to go. I’m also trying to start back walking daily. Time has proven these things will benefit my health in many ways. If you know you need to make a health change you need to make it. Just set a goal and take one right step at a time. 🙏

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

One Day It Will Be Over

Posted on September 19, 2023     1 Comment

Having another one of those evenings where the pain has been rising and rising for hours. My lower back, hands, feet and face feel on fire. It knocked the wind clean out of me several hours ago. I wish the pain was only physical. However, what I’m feeling emotionally and mentally honestly feels worse.

For some reason my pain keeps sneaking up on me again. Out of nowhere it has suffocated me again. Nothing feels good and it’s really hard to find peace and joy. I’ve been fighting this battle with my prayers for hours. Yet, there just hasn’t been any let up.

Eight years of this kind of pain leaves me shaking my head. Shouldn’t I be used to it by now? Why can’t I just pick myself up knowing this will eventually cease? This kind of pain really does make life feel so unbearable. Satan seeks to flood your mind with so many unhealthy thoughts.

Lately, I just can’t seem to find the correct setting for my spinal stimulator. I will go get it readjusted as soon as time allows. I keep having to shut it down due to overstimulation. Then, I turn back on when the pain completely depletes me.

Only God knows why we have to suffer in many different ways on this earth. I’m so grateful for all God has done for me. I’m so grateful God has a purpose for every ounce of my struggles. I’m so glad I don’t have to be perfect or pretend like this is some walk in the park. In fact, I will admit this is definitely me holding back plenty of what I’m actually feeling or thinking.

All I know is you’re not alone in your pain. Our struggles may be different, but we all have crosses way too heavy to bear alone. God is with us and will continue to carry us forward. One day, all the pain will be no more for every true born again child of God.

“ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4

Sometimes I Forget

Posted on September 16, 2023     Leave a Comment

You would think I’d be used to this by now. However, time proves that intense pain always disrupts your life. I’ve been battling some resurrected pain in my left side all week. It keeps feeling like it’s going away, but lingers just enough to keep me miserable.

This pain is in the same area that was bothering me several months ago. My last pain shot mixed with increased meds had been keeping it and my neuropathy drastically reduced. Now, it has reared it’s ugly head once more. Nights and laying down period have been a lot harder all week.

These times remind me quickly why I used to live in misery. Like, I remember thinking this is no way for anyone to live. Fortunately, God has blessed me with more good days than bad in recent years. Maybe, I just needed the reminder that God has been shielding me all along. Because, I definitely still have a very broken body.

God, forgive me for not continually giving you the thanks you deserve. Thanks God for my surgeries, stimulator, pain shots, medications and obvious grace in my life. Thanks for reminding me of all you’ve done to make my life bearable. It’s hard to lose heart when you’ve always given me the breakthroughs I’ve needed.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Still Giving It All To Him

Posted on September 6, 2023     Leave a Comment

The past eight years of dealing with my nerve damage has felt more like eighteen. So many surgeries, rehab sessions, doctor appointments, shots, breakdowns, breakthroughs and life altering adjustments along the way. Just the journey to get back to my new normal has taken everything I’ve had to give and more. Fortunately, God has been my strength every step of the way.

During this kind of faith walk you’re constantly introduced to your humanity. You can kick, scream and yell all you want. Then, you’ve got to learn how to walk forward through the despite your pain and challenges. The road to recovery is not easy and many days are very discouraging. Especially, when your condition is constantly knocking the air out of your sails.

I still see God using my pain to more effectively use me to impact others. My condition keeps me humble. My condition keeps me leaning fully on the Lord. My condition gives me greater compassion towards anyone living in pain. I know how to help others up because I know what it feels to be knocked down.

My friend, God has a purpose for your pain too. In fact, greater healing comes from letting God use your pain. Don’t just let it break you down, but let God pick you up. Choose to believe that God has a plan and keep taking the next right step. Keep turning everything over to Jesus and trust by faith God is doing a great work.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4:10

A Very Rare Night

Posted on August 27, 2023     Leave a Comment

Tonight I’m going to bed feeling the best I’ve felt in what seems like forever. Usually on a Saturday night my body becomes very anxious. I have felt God’s peace all day long. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually this is the strongest I’ve felt since I can even recall.

Sure, I still have limitations I have to respect. But, doing all I can while trusting God with all I can’t is paying off big time. My diet, mindset, rest, routines and other daily disciplines are making a huge difference. When you put in so much work daily towards recovery it’s beyond satisfying to feel the results.

I’ve not once asked God to take away my weaknesses. I’ve asked God to lavish me with His grace through it all. I’ve asked God to give me His greater strength in the midst of my greatest weakness. Not for my glory, but so His glory might be revealed. I’m going to bed with a supernatural peace that only comes from putting everything in God’s hands.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7

God is so Good

Posted on August 26, 2023     Leave a Comment

My stimulator seems to be working consistently and is no longer over stimulating me. I’ve never been doing better when it comes to eating a daily anti- inflammatory diet. Not only am I staying away from inflammatory foods, but I’m eating foods that fight inflammation. Back to eating green leafy vegetables, berries, lean meats, nuts, tuna, and salmon. All week I’ve been in a really good rhythm of doing all I can to reduce inflammation.

Fluid wise I’m drinking 90-100 ounces of water daily. I only drink a caffeine supplement if it’s absolutely necessary for my mind to be clear. Basically, I never drink anything other than water. It takes a good two weeks before you see the greatest results from eating an anti inflammatory diet. I’m down 4-5 pounds just from changing what I ate over the past week. I make sure I stay ahead of my hunger and what I eat is always intentional.

I’ve felt my normal self the past two days. Sure, I have my limits and I’ve got to stay proactive. I still spend at least two hours each evening in a epsom salt bath because it really calms my body. Then, I get in the bed as soon as possible.

Tonight, I enjoyed an evening out watching some high school football. Even in the heat my battery operated heating pad really helped me so much. My legs are very weak from going up and down bleachers. So, that was just a reminder that any steep stairs just aren’t best for me. You’re always needing reminders of your limits and what’s truly worth the extra pain. But, today was a God made day.

I’m just so thankful for what I can do and enjoy by God’s grace. I’ve never forgotten the words of one of my doctors. He said, “son your glass is half full, not half empty. Based on your initial MRI, you could’ve very easily been paralyzed.” I thank God for every ounce of strength, grace, and joy He gives.

“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Taking The Mask Off

Posted on August 23, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, the good news is I’m making some progress. The bad news is the past few days have been absolutely miserable. Honestly, I hate how extreme chronic pain torments and discourages you. Even when you’re full of faith it just stomps continuously on your heart. The longer the pain lingers the lower you feel inside. In fact, you can quickly find yourself in a very dangerous mental state.

Fortunately, I’m not new to this rodeo called severe chronic pain. I know it’s full of constant ups and downs. However, I just didn’t see this coming again. It appears that my spinal stimulator has been over stimulating me for days. So, I’ve had to turn it off some and only run it half as strong as normal. In order to not constantly feel fried inside, I’m having to deal with more pain than normal.

I think it’s days like today that really break my heart. It’s my 26th wedding anniversary and here I am again feeling like a shell of myself. Many birthdays and anniversaries have felt ruined in the past as well. Lord knows, I’ve had so many improved days in the past and I’m so thankful for them all. But, the present pain makes me feel just as low as ever.

I write these honest words for those who might think they just have a weak faith. Listen, you can have great faith and still be overwhelmed by facts. High level pain will take even the strongest to their knees. Even Job had to process his agony, while he still expressed his faith.

Where things have changed for me is my perseverance. I’ve learned that sometimes all you can do is hold on and trust God will take you through the pain. Sometimes, there is no quick fix and the old fears rear their heads. You’ve just got to maintain a determined faith. You can kick, scream, and even cry inside or out. Just don’t doubt for a moment that God is not right there with you in the lows and the highs.

My advice to you is the advice I give myself. Keep taking the next right step. Keep praying without ceasing. Keep being real with others, otherwise you will only feel worse. Keep knowing that God is faithful and will take you through even the darkest storms.

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;” Job 13:15

P.S. By the way, I do feel I’m on the right track. I’m just recovering from being derailed a few days. A good nights sleep will go a long way towards my improvement.

The Pain Lingers Most Nights

Posted on August 22, 2023     Leave a Comment

I should’ve already gone crazy by now. Every night, I know it’s coming my way. My only hope is to get to sleep before the pain spirals out of control. This usually requires that I take plenty of nighttime meds and fall asleep quickly.

It’s after 3am and my body is aching so deeply. I’m talking deep into my bones, back and legs. Absolutely, none of it makes sense because I just spent hours in a warm epsom salt bath. Plus, I’m doing really good with my eating and physical regiment. However, I can’t say I’m surprised.

You name it and it can affect my pain levels. Temperature, diet, stress, lying down, standing up, sitting down, not enough walking, too much walking, not enough sleep and too much sleep. I’m gonna battle with some pain everyday, but nights can be downright brutal. It can be very hard to swallow no matter how many rough nights I’ve endured in the past. Hopefully, I will fall asleep soon. 🙏

“At night my bones all ache; the pain that gnaws me never stops.” Job 30:17

Need Those Prayers Again

Posted on August 19, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, my nerve pain has been very bad the last 2 days. Honestly, you would think that someone was frying my entire body inside with electricity. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt pain this deep level. Just like before it’s radiating from my feet into my face.

I’ve been doing all I can today to monitor my diet, stress, and rest. Unfortunately, sometimes there is no quick fix. If I’m honest, things seem more anxiety driven than ever before. In my line of work, I’m always in the midst of crisis situations. However, this time my nerves have not handled things well.

With the help of my wife the diet is back in check. With the help of the Lord I really do have great peace. I just have a health condition, that is very hard to understand. No matter what I think I’ve figured out. This condition is always surprising me, humbling me and putting me on my knees.

However, history has shown this is likely just great spiritual warfare. So, I’m expecting God to work in big ways both at church and at funeral I will be preaching. All I ask is for your prayers, so I can carry out God’s plans day by day. I know we all have crosses to bear and thorns we wish would go away. I’m praying for each of you as well.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

Even On A Cruise

Posted on July 20, 2023     Leave a Comment

My wife and I are presently on a cruise together. We’ve been looking forward to this trip for quite sometime. By God’s grace, we will celebrate 26 years of marriage this August. This has been a wonderful time of refreshment and reflection. God keeps taking our relationship to deeper and deeper levels.

Unfortunately, no matter where I go this broken body follows me. I still have to calculate wisely my every step. I still have to recognize my limits from sun up to sun down. I still have to feel pain I wish never existed. Yes, even on a cruise ship, I can feel like I’m still on a painful battleship.

The difference for me now is my perspective. I don’t stay focused on what I can’t do. I praise God daily for what I can do. I don’t expect to have any perfect days. Instead, I fully rely on my perfect Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. No, I don’t like this thorn that’s always in my side. But, I don’t let it dictate or steal my joy.

Honestly, I process my pain with my wife everyday. I believe honest confession is critical to healing and peace. I’m so grateful for a loving, understanding and patient wife. We’ve both seen God do so many miracles in our lives. In fact, now we just just expect God to keep doing the seemingly impossible. Well, I will talk with you guys once we get back to South Carolina this coming Saturday.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭4‬ ‭

GOD IS ALWAYS WORKING

Posted on July 7, 2023     Leave a Comment

I realize some people just holler out “praise God” in regards to anything. However, my praise is not about me or just simple words about God. I have felt so much better today. Still dealing with some periodic mind fog. But, my nerve pain feels completely under control.

Trust me, usually when I’m writing on here. I usually feel like I’m barely breathing. I can’t really see past the pain. Things escalate to such levels that I get afraid of what might happen next. I ponder will this be the time that I don’t bounce back.

I truly believe so many can relate to my struggle. Whether it’s something burdening you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, or spiritually. We all wonder at times what God is doing in the midst of our overwhelming battles.

Let me tell you from firsthand experience with all of those kinds of battles. GOD is working in you while He has your undivided attention. GOD is working things out minute by minute according to His master plan. GOD is with you and will deliver you. If you keep your little hand in God’s big hand. You will see GOD work miracles. He keeps doing it time and time again in my life. I know He will do it in yours too!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Empty But Hopeful

Posted on July 6, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, it’s been another very long day. Lots of tossing, turning and leaning on God’s grace. Praise God, I was able to gain clarity in preparing this Sunday’s God led sermon. Also, I’ve always got a long list of things to do for so many I care about. That said, I’m definitely running on empty when it comes to my energy.

For some reason the increased medication I started over a month ago is keeping me in such a fog. I wake up barely able to see in front of me even after sleeping 8-10 hours. So, starting tonight I’m cutting things back significantly to see if I can still sleep and be able to function with clarity. If I didn’t take an energy supplement I would rarely get anything done.

Fortunately, my lower back pain is under control as I lay waiting to fall asleep. However, my body is still buzzing all over from my feet into my face. I just turned off my stimulator and my wife will turn it back on in a few hours. If I’m not being over stimulated then I’m not sure what’s got my nervous system so scattered.

One thing I always have to do in times like these is just be honest. I have to let people know that I’m human too. I can’t do everything I might normally do. Unless it’s absolutely necessary I have to share the ministry load with other leaders. I’m so grateful for a church family that simply loves me wherever life finds me. Otherwise, I could never carry on as a pastor.

As I write these things please know I’m not asking for pity. I appreciate your compassion and prayers. I honestly write these things prompted by God. Often when I post something God gives me instant peace. The peace of knowing I’m letting Him use my pain and hoping it all brings Him glory. God has always taken me through even the lowest valleys. My faith and resolve have never felt stronger. Mainly because God has never let me down. I know God will help you too. Just put your little hand in His big hand.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:3-5)

My Daily Thorn

Posted on July 5, 2023     Leave a Comment

If you’ve never dealt with extreme chronic pain you simply can’t understand. The last few days have reminded me why I used to feel like I was going crazy all the time. It’s so hard being stuck in a body full of pain. Especially when you can’t change it or predict it from one moment to the next.

Late last night my pain jumped back on me big time. Fortunately, I had some extra medication to eventually put out the raging fire within me. All I could do was pray and wait for things to settle down. Finally, at some point the storm ceased again and I fell asleep. My wonderful wife has seen me this way countless nights before.

Thank God I slept well throughout the night. However, my body woke me up bright and early this morning. I absolutely hate going to bed this way or waking up this way. My nerve pain really does change everything when it’s out of control. Sadly, I can’t just run away from my own body.

Now, even when you’re a veteran of this kind of pain. It’s never easy or enjoyable to be in this battle. I can see why folks who are in such suffering over time just feel they can’t take anymore. Honestly, there is not an aspect of your life that doesn’t become more difficult.

Fortunately, I’ve learned that God is always faithful. God is always using my struggles for his own good reasons. God’s grace always proves to be enough even in the roughest of days. Nothing about my situation takes God by surprise. He knows my weakness and He has a plan. We all have something that keeps us humble and lets us realize our need to rely on God. This just happens to be the thorn in my flesh.

“even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Making Progress

Posted on July 5, 2023     Leave a Comment

Today has been much better for me overall. I’ve been guzzling water and eating a whole lot smarter. I’ve been listening to my body and doing necessary exercises. I wanted to get out on my boat so badly today and yesterday. However, I knew it was best I just keep taking it easy physically speaking.

You really do have to operate with a lot of patience and discipline to get things turned around. You can’t just eat whatever you want or do whatever you want. You have to do whatever necessary to keep yourself from sinking any further.

I still have a lot of unsettled nerves especially in the evenings. My neuropathy is still buzzing throughout my body. However, today has been much more tolerable pain wise. I’ve just got to stay the course and not lose heart. I’m thankful for your prayers and for answered prayers. I feel certain things will continue to settle day by day. 🙏

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Keys To Coping

Posted on July 3, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve been in bed all day long. The root of all my nerve damage in my lower back keeps making everything unenjoyable. Fortunately, a hot heating pad or hot bath is able to keep the pain under control. However, the moment I take the heat off the pain comes rushing back.

I don’t always know exactly why my pain has returned. So, I have to go through a checklist of things that have proven to make things worse. Diet, exercise, stretching, water intake, stress, sleep, life balance, and even my spinal cord stimulator can all contribute to my pain.

Unfortunately, there is typically no quick fix with this level of pain. However, I’ve got to proactively do anything I can while trusting God for everything I can’t. One thing I know God is telling me is “settle down my child and rest in me. Don’t worry about anything and be prayerful about everything. Remember all that I’ve done in the past as you trust me with the present and future.” I have full confidence that God will ease this discomfort in due time. 🙏

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Thank God For Strength

Posted on July 3, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve been battling this new found weakness for eight years now. It’s taught me a lot about life and myself. For instance, no one needs to convince me that I’m weak. I know I can’t even walk without God holding my hand. I know that life can knock you down in the blink of an eye.

I’ve spent countless days crying out for the mercy of God. The weight of my broken body still wears me out daily. But, it’s been through my greatest weakness that I found a greater strength. It may not be physical, but it’s emotional, mental and spiritual. I’ve learned how to walk in strength while still being burdened by weakness.

Today, God made me strong even when I felt so weak. I got on my knees early this morning and begged God to strengthen me. I felt His presence, peace, and comfort throughout the day. My greatest weakness has helped me find my greatest strength. My body once again is exhausted and needs to be recharged. But, I’m so thankful for the supernatural strength God gives to us when we humble themselves before Him.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Prayerful and Thankful

Posted on July 1, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve spent all night and day in the bed. I’m doing my best to rest away this discomfort in my body. I believe I’m progressing and not regressing. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix once certain things get a hold of you. I’m not sad, mad, or glad about my health issues. I am certain that with God’s help, I will press through this minor setback.

I’ve felt this way so many times in the past. Enough to know this pain inside my body will settle down eventually. My diet has definitely not been what it needs to be the past few weeks. So, cleansing and hydrating my body alone can reduce some of my inflammation.

While it’s not been my best day, it’s still far from my worst day. I have solutions, peace, and plenty of faith looking forward. I’m just experiencing another one of life’s many pit stops. These times always increase my gratitude and prayer life. Hoping to go to bed early tonight knowing I will wake up ready to preach two God led Sunday services.

“Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18