Pastor Craig Crosby

Touch Through Me

Posted on May 21, 2023     Leave a Comment

The longer I live the more life humbles me. I feel that is happening in a good way. God’s desire is not that I get bitter. Rather, his goal is to help me better learn to fully lean on Him. I’ve had a very full week of ministry and two more services to preach tomorrow. As I head to bed, my main prayer is that God might touch others in some way through me. It reminded me of the lyrics my dad used to sing years ago.

Touch through me, Holy Spirit, touch through me,
Let my hands reach out to others, touch through me;
There’s a lonely soul somewhere needing just one friend to care,
Touch through me, Holy Spirit, touch through me.

Love through me, Holy Spirit, love through me,
I will be my brother’s keeper, love through me;
Hearts are bleeding deep inside, love can dry the weeping eye,
Love through me, Holy Spirit, love through me.

Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me,
Like a river in the desert, flow through me;
Springing power and healing strength, living water pure and clean,
Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me.

My hands will be your hands reaching out to others,
My lips will not be slothful, Lord, to speak;
I will be that good Samaritan to someone else in need,
I will be your house to dwell in, live through me.

Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me,
Holy Spirit, touch through me,
Holy Spirit, touch through me.

Pray God Works

Posted on May 14, 2023     Leave a Comment

Well, the last two days have been wonderful in regards to my pain relief. My increased medication and the good Lord has made it possible for me to smile again. I’m more grateful than ever for God’s blessings of restoration. I’m also aware more than ever that I’m totally dependent upon God’s grace, strength, and guidance in my life.

It’s very late for me to still be awake. I’ve got to get up very early to preach two Mother’s Day service. However, I’m expecting God to work despite me, through and around me. For that to happen I need your continued prayers.

I spend countless hours in preparation for any message I ever preach. Yet, without the Holy Spirit working together with God’s truth lives won’t be mightily touched. I need God to have His was in every respect. So, please pray for the following things this Sunday.

One, pray that I can stay focused despite my medications. Two, pray that I rely fully on the Holy Spirit to lead me. Three, pray that God delivers through me what He wants said and how He wants it shared. Pray that I might be strong and confident in Christ. Overall, just pray God’s Will is done.

“You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it! (John 14:13-14)

AT PEACE EVEN IN THE FIRE

Posted on May 12, 2023     Leave a Comment

At 8pm tonight I officially increased my nighttime meds to a dosage that should help better regulate my nerve pain. If I continue with this much medication I will battle brain fog and drowsines for a couple months. However, I will gain much more relief and a lot more peace. The peace of knowing this should keep things in check.

I’m about to go to bed early for the 3rd night in a row. Fortunately, every time I lay down I’m fast asleep in no time. I believe part of that is because my body continues to fight all day. Praise God, I made it through another day of battles and I don’t feel defeated.

Today, was still a successful day despite the unexpected moments. I still got out and walked for 30 minutes for the second day in a row. I slept very well for the 2nd night in a row. I was able to counsel several folks, continued preparing Sunday’s message, and started planning for a funeral I have to preach soon.

I really want to mention that my wife really is an angel. She is such a hard worker, huge supporter, and always brings a calm to my life. She is doing this while helping our 6ft 170lb 13 year old son recover from major foot surgery. She ought to have her nursing credentials by now.

Let me end by saying whatever you’re going through right now. God knows, God cares and I care. Sometimes all you can do is walk through the pain. Just make sure you’re walking with Jesus if you expect to get through the fire.

God says, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

Keep Pushing Through

Posted on May 11, 2023     Leave a Comment

My increase in medications helped me at first. Then, I decided 5 days ago that I wanted to cut those additional meds in half due to the brain fog they were giving me. After being wore down day after day with uncontrolled nerve pain. I’ve realize today I have no choice moving forward. So, starting tonight I will optimistically add the other half of that medication the doctor prescribed.

Throughout the past 8 years my condition has led to so many ups and downs. I’ve experienced some very low points and many victory moments. This nerve condition doesn’t just make your entire body ache. It can makes you cry inside without a tear falling. It can make you feel like your quality of life has come to an end.

This morning the devil really jumped on top of my great vulnerability and started pounding me. I felt paralyzed with fear if I’m completely honest. I was listening way too much to my feelings and forgetting all God has done before. God began speaking clearly the following to me.

God said, “You remember that time 5 years ago you told your wife there was nothing more you could do to improve. That you might as well accept that your pain would define the rest of your life. Son, I resurrected your life then and I will do it again. Don’t let your momentary feelings dictate your faith in me.”

Well, the nerves are still raging, but I’ve been here so many times before. Right now, I’m having to borrow from yesterday’s faith so I can overcome today’s struggles. Yes, this is a cross I wish I didn’t have to bear. Yes, it changes life as I used to know drastically. But, GOD IS STILL GOD and I will trust him until my last earthly breath. I can’t wait to see what God is going to continue to do despite my great weakness. As my youngest just said praying with me. “God just heal daddy again and do what only you do best.”

There are many times in life that all you can do is push through. With God’s help you will make it through. Even my doctors have no explanation for how I’m still able to do so much with my degree of permanent nerve damage. That’s when I know it’s simply the power and grace of God at work day in my life.

Please, when you read anything I write don’t feel sorry for me. Just know I understand life crippling pain. I also know God can take me through anything. I believe that for you and your situation too. Keep pushing through by faith, keep praying and keep your little hand in God’s big hand.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Change Is Hard

Posted on May 11, 2023     Leave a Comment

This has been a very, very long day. My body has been very unpredictable all day. Even after resting over nine hours last night. I’ve dealt with on and off drowsiness due to my extra medications. My body still has to get use to these new medications.

On a great note, i was able to spend time just breathing in God’s peace. I was able to get great clarity on what God wants me to preach this Sunday. I was able to get a lot of ministry accomplished today. So many people are drowning in so many different kinds of pain. God keeps using my brokenness to help me connect on a deeper level with others who are bleeding inside.

Unfortunately, my neurological system crashed again this afternoon. Out of nowhere my nerves had my entire body on fire. As I lay here now I’m just waiting on my lower body to settle down. So much current is running through my legs causing discomfort. It’s so challenging to explain something so few understand and even I can’t fully comprehend.

Fortunately, I know I’m doing everything I can to live my best life now. My body is having to get back acclimated to daily exercise, stretching, and new sleep routines. I’m just seeking to make one positive change at a time. I’m having to change a lot of old habits even as I walk through the pain.

One thing I know for sure my friend. None of us can get through life’s greatest challenges alone. We all need Jesus and we need each other. I pray you join me in leaning on Jesus and trusting Jesus with every step forward.

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalm 143:10

Keep Listening & Trusting

Posted on May 10, 2023     Leave a Comment

I woke up this morning around 6:45am after God blessed me with 9 hours of sleep. The first thing I did was thank God from whom all blessings flow. All I did was exactly what He led me to do. I adjusted the timing of my medications, bedtime and literally gave everything to God. Not one time last night did I find myself in distress or extreme pain.

Now, I woke up today with a body still far from perfect. However, I woke up with a much greater sense of God’s peace. God’s word keeps reminding me of His grace, mercy and love. Time has proven time and time again that God’s grace is always sufficient.

God has my heart back realigned with Him. I’m leaning in, listening closely and recognizing that I’ve got to keep walking closely with Him. Often, it takes us fully reaching the end of ourselves before we fully reach out to Him. Today, I choose to rejoice in His goodness, rely on His grace and trust in His plans.

“But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands. Psalm 31:14-15

Adjust and Celebrate

Posted on May 10, 2023     Leave a Comment

I normally take my medications at 9am, 3pm and 9pm each day. Last night, I felt led to change things up so I can adjust my bedtime. So, today I’ve changed those times to 8am, 2pm and 8pm. Hopefully, I can get to sleep much earlier than usual and avoid my typical nightmare level pain.

I woke up today still hurting pretty badly. Finally, I was able to get out and do about 6 hours of ministry counsel and visitation. Typically, I breathe in a lot of crisis situations in a short period of time. I’m just thankful I was able to be used by God today. Soon as I got home I had to jump in an epsom salt bath as my lower back felt on fire.

Tonight, I’m out smarting the devil by making the necessary adjustments. I find that with my condition I have to operate wisely everyday. I have to calculate when possible what I do, what I eat, how much I rest, and even when I take my medications. After 8 years of these struggles, I’ve learned that consistency always matters with a wrecked body like mine.

Tonight, I’m going to bed feeling much more optimistic about my health. My pain is already easing up. I celebrate progress, solutions and opportunities God keeps giving me. I celebrate the emotional healing God gives me as I allow him to use my pain. I celebrate that even if things don’t improve, God will provide more adjustments that can be made.

I encourage you all to remain a student of yourself and personal weaknesses. Be honest with yourself and with others about your struggles. Keep yourself accountable towards making wise decisions. Understand that life is not always fair and we all struggle with something. Life on earth will never be perfect, but God will always be faithful.

“But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Embarrassing, Debilitating and Miserable

Posted on May 9, 2023     Leave a Comment

My pain has kept me in the bed literally all day long. Even when I thought things were turning around, I’ve quickly been proven wrong. I’ve rested all day and I’m already headed back to bed. I’ve learned that sometimes there’s no use in fighting with this level of pain. Pain like this affects you in so many ways whether you want to accept it or not.

One, it’s just miserable to endure. It’s makes nothing feel easy and sucks the joy clean out of you. You can make all the plans you want, but you still feel so bad. It wouldn’t matter what you chose to do. Even if it’s stuff you would normally enjoy you simply can’t enjoy it.

Two, pain is debilitating and can make the smallest tasks seem impossible. Just carrying on a conversation or thinking about a simple task feels overwhelming. My body has been consumed with debilitating nerve pain all day. Now, I’m battling with a pounding headache on top of it all.

Last, but not least pain can feel real embarrassing. None of us like to sound weak or like we can’t handle life’s sufferings. Extreme pain can’t be hidden easily and shouldn’t be hidden period. When you know you need prayer you’ve got to ask for it. Trust me, I wish I could just declare that I’ve got it all together. However, today has proven once again that I can’t even walk without the Lord holding my hand.

Please pray my pain, mind and heart will settle down. I’m trying so hard to find the right balance with my extra medication. I just didn’t expect to wake up this way or for this misery to keep hanging around. I’m putting it all in God’s hands right now. I’m also being obedient as I’m prompted by God to tell you “it’s okay to say you’re not okay.”

In fact, if you’ve got a pain, heartache, struggle or prayer request that’s deeply bothering you. Please mention it in the comments below so others can pray for you. I will lift you up and I will read everyone of them in the morning.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

I Often Feel This Way

Posted on May 8, 2023     Leave a Comment

Today, was another awesome day of seeing God working at Refuge Church. Honestly, every week I strive to give my best efforts towards point others to Jesus. It’s not about how many attend church, but how many are impacted for God’s glory. Fortunately, there were a lot of God moments I got to witness firsthand.

Unfortunately, I find Satan always likes to point out all that didn’t go right. He likes to hold my many imperfections against me. At the end of any Sunday especially I’m just give out and often ready to collapse. I find myself very vulnerable and sensitive to everything the enemy throws my way.

Fortunately, I’ve learned over the years these are normal feelings. I will always fall short of perfection. I will always see things that in hindsight I could’ve done differently. At the end of the day success is not about our perfection. Success is about surrendering all our efforts to the Lord. Apart from God’s grace would could ever accomplish much.

“Commit all your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3

Remaining In Him

Posted on May 7, 2023     Leave a Comment

Every time I lay down at night it takes awhile for my body and nerves to settle. It feels like every nerve in my body is plugged into an electric socket. I can feel constant vibrations running through my legs and feet. It’s often very difficult to distinguish between my actual nerves versus my spinal stimulator.

All I know is I’ve just got to let my nerves settle before I can rest. That’s so much easier said than done. For me that involves processing and praying over everything. This typically leads to much greater peace and much needed rest.

I’m excited tomorrow to share what God has been speaking to my heart. We’re going to look at how to deal with the distress in our lives. God never gives me a message for others that’s he’s not first asking me to put into practice myself. Pray this Sunday I can rest in God’s arms and just let Him speak freely through me. I’m reminded tonight of what’s been my life verse for the past 30 years of ministry.

Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Another Tough Saturday Night

Posted on April 30, 2023     Leave a Comment

Honestly, I can’t recall a Saturday night that’s not been tough in a long time. Here I am laying on ice and just waiting on my pain to decrease. Also, my nerves have been stirred up once again. There’s no denying that the combo of these things always rattle my self-confidence.

Thank God my medications will soon have all that under control so I can get a good nights sleep. Thank God I’ve learned that I will make it through with God’s help. Thank God I’ve learned that my effectiveness as a pastor doesn’t rely on my strength alone. Otherwise, I would’ve stepped down several years back.

All I know is God keeps prompting me to share my story. I know there is someone reading this who is facing their own battle. You wonder how you can make it through your valley. Your strength is gone and your confidence is shaken. Just know that God’s strength is perfect when your strength is gone. You are not alone my friend in your struggles. Somehow and someway God will take you through whatever life throws your way.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

His Grace Is Enough

Posted on April 27, 2023     Leave a Comment

My nerves have continued to vibrate within me all throughout the day. In fact, just about anything can make my anxious nerves flare. So, this afternoon I had to go see my primary doctor. He felt it was finally time to increase all my nerve pain medications. I’ve not increased any of my medications for almost five years. However, I knew what was working is no longer working.

Tonight, I’m going to bed with great hope for much greater relief. I’m confident I’ve got the necessary medications to turn things around. I also plan to get my spinal cord stimulator adjusted as soon as possible. Right now, I just need my nerves to settle down.

I’m so thankful that God always comes through for me. Even when I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown. God just reaches down, picks me up, and carries me forward. I’ve once again got peace and I’m only able to credit God’s grace and faithfulness.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I Feel On Fire

Posted on April 26, 2023     Leave a Comment

Something happened Monday evening that sparked my nerve pain. You would think someone caught every single nerve within my body on fire. I’ve spent the entire day dealing with nerve pain flooding throughout my feet, legs, back, hands and face. Honestly, it’s hard to explain to anyone what it feels like to have something like electricity running throughout your body.

I keep trying to find the root cause of my issues. I turned off my spinal cord stimulator for hours and nothing changed. I’ve taken stronger medications that changed nothing. I made sure I drank lots of water and nothing changed. Sadly, the only thing I’ve not tried enough is prayer.

If you don’t mind please pray this nauseating nerve pain settles down soon. Pray God will show me anything I can do to calm the storm inside my body. I’m not panicking because I’ve been here many times before. However, it’s impossible to ignore something that is constantly vibrating underneath all of your skin.

Man, I wish I could jump on here and tell you I’m doing great. Seems every time I think I have this mastered it humbles me again. The constant vibrations and throbbing pain are wearing me down. Fortunately, there is nothing that prayer can’t change.

“Jesus said, This kind can only come out by prayer.” Mark 9:29

Recent Scan Results

Posted on April 25, 2023     Leave a Comment

Today, I finally had a follow up visit to discuss my recent Myelogram and CT Scan results. I must say that Myelograms are one of the most uncomfortable procedures I’ve ever gotten. However, it was definitely necessary to discover the root of my pain issues. Overall, I’ve been more relieved than grieved over what was revealed.

First, let’s start with the good news. All of my spinal cord stimulator implants and surgical hardware is looking great. Plus, nothing “appears” to warrant anymore surgery at this time. My pain has been much more bearable over the past week. Plus, I’ve been released to start back doing physical therapy exercises in efforts towards regaining my ability to fully bend forward.

Now, it was revealed that I still have bulges in my L3, L4, and L5 discs that have not gotten a whole lot worse. None of that was news to me as those were pre-existing issues. Now, I have two newly discovered issues that have been working against me.

One, I have a L2-3 left paracentral disc protrusion. This damage to the disc causes it to protrude/bulge outwards, coming into contact with nearby spinal nerves as they exit the spinal canal, causing pain and discomfort. They believe this area has been creating the most recently started pain in my left side. They have given me pain patches for that area to use when necessary.

The other new discovery found is called Dura Ectasia in my sacrum. This refers to ballooning or widening of the dural sac and is associated with herniation of nerve root sleeves.

This area nearest my tailbone has inflammation and scar tissue that can prevent anesthesia from being effective. This could be the very reason why I’ve not experienced much relief from steroid injections in that area. Dural ectasia can be a source of back pain, headaches, radicular pain, and leg weakness. All of those except the headaches I deal with daily.

All of the above issues are typically treated conservatively with pain control medications, physical therapy, and necessary lifestyle changes. Doctor told me I can go back to my normal life. I just need to take things slow, listen to my body and be careful. There is really nothing that was discovered that was very surprising to me. I’m just glad to finally have some answers and relief. Thanks for your continued prayers.

No Use To Worry

Posted on April 19, 2023     Leave a Comment

This morning at 8am I will finally have my long-awaited myelogram. This is a diagnostic imaging test that uses a contrast dye and CT scan to look for problems in the spinal canal. This procedure should reveal anything developing in my spinal cord, nerve roots, and other tissues. All I really know is I need to discover what’s really changed in my back. Unfortunately, my stimulator implant doesn’t allow me to have an MRI so this is the route I must go for further discovery.

Out of all the testing I’ve done in the past, this one just means a little more. One, I’m hoping that everything still looks good with my spinal cord stimulator. Two, I’m hoping nothing major has gone on with one of my vertebrae above or below my L5 S1 fusion. Three, I’m just hoping there are no crazy discoveries they find that demand a long road towards further healing.

At the end of the day, I realize my worrying changes nothing. So, I’m just praying God’s will is done in my life. I’m praying God reveals clearly what needs to be revealed. I’m praying God gives me courage and strength to face whatever is discovered.

This is just one more step in my faith journey. I will be at the hospital much of the day. But, I will leave with a copy of my myelogram results from 2018 and 2023. Don’t know if I will be able to understand them or compare them myself. But, next week I follow up with my pain specialist for further explanations.

Pray that my back pain stays under control. I will have to lay flat for several hours. I will be without my heating pads and some medications. I will be glad to get this behind me.

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
Luke 12:25-26

Your Pain Has Purpose

Posted on April 18, 2023     Leave a Comment

Lately, I’ve been doing pretty good overall. Especially considering where I was the past couple weeks. However, I’ve still been continuously dealing with that same painful surgical area that changed my life such a long time ago. I really don’t like to use the word handicap. However, I admit that so much of my life has drastically changed because of my physical challenges.

This back and nerve pain is now a normal part of my life. It literally effects every step I take and limits the decisions I can make. Now, please understand I’m beyond grateful for what I can do. However, there are definitely times I ponder how much things could be different without such pain in my life. I think to myself the following..

If I didn’t have this battle I could be a better husband. If I didn’t have this battle I could be a better father. If I didn’t have this battle I could do so much more for family, friends, and others. You see, this chronic pain often makes me feel so limited , discouraged and sometimes defeated.

Fortunately, I realize this pain is a part of God’s purpose for me. Each of us have things that come into our lives uninvited. We all have things that make us feel weak, limited and discouraged. Somehow, God purposely uses all the heartache or pains in our lives.

God uses these things to mold us and make us into who He wants us to be. God uses these things to teach us how to humbly walk with Him. God uses these things to give us greater grace and compassion towards others. God uses these things to build our faith. God uses these things to help us learn to live with truly grateful hearts. Somehow, God uses all these things for our good and His glory.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Celebrate His Goodness

Posted on April 15, 2023     Leave a Comment

Last night I got really good sleep. Today, my pain has been very minimal as it seems my recent shot is doing wonders. It’s only been one week since my injection and I have seven more days for potential improvement. Overall, I couldn’t be happier with the relief I’ve gotten in all areas of my body.

Today, I was able to complete my message for Sunday services. I can’t wait to talk about “Grace For The Race.” Lord knows I’ve had to rely so much on the grace of God lately. God just keeps proving there is nothing He can’t do or take us through.

I thank God for walking with me through the fire. I’m learning more and more how to fully rely on Jesus. I’m learning how to truly be grateful for God’s grace and goodness each day. Without the tough times, I don’t think we would know how to celebrate fully God’s grace and goodness.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.”

(Psalm 136:1-4)

Little Faith Walker says ”hello.”

God Will Restore You

Posted on April 13, 2023     Leave a Comment

Every night this week I’ve gone to bed in pain and every morning I’ve woken up in pain. For so long it seemed my worst pain was behind me. Now, here I am again having to carefully consider every step. The longer you feel brokenness, the harder it is to swallow.

Chronic pain wears you down and can be real blinding at times. You struggle to see beyond the moment. You struggle to enjoy things that would usually be enjoyable. You struggle to operate with patience when the pain puts you so on edge. Trust me, I can resonate with each of those things so much. I’m not in my absolute worst pain, but it seems I’m back to always being in pain.

Even still, you’ve got to keep walking by faith. I’ve seen God turn my darkness to light so many times. I’ve experienced my worst days right before my best days. I know firsthand God is able. I know firsthand that God has a plan. I know firsthand “this too shall pass.” Somehow God will restore and strength you through his grace.

“In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” 1 Peter 5:10

GOD DID IT AGAIN

Posted on April 9, 2023     Leave a Comment

I really believe God is trying to teach me the power of prayer. I’ve never prayed harder than I did this past week amidst my pain and health uncertainty. I prayed desperately for relief, healing, and for the peace of God’s Will. I know so many of you were doing the same on my behalf.

Now, I realize that my upcoming scans could show I have some further back issues. But, ALL DAY today I’ve felt like God has given me a brand new body. Pain wise I feel completely back to normal. God has comforted my entire body with His healing hand.

It’s only been two days and seven hours since I got my pain shot injection. And, I know there is much more relief to come as it takes full effect over the next two weeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your many continued prayers. God gets all the glory for renewing my strength.

God helped me feel so strong all day. I felt him carrying me as I facilitated a very difficult funeral earlier today. I felt Him blessing me when a very good friend drove me to Charleston and back to Walterboro. My legs were still at full strength and my pain didn’t exist even after Saturday night worship service.

If you don’t have a church to call home and you live nearby. Cone see us Sunday 9:15 or 11am for one of our Easter services @ Refuge Church. We’re located at 203 Eddie Chasteen Dr, Walterboro SC.

I’m celebrating the fact that God has not only resurrected our Savior, but He has once again resurrected me. Yes, I will still take it very easy when it comes to anything physical. But, all day I’ve just felt great and so grateful for all God has done. We all know that Jesus is definitely in the resurrecting business.

“I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.”

(1 Corinthians 15:3-4)

Persevering Forward By Faith

Posted on April 7, 2023     Leave a Comment

Been home since around 5pm today. Everything went great with me getting my steroid injection. Now, I’ve just been icing my back every hour per doctors orders. I will continue this regiment tomorrow. The past has proven the first 24-48 hours of rest and icing can get me on my feet much faster.

While I’ve still got a lot of soreness. My pain overall has been kept under control for two days straight without any narcotics. It’s still very painful to bend forward, but wearing my brace keeps that in check.

Overall, I’m just thrilled with how much I’ve improved. I couldn’t even rest comfortably before, but now sleep has come easy. I’m prayerfully optimistic that this shot can give me significant relief within the next 5-14 days. Unfortunately, I want get to have my Myelogram done until April 19th. Only that done with contrast will reveal what has changed in my back and spine.

In the meantime, my focus is on letting God use me this Easter weekend. If Christ can endure the cross, then I can endure this pain for His glory. I would appreciate your prayers as I seek to make final preparations for a really big funeral service and 3 Easter services this weekend. I truly believe both opportunities are giving me a huge platform to share the gospel.

I’m not hung up on how many people attend these services. I care most about how many souls are saved and lives are changed. For God to show up I’ve got to stay out of His way.

Pray God leads my heart and opens the hearts of those listening. This weekend will not be physically easy for me. But, I pray it will be eternally worth my efforts for God’s glory.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. 3 Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Positive Strides Forward

Posted on April 6, 2023     Leave a Comment

Other than sporadic muscle spasms, today has been the most encouraging all week. I’ve been able to study several hours without blinding pain. I’ve been able to comfort a grieving family. I’ve been able to rest when necessary. I actually feel very optimistic about things right now.

Tomorrow is the big day when I get my steroid injection. With my present degree of inflammation, I just can’t see this not giving me some relief. I’m already getting around better and able to stay relatively comfortable. I just can’t bend or twist without the pain gripping me. I’ve been making sure I don’t walk around without my back brace on snug.

I have so much more peace about everything. I just feel in my heart that God is gonna resurrect things sooner than later. If not I’ve just got to embrace He has a very big purpose for my continued struggle. Things often don’t heal in our time, but in his perfect time.

I’m so appreciative of a wife who does everything humanly possible to love me through the better and worse moments of life. There’s no doubt my health has great impact on her health. I’m also very grateful for every prayer lifted up on my behalf. Please know that I’m praying for each of you and your battles. Keep trusting God forward and I will do the same!

“I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

JUST BE HELD

Posted on April 5, 2023     Leave a Comment

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart, I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won’t let go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held
Just be held, just be held

By: Casting Crowns

I’ve Cried A River

Posted on April 4, 2023     Leave a Comment

I want to write this while it is fresh on my heart. Earlier, I was overjoyed with the news of my upcoming steroid injection. Then, my doctor emailed me the order for my Myelogram. So, I decided I would take that over myself to the hospital since we don’t even live a mile away. My journey there and a few other places ended up being way more overwhelming than I could’ve imagined.

Just trying to get in and out of my car instantly doubled my pain level. Then, while talking with a worker at the hospital I just broke down in tears. It just all hit me at once. Here I was again in my back brace, walking with a cane, and hurting like never before.

This lady knew how far I had come from years before. She immediately started praying for me through the registration window. My heart was just so broken over how bad I felt mixed with how much my health had once again regressed.

I had to go sit down for awhile as my pain was through the roof. While the tears kept falling I had flash backs of my dad. I couldn’t help but recall his painful journey. He knew what it was like to be fighting with everything you’ve got. Then, having to swallow that the battle was way bigger than you.

I’ve always said deep pain affects us physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and for sure spiritually. Somehow, it wasn’t until I limped into that hospital that full reality hit me. I felt like a grieving child that needed his parents to come pick him up from school. I was humbled in the deepest of ways.

This lady was so comforting and gracious to me. She said “you know pastor we all have our seasons. And this is your season where you need prayers and comfort.” Whether I wanted to hear that or not, I knew she was speaking the truth.

Every person I encountered over the next hour plus saw me at my most weakened state. I found myself wanting to apologize every time someone had to see me in such a wrecked, tearful condition. However, there was no way to hide my pain then or now.

After a couple hours of blinding pain and lots of tears. I feel so much better. I finally got some stronger pain medication in my system that is working. I also believe those tears washed away a lot of pain as well.

As a pastor, I just put so much pressure on myself to be there for others. Unfortunately, I have nothing to give except to share my journey. I know God has a plan. I also know that I’m gonna have to endure a lot more pain along the way.

This pain is definitely just as deep as any I’ve ever experienced. Admitting that still breaks my heart to swallow. I think each of us would rather be a blessing instead of feeling like a burden. I am so grateful for everyone who is praying for me daily. I am so grateful for the relief and solutions God is giving me. I will keep doing all I can while trusting God for everything I can’t. God’s peace is definitely increasing within me every hour.

“Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you. (Job 22:21)

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b)

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS !!!

Posted on April 4, 2023     Leave a Comment

After being told I would have to wait at least 3 weeks before I could get my steroid injection. I was called early this morning and told they will do my injection this Thursday 2:25pm. That is just 2 days from now folks!!! Tell me that God does not answer the earnest prayers of His people!!!!!!!

I am so lifted, encouraged and relieved by this news. Looks like I’m going to be resurrected in time for Resurrection weekend. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

“You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power.”
Revelation 4:11

THANK YOU SO MUCH for praying with me and for me! God heard every prayer and answered for my good and His glory!

Disappointed But Hopeful

Posted on April 4, 2023     Leave a Comment

Walking through pain is definitely nothing new to me. However, extreme pain will knock anyone down if it hangs around long enough. Unfortunately, my lower back pain has not only been ongoing for a couple weeks, but it keeps increasing. Every move and every step is overwhelming.

I am exhausted and discouraged. I have been doing so well the last few years. In fact, all of my nerve pain is completely under control and my spinal cord stimulator is working great. Yet, this lower back pain has taken me all the way back to where my pain journey ever started 8 years ago.

I can’t bend forward at all without breathtaking pain. I can’t dress myself or even get out of the bath tub without assistance. When I lay down or sit down, I feel like someone has tied me down. It’s like I have a big brick in my lower back and it keeps pressing on my spine.

I absolutely hate feeling stuck in my body again. I still don’t have my pain shot or Myelogram scheduled. I was told that I will likely have to wait at least 3 weeks to get my much needed pain shot. I spent hours this afternoon trying to call doctors and got absolutely nowhere. All of that is just too much to explain, but was very deflating.

On top of all of this my youngest son will be undergoing major surgery on May 1st at the Shriners Hospital in Greenville. I will explain more about that another time. But, I’ve got to get better by then for his sake and my wife’s sakes. Right now, I’m drowning in pain and situations I simply can’t control. The only part of this battle I can control right now is my mindset.

You know, at some point we all find ourselves at this point. We feel broken, discouraged, overwhelmed, helpless, defeated, and anxious. This is simply how it feels when life knocks you down and keeps you down long enough. You reach the end of yourself and know that only God can change things.

This is where I am right now. I’m desperate for prayer, strength and major breakthrough. I’ve seen God rescue me too many times not to believe. I feel way too desperate not to keep praying and asking others to join me. Somehow, this is another part of my journey for God’s glory. I absolutely hate how it feels right now. But, I only want God’s will to be done. I will carry this cross as long as God wants me to do.

I appreciate from the bottom of my heart each of your prayers. I will update you as God leads and answers prayers. I just know God wants me to share all of this with you now. Then, later we will all be able to see clearly what God alone has done!

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

Take A Deep Breath

Posted on April 3, 2023     Leave a Comment

Overall, today went way better than I could’ve expected. It was a blessing getting to preach God’s word to two full Sunday services. I had to do everything possible to overcome my pain. I kept ice or heat on my back at all times. I had to limit my interaction with others in order to preserve my strength.

When I started preaching the first service I became very concerned. I felt completely out of breath and the pain was breathtaking. I thought I was gonna break down crying any moment. Suddenly, God flooded me with extra strength and peace to make it through. I could tell throughout the services, God was using my brokenness to connect with others who felt broken in some way.

I got along fairly well the rest of the day. Then, evening arrived and my present reality surfaced again. I told my wife that I feel like a prisoner in my own body. This kind of pain really does drastically change your life. You can hardly do anything you may want to do. If you can do something the pain just zaps all your energy. It can definitely steal your joy if you let it.

Tonight, I’m just having to take a deep breath and say thank you God. Thank you God for what I can do. Thank you for working even when my body fails me. Thank you God for doing things I can’t do at this time. Thank you God for having a master plan for everything I’m going through. Thank you God for promising to walk with me through the valleys. I couldn’t make it through without you. I’m sure there are brighter days to come and greater purpose to be revealed.

Please pray that my much needed pain shot and Myelogram are scheduled asap. I’m hoping I hear something tomorrow. Pray God gives me the strength and clarity I need to prepare for three Easter services and a big funeral this weekend. Moving forward I will definitely be getting in the bed much earlier. I’m convinced that solid rest is just as important as any medication.

Thanks so much to those of you who have been praying for me. I can certainly feel your prayers.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Lord I Fully Trust You

Posted on April 2, 2023     Leave a Comment

This afternoon my pain flared back up again. I ended up having to take some extra pain killers to get things under control. Seems, every time I feel I’ve progressed things appear regressed. When you’re dealing with certain levels of pain everything looks blurry. You can quickly feel intoxicated by what you’re feeling or thinking.

Deep down, I know this is just God reminding me I’m not in control. God is taking me back to the grass roots of my faith. Where I once again have to fully rely on Him. This time I’m not resisting His call to draw close in any way, form or fashion.

So, I’m just praying tonight that God would use me despite my limitations. In fact, I’m walking forward with greater expectations than before. Why? Because I know that I am leaning on the Lord and letting Him completely take the wheel of my life.

Anytime, we know we’re putting everything in God’s hands. We can look forward with hope. Anytime, we’re genuinely praying “God decrease me and increase you.” We can look forward with greater expectations. Tonight, I may go to bed with a bit of a fog and not a very clear view of the future. But, I’m going to bed with great peace as I put everything in the hands of my Great Big God!

“O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! ….Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” (Psalm 25:1-5)

This Pain Is Different

Posted on April 1, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve been hesitating to update my status because I’m just not sure what is going on. This pain is just very different from my normal struggles. It feels as if I’m dealing with a further bulged disc or maybe another annular tear. Either way, bending in any direction has been quite a chore. My wife has helped me get dressed all week.

Unfortunately, I’m still waiting on the scheduling of both a Myelogram and steroid injection. I care most about the Myelogram with contrast because I really want to know what is going on with me. The doctor’s greatest concern is the disc above my L5 S1 fusion. Seven years ago my surgeon told me there was great probability that later on the disc around my fusion could need surgery. I’m certainly praying hard that is not the case.

The good news is I do feel I’m progressing and not regressing. I’ve not had to take extra pain medication the past 36 hours. I have taken a few extra muscle relaxers but no narcotics. I’ve been able to sleep well the past two nights. I am having to continue icing and heating my body morning, day and night.

The fact that the rest of my body feels normal, puts all the attention on the area of concern. This pain is very restrictive and alarming. My only memory of this ongoing feeling is how I felt the year before my first back surgery and how I felt the first year recovering from that surgery.

All I know is rest has been mandatory. I’ve spent the last 7 out of 8 days pretty much in the bed or bath. Fortunately, any demands I had scheduled this past week were able to be postponed to later days. Overall, I’m happy with the relief that I have experienced. I just know that I’m still walking on egg shells and consistently in more pain than normal for me.

This Sunday I may have to continue wearing my back brace and look a little stiff. But, God has given me the ability, focus and strength necessary to share with others. Ironically, I will be preaching a message entitled “Let Jesus Stabilize You.” That’s exactly what I’ve been doing every step of the way. I appreciate your continued prayers and look forward to seeing how God continues to work.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Giving It All To God

Posted on March 30, 2023     Leave a Comment

This will be my last post for at least a few days. Unfortunately, tonight things quickly unraveled from seemingly better to worse. All I tried to do was reach down for my bath towel and the pain came rushing back. Now, I have radiating pain in my lower back and both hips. Reaching down for anything is not only breathtaking, but no longer an option.

Sadly, my wife is back to doing everything physically for me. The pain and spazzing muscles have felt paralyzing. Most of all, this level of pain takes me mentally to a place I never hoped to return. Only past experiences and victories have kept me from having panic attacks this time around. I’ve honestly felt very calm even while being very concerned.

That said, I know I can’t control much. This life altering pain will either be short lived or something that will last quite awhile. Either way me and Jesus will walk through it together. So, I’m not gonna feed my pain with lots of careless thoughts. Instead, I’m gonna pray without ceasing and truly give it all to God.

After several hours of wrestling with misery tonight my extra meds have finally calmed the present storm. Hopefully, I can get a good nights sleep and tomorrow will be some better. No matter what tomorrow brings I will choose to trust the Lord with all my heart.

Whatever you may be going through, please know I’m praying for you. There is absolutely nothing God can’t carry you or me through. He has proven this time and time again. We’ve got to keep listening for his voice and trusting fully his master plan.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I Feel Much Better

Posted on March 29, 2023     Leave a Comment

After a great nights sleep it was great to get out the house. There’s no doubt that I’ve experienced some improvement since yesterday. It’s still tough to lean forward without my back brace. But, my overall body feels much better and that is a huge answer to many prayers.

They did a thorough evaluation of me during my one hour long doctor visit. Based on general X-rays of my upper body my stimulator and lead wires appear just fine. However, they want to take a deeper look at the disc above my fusion which is where my pain is most felt. There’s always the chance that the disc above my titanium disc has bulged more.

The doctor has ordered me to have a Myelogram with contrast to be done as soon as possible. This will show a clearer picture of anything that may have shifted or gotten worse. They will also schedule me to have a facet injection in my surgical area. Unfortunately, it appears this will take a couple weeks to happen.

All that said, I really do feel progress has been made. I feel so much better about my overall situation. Hopefully, there is nothing that won’t heal with time. In the meantime, I look forward to getting this shot and pray that it happens sooner than later.

Thanks for all your prayers that have lifted my head, heart, and body. Several things have shifted and worked out for my good. I feel like so much weight has come off my shoulders. I’m confident God is working everything out for my good. Sometimes all you can do is walk through the pain. I’m walking carefully, but I’m back up walking forward by faith.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Praying Forward

Posted on March 29, 2023     Leave a Comment

So, the good news is I’ve not gotten any worse. The tough news is I’ve not gotten any better. That area in my lower back just won’t ease up. I’ve been in the bed or tub the last 30 hours. Fortunately, I’m able to lie down comfortably. But, anytime I go to get up the pain is fierce.

I’m still very hopeful that another day of rest can change things. However, I’m pretty sure something is just not right. The area in my lower back hurts just as bad as it did before I had my first major back surgery back in 2016. However, besides that pain the rest of my pain is completely under control. I’m gonna try to turn my spinal cord stimulator up and see if that helps in time.

Tomorrow, Aimee will take me to my pain specialist. Here is what I need you to join me in praying. One, pray that I wake up tomorrow at least a little better than today. Two, pray that the doctor’s request for my pain shot will get approved and scheduled asap.

As a pastor this just comes at the worst time. I’ve got a really big funeral to preach this Saturday. I’ve got to preach twice on Sunday. Then, I’ve got to be prepared and prayed up to preach three services on Easter Weekend.

I will admit that I was pretty surprised when I tried to get up for the first time earlier. The pain feels like I was hit from behind in a car wreck. I’ve just got to believe that God will once again remove this struggle when the time is right.

“But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.” Psalm 18:6

Being Still In Brokenness

Posted on March 28, 2023     Leave a Comment

Most people who look at me can’t see my brokenness. They typically see a man who looks to be in pretty good shape for 48. I do everything I can to take care of myself and live a recovery lifestyle. Even still my entire body feels nerve wrecked daily.

It’s been 8 years since my way of life was drastically changed. I still recall the words of a well known doctor. He said, “son no matter what anyone ever tells you there is no fixing your permanent nerve damage. In fact, implanting this spinal cord stimulator is just another tool used to bring some hopeful comfort.” Honestly, it took me at least 4-5 years to embrace my brokenness.

Now, here I am 8 years later still physically broken. However, thanks to God’s peace I’m no longer depressed over this reality. No, I don’t ever like having to lay on my side for endless hours waiting on my body to feel better. Yet, these broken moments have become a common place for me. Here is my new found perspective when dealing with my brokenness.

One, God has great purpose for it all. He has proven this to me time and time again.

Two, God is always with me through it all. He has proven this to me time and time again.

Three, God is not punishing me, but is growing my faith through the pain. He has proven this to me time and time again.

Four, I realize everyone experiences some kind of brokenness. God wants to use my pain to give me compassion towards others in pain. He has proven this to me time and time again.

Finally, God is driving me to Him and not away. It’s in the greatest pain that God is trying to get our greatest attention. He has proven this to me time and time again.

God has never let me down one day throughout this journey. My health has failed me countless times. Even still God keeps picking me up and carrying me forward. I can’t wait to see what He will do next during this “be still” season.

You see, great brokenness is not something you just get over. Instead, you have to trust God to take you through it. Keep doing what you can to improve things. Keep praying for God’s strength and breakthrough power. Keep following God and trusting that He still has a plan. Choose to be still and let God be God even in your brokenness.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Humbled But At Peace

Posted on March 28, 2023     Leave a Comment

I was so thrilled with the pain relief I experienced yesterday. Everything seemed to be trending forward. While I wasn’t pain free, I felt like I had once again bounced back to normal. I even had a great nights sleep. Then, I got up very optimistic only to feel my body crumbling inside.

Once again it feels impossible to bend or twist my lower back any direction. Anytime I try to get up or walk around the pain feels breathtaking. I’ve had to wear my back brace anytime I’m up for any reason. I’ve had no choice but to stay down, keep resting and keep praying.

The degree of pain in my lower back is something I’ve not experienced since 2018 or 2019. Last Monday it knocked me down for 2 days. This past Friday it knocked me down for two days. Today, it confirmed that something has to change because that particular pain doesn’t seem to be going away.

Today I was able to make an appointment with my pain specialist for this Wednesday. I’ve got to be seen before they can request and schedule me another pain injection. All I can assume is it’s just been way too long since my last pain shot.

In the meantime, I’ve got to doctor myself and rely on my divine physician. I’m having to say no to anything that is not absolutely necessary. I’m having to listen to my body with every step. Because I’ve been here many times before I’m not very anxious. However, I do have many big God assignments coming up that will require my health to improve very soon.

Please pray my pain and physical limitations will not get any worse. Any worse and I won’t be able to do much of anything. Right now, I can at least lay down or in a hot tub comfortably. It’s already hard to get up and even sit up straight. It’s like a huge brick of pain is stuck behind the titanium and screws in my lower back.

This is not my normal nerve pain. This is the kind of pain that feels like something is broke inside. However, I fully believe it’s just an indication of inflammation that is trapped and no longer under control. Pray that I don’t have to wait long to get this pain shot. I’m certain God will renew my strength in due time. This is all allowed for God’s purpose and plan. I’m simply surrendering myself to Him and trusting Him forward. Pray for my wife too because this always puts even more on her shoulders as she helps me so much.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Remember His Faithfulness

Posted on March 26, 2023     Leave a Comment

I’ve been dealing with a major lower back spasm the past 24 hours. I dealt with this the first part of the week, but I thought it went away. Then, yesterday evening it came back upon me with a vengeance. The muscles underneath my surgical area just won’t calm down. I’ve taken 4 muscle relaxers today alone trying to put this fire out.

It could be that I’m way overdue for another pain shot. This particular area has really not bothered me in quite some time. Now, it’s got me in such vice grips that I can’t really find any comfortable position. I’ve not been able to sleep, lay down or sit down. I’ve been on heat or ice around the clock. I’ve probably spent 8 hours in the tub since last night.

Right now, I’ve got a little bit of the edge off. My youngest son has lifted me up in prayer once again. I’m just believing God will give me some much needed healing rest. I’ve been here many times in the past, but this time I can’t ignore the constant pain.

Fortunately, I can’t think of one Sunday in the past God didn’t have me ready to preach. Sometimes you have to remember God’s past faithfulness in order to trust God’s faithfulness today.

I want you to know that God will carry you through your pain. Just keep putting your little hand in God’s big hand. Just keep doing all you can while resting everything fully in God’s hands. I can’t wait to see what God is gonna do next for each of us.

“Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.” (Proverbs 3:6)(GNT)

Through Every Storm

Posted on March 22, 2023     Leave a Comment

Life continues to throw curve balls my way. Since 2015 I’ve not had a day without some level of physical challenge. Chronic pain has changed my life, but it’s also changed my perspective.

You see, there are some things you can only learn through trials and tribulations. The valleys are where our faith is forced into flight. Over time God somehow grows us and shows us even more through the pain. Especially when the training wheels of our faith are taken away.

There are still many nights that I could go on and on about my suffering. In fact, I still spend most evenings doing whatever necessary to ease my aching body. However, deep down I’m stronger within than I’ve ever been. This only became possible when I learned how to fully lean on the Lord for my strength.

After seeing God make the impossible, possible. After learning that God really can take me through anything life brings throws my way. After experiencing God’s greatest peace in my lowest valleys. I finally know without a doubt that God will take me through every storm.

Tonight, I recall the lyrics of a song I used to love singing early into my call to ministry. The song is called “Through Every Storm.” I pray you will take these words to heart.

“Impossible to go through life without some hurt, some pain
And you can’t live in sunshine always, sometimes it rains
But God knew every step you’d take
Each valley you’d go through
And He chose long ago to walk with you

Through every storm
God will somehow take you safely without harm
Though at times you may feel frightened and alarmed
Through every storm
Those nights that you’ll spend waiting for the sun
And when you feel your strength is gone, He’ll come
And carry you through every storm

I know you know yourself so well,
With all your weaknesses inside
And you can’t see how you could ever face a lonely night
But don’t you understand your strength is never quite enough
My God’s gonna have to help you do it
I know he’ll see you

Through every storm
God will prove Himself time and time again
And when your efforts aren’t enough He’ll take over then

Through every storm
Those nights that you’ll spend waiting for the sun
And when you feel your strength is gone, He’ll come
And carry you through every storm.
And when you feel your strength is gone, He’ll come
And carry you through every storm.”

My Next 30 Years?

Posted on March 5, 2023     Leave a Comment

It’s getting much harder to acknowledge my birthday these days. Just knowing that time is ticking by so fast has the wheels churning in my mind. I’ve been pondering all week how I hope to spend my next thirty years. That’s if God grants me that many more years. Hard to believe my dad passed away just 24 years older than I am now.

That said, I can’t slow time down. However, I can seek to live what time I have left to the fullest for God’s glory. I can seek to make the healthiest decisions moving forward. I can apply lessons learned in the past as I walk towards the future by faith.

There’s no denying that I have many physical challenges because of my broken body. But, that same brokenness has increased my inner strength, peace, resolve and faith. Fortunately, my faith has so much further it can grow. So, I’m trying to take my wife’s advice and just “age gracefully.”

Today I’m thanking God for 48 years of life. I’ve buried many souls that were much younger. Today, I’m thanking God for what health He has restored and given me. Today, I’m thanking God for the plans He has for my life. I don’t have to make up or understand the plan. God simply calls me to follow Him and trust Him step by step. I’ll be faith walking until the day God calls me home.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

God Is So Good

Posted on January 14, 2023     Leave a Comment

While I still deal with weakness in my legs, lower back discomfort and have new limitations. The insane nerve pain I had for so long has been staying consistently under control for quite some time. I’m so grateful to have the necessary relief and strength necessary to feel normal again.

God has really been good to me and worked a lot of miracles on my behalf. I’m very happy for my new normal despite the challenges I’ve endured. I will not forget what God has done for me. I will not quit telling my story for God’s glory.

I remember meditating on the following verses for over five years before I ever saw major progress. My friends don’t give up on what God can do for you no matter where life finds you. God is taking you on a faith walk and you can trust Him every step of the way.

“When Job prayed…the Lord restored his fortunes. In fact, the Lord gave him twice as much as before! Then all his brothers, sisters, and former friends came and feasted with him in his home. And they consoled him and comforted him because of all the trials the Lord had brought against him…So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning.” (Job 42:10-12)(NLT)

Honesty Is Hard Sometimes

Posted on December 17, 2022     Leave a Comment

I’ve gotten to a point in my journey where sometimes I just don’t want to talk about my health struggles anymore. It is such a roller coaster full of ups and downs. However, it seems the down times hurt a lot deeper when they wreck my nervous system. Here I am again only sharing this update out of obedience to God.

I’m lying on my side with my entire body vibrating. I had to turn off my spinal cord stimulator again. I’m literally out of breath and feeling so deflated inside. While I’ve experienced this level of misery so many times, it honestly never gets easier.

Fortunately, I now have a lot of experience and faith underneath me. I know this storm cloud will pass. I will wake up tomorrow ready to preach. But, the pain is so discouraging and uncomfortable right now. I want so much to wake up and be cured of this condition. Yet, I know that’s not gonna happen until I get to Heaven.

There’s someone reading this right now that can identify with every word I’m sharing. You just don’t feel like you can get through your present condition that affects you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually. Trust me, God will take you through every trial this life brings. I can’t tell you how many times God has picked me up when all I had was feelings of hopelessness.

Put your little hand in God’s big hand and keep it there. Know that your pain has purpose behind what any of us can comprehend. Don’t be afraid to be honest with those around you. God will strengthen you, renew you and keep taking care of you. Faith walking is not about you feeling in control. It’s about realizing that God is in control no matter how things feel or appear to you.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Another Rough Day

Posted on December 9, 2022     Leave a Comment

Typically, every night around this time is tough with my never pain. However, today has been rough since the moment I woke up. It seems I still live in denial when it comes to my nerve condition. I want to think I can do things like most my age. Unfortunately, my body gives me a very rude awakening at least once a week.

When nerve pain is literally burning in your face it’s hard to smile in these moments. Your emotions take you all over the place. Nothing feels good or easy. All you know is you’re in desperate need of God’s grace and comfort. Even with the greatest faith you still can’t ignore such feelings of torment.

Many see me these days and think I must have been completely healed. Yes, God has brought me a long way and given me some relief. But, I face this giant attacking my entire body everyday I wake up. I depend completely on God’s strength from sun up to sun down. The bad news is I won’t be completely healed until I get to Heaven. The good news is God always makes a way through the seeming impossible.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Posted on November 5, 2022     Leave a Comment

The past two days especially have not been great for my nerve pain. This morning our dog simply barked and it felt like lightning rushed throughout my entire body. After that it felt like someone had burned up every single nerve within me from my feet into my face. I spent most of the day in bed before going out to eat for my wife’s birthday. Heating pads have been my best friends. Nightly hot baths have become consistent necessities again.

Something has definitely gotten into my system that has caused things to flare. So, I’m trying to get that message from my head into my heart for acceptance. It seems when things are good it’s so relieving. But, when things flare back up it feels I’m once again a prisoner to my own body. All I know is I’m willing to do just about anything to stay on top of the pain.

Like many who battle severe chronic pain, you can’t always see it on our face. We’re used to trying to keep it in our pocket. We’re used to having to walk through it regardless of how we feel about it. You simply never get comfortable with it. You somehow learn to tolerate it the best way possible.

Anytime this pain totally wears out it’s welcome. I feel forced to come out of my hiding and confess it. I believe wholeheartedly God wants to use my pain to encourage someone else through their pain. I’ve seen firsthand how much God can do regardless of the struggle. Somehow, someway God always strengthens me and gives me just the relief I need to carry on. Often, that healing begins by taking off your super hero mask and earnestly seeking God’s divine intervention. I know God will help you too my friend.

“ Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

It’s Been Awhile Praise God

Posted on October 25, 2022     Leave a Comment

Sadly, this change in cooler weather brings a very unwelcome change in my body. Nights especially are full of aches and pains. The metal inside my back is screaming loudly. Every nerve I have seems to be going haywire. The only break from the misery is lots of heat and sleep.

It’s so easy to get down when you feel miserable. In these moments, nothing feels easy. In these moments, everything seems terrible. In these moments, it can be very hard to maintain a positive mindset. However, praise is not all about how you feel. Praise is about recognizing the greatness and goodness of God.

God I thank you for all the times my pain has been very minimal. God I thank you for all that I’m able to do these days compared to days in the past. God I thank you for your undeserved grace and strength that sustain me daily. God I thank you for using my pain to get me closer to you. God I thank you for never leaving my side and proving your faithfulness time and time again.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Giving God All The Praise

Posted on September 3, 2022     Leave a Comment

I typically get on here when my pain is unbearable. This post is polar opposite of the norm. I really do believe this is the most consistent my health has been in a very long time. I’ve been able to handle way more mentally, emotionally and physically lately. I am so thankful for God’s strength and peace each day.

While, I may not be completely healed my endurance and strength has grown so much. My spinal cord stimulator seems to be keeping my nerve pain in check. My hand appears to have no more lingering nerve pain after a procedure done four weeks ago.

Tonight, is the first time I’ve even had to soak in epsom salt in several weeks. I just feel normal again in my mind and outlook on life. I’m back to being able to help others again and that fills my heart with joy. I know I’ve got to continue to live a recovery lifestyle. But where I am now is better than I’ve felt in least 7 years of so many continuous health issues.

I give God all the honor, glory, and praise for the miracles happening in my life.

The following is a scripture I used to meditate on daily especially in my lowest days.

“So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning.”
Job 42:12

Thankful For God’s Peace

Posted on August 27, 2022     Leave a Comment

Had a minor procedure done 8/15/22 on my right hand that required 4 very painful shots. Beforehand, I had no major pain in my hand. Sadly, afterwards my hand was full of shooting nerve pain. So, on 8/19/22 they put me on steroids to help with the inflammation. For 6 days I took prednisone and extra pain meds that eventually helped or covered up that pain.

Yesterday (8/26/22) I finally thought things were drastically better and the nerves must have settled. However, after 48 hours without the steroids in my system the previous sensations of shooting nerve pain have returned. Fortunately, wearing this compression sleeve does seem to help. Plus, my overall physical pain has been drastically reduced. However, the last thing I needed was more nerve damage.

This morning around 5am the nerves in my hand woke me up again like clock work. Fortunately, God has flooded me with a lot more peace. At first, I was not processing waiting on something else further to heal very well. I’ve definitely done a lot of kicking and screaming inside the past two weeks. Now, I’m just trusting God once again for my continued healing.

On a very positive note the rest of my body’s nerve damage has been consistently staying in check. My spinal cord stimulator seems in perfect rhythm. So, when I consider all God has done in the past. I can’t help but trust Him with the present and future. I’m gonna keep my little hand in His big hand.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

I Didn’t Need More Pain

Posted on August 24, 2022     Leave a Comment

Been up all night with my right hand throbbing on fire with nerve pain. Sadly, a simple hand injection that was supposed to help a problem has only created problems. There’s no doubt that a communicated easy solution has become a nightly nightmare the past 8 nights.

Nothing harder to swallow than a doctor telling you something will be quick and easy. Then, you end up dealing afterwards with another constant avoidable pain. Unfortunately, this is not my first rodeo with such unexpected experiences.

It’s amazing how sensitive your hands are when it comes to any shots or torn nerves within. Sadly, most pain medications needed to make this level pain decrease only further complicate my issues. Most narcotics make my heart race and only further delay my ability to rest. Icing my hand has worked at times, but it’s not erasing the pain.

So, pray things settle down soon because I have no present solution beyond prayer. I do know this is just another test of faith meant for me to endure. Pray God gives me solutions but also patience for this extra thorn in my flesh. I’ve seen God help me overcome far greater in the past. I’ve just got to keep trusting him with the present and future.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

Day 1: God’s Blessing

Posted on July 4, 2022     Leave a Comment

Here I am only halfway into day one of obedience. God has already flooded me with rest, peace, and healing. I had a wonderful night of sleep. I woke up with my spinal cord stimulator working like a charm. It seems my nerves are settled and my pain is minimal.

Today God led me to read all of Psalm 119. Every word of that psalm centers around the pricelessness of God’s word. How God uses it to guide us, renew us and bless us. It’s so important we meditate on God’s truth daily. If we do so with a whole heart God will fill us with his joy.

It’s so easy in this day and time to get distracted by other things. We pick up our phones day and night with so many options. We most make sure that we don’t read Facebook more than we do God’s book. I’m doing my best to practice this discipline in my life. This isn’t just to reach some goal. But, I know the greatest life is a God led life. And, the primary way God guides us is through His word.

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord. Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts.”

Psalms 119:1-2 NLT

Another 40 Days Away

Posted on July 4, 2022     Leave a Comment

We all go through seasons and each have a purpose in light of eternity. It’s so important we listen to God’s voice. However, we can’t hear His voice clearly without intentionally seeking His heart. We do this best by removing the distractions and excuses. We do this by repenting and wholeheartedly seeking to draw closer to God above all else.

I’ve had many seasons where God has called me to draw a little closer. I believe I’m in another one of those times in my life. For God to have more space in our lives we’ve got to give him more space. We’ve got to be willing to make whatever adjustments necessary to keep walking closely with Jesus.

God is leading me to take another 40 days away from social media. Therefore, I will be deleting my Facebook app. I will only jump on whenever God is leading me to share something. I will use this time of fasting from social media to seek even more the heart of God. To let God renew me and ready me for His service. I will be praying for each of you even in my absence.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)

From Struggle To Strength

Posted on July 4, 2022     Leave a Comment

I’m finally home after a very tough physical day. However, I’m so much better now compared to how my day started. After several days of over stimulation I decided to turn my spinal cord stimulator completely off. This time instead of it just being off 5 hours. I decided to try at least 12 hours. Well, I turned the unit off Saturday night at 9pm. Then, around 1:30 am on Sunday morning I was drastically awoken from pain consuming me at the highest level.

If I ever wondered if my stimulator helped much. I don’t have to wonder anymore. After just 4 1/2 hours off every ounce of pain I ever had returned. I was half asleep and crazy after being so shocked by the pain. I can’t think of one part of my body that wasn’t aching intensely as I just sought to catch my breath. Once I realized what was happening I quickly turned my stimulator back on.

I can promise you this my friends. I will never turn my spinal cord stimulator fully off again. I may turn it down but never off completely. Every nerve in my body still feels like they were fried. My legs have barely been at 30-35% level strength all day. I feel like I’m just having to drag my feet when I walk.

Fortunately, my stimulator appears to be putting things back in order hour by hour. I’ve got things set a few notches lower than before. My overall nerves have settled quite a bit. Now, my body is simply recovering from a nightmare experience. I fully believe God allowed this week’s struggles so that I could be sure of my source of strength. Otherwise, I couldn’t have preached boldly this morning’s message called “Where Strength Is Found.”

(2 Corinthians 12:8-10) Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Not Who I Once Was

Posted on June 30, 2022     Leave a Comment

Tonight is another one of those nights. In fact, this makes four nights in a row my nerve pain has wrestled me to the ground. I’m writing this post while icing my back and laying on my side. Whether I like it or not the cold hard facts are impossible to ignore. I’m not physically the same person I used to be for so long.

I’ve come so far when it comes to coping with my nerve wrecked body. However, I’ve hit another one of those rough patches. Since Sunday night nothing has felt easy and my nerves have felt fried. That’s hard to swallow when you’re a pastor who genuinely loves people. Yet, my body will only allow me to do so much.

I can no longer deal with crisis situations from sun up to sun down. I can no longer drive whenever and wherever I feel like it. Sure, I can try to be who I used to be to so many. But, I will only end up feeling like I do right now.

Sometimes you just have to speak cold truth to yourself. I’ve been doing better than ever on my diet. I had been doing excellent with keeping my nerve pain under control. But, I gradually drifted towards being the old me. Now, I know there’s a reason why I’ve watched carefully my ministry load for the past seven years.

While I absolutely hate this nauseating pain flooding my body. This is God’s way of reminding me of my new limits. In fact, if you are dealing with life altering chronic pain. You will have to drastically adjust your way of life and make daily tough decisions. It’s okay to have clear boundaries and a constant self awareness. You just need to keep taking the next right step when it comes to your new normal.

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalm 143:10

Had Another Meltdown

Posted on May 28, 2022     Leave a Comment

Late last night I experienced something that used to be a daily occurrence. Honestly, I didn’t see it coming it had been so long. I knew the pain in my lower back surgical spot was increasing in pain. What I didn’t know was I would end up in a nonstop puddle of tears.

The best way I can describe it is like a neurological seizure that rushed throughout my body. I’m not talking about parts of my body, but shooting nerve sensations from my feet into my face. Every single nerve within me experienced shock waves. Next thing I knew I was snot crying out the toxins that filled my veins. Honestly, for a short while it really took me back to times I would rather forget.

Today, I feel like I’m just reflecting on a really bad hurricane that swept through my body last night. Sure, I’ve still got some discomfort in my lower back. But, the insanity has been calmed once again. I told my wife it blows my mind that nearly everyday used to feel that way. I really never knew what the next minute would hold. I used to fall apart seemingly everyday.

Praise God I generally live with much greater peace, confidence and consistency these days. I’ve learned how to embrace my new normal. I’ve learned that God will always be faithful. I’ve learned that God can and will see me through whatever life brings my way. I still pray for each of you that are walking through pain. Trust me, if God can help me He can help you. I live each day as a miracle knowing God is so good. My greatest pain nowadays just reminds me that I no longer live in my yesterdays.

(Lamentations 3:22-23)
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”

Still Blows My Mind

Posted on March 31, 2022     1 Comment

I was looking through my God led blog stats. Once again I was very humbled. Over the last 10 years I’ve written over 1500 posts. They have been viewed over 100,000 times from people in 130 different countries. How in the world does that happen when all I’m doing is sharing my faith walk. I know there are many that read my blog that I will never meet in person. I want you to know I truly care about you. In fact, God cares about you and has special plans for you. I’m praying something I share will encourage on your journey. Here below are pics of the 24 countries that have read my blog this past month besides the United States.

Day Two: Forward Optimism

Posted on March 31, 2022     Leave a Comment

This is just day two of my 40 Day Faith Walk reboot. If you’ve followed my pain journey the past several years you know this is either my 4th or 5th time on this type of God led journey. In these 40 days I hope to grows me stronger physically, mentally, emotionally and for sure spiritually. I believe I’m headed in the right direction under His care.

Today, I was out of the house for around 4 hours. At least, I was able to get something accomplished. I did have to keep my battery operated heating pad on high the entire day. Seems as soon as I take it off the pain in my lower back takes me back down. I get extremely weak and nauseous quickly.

So, around 4:30pm today I had to take a muscle relaxer and go back to sleep. After a couple hours of sleep I felt much better. I’ve just been sluggish because of the medication. At least this time I was able to stay ahead of the pain. My body overall just feels like it’s throbbing and worn down.

My stimulator technician has allowed me to turn my stimulator back up just one notch. Which means I’m now running it on a level 5. I used to run it on a strength level of 8. I know my unit has not been giving me the same level of pain relief as before. That surgical area just seems to stay very sensitive and sore.However, I feel today was a huge step forward towards optimism.

One, the pain overall has been kept bearable. Two, I was able to be out twice as much as yesterday. Three, I do believe turning my stimulator up will help in time. Unfortunately, that could still take another week for very noticeable changes. As I look back to when I used to write all the time about my pain. I realize several things worth highlighting.

One, things have only been rolling down this hill the past 6 weeks. I was doing so good for what seemed like so long. So, I know things WILL get better in time. Adjustments are just having to be made while God has me in His workshop.

Two, I never started any of my other 40 Day Faith Walks feeling this good. Where I am now is where I usually ended back in those days. Meaning I’m starting this journey knowing my glass is half full not half empty. I never had this level of mental, physical, or spiritual confidence when facing similar valleys in the past. Meaning, the past battles really have left me stronger and more battle prepared. I thank God that I’m still way better today than how things were for so many years.

Three, I can just feel the hand of God upon me. This is another purposeful time where God is teaching me and hopefully using me. I do feel strength even in my weakness. I do have confidence as I look into the future. I do know deep in my heart that God will take me through this struggle. He always has and He always will supply all my needs.

I’m going to bed with my physical pain at a 5 out of 10. However, I’m also going to bed with my spiritual peace being a 9 out 10. Of course, anything that is heavy feels heavy. But, when you can feel God’s presence and see God at work. Your spirit can be lifted even when your physical strength is low. I’m seeking to trust God with every step just like a child. And, I’m so thankful for all of my prayer warriors. I’m praying for you too!

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

I Need Your Prayers

Posted on March 30, 2022     1 Comment

I really didn’t see this coming. This pain has once again wore me down and left me shaking my head. Honestly, I can write about it easier than I can talk about it. It’s not that I get so emotional, but just breathing wears me out right now. This pain is so suffocating and impossible to ignore.

Right now, there isn’t much positive thinking. When the pain reaches this level it tends to blow up your internal breaker box. Misery is the nicest word that comes to mind. And, in the midst of this misery I’m fighting to keep the faith.

So, I’m gonna keep this real short. I’m headed to bed just in hopes of some relief. Sadly, the only time I’m not hurting is when I’m asleep. I’ve officially taken the next 40 days away from social media. So, the only ones who can read this are those who connect to my blog. Please join me in praying for breakthrough. I can’t change this on my own. I desperately need God to intervene.

“Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

I Understand Your Pain

Posted on March 29, 2022     Leave a Comment

I’m not writing this for just anyone. I’m writing this for those who can relate to nonstop pain. I know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable every moment you’re awake. To feel like each breath takes effort for many reasons. I know how pain melts you and unfortunately changes you. While you try to take the next right step, even the first step can be difficult.

Traditionally, I try to take Monday’s off to recover from Sundays. However, even after 10 hours of solid sleep I was still hurting when I woke up today. All I’ve done today was rest, lay down, or sit up. My body hasn’t felt like it could handle anymore. Here I am still dealing with continuous pain and back in the bath for the evening.

Looking back, I’m sure I shouldn’t have stood to preach both Sunday services. That’s something I’ve only done a few times over the last 5 plus years. Either way this pain is all too familiar. It’s been a day full of discomfort, discouragement, and distraction. You go through so many emotions, but somehow God gives you enough strength to keep hoping forward.

Fortunately, I know this all can change. It’s not always this way, but when it is you find yourself in such turmoil. You feel burdened and sometimes like a burden to those around you. If this describes your feelings know that you’re not alone. God is with you and others do understand your challenge. Fortunately, tomorrow is a new day and God can always change things.

“Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

“I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands.” Psalm 31:14-15

When You Lose Control

Posted on March 28, 2022     Leave a Comment

I don’t think losing a sense of control ever does your nerves a lot of good. You would think by now I would be a veteran of dealing with chronic pain. However, this past week really shook me up. Even though I’ve had many rough seasons in the past. My most recent flare up left me afraid and wondering what the future might hold. In fact, humanly I still wonder about things.

There’s just something about feeling so limited that brings you to your knees. It’s so much easier just to talk about your faith. But, when faith is all you’ve got your faith better grow deeper roots. I’ve been having to borrow from past victories in order to believe God for present ones.

Fortunately, I know my faith can’t rely on my abilities. Even if I was extremely healthy that could change in a heartbeat. How often do we rest our faith on our abilities, resources, or circumstances. Once again I believe God is aiming to take the training wheels off of my faith. He’s calling me to trust Him more and to realize that all my hope is only in Him.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I’m Feeling “God”

Posted on March 26, 2022     Leave a Comment

Well, I haven’t been out the house today. However, I have been getting some much needed rest and relax time. It seems my spinal cord stimulator is working to perfection at it’s new setting. I feel nothing crazy going on within my body. My pain is under control and my nerves are very calm. Last night, I slept almost 10 hours straight.

I’m continuing to watch what I eat and drink. I’ve found it’s okay to eat a normal meal here and there. But, for the most part I’m continuing to watch carefully what I do and I don’t eat. Still eating mainly veggies, fruits, lean meats, nuts, and beans. Occasionally, I eat some dairy. But, even with plain Rice Krispies I use non sweetened almond milk. I do all I can to stay away from inflammatory foods and to intentionally digest anti-inflammatory foods. Of course, this is always flushed by water, water, water.

The only other big adjustment I must make moving forward is my stress load. When you’re in a vocation that is always demanding something from you it can be dynamite to your system. So, I’ve got to recognize my limits and anything that can take me down easily. I guess I’m still having to learn how to live my new normal.

I want to thank each of you for your continued prayers. They mean a lot and make a big difference. While I’m still a little winded from a very tough week. I’ve got great peace and optimism moving forward. I can’t wait to make the devil mad with each day that passes. I give God all the glory for my progress!!

Jesus said, “I am the vine and you are the branches If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Tears, Smiles, Peace

Posted on March 26, 2022     Leave a Comment

This has been a very long week and a very long day. There have been many ups and downs. I’ve had many reasons to smile and some reasons to cry. So, I decided to do both for healing purposes. Now, I’m about to go to bed full of God’s peace.

I finally got my spinal cord stimulator adjusted today. After much evaluation it was confirmed that my unit must be dialed down. Due to over stimulation of my nerves my stimulator can only be run at fifty percent of its usual power. Now, it can take up to two weeks for full benefits to be felt. But, it will immediately keep my nerves from being fried even if it does allow some pain to increase.

It’s so hard to explain what this stuff feels like inside of you. All I know is that stimulator is like oxygen for my body. It keeps my nerves and pain under control. I never fully realize all it’s doing until it’s taken away. When it’s not running at full strength I become quickly deflated and discouraged. However, anyone is gonna feel discouraged when your pain escalates so quickly.

That said I know things are on track for betters. Most that have those units must get them adjusted at least 1-2 times yearly. I’ve had several cry sessions today without warning. They weren’t reflections of any sadness, but the madness that wrecked my insides. Often, when it gets this way it’s like a chemical imbalance that can only be cried out of your system.

Throughout this day I’ve had many divine conversations. Enough for me to be sure that God is not wasting my pain. God is making me stronger day by day. God is giving me opportunities to use my story to encourage others. God is healing my mind, body, and soul even when I shed tears. Just for the record I really am going to bed smiling tonight.

“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

Another God Made Day

Posted on March 25, 2022     Leave a Comment

Well, the prayers must be working because I’ve had no meltdowns today. I’ve also been doing everything I know to keep things under control. When things get this way I’ve learned every strategy matters. If I’ve got to stay in my bed longer that’s what must happen. If I’ve got to soak in a tub for hours that’s what must happen. If I’ve got to watch everything I eat that’s what must happen.

Today, I just shortened my day and worked from home. That allowed me the strength to facilitate a funeral today. That allowed me the ability to go and celebrate my niece’s 18th birthday. After all if you can’t be there for your own family you shouldn’t be ministering all the time to others. I’ve just been very grateful overall with today.

I have found that keeping my battery operated heating pads constantly on underneath my shirt has been a life saver. Seems as long as I keep that surgical spot heated it usually keeps me sane. Praise God, I will be getting my spinal cord stimulator adjusted by a professional tomorrow at noon. Early this morning I did turn my unit back up to what used to keep things under control. That could’ve contributed to some of my pain improvement I experienced later today. But, I know I’ve still got to get things checked.

Now, I will spend another evening in the tub. But, I’m very grateful for God’s new mercies each day. Things could be so much worse for me. Even amidst all the squirming my pain creates within me. I know how much more hope I have today compared to years before. So, God keep taking me by the hand and leading the way. Use every ounce of my pain for your glory. Hopefully, y’all will hear much less from me about my discomfort in the days to come.

“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”

“It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” John 9:1-3

God Only Knows

Posted on March 23, 2022     Leave a Comment

Somehow this pain just keeps sneaking back up on me. Everyday ends with me feeling like I’m in unbearable pain. Saying I hate feeling this way is an understatement. I was doing so well for so long. Plus, I’m seeking to do all the right things more than ever before. Yet, my pain is so much worse in my lower back.

Crazy how that one spot can bring me to my knees anytime. In fact, my surgical spot dictates my overall condition at all times. If the pain there is under control my life feels day and night different. When it stays on fire anything in life feels unbearable. It really is starting to wear me down.

I don’t even like to use this word but I know it’s true. I now have a major disability that I must learn how to live with the rest of my life. Based on medical records I could go file for disability any time. And, I would do so if that’s what I felt led to do. But, I don’t want to live with a disability perspective. I know God has so much more for me to do.

However, I am having to change my perspective day by day. I can’t do things like I’ve always done. I can’t handle hardly anything physical anymore. Sadly, so many things ignite and escalate my nerve pain. All I know is quit is not an option. So, if I can’t get over it I will trust God to take me through it.

All I know is God has a plan. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. Somehow this is part of his plans for my life. I’m not asking God to remove this pain. I am asking God to use this pain for His glory. I pray something He leads me to share will encourage others.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I Know You Hate It

Posted on March 23, 2022     Leave a Comment

Maybe you feel stuck inside a broken body or situation that keeps letting you down. No matter how hard you try it keeps impacting all aspects of your life. It’s not one of those things you can just ignore. Time has proven this is just your present cross to bear. Boy, can I relate with your feelings.

Many weeks have passed since I can remember not having to fight this increased pain inside my body. I’ve been doing everything possible to make things better. More rest, shorter days, diet, exercise, and everything else in between. The pain in my lower back just keeps holding me hostage. I literally have to calculate each move just to keep it bearable. My days are tough but my nights are much worse.

Fortunately, I have learned a lot over the past 7 years of chronic pain. You can’t let it completely steal your joy. You have to believe that God sees all, knows all and has a plan for it all. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a pastor or the president. There will always be something fighting to steal your joy. It could be physical, emotional, mental, or relational pain. Don’t obsess over what you can’t control. Rest in the fact that God is always in control. Jesus can still fill your love with joy and purpose even in the pain.

Jesus said, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them life to its fullest.” John 10:10

The Facts Don’t Lie

Posted on March 21, 2022     Leave a Comment

My friends you have to keep up with certain facts if you deal with certain challenges. Everyday I seek to watch closely certain things in order to overcome my chronic pain. I watch my rest, activity, eating, drinking , standing, sitting, and even driving habits daily. Each of these things especially pooled together with others can easily take me down.

For instance, there is a reason I’ve not gotten out of the bed since last night. I had an absolutely wonderful day with my church family celebrating 8 years of God at work. At the same time, I knew before I went to bed that today would be very tough. Fortunately, this time I know why my body is aching so much. Why? Because I have learned that the facts do tell a lot about what’s going on.

Here are the facts according to my Fitbit.
One, I only slept 3 1/2 hrs the night before when me condition demands at least 8 hours of rest daily. Two, I typically shouldn’t walk over 5,000 steps per day. But, yesterday I walked nearly 15,000 steps. Three, my body does best when I’m not physically active for more than 6-8 hours daily. But, yesterday I was physically active for 14 hours. Four, my body does best when I drink at least 60-80 ounces of water. Yesterday, I maybe drank 40 ounces. Finally, I typically don’t drink any caffeine due to how much it adds to my inflammation. Yesterday was the first day in 7 days that caffeine was let in me body.

Overall all I ate pretty healthy and didn’t do anything crazy yesterday. But, the facts were still stacked against me. Keeping a close eye on these facts actually helps me a lot. They remind me that each of my decisions and sacrifices truly matter. They facts settle me because I don’t have to wonder what’s causing increased pain. Often, I can just look back at a day or a series of days that I just got off track. Don’t under estimate the impact of your daily decisions on your overall condition.

The good news is I have answers. I will rest this weary body today and look forward with great hope. My overall nerve pain is under control. My spinal cord stimulator is back into rhythm. My peace with God and His Will for my life has never been greater. And, I’m about to eat me some greens, cabbage and chicken. Praying for everyone of you.

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” 1 Corinthians 10:23

This Too Shall Pass

Posted on March 17, 2022     Leave a Comment

According to my Fitbit I finally fell asleep around 4am still with a fever. I woke up around 8:30am to take medications and fortunately had no fever. While I’m very sore all over, I no longer have a fever. I ate a small yogurt for breakfast and immediately my stomach went back to cramping. An aching body, cramping stomach, nausea, and great fatigue seem to be my only symptoms.

I went to Urgent Care earlier for a checkup. Praise God both the Flu and Covid Tests came back negative. Doctor says something viral has gotten into my system. I’m waiting now on prescriptions that should help my stomach and nausea. Lord knows that was one long painful night. I feel strongly that in 2 days I should feel much better. My pain now is no more than a 4 and most of the night it felt like a 10.

I’m still at greater peace knowing that something extra caused that insane pain. My wife Nurse Aimee keeps taking great care of me. I would love to eat a little more but my conditions just won’t let me right now. Doctor basically said that I would know I’m better the moment I truly feel better. Only then will I not be possibly contagious. Fortunately viruses can leave your system quickly even if it does leave behind temporary fatigue. Thanks so much for the prayers!

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Still Waiting

Posted on March 17, 2022     Leave a Comment

Here I am 5 1/2 hours later and my fever just dropped under 100. I’ve been rotating ibuprofen and Tylenol every 2 hours. My overall pain has decreased but the fever is keeping me uncomfortable. Been awhile since I was still wide awake after 3am. I can’t believe all the other meds taken earlier don’t have me fast asleep. I’m so glad this is no longer my typical bedtime experience. #patience

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Another In The Fire 🔥

Posted on March 17, 2022     Leave a Comment

It feels like I’ve been waiting days for the nonstop agony in my body to settle down. I just couldn’t understand why my total body pain kept climbing and climbing. It was the longest time in my memory of such continuous high level pain. Even after numerous medications my pain just kept escalating for the last 5-6 hours.

The longer nothing worked I believed that something extra had to be in my system. Anytime I get some bug in my system it takes things from bad to worse. For several hours my fever just wouldn’t even begin to decrease. It’s just finally come down to 100.2 after four hours of discovering I had a fever. Nothing seemed to put a dent on the havoc it’s been having on my shattered nerves.

The Covid test I took came back negative. The symptoms I’ve been having line up with possibly the flu or some 24 hour virus. I’m finally able to breathe a lot more calmly. I’m still not comfortable enough to sleep unfortunately. Lord knows I’ve been begging God for relief. I’m so appreciative of anyone who has lifted me up in my desperate time for prayer.

While I still feel terrible I’m somewhat relieved. I would much rather have a temporary bug wreaking havoc than for my chronic pain to be totally out of control with no clear reason. My pain was the highest it has ever been and the fire just wouldn’t stop within my body. I’m so grateful for God reaching into my situation and giving me some relief. Also, I’m thrilled to have possible answers for my extreme nerve pain.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

I Don’t Always Understand

Posted on March 17, 2022     Leave a Comment

Here I am again feeling so so sick. My nerve stimulator must still be off track. I’m hoping tomorrow or Friday they can adjust it in person. Problem is even after adjustments it can take days and even up to two weeks to make a true difference. My gut tells me that I’ve likely been over stimulated again. So, I’m turning the entire unit off for a few hours break.

I just don’t understand why I’m still in such a battle. I don’t even feel misery is adequate enough when I’m in this kind of pain. My blood pressure feels like it’s through the roof. My entire body aches and shivers as if I’m roasting in fever. Yet, both of those things checked out perfect.

What’s so frustrating is I’ve really been doing everything by the book. I watch so closely my eating, sleeping and really my every step. Even still, this blinding has struck my body once again. I guess I really never knew such high level pain like this before 2015.

Once again, I’m writing to process the pain. Even more I’m hoping to keep trusting God through the pain. I’ve been by the bedside of so many people longing for comfort. However, most of those folks knew their days were short. They would just do everything possible to bear another day. They knew their best healing would be ultimate healing in Heaven.

Now, I find myself in a club I never asked to join. I find my faith being tested as my body gets rocked daily by chronic pain. I still recall thinking a few years back how I could never want to live if this level pain always stuck around . Fortunately, God does give me breaks from it. However, as always it’s hard to see beyond such present breathtaking misery.

My 12 year old came and prayed over me a little bit ago. His hands, prayers, love and faith mean so much to me. I told him I needed him to pray it out again. I’m getting off of here because the nauseating vibes and aches just won’t go away. My body feels on fire. Honestly, my nights have been really bad recently. Just ask God to flood me with his unlimited grace and mercies. I know He will hear and answer every prayer. When I’m in this kind of pain I’ve got to put my pride aside and ask others to pray for me. Goodnight I’m praying for you too!

“At night my bones are filled with pain, which gnaws at me relentlessly.” Job 3:17

5 Ways To Reduce Chronic Pain

Posted on March 12, 2022     Leave a Comment

1. Process It, Don’t Feed It

There is a difference in working through something vs wallowing in something. We don’t have to be defined by our pain. We also don’t need to be in denial of it. Process where you are in the moment, but aim towards where you want to be in the future. Get things off your chest when necessary. Find others who care and can relate. But, always look for ways you can improve your situation moving forward with hope.

2. Think Before You Act

Chronic pain is definitely something that changes your life. So, you don’t need to do anything to make matters any worse. Recognize your physical, emotional and relational limits. Monitor your physical activity daily so you don’t over do it. Don’t put yourself in situations that have proven to escalate your pain and stress. Only you know when something just isn’t gonna be good for you.

3. Focus On What You Can Do

Pain will be all you see if you don’t search hard for the blessings. Trust me, I know there are times that pain just has you in it’s vice grips. But, when possible consider what you can do and what you can change to better your situation. Otherwise, you will just live focused on your limitations. Don’t let pain steal all your joy and peace. There is always something to celebrate and aim towards doing to possibly bring a brighter day.

4. Choose A Recovery Lifestyle

There are some things you don’t just get over. Instead, God takes you through them. Choose to wake up each day and live your best life now. Discover your best new normal and do what you can to live your healthiest despite your condition. This means that you seek to keep taking the best next step in front of you. Whether that’s concerning your daily diet, exercise, spiritual disciplines, or making other healthy choices. Honestly, you need to keep studying what has helped others with your particular condition.

5. Don’t Belittle The Power Of Faith

Anything bigger than you demands the help of a big God. Your greatest brokenness should lead you towards a greater openness to God. You may feel like God is not working. But, actually God has you in His workshop. This weakness is meant to lead you towards greater faith in God and greater strength in Christ. Humanly speaking you can’t do but so much. With God leading you the sky is the limit. Thriving through pain demands that you faith walk instead of flesh walk. Faith is doing all you can do while trusting God for all you can’t do.

(2 Corinthians 12:9-11) “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

*These are just a few things God continues to teach me as I learn to live my new normal with daily chronic pain.

Your Diet Really Matters

Posted on March 11, 2022     Leave a Comment

Eating healthy is difficult for most living in this world. However, once you truly know your health depends on it you should have greater motivation. How you eat will likely determine the quality and the quantity of your life. You’ve just got to decide to make better choices one meal at a time. Your choices will impact you and those you love.

I’m one week back to clean eating and more hopeful than ever before. There is no doubting that it affects your life big time. Especially if you have aches and pains you’re battling daily like myself. Especially if you have underlying health issues that are only ignited further by what you put in your body.

You can exercise all you want as we all should strive to do. But, what you eat will always impact your overall health. This has been a hard truth for me to swallow. But, deep inside I’m glad that my chronic pain forced this lifestyle upon me. This way of living not only helps my pain, but gives my life much greater hope looking forward.

I’m posting these words not to preach, but to encourage you forward. If you know something needs to change make the necessary changes. I prayed and prayed for God to heal my body. God answered that prayer by giving me some ways to improve the quality of my life. There’s no need to look for other solutions if you’re ignoring the answers God has given you. So, don’t keep saying “I know I need to do this or that.” Choose to wake up tomorrow and make the best choices possible one day at a time.

“I CAN do all things THROUGH CHRIST who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Too Much To Handle Alone

Posted on March 9, 2022     Leave a Comment

Well, I didn’t get to sleep until after 3am this morning. So, when I got up to take my morning medications my body was definitely struggling. I was still looking forward to getting my spinal cord stimulator adjusted at noon today. Unfortunately, the adjuster reached out to inform me that appointment couldn’t happen. I’m fact, they can’t adjust my stimulator in person until this Friday.

While I was definitely happy about getting extra rest. I wasn’t sure what the day would bring my way. I pretty much slept until around 2pm. When I went to take my shower I felt things were improving concerning my overall pain. Then, like lightening in a bottle my body felt on fire head to toe. When that happens I can’t process anything well. All I know is it feels like flames inside my body.

This experience definitely brought me to my lowest point. I just couldn’t believe that things were only getting worst. However, the more I processed things I knew this was 100 percent nerve pain. So, I called and spoke to my stimulator adjuster.

Around 5pm she told me to turn off my stimulator for at least 3-4 hours. Then, if I felt okay after that turn it back on at just half the strength I normally have running within me. It appears this is a common thing with many of her stimulator patients. What your nerves could handle a year ago might not be good for them now. These nerve like impulses can overload your system over time.

Based on my past experiences, I definitely felt like my nerves were being over stimulated. So, I turned off my stimulator over 5 hours ago. In less than two hours the insanity of nerve pain drastically decreased. However, quickly you start feeling other pains the stimulator had been covering up.

I’m back in the bath just waiting on God to settle this storm. I feel very optimistic that we’ve found the root of my greatest problem. I will turn my unit back on either late tonight or early morning. I want to make sure that my nerves don’t get overloaded again. My representative said it can take up to 24 hours to get the overload out of my system.

Every time I have an episode like I had today it’s like I’m in a really bad dream. When you have absolutely no control over your body it’s very frightening. However, these same fears are what God continues to use to elevate my faith. All in one day I experienced rest, peace, chaos, heartache, torment, and now lots of hope about my situation.

I know everyone on here has something in your life that has totally overwhelmed you. In fact, sometimes you feel like it has ruined your life. Trust me, I can relate to all your human thoughts and emotions. I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking lying flat on back.

However, let’s admit it that this is where God becomes real for us. You know, when we can’t fix or change a thing. When all we we can do is look up and shoot prayers up. That’s where God becomes real in the midst of our brokenness. It’s there if we let Him God picks us up and holds us together. God assures us that we won’t fight any battle alone. He will always be there for us and with us. He will always give us peace and help us overcome our greatest fears. I’m going to bed tonight knowing I am an overcomer. Knowing that in Christ I can always find peace and victory.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT

God Has His Reasons

Posted on March 8, 2022     Leave a Comment

There’s no denying that certain levels of adversity get the wheels churning in your mind. Trust me, I’ve experienced it firsthand so many times. All day long I’ve been in the vice grips of pain and discomfort. The only comfort I can find physically is when I’m sleeping or in the tub. Unfortunately, I’ve been wide awake all day long just waiting for bedtime.

In the meantime, I’ve just been trying to win the battle going on in my mind. This pain has taken me back in time to a very dark season. And, while the devil seeks to use this season as proof that I’m far from healed. God keeps telling me to reflect back on all He has done before.
The devil seeks to scream out words like hopeless and it’s always gonna be this way. God keeps saying just hold on another breakthrough is on the way. Remember, when you thought that the last time.

Now, I’m believing that God will not waste my pain. I’m believing that me choosing to share my battle will help someone else through their battle. Sometimes, life just knocks you down and leaves you barely breathing. Your prayers become whispers. In fact, you have to rely on the prayers of others because you can barely pray.

While I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed any part of this misery. I can say I feel God’s strength rising within me. I can feel the genuine prayers of others who care about me. Now, I’ve just got to keep holding on to the hope that will come from those prayers. Thanks from the bottom of my heart if you’ve prayed for me at any time. Trust me my story is far from over.

Sometimes, I believe we just have to be reminded of our brokenness. We may think we have overcome something. Then, God reminds us He has just been holding us together the whole time. It’s like we all take turns in tough seasons. Yet, for any believer we know we always have hope and God always has a purpose.

Hopefully, here shortly I will get another great night of sleep. Tomorrow at noon I will be getting my spinal cord stimulator adjusted. There’s definitely a lot of electricity running through my body. Sudden sounds and movement without warning flood nerve pain from me feet into my face. I know things are just very out of whack and I’m sure they can be settled down once again.

I do want to say that my wife is a complete angel. She has carried me so many times through similar valleys. She basically helps me with anything possible all the time. From filling my tub to fixing me the next anti-inflammatory meal. Tonight’s meal was the best combo yet on the taste buds. She fixed salmon, Brussel Sprouts and fresh pineapple. This concludes day 3 of nothing but healthy eating and drinking. God bless you all and whatever you may be facing yourself. Goodnight 🙏

“O Lord, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reasons.” Jonah 1:14

Lord Help My Unbelief

Posted on March 7, 2022     1 Comment

I really don’t want to make this post right now. Especially, since I know I’m once again in a very low place. But, I’m trusting God’s greater plans. Many of you know I’ve battled a long time with major chronic pain. Well, for some reason that battle has returned and hopefully only stays a little while.

Anyone who has found themselves lying in a bed of pain and uncertainty can relate to my present feelings. Even though I’ve seen miracle after miracle my heart still ponders the “what next”. This intense pain in my lower back is way too familiar. The nerve pain it pours throughout my body knocks the air out of my sails. I find myself praying harder and having to trust God bigger.

Major health issues can be very frightening. Especially when healing usually takes time. Remember, God can heal you and ultimately has the final say about you. These are easy words to say, but it takes faith to believe healing will come. So, here I am again Lord trusting you. I will do all that I can while trusting you for everything I can’t.

I’ve already kicked my anti-inflammatory diet into four wheel drive a few days ago. I’ve been resting my body as much as possible the last few days. I’m getting my spinal cord stimulator adjusted this week asap. I’m asking each of you to pray for my breakthrough healing once again. Also, know I’m praying for you too!

“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

My Pain Tribe Understands

Posted on March 5, 2022     2 Comments

Here I am wrapping up the ending of another blessed birthday. All I feel like doing is getting some desperately needed rest. Yet, God is telling me it’s these times especially I need to write something to share. In fact, I need to say what anyone who battles with chronic pain already knows. Pain doesn’t care what the occasion, it comes and goes whenever it pleases.

I pretty much rested in my bed the entire day. I was hoping that approach would strengthen my body and mind before tonight’s birthday gathering. However, my body just wouldn’t cooperate with my wishes. My pain has been constant all day long. And, it has only increased by the hour throughout the evening.

For those who can identify you know the disappointment it brings with it. In fact, you even feel the disappointment it brings others around you. You’re not trying to complain or be the grumpiest person at the party. However, you just can’t hide certain levels of pain. Eventually, it exposes you in every possible way.

So, once I got home later tonight. I did what I’ve had to do so much the past few weeks. I soaked in a hot tub full of epsom salt. I’ve been battling physically, mentally and emotionally all evening. No matter how hard I tried there was nothing I could do to run away the pain.

Laying here on my side just waiting on my muscle relaxers to help me rest. Fortunately, I know I’m back on track when it comes to my own personal recovery choices. I know from lots of experience that better days will come. Yet, any time you feel this way on your birthday it naturally plays with your mind. It just further confirms that your pain has changed your life. But, time has proven by faith you will always make it through the day.

This was my first birthday without my dad living on earth. Man, he had to be helped by God to smile so much at last year’s birthday celebration. And, if I were talking to my dad right now about my pain. I can hear his voice saying the following. “Son, that’s just the way life is sometimes. Sometimes the only strength you can depend on is His strength.” Okay dad, I will continue to take your advice.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

*The pic below is dad at my birthday party just 2 1/2 months before his earthly departure to Heaven.

Back To The Basics

Posted on March 1, 2022     Leave a Comment

Well, I’ve really been on the struggle bus lately. Especially in the evenings I’ve been back to having to live in the tub. Most who know my chronic pain story know this used to always be my way of life. In fact, for at least 3-4 years straight I spent 90 percent of my life in a bed or bath. I’m talking 12-14 hours a day in the bed. Then, 6-8 hours a day in the tub.

Now, my body has actually done a lot of healing over time. My spinal cord stimulator still makes a huge difference. But, any time I quit living a consistent recovery lifestyle my entire body crumbles. If not for my medications, I would never be able to sleep or get any relief. Fortunately, I do have answers I’ve just got to apply the lessons I’ve learned.

Sadly for awhile now I’ve not been eating or drinking the right stuff for me. Eating nothing but junk food has once again been my downfall. Seeking to use a caffeinated energy supplement nearly everyday has come with a price. Not walking or exercising has become a daily norm for me. Even keeping myself fully hydrated seems like a distant memory. Even my sleeping habits have been all out of whack with no consistency.

Fortunately, I know things can quickly turnaround. So, I’m running back to the basics that have brought me so much relief the last few years. Today, I went walking strategically for the first time in a long time. Plus, I didn’t intake any caffeine. Now, starting tomorrow I’ve got to keep making wiser choices. Living with a recovery lifestyle is continuing to the next right step.

I’ve already asked my wife to hide all the Little Debbie’s and Cookies in the house. Tonight, I plan to get in the bed much earlier than normal. I find that with all my nerve damage establishing a healthy consistent routine is critical. My body only allows me so many hours daily. I know if I just get back to what I know works my current pain issues will change. I encourage you my friend to keep taking the next right step. Do all that you can do while trusting God for everything you can’t.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

How I Feel Right Now

Posted on February 23, 2022     Leave a Comment

Tonight, I’m feeling very out of sorts. My nerve pain has reared its ugly head quite a bit recently. It’s really hard to prevent something that can easily be flared by activity, eating, drinking or stress. But, somehow I’ve had way more good days than bad over the past year.

When I get this way it still makes me feel absolutely terrible. It steals all my confidence in “myself.” It knocks the joy right out of me. It makes me feel like everything is broken and can’t be fixed. Fortunately, I’ve learned it’s just feelings ignited by my broken nervous system.

While I may never like this thorn in my flesh. I can’t deny it’s value for God’s kingdom. One, it keeps me humbly walking with the Lord. Two, it makes me realize my total dependence upon the Lord. Thirdly, it makes me more compassionate towards others who struggle with life altering stuff. Fourthly, it makes it impossible for me to get the glory for anything accomplished. Overall, I’ve just seen how God continues to use it to get me and my ministry wherever He wants it to be.

It’s perfectly normal for this kinda stuff to disrupt your life. None of us like suffering or hardships. Yet, there is no denying God uses these things powerfully if we let Him. There are times you need to kick and scream in a safe environment. You also need to be reminded that God doesn’t plan to waste even a moment of your pain.

(Romans 8:28)(NLT) And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Understanding My Spinal Stimulator

Posted on September 25, 2021     3 Comments

After three years of having my St Jude spinal cord stimulator implanted. I’m smiling bigger than ever before. Trust me, it takes quite awhile to understand how it works and how to feel it working at a maximum level. I have permanent nerve damage from my lower back all the way down through both feet. I can’t tell you how many seemingly endless days of pain I’ve endured in the past. However, my life has definitely changed for the better in recent days.

Now, I always seek to live a recovery lifestyle. I typically watch closely what I do, eat or drink. I make sure I get adequate sleep and exercise. But, I also rely on my spinal cord stimulator. Let me try to explain in my words how it helps.

First, in my case wires were implanted halfway down my spine. Then, I have implanted a battery that doesn’t ever have to be recharged. The battery is underneath skin on my right side. Together this battery and wires send messages to my nervous system. In fact, somehow they keep my nerve pain from becoming insane.

There are two types of programs I can use at any time. First, there is a program called tonic. The tonic program continually massages my lower back, legs and feet all at once from within. Imagine having a tens unit except it’s able to run inside your nerves. Yes, with just a few clicks on my iPhone control. I can run this internal tonic pulse and get some much needed breakthrough pain relief.

Now, honestly the reason I got this unit was for it’s other program called burst technology. Using the tonic requires that you lay very still as you feel ever pulse running through your body. But, with burst you feel nothing except for any relief it gives. Somehow, once you get the stimulator dialed in correctly using burst. This unit drastically reduces your nerve pain.

Unfortunately, this is very hard to explain in just one article. Basically, it usually takes several adjustments with a stimulator professional before things work great. The more I learn how this device works. The more I Iearn how to use it.

I use the burst technology setting all the time. My unit is set to run just 30 seconds every 15 minutes. Somehow, this gives me the relief I need and doesn’t over stimulate my nerves. It has zero side effects and I never feel it when it’s running.

My recent stimulator adjustment brought another huge breakthrough. Somehow, through a device my stimulator representative uses. She is able to map out my body’s needs and tolerance level. It was recently discovered that my body can tolerate three times as much power flowing through my stimulator now versus before.

My nerves have always been super sensitive. Yet, it appears that my body has done a lot of healing since my three back surgeries. Scar tissue has formed allowing my stimulator to run at a much higher level than before. So, now my stimulator is able to give me three times as much help than before. It has been a long journey getting to this point.

Talking about this stimulator can sound very intimidating at first. But, it’s just like many things it’s a learning process. If you or someone you love gets one of these units. Don’t expect instant results. However, if you have severe nerve pain know that it can help you. You’ve just got to take one step at a time.

I remember three years ago not being sure what I was doing. But, time has revealed I made the right decision. Getting this device implanted was life changing. Miraculously it keeps my nerves in check. I’m learning daily how to better get the most out of it. Typically, it just does it’s thing while I get back to a much greater quality of life.

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20

Burst technology you don’t feel.

I’m Not There Anymore

Posted on August 26, 2021     1 Comment

It’s actually been a couple years since I’ve blogged consistently about my life altering pain. Before, I lived with day and night torture from sun up to sun down. I spent over four years straight just trying to remain sane through the pain. After countless doctors appointments, surgeries, shots, counseling and daily physical therapy. I really didn’t think I could get any better without an absolute miracle.

This morning I looked back at one of my nerve wrecking post from days gone by in extreme pain. Within seconds my heart ached as I remembered the constant pain I use to endure. Honestly, I really wondered if I could ever smile consistently again. Yes, I was trying my best to walk by faith. But, sometimes all you can see is what’s appears to be wrecking your life. I was a nervous wreck for sure at that time.

Praise God, I’m not there anymore. Yes, I still battle limitations and anxiety related to my permanent nerve damage. But, I am so far beyond where I used to be. I wake up each day knowing I am so blessed. God continues to rebuild my life. Yes, I’m weaker in some ways. Yet, I’m so much stronger in many other ways because of my painful journey.

Now, I don’t know where life may find you right now. But, please be assured that God is still in control. You can get stronger and God can heal you further. You just need to choose to believe that God has a purpose for your pain. Everyday, choose to put your little hand in God’s big hand. Daily keep doing all that you can while trusting God to do all that you can’t. God will take you further than you can take yourself. I’m praying for you and God is with you.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

Is Your Pain Running You Down?

Posted on August 15, 2021     1 Comment

After a wonderful relaxing week with my wife. I came back home this past Thursday. Honestly, I got off of a cruise ship and entered a battleship. So many people going through so much. Covid which appeared to be sleeping reared it’s ugly head more than ever before. I’ve spent the past few days visiting folks who are battling for their life. Many others are just battling with life.

Unfortunately, my body is really starting to give me fits. Whether it be my diet, stress, busyness or just traveling. All of these things have proven over time to ignite my neurological condition. Once again my nerve pain has me uncomfortable and back sharing with you.

I’ve done so well for so long that I can hardly stand feeling this way anymore. I really want to believe at times that I don’t still have a chronic pain issue. I want to move on with my life and leave the past behind. But, the pain always finds a way to run me down and tell me “not so fast mister.”

Just like anyone who battles chronic pain or a chronic illness. I want out of this group and I want to be all better. However, we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes we have to accept the reality of our health condition. Then, we need the support of others to overcome our pain and limitations.

For this very reason God led me to start this Faith Walking page a few years back. I also host a “Faith Walking” support group. We meet every 3rd Thursday of the month 6:30pm @ Refuge Church. The address is 203 Eddie Chasteen Dr, Walterboro SC 29488.

If you battle chronic pain or a chronic illness we would love for you to join us this Thursday 6:30pm at Refuge Church of Walterboro. Everyone in this group understands how these struggles change your life. So, please know that you don’t have to walk alone. We pray you will join us if you could use the support.

(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

I Won’t Forget My Tribe

Posted on August 14, 2021     Leave a Comment

It’s been quite awhile since I posted on this page. In fact, it’s been many months since I discussed my own chronic pain journey. For the most part that’s a good thing. On the other hand, I don’t ever want to forget those who live with chronic pain. I lived in that extreme valley far too long to waste my pain.

Overall, I’ve been doing very well. I truly feel like I’m living my best new normal. Three years ago, I still wondered if I could experience a greater quality of life. After all, I had so many shots, surgeries, physical therapy sessions, and medical appointments. None of those things mixed with lots of hard work was changing anything.

I really don’t think it was any one thing God used to increase my further healing of mind, body, and soul. One, I’ve learned and accepted my new limitations. Two, I’ve learned I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thirdly, I’ve learned that what I eat or drink can definitely increase my body’s inflammation. Fourthly, I’ve learned that unnecessary stress can always escalate my condition. Finally, I’ve learned God never wants to waste an ounce of my pain. God wants my pain to link me purposely with people like you.

I don’t know where life finds you right now. I do know God is there to help those who seek Him wholeheartedly. So many nights in the past my pillow was flooded with tears of sadness. All I chose to do was to keep taking the next God led step. I did all I could do while trusting God for all I couldn’t. Now, I’m seeing God work His miracles in my life daily.

I can’t wait until I have time to fully publish the book God keeps putting in my heart. You will read many never shared before journal entries. You will see how the same God who helped me can help you. You will hear how pain changed my life. Then, how God changed my perspective, peace, comfort and faith.

Just know I’m praying for each of you battling with chronic pain. I know it can hurt so bad and make you feel so low. But, God is still good. Don’t doubt for a moment that you’re hopeless. Keep your little hand in God’s big hand. God will take you through and to a brighter tomorrow. I may have to still face my pain daily. But, I’ve learned how to celebrate with peace, purpose and victory.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

A Rare Rough Night

Posted on April 10, 2021     Leave a Comment

Anyone who has followed my pain journey long knows I’ve had a lot of rough nights in the past. It used to be that the only time I felt any relief was in my sleep. Night after night felt like a pain driven nightmare. Back then my prayers seemed like whispers. I really began to think nothing would ever change. All I could do is hold on to faith.

Fortunately, God proved my gut feelings wrong. Somehow, some way my life slowly turned around two years ago. Typically, my pain is usually bearable. I just have to live mindful of my condition. This requires living a recovery lifestyle, watching my diet and staying ahead of the pain.

Tonight has not been a good pain night. My entire body is flooded with nerve pain. I feel miserable and can’t wait for things to settle down. But, this unexpected flare up reminded me how far God has brought me. Praise God, most nights are no longer like this one. Maybe, I needed the reminder to remember God’s goodness!

“The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126:3

Take Up Your Cross

Posted on April 3, 2021     Leave a Comment

I’m typically in bed by at least 10pm every night. I’m generally asleep at the latest by midnight. Usually my nighttime medications help me fall asleep sometime in that window of time. However, tonight has been one of those rare occasions. Here it is 7am and I’ve not slept a wink all night.

Not really sure what the biggest reason is for my struggle to sleep. I’ve not slept great the last few nights. I have been way too busy mentally all week. A whole lot has been continually on my mind and in my prayers. I’m also a preacher who has done everything I can to prepare for multiple Easter services.

These days I feel like I have to wear a lot of different hats. However, my health really limits how much weight I can actually carry on my shoulders. I find that periodically you need to have these seasons. Times that force you to take deep breaths and revaluate your approach to life.

I believe most people feel out matched in this day and time. It may look different in each of our lives. But, we each have a cross to bear. Just like Jesus we have to strive to stay clean and close to our Heavenly Father. We’ve got to keep taking the next right step following Jesus with every step.

“Then he Jesus to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” Luke 9:23

Limits Don’t Define You

Posted on March 13, 2021     Leave a Comment

When you see this video you just see an 11yr old boy having normal fun. When I see this young man riding what he calls “Rolling Thunder” I see the power of God at work. My youngest son Asher is one of the sweetest kids I know. However, he faces numerous physical, emotional, and mental challenges. He struggles with learning, countless phobias and pretty much anything physically challenging.

He’s been told the only sport he could ever excel in would be swimming. He’s never been able to ride a bike or even run like an average boy. He has gone to countless therapists and has come a long way. To him just being able to enjoy this rolling bike excites him so much.

Therefore, it makes me and God smile to watch him roll downhill with a true feeling of freedom. As he told me before “Daddy I’m just the way God made me.” Don’t measure your progress based on what you can’t do. Celebrate what with only God’s help you can do. Your limitations will not hinder God’s expectations for your life.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Just A Tough Day

Posted on March 11, 2021     Leave a Comment

I woke up today in quite a fix. It was all I could do to get out of my bed. Sadly, it’s nothing that ever takes me by total surprise. I knew my nervous system was out of whack. I knew that nothing would be easy for me today.

Anyone who has battled long with chronic pain knows what I mean. It is such an unpredictable life disrupter. You can feel completely fine one moment. Then, complete at its mercy the next. The pain can be paralyzing and so deflating. You lose confidence in doing anything when the pain is blinding.

Fortunately, these days don’t always repeat themselves. Yet, in the moment you just wonder how long your condition will hold you hostage. No matter how long you’ve been dealing with struggles. You never get used to feeling so low, heavy hearted and overwhelmed.

My greatest confidence often comes from the past. Remembering how many times God has calmed the storm. Recalling time and time when things were even worst. Yet, God made a way every time I didn’t feel I could carry on. God has been so faithful time and time again. So, I will trust God again for my strength, protection, direction comfort and relief.

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.” Psalm 6:2

Pain Connects Us

Posted on March 8, 2021     Leave a Comment

Last night and really all day my lower back pain has been constant. Fortunately, God gave me the grace and strength to preach two outdoors services. I’ve learned how to put mind over the matter when necessary. But, eventually the pain rushing through my body like a tornado threatens everything. It affects me physically, mentally, emotionally and relationally.

However, I sincerely mean it when I say “Thank you God for my pain.” Yes, even the pain that runs so deep at times it paralyzes me. Yes, even the pain that at times steals my joy and keeps me uncomfortable. Yes, even the pain that used to keep me up all night. Yes, even the pain that has made me cry a river many times in the past.

You see, without my pain I couldn’t relate to your pain. Without being in the fire I couldn’t relate to how it feels under fire. My pain gives me compassion for the hurting. It gives me humility towards others instead of puffed up pride in myself. It connects my heart to other’s hearts. Why? Because it takes pain to understand pain.

If we allow God to use our pain for His glory. Our pain will become God’s greatest platform instead of our greatest excuse. It will allow us to more effectively comfort and minister to others. While pain has many different languages. Pain puts us all on level ground in need of God and each other. I’m grateful for my pain in that respect.

“ He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
2 Corinthians 1:4

It Doesn’t Have To Make Sense

Posted on March 6, 2021     Leave a Comment

I understand what’s it’s like to have a chronic condition that can take you down without a moments notice. Honestly, I can’t lift over 5 pounds and it not give me fits. I can’t stand or sit for over an hour and not hurt like crazy. I can’t handle half of what I once could mentally or physically before my nerve damage. After 5 1/2 years of this constant realization I’ve had to accept my new normal.

For reasons I do and don’t understand God has allowed this melting pain. I used to just fight with it. Now, I just let God fight for me. I seek to control everything I can. Then, I have to trust God with everything I can’t. My chronic pain is a constant disruption to most of my plans. But, I still believe wholeheartedly it has been allowed for God’s greater plans.

So, don’t worry about what people think about you. Don’t think you can fill explain your condition to others who have not experienced it themselves. Let go and let God lead your heart. And He will turn your pain into a platform for His glory. Recognize your limits, but understand your condition doesn’t limit God.

“O LORD, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reasons.” Jonah 1:14

Need Some Relief From Your Chronic Pain?

Posted on March 3, 2021     Leave a Comment

Let me begin by saying that anything I’m about to share has been proven. It has proven to at least help reduce inflammation in your body. To keep those of us who are already one degree away from boiling stay sane. If you battle daily with inflammation in your body you need to listen. If you know somebody else that does you need to share this truth.

Many of you know that I battle with severe nerve damage due to a lower back injury. This pain when it reaches it’s highest point doesn’t just ache a little bit. If it gets out of hand it consumes every part of my body from my feet into my face. I used to think I was going crazy, but thank God I learned over time how to at least keep things manageable.

Over two years ago I started what is called the elimination diet. On that diet I only eat mainly lean meats, fruits, nuts, veggies, and beans. I definitely stay away from high levels of caffeine and sugar. Both of those things have proven time and time again to be my kryptonite. Anyway, with the elimination diet and exercise I lost over 40 pounds. But, most of all I got my chronic pain much more under control.

Sure, I have to monitor my overall stress load, sleeping habits, and even exercise. But, nothing changed my life more than a change in my diet. Every time I think my diet can’t be helping me that much. God proves that it has certainly been a key to my miracle breakthrough. Trust me, once you’ve going through Hell for nearly four years. You can’t help but see your blessing once the storm is calmed.

Now, there are two things I know have a HUGE impact on anyone’s chronic pain. Those two things are Caffeine and Sugar. Just this past week I learned that lesson the hard way again. The past two week’s I got a lot more liberal with my diet. Once my body got a taste of sugar I found myself stuffing my face with goodies at least once a day. Then, last Thursday reality knocked me down again.

Last Thursday I didn’t eat anything crazy. I had one serving of Lasagna , a salad, and very little otherwise. But, I did drink one cup of coffee, one medium sized Red Bull, and one can of coke zero. Realize, these are not things I drink ever on a consistent basis. But, on that day I desperately needed the boost to concentrate.

I went to bed that night with no problem. Then, less than two hours after sleeping my body went crazy. You see, my nerves are so sensitive I can feel anything that contaminates the body. For at least three hours I felt out of my mind. My entire neurological system was going haywire. All I could do was pray, take all the medications possible, and wait on the storm to pass.

At that time, I just started drinking as much water as my body can consume per hour. The next few days were tough. But, all I did was go back on my diet. I started back drinking at least 100 ounces of water daily. I made sure I’ve not had anything with a high level of sugar. I’ve not had even one ounce of caffeine in 5 days.

Just like I’ve experienced in the past my nerve pain once again became bearable and under control. There is no way anyone reading my future book will be able to deny the impact of diet in my healing. Once you’ve spent four years mainly in a bed or bath you’re just so grateful. You’re so thankful for some answers and hope for a better tomorrow.

Now, the only reason I’m writing this is for that one person who needs the same hope facing their chronic pain. If you’re hurting enough you should be all ears right now. I’m telling you that a change in your diet will make a big difference. It won’t fix everything. But, it can definitely improve things dramatically. I feel it has improved me at least 50-75 percent.

SO, please hear me when I tell you all that caffeine and sugar is just feasting on your body’s inflammation. You’re just pouring gasoline on an already blazing fire. You need to make a change if you hope to see a change. It won’t fix things overnight. But, for me even one week made a massive difference.

If you want to recover as much as possible. You have to be willing to live a recovery lifestyle. Take one right step at a time. Eliminate things that you know you shouldn’t eat or do. Let the hopeful relief from that pain push you to make the drastic changes necessary. I pray this post helps at least one person who needed to hear it. God bless you as you walk by faith through you chronic pain.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13

God’s Not Done With You

Posted on February 27, 2021     Leave a Comment

Apart from a miracle I will be fighting with my body in some way for the rest of my life. I try not to dwell on it or feed it. I try not to allow that to be my permanent life excuse. However, my body reminds me daily that the doctor wasn’t lying to me. I still recall him saying “Son, I don’t care who tells you anything otherwise. You will have permanent nerve damage the rest of your life.”

At first those words deflate and almost paralyze you. The good news is my glass is half full not half empty. That same doctor said I could’ve easily been paralyzed based on my MRI. And, that without my first surgery I would’ve definitely ended up in a wheelchair soon. Praise God I’m not physically paralyzed or in a wheelchair.

Even as the pain runs deep in me now. I’m highly motivated to do whatever I can while seeking to trust God with everything I can’t. I’ve had time to learn this is a daily journey not a forty yard dash. We’re always having to get our minds renewed so we can live with a renewed focus.

Everyday I will choose to get up and live my best life now. I will continue eating and drinking only things that have proven to ease my inflammation and pain. I will do what exercises I can to keep my body in the best shape possible. I will keep praying and trusting God to use this purposeful pain. There’s no doubt God uses it to keep me humble, compassionate and God dependent.

What I won’t do is accept my felt limitations. God is bigger than anything that comes our way. Whether it be adversity on the inside or outside of us. It’s in the struggle we truly learn how to faith walk. As we learn to approach God daily with a childlike faith. Somehow God picks us up and carries us forward.

God has brought me so far and taught me so much. Yet, the daily struggle is very real when nothing physical comes easy. But, God has taken me this far and He will take me further. Here I am Lord once again free falling into your arms. Looking to you to finish your story for your glory in my life. I fully trust you moving forward to finish the work you started.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Better Just Sore

Posted on February 26, 2021     Leave a Comment

Last night was a night I would rather forget. Every nerve in my body crashed leaving me just a shell of myself. For nearly 3 hours my heart was pounding and my body was burned within. It’s like having an outer body experience you can’t fully explain. You feel trapped inside and the nerve pain rocked me from head to toe.

While I would rather forget last night it’s critical I remember. There’s no doubt this was a byproduct of too much sugar and caffeine getting into my system. I eaten clean for so long now my body just didn’t know how to handle it. The last two weeks I’ve got more and more slack with my diet. If I ever wondered if my diet really helped that much I no longer have any diet.

I feel majorly sleep deprived and bruised all over. But, other than that I just feel some PTSD after last night’s neurological meltdown. Where would I be if God hadn’t given me answers? How have I been able to carry on all this time except by the grace of God. Last night revealed that God has been so good to me. That experience felt like Hell, but most days I’m now able to enjoy my new normal. Thanks for your prayers!

Nerves Are Fried Again

Posted on February 26, 2021     Leave a Comment

Well, I was asleep for an hour or more. Suddenly, my nervous system literally woke me up going completely crazy. Every part of my body has been constantly vibrating. The least little sound, movement and even my own voice sends me into orbit. This experience is like having an internal earthquake that is way off the charts.

When my nerves get this way there’s very little I can do. I have already thrown every bit of medication I have at this fire. All I can do now is sit up, pray and try to process my emotions. It’s one of those things you just can’t fully explain. It’s like having an internal seizure that seems to have no end. You feel trapped in your own body as you pray for the storm to calm down.

This makes three nights in a row that have been very painful. This stuff tonight makes you feel crazy. You don’t feel like yourself and definitely don’t feel in control. I’m afraid this fluid commotion has been building up for days. History has taught me certain factors that likely brought this own.

My stress level has been very high. My days have been very long. My eating habits have not been the consistently what they should be. My intake of any daily caffeine always serves as a threat. Sadly, today I drank an energy drink for the first time in a long time. I knew I was playing with fire and it could cause me to eventually crash.

There’s something about taurine, caffeine and sugar that can crash my entire nervous system. The good news is I’m calming down even as I write this for you. Also, I’m so glad I know things I can do to hopefully prevent this from happening again. So many times in the past I just felt hopeless, clueless and desperate in these moments.

Now, I know better what can get things settled back down with time. I’m drinking lots of water to flush out my system. I will stay away from sugar and caffeine. I will seek to stay away from inflammatory foods and drinks. I will get back to living a recovery lifestyle.

Sometimes you need these awakening moments to remember your reality. I can no longer just do things in a normal fashion. This is a thorn in my flesh that’s always a constant threat that my health. I’ve got to live with a new normal perspective. I need to be grateful for what I can do and actively live aware of things I shouldn’t do. Even these tough times are purposeful in God’s hands.

“So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

A Bad & Good Kind Of Pain

Posted on February 24, 2021     Leave a Comment

I’ve not had a bad day overall. Had a fairly productive day of ministry. Had a daddy night with my youngest son. I was blessed by God to be able to get up and show up. These days are definitely way better than some of my most painful days in my past.

That said I’m in a great deal of pain tonight. I’m talking about my legs aching continuously. My lower back surgical area throbbing and making me feel nauseous. It’s the type pain you can’t allow to stay on top of you for long. Fortunately, I have taken meds that I’m hopeful will help me rest within a few hours.

I absolutely hate feeling this way. In the moment, it always feels like it’s going to take me down for good. Fortunately, I’ve learned this too shall pass. I will get past this momentary madness even if it makes my heart race momentarily.

I know this because God has proven His faithfulness time and time again. It lifts my faith to remember where I used to be. It lifts my faith to know how far God has taken me. It lifts my faith to know that whatever comes my way God will take me through it. This bad, but good pain reminds me that without God’s help I could do nothing.

“I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:12

From Pain To Purpose

Posted on February 19, 2021     Leave a Comment

There was a time when all you heard about was my pain. Everyday felt like nonstop torment. Hope seem nowhere in sight. Life was just a fight for survival. The days and nights seemed endless. Only misery consumed me.

So much has changed over the past two years. God has used my pain to keep me humble. God has used my pain to strengthen my faith in Him alone. God has used my pain to give me a true understanding and compassion for others in pain. God has used my pain to accomplish things for my good and His glory. God has used my pain to teach me that miracles still do happen.

While I may still have limitations and some daily discomfort. The good in my life now far outweighs the bad. I’m back to living my new purpose while embracing my new normal. I’ve always got reason to praise God because rarely are tears pouring down my face. Before it seemed to be a frequent occurrence.

For 4 long years I thought nothing would change. All I did was keep the faith while seeking to take the next right step. I had many praying for me along the way. In God’s perfect timing I found the other side of my misery. What was once just pain is now my new found joy in the Lord.

I’ve learned that I can make it through anything with God on my side. I’ve learned God will always make a way when there seems to be no way. I’ve learned that even the things that surprise you never surprise Him. I’ve learned there are two types of pain. There is wasted pain and purposeful pain. In our hands pain is only heartache. In God’s hands it’s clay that God is molding into something beautiful.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

P.S. I used to hold these spinal cord stimulator batteries in my hand just choosing to believe God would change things. He helped me and He will help you.

Don’t Ignore The Warning Lights

Posted on February 11, 2021     Leave a Comment

Here I go again experiencing another night in the flames of nerve pain. I really had a pretty decent day after a good night’s sleep. But, by supper time I didn’t even feel like the same person. These burning nerve sensations run from my feet all the way into my face. There’s no quick fix or running from them. Eventually my medication will help me drift off to sleep.

In the meantime, all I can do is wait and learn from my mistakes. There’s no doubt I’ve been doing way too much with my nerve condition. Too much stress, too many hours and too many possible pitfalls to mention. At least I know that recovery always starts with rest, diet, discipline, and monitoring closely my work flow.

I’m convinced our bodies are much like vehicles. When something lights up on our car dash we know it indicates something needs to be addressed. When things act up with our bodies it usually indicates something needs our attention. I hate these feelings and nights like this one. But, it’s these nights that remind me I’ve got to listen closely to my body. I’ve also got to be still and let God be God.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Look What God Has Done

Posted on February 10, 2021     Leave a Comment

The past few nights have been very painful . Not sure what exactly has triggered my nerve pain. I have been very busy from sun up to sun down. I have been under a lot of pressure as my ministry keeps growing. Honestly, life in general has been very demanding and challenging.

Even still, God has really been helping me see all the positives. One, my pain is nothing compared to my dad’s battle with cancer. Two, my pain doesn’t compare to the emotional pain my mom carries daily caring for my dad. Three, I just know things could always be much worse. My present difficult moments are nothing compared to some of my past darkest days of pain.

I remember how all I could think about was my pain. I was taking twice the amount of medication before than now. I recall like yesterday having to rely on a cain or a walker just to take the next step. I basically lived in doctor’s office. I really couldn’t see any future with the pain blinding me day and night.

However, that was then and this is now. I can now smile and operate with a clear mind most of the time. I’m able to enjoy moments with my family and continue to minister to others. A few years ago, I didn’t think any of this would be possible. Seeing God continue to do miracles really lifts my spirits. There’s no way for anyone but God to get the glory when it comes to my God story. Even my present limitations continue to be used by God to accomplish His purpose.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Just Checking In

Posted on January 17, 2021     Leave a Comment

I’ve been away from social media for a few weeks. Just trying to stay focused on things that matter most. This never ending season has been tough. All you can do is keep taking the next right step. Times like these demand we walk by faith and not by sight.

You can be certain you’re not alone in your struggles. None of us can predict what tomorrow brings. None of us can makes sense of all the madness. None of us can thrive mask or no mask without God’s continued strength and guidance.

My prayer is that none of us live with a misplaced hope. Presidents, pastors, and even the best intending people will let you down. This world is full of empty promises and shattered dreams. There’s no drug, drink or man made thing that can truly fill you with lasting peace. Only in Christ will you no longer live with a God shaped void inside.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)