FAITH WALKING Category

Understanding My Spinal Stimulator

After three years of having my St Jude spinal cord stimulator implanted. I’m smiling bigger than ever before. Trust me, it takes quite awhile to understand how it works and how to feel it working at a maximum level. I have permanent nerve damage from my lower back all the way down through both feet. […]

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Hearing My Father’s Voice

It’s after 2:45 in the morning. I desperately need to fall asleep since I’ve got a very long day ahead. Usually, I would’ve been snoring at least 3-4 hours ago already. Yet, when I need sleep the most it just doesn’t seem to come easy. So, I’m just praying I will fall asleep very soon. […]

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I’m Not There Anymore

It’s actually been a couple years since I’ve blogged consistently about my life altering pain. Before, I lived with day and night torture from sun up to sun down. I spent over four years straight just trying to remain sane through the pain. After countless doctors appointments, surgeries, shots, counseling and daily physical therapy. I […]

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Is Your Pain Running You Down?

After a wonderful relaxing week with my wife. I came back home this past Thursday. Honestly, I got off of a cruise ship and entered a battleship. So many people going through so much. Covid which appeared to be sleeping reared it’s ugly head more than ever before. I’ve spent the past few days visiting […]

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I Won’t Forget My Tribe

It’s been quite awhile since I posted on this page. In fact, it’s been many months since I discussed my own chronic pain journey. For the most part that’s a good thing. On the other hand, I don’t ever want to forget those who live with chronic pain. I lived in that extreme valley far […]

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Dad Gave Me His Torch

It has been exactly 72 days since my 72 year old dad took his last earthly breath. My last conversation with him was a little over 20 hours prior to his passing. For that moment it was just him and me in the emergency room. Dad made it very clear that he was completely ready […]

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My Little Faith Walker

My youngest son Asher has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever known. He cares so deeply about people and animals. Just the thought of someone’s pain brings him to his knees. He always prays the most heartfelt prayers. That makes sense because he always says “daddy they come from the heart.” Tonight he prayed […]

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A Rare Rough Night

Anyone who has followed my pain journey long knows I’ve had a lot of rough nights in the past. It used to be that the only time I felt any relief was in my sleep. Night after night felt like a pain driven nightmare. Back then my prayers seemed like whispers. I really began to […]

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Take Up Your Cross

I’m typically in bed by at least 10pm every night. I’m generally asleep at the latest by midnight. Usually my nighttime medications help me fall asleep sometime in that window of time. However, tonight has been one of those rare occasions. Here it is 7am and I’ve not slept a wink all night. Not really […]

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Keep Walking With God

The longer you live I really believe your faith should grow. As you realize your limitations. It should make you realize your desperate need for God. The older you get the more you should ponder life after death. You should think more about how what you are doing in this life will impact the life […]

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Limits Don’t Define You

When you see this video you just see an 11yr old boy having normal fun. When I see this young man riding what he calls “Rolling Thunder” I see the power of God at work. My youngest son Asher is one of the sweetest kids I know. However, he faces numerous physical, emotional, and mental […]

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Just A Tough Day

I woke up today in quite a fix. It was all I could do to get out of my bed. Sadly, it’s nothing that ever takes me by total surprise. I knew my nervous system was out of whack. I knew that nothing would be easy for me today. Anyone who has battled long with […]

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Pain Connects Us

Last night and really all day my lower back pain has been constant. Fortunately, God gave me the grace and strength to preach two outdoors services. I’ve learned how to put mind over the matter when necessary. But, eventually the pain rushing through my body like a tornado threatens everything. It affects me physically, mentally, […]

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It Doesn’t Have To Make Sense

I understand what’s it’s like to have a chronic condition that can take you down without a moments notice. Honestly, I can’t lift over 5 pounds and it not give me fits. I can’t stand or sit for over an hour and not hurt like crazy. I can’t handle half of what I once could […]

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Need Some Relief From Your Chronic Pain?

Let me begin by saying that anything I’m about to share has been proven. It has proven to at least help reduce inflammation in your body. To keep those of us who are already one degree away from boiling stay sane. If you battle daily with inflammation in your body you need to listen. If […]

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God’s Not Done With You

Apart from a miracle I will be fighting with my body in some way for the rest of my life. I try not to dwell on it or feed it. I try not to allow that to be my permanent life excuse. However, my body reminds me daily that the doctor wasn’t lying to me. […]

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Better Just Sore

Last night was a night I would rather forget. Every nerve in my body crashed leaving me just a shell of myself. For nearly 3 hours my heart was pounding and my body was burned within. It’s like having an outer body experience you can’t fully explain. You feel trapped inside and the nerve pain […]

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Nerves Are Fried Again

Well, I was asleep for an hour or more. Suddenly, my nervous system literally woke me up going completely crazy. Every part of my body has been constantly vibrating. The least little sound, movement and even my own voice sends me into orbit. This experience is like having an internal earthquake that is way off […]

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A Bad & Good Kind Of Pain

I’ve not had a bad day overall. Had a fairly productive day of ministry. Had a daddy night with my youngest son. I was blessed by God to be able to get up and show up. These days are definitely way better than some of my most painful days in my past. That said I’m […]

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From Pain To Purpose

There was a time when all you heard about was my pain. Everyday felt like nonstop torment. Hope seem nowhere in sight. Life was just a fight for survival. The days and nights seemed endless. Only misery consumed me. So much has changed over the past two years. God has used my pain to keep […]

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Don’t Ignore The Warning Lights

Here I go again experiencing another night in the flames of nerve pain. I really had a pretty decent day after a good night’s sleep. But, by supper time I didn’t even feel like the same person. These burning nerve sensations run from my feet all the way into my face. There’s no quick fix […]

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Look What God Has Done

The past few nights have been very painful . Not sure what exactly has triggered my nerve pain. I have been very busy from sun up to sun down. I have been under a lot of pressure as my ministry keeps growing. Honestly, life in general has been very demanding and challenging. Even still, God […]

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Just Checking In

I’ve been away from social media for a few weeks. Just trying to stay focused on things that matter most. This never ending season has been tough. All you can do is keep taking the next right step. Times like these demand we walk by faith and not by sight. You can be certain you’re […]

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Keep Praying For Dad

In so many ways this Christmas will be different and full of emotions. It remains to be seen if our entire family will gather together at all. Dad has certainly had his share of setbacks lately. He spent hours at the emergency room this past Saturday due to extreme pain in his eye. He was […]

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God Whatever You Want

My dad was a pastor for 48 years. He can’t remember any church being closed more than a few times period. I’ve been in the ministry 27 years and I can only remember the church being closed a couple times ever. Yet, here I am pastoring a church that has not met “inside” for corporate […]

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Even In The Bad Times

I’ve been off social for nearly one month. I’ve not preached on a Sunday in over 3 weeks. For many reasons I had to step back from the world as I once knew it. I desperately needed to catch my breath. I had to get my own self healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That is […]

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Taking An Extended Break

I’ve not been on social media in quite awhile. I don’t plan on being on here for several more weeks. Last Sunday night I had another major neurological breakdown. I’ve not had one that severe in at least 3 years. My body is still recovering from feeling so fried inside. Of course, initially it brought […]

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Living The Dream

In 2007 I had a dream from God. In that dream God showed me people my ministry would impact if I stayed faithful to Him. Blindfolded, God took me to the edge of a cliff. Then, he removed the blindfold and it took my breath away. There were multitudes of people as far as the […]

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Another Wall To Scale

My pain has been relentless practically all day. My lower back surgical area has just stayed on fire. Nerve pain keeps flooding my body. My face has stayed on fire as the nerve sensations have no where else to roam. This gnawing sensation keeps me feeling nauseated. Early this morning I put together a new […]

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When The Pain Runs Deep

Toxins have been building up inside of me for weeks. Last week was very tough. This week has been tolerable, but still somewhere miserable. My nerve pain is consuming my body. My entire face is flooded with painful nerve sensations. I feel so irritable most of the time due to my ramped up pain. The […]

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Finding Comfort In Pain

I understand my body is broken. I remember the doctor saying nearly 5 years ago words I never cared to hear. He said, “no matter what anyone tells you this can’t be fixed. Trust me, you have permanent nerve damage.” I wish I could say that doctor was dead wrong. However, my body keeps confirming […]

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Thank You Jesus

Now, I may still be sore and limited in certain movement. But, there’s no doubt things are trending in the right direction. This heating pad on my back right now feels like Jesus with skin. The medical massage I got earlier was Heaven sent at Total Wellness. Then, I went back for another neck and […]

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While I Was Sleeping

Last night I had a full night of sleep for the first time in many days. By that I mean uninterrupted. I didn’t wake up tossing and turning. I wasn’t feel one ounce of pain while I was actually sleeping and that’s a God thing. Today, I woke up just feeling very sore and cautious […]

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Finding Peace In Chaos

Well, let me start this out with some good news. Today, dad safely endured being put under anesthesia. Then, his doctor removed surgically a biopsy from his temple. It will be at least early next week before he hears any results. At the very least we figure he is battling temporal arthritis among other things. […]

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When The Pain Is Blinding

My health is presently not good at all. You name it and it hurts on my body. I’m trying my best to weather this storm and see beyond this misery. I know this isn’t my first rodeo with pain. Still it makes everything harder when I’m consumed with such misery. Nights have been the worst. […]

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In This Season

God is teaching me so many things in this season. No, it’s not been fun or even enjoyable. But, I would say it’s been worth the sweat, stress and tears. Now, I’m not talking about this world’s craziness or anyone’s political views. I’m talking about what God has shown me during this time in His […]

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The Struggle Is Real

My flesh doesn’t want to share these words with you. In fact, the devil really doesn’t want me being honest. Yet, there are many times we must get over our pride. We must be real about our feelings and fears. Our hurts, our pains and our everyday human struggles. The past eight months have been […]

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Pain Pain Go Away

As most of you know I don’t write much these days about my pain. Only when pain compels me to share my story. For at least 4 years straight pain consumed my life. Fortunately , I really do have more good days than bad now. But, recently my pain has reared it’s ugly head again. […]

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Things Have To Change

For 7 1/2 months straight I’ve been going and going. Ministry has never felt more demanding. Time has never felt so fleeting. My body has been screaming for my attention the last few weeks. I’m well aware that I’ve got to make some life adjustments ASAP. Sure, I could justify most of my steps. I […]

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He Won’t Fail You

Tonight, my lower back is giving me a little extra grief. It seems my surgical spot is more inflamed than usual. Honestly, my pain level is no more than a 4 out of 10. There’s just enough discomfort to hinder my sleep for now. Now, I’ve taken my normal night time medications and some extra. […]

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I’m Really Surprised

Well, I drove early this morning to Charleston to see my pain specialist. An hour of driving one way doesn’t sound like a big deal. But, it’s a very big deal for me even still. My wife does the driving 95 percent of time for us. When I do drive it’s typically only a few […]

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Look What God Has Done

Tomorrow, I will go see my pain specialist. Hard to believe it’s officially been one year since my last pain shot. Based on my condition I was supposed to need at least 3 or 4 shots every year. Before, I really had no choice with my persistent pain. But, here I am still not presently […]

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Finding The Blessings

My arms were tired. Then, I saw a man with no arms. My legs were weak. Then, I saw a man with no legs. My back was aching. Then, I saw a man who was paralyzed. My heart was broken. Then, I saw a man whose heart quit beating. My life was altered. Then I […]

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How Is Your Pain Now?

I’m jumping on here to give a little update. I’ve had many ask from time to time how my pain level is now. Obviously, that’s not a crazy question considering I spent nearly 5 years straight in smothering pain. Honestly, I don’t even like to think about those painful days. Certain times of reflection just […]

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When You Feel So Restless

Sometimes you just find yourself restless. You may not even be able to pinpoint exactly what has you so worked up. All you know is your feelings are drowning you. If you could shutdown your mind you certainly would. Honestly, these are the moments satan can’t wait to pounce on you. You will be tempted […]

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Preparing For The Next 9-11

For those of us old enough to realize what was happening at that time. We couldn’t forget that day if we tried. Those planes took down way more than those twin towers on September 11th 2001. They ripped open our hearts and exposed our fragile humanity. That day forced us all to stop dead in […]

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If We’re Honest

No wonder everyone seems so irritable. No wonder the least little thing causes people to go crazy. One, it’s been hot enough to instantly catch on fire. Two, most of us have felt stuck in hibernation for 5 1/2 months. Three, social media reminds you of “The Three Stooges.” Four, most days keep feeling like […]

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Teachers Have A Calling

I’ve been a minister of the gospel for over 27 years. The only thing that keeps me committed is a very strong call from God. Never do I feel like I’ve got things figured out. Rarely do things ever go as planned. However, the call and the opportunity to impact lives keeps me motivated. I […]

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We’ve All Been Contaminated

I rarely ever watch anything on television these days. If I do it’s certainly not the news. I don’t listen to the radio period. I’m not around anyone filling my ears with the latest bad news. I may get on social media an hour each day. So, you would think my chances of feeling contaminated […]

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When This Is Over

It’s been 5 months since the world quit turning as usual. Our churches, schools businesses and even sports have all been stopped in their tracks. Our very way of life has been changed in so many ways. Amidst all the conflict, chaos and fight to return things back to normal. God help my heart never […]

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Count Your Blessings

I’ve dealt with a bit of a flair with my nerve condition. For the past 6 hours my skin has been crawling. This uncomfortable tingling is running throughout my entire nervous system. I wish I could find the off switch. So far nothing has stopped it or slowed it down. This chaotic disruption within me […]

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1400 Posts, 94,000 Views, 130 Countries

craigcrosby.blog/4000-impressions-later/

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Dad Needs Me Now

All my life my dad has worked hard. He has sought to be a great provider and dad. He has been a great man of God and example to follow. The first half of my life he was my actual pastor. The second half of my life he has still been a pastor I could […]

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Leading In This Season

I can’t put it fully into words. This season has just been a tough time to be a leader. So many divisions, opinions, and anxious thoughts. Everybody is seeing things through their own viewpoint. Some watch this network and others watch another. Some believe in masks others don’t even believe there is a threat. All […]

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I’m Much Better Now

Our family made our normal Sunday visit with my parents today. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on going since I only slept three hours last night. Most of my night and day were filled with nerve pain and great anxiety. I found myself in my bed feeling so overwhelmed. Then, I thought about my dad’s condition. […]

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Gotta Keep Praying

Here I am again dealing with another heart pounding moment. My nerve condition often makes me have to sit up in bed. Every time I try laying down my heart feels like it’s beating outside of my chest. My anxiety then kicks into a much higher gear. Fortunately, I’m a veteran at dealing with these […]

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Don’t Waste Your Pain

Less than 30 minutes ago I shared about my struggle. This meant I had to get over my pride. This meant I had to be obedient in saying what God put on my heart. He has always compelled me to write in the eye of the pain. To praise Him in the storm not just […]

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Please Know

Please know that anything I ever share it’s not for self-pity. It’s in hopes that my faith journey encourages you on your journey. I don’t ever want to waste my God allowed pain. The greatest stuff I’ve ever seen has been through my pain. I thank God daily for every struggle along with every victory. […]

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God Can Rescue You Too

I’m sick of saying it, feeling it and having to fight through it. Once again I’m in the heat of a battle I’ve faced so many times. Feels like someone has set my entire nervous system on fire. This time for some reason I just can’t find the off switch. In fact, I have no […]

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140 Days and Counting

Sunday will make 140 days since any group has gathered inside the church I pastor. For our growing church body it has clearly been the safest decision. I believe I speak for most pastors when I say every week has been unprecedented. Churches in the south rarely ever close their doors for any reason. This […]

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All I Can Do Is Pray

This is the fourth night in a row my entire body has been hijacked with nerve pain. It is really hard to explain something that feels like you’ve got electricity constantly running throughout your body. I feel fried and weary in every way. I’ve done everything I know to do to feel better. At night […]

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Count Every Victory

It’s 3:30am and I’m wide awake. At least my nerves and pain are settled some at this moment. Had another rough night but didn’t have to take any Valium. I used my CBD oil under my tongue and eventually the strong neurological current within me settled down. This condition of mine is often merciless. No […]

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Down Not Hopeless

Well, I’ve not exactly been doing great with my nerve pain recently. Last week was very taxing on my mind, heart and body. However, after a very relaxing Saturday I really thought I was doing good. Then, that Saturday night brought another hurricane experience. After plenty of sleep it seemed the worst was behind me. […]

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Understanding Chronic Pain

This is for those trying to understand the battle of chronic pain. First, let’s begin by giving you a very clear definition. Chronic pain is pain persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. Honestly, it’s not something that ever really goes away. You just don’t always feel it the same depending upon the moment, […]

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No More PB&J For Me

Maybe you do or maybe you don’t like peanut butter and jelly toast. I have always loved it with a big glass of milk. But, for the past year I’ve pretty much stayed away from it due to the sugar intake and my chronic pain issues. I also rarely drink regular milk as I’ve discovered […]

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So Thankful To God

Been laying here not able to sleep. That’s when it hit me just how bad things used to be. Suddenly my mind was flooded by images of the past. Back when pain was all I saw and hope was fading. Every day felt like a year and going to sleep was my favorite part of […]

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My Hope Is Renewed

Well, I just finished up another seemingly never ending day. However, God took me through it despite my depleted strength. I find that every time I think I’m going to collapse God catches me. As you’ve read this has been a very challenging week of ministry for me. But, there are always going to be […]

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Hard Habit To Break

Another day and another hard lesson learned. My heartbeat is finally slowing down and my nerves are certainly shot. As I sit here waiting on my meds to kick in all I can do is breathe in and breathe out prayer. This time last week I was so relaxed while on family vacation. Now, I […]

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Trust and Obey

My body is extremely exhausted. I’ve been seeking to do way too much over the past 48 hours. Especially with some of my health battles. Ministry has never been busier and people have never been so broken. For me it’s very hard to find the shut off valve. Especially when you really care about others […]

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When Anxiety Attacks

Prior to my nerve damage I never dealt with anything major in my own personal life. I was always very healthy and never took any medications. I was able to handle heavy loads of ministry. Sometimes I would deal with 25-30 crisis situations weekly. There were times when I preached 3 funerals in one week. […]

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Things I Must Do Daily

For those dealing with ongoing chronic pain issues. There are certain things we have to do daily. At least we need to do them in order to live our best life now. It takes awhile to learn how to live your new normal. While I’m way better than a year ago here are some things […]

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New Day, Same Mercy

After a very, very rough night. I’m feeling much better today. Once I ever settled down from last night’s meltdown. I slept at least 7 hours or more. Man those tough moments always take me by surprise. But, I’m very grateful for the life that pain gives me. One, it’s hard to take for granted […]

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He Is Always There

I’ve been attempting to sleep for nearly 4 hours. My body is exhausted and my night time meds should’ve long ago kicked in. I’m definitely certain my body has been affected by food I’ve eaten the past few days. However, I really didn’t see this panic attack coming my way. It’s the type that forces […]

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Its Been A Bumpy Landing

I just finished a wonderful 6 nights and 7 days away from reality with my family. In most every respect I was disconnected from normal life for me. I only checked my phone occasionally for any urgent messages. I never looked once at a computer. Outside of my own personal bible reading I didn’t do […]

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My Opinion About COVID-19

I realize we all have different opinions concerning these times. I don’t believe any of us are fully right or wrong. Mainly because we only know what we know. No, we can’t control all the chaos or the spreading of COVID-19. However, we all can choose to take necessary and thoughtful precautions. I still remember […]

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God We Need Ramps Again

Today, my dad saw his cancer doctor. He was scheduled for surgery tomorrow. This surgery was supposed to help with his back pain. However, it turns out that no surgery can stop dad’s present pain. Instead, dad’s greatest pain is related to the cancer creating havoc in his very bones. Sadly, dad didn’t get the […]

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Pain Is Unpredictable

Earlier my entire family of 6 went to visit my parents. Supper was great and we certainly shared some laughs with mom. I say mom because dad’s pain has gotten the best of him recently. All he can do is proactively try to keep his pain contained. Even then he knows it can sneak up […]

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The Anchor Holds

It has been a very quiet July 4th. My aching body kept me in the bed most of the day. My pain has been bearable. I just didn’t have the strength to get out much. Plus, my brother in law shot fireworks for us the night before. Earlier, I did eat a 8oz sirloin steak, […]

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Gotta Shake Off The Rust

For many of us with physical struggles we always have to limit our physical activity. However, this quarantine season limited most of us too much. Sometimes it’s a good thing to have to walk somewhere. Sitting around even more than usual can lead to your body feeling mighty rusty. Next thing you know your body […]

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God Is Using My Pain Again

I’m currently waiting on my body to quit aching so I can get some much needed sleep. I’m not doing terrible, but more like my past normal. Normal for me is having enough pain to keep me uncomfortable no matter what I’m doing. It doesn’t matter whether I’m sitting still or laying down. There is […]

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God Doesn’t Waste Pain

Just finishing up a very long day. I’ve not had a break all day. The good news is God keeps giving me the strength and discernment needed. My pain and discomfort have been minimal. My health has allowed me to help many others struggling way more than me. In many ways, I believe feeling useful […]

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God Has Got This

Somehow I’m right back on this intense faith walking journey. One minute I’m fine and the next my nervous system goes haywire. All I can do is lay on my side, take deep breaths, and ask God for comfort. Sure, it’s something I’ve experienced many times, but you never get used to it. My body […]

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I Feel It In The Air

We are about to complete the 15th straight week of COVID-19 madness. It really does feel like the world shutdown 105 days ago. Sure life goes on, but it definitely does not feel normal. Some feel the need to wear masks and social distance. Others think this entire virus is nothing to be feared. In […]

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The Best Father’s Day Ever

There’s never been a Father’s Day I’ve not been grateful for my dad. However, this year is different than all the rest. Everything changed after our long ride to the hospital that December night. I remember thinking on the way you certainly looked very sick. Then, I was blown away hours later to hear that […]

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You’re Still In His Hands

This has certainly been my most physically miserable week in quite some time. Just like it used to be in the past the nights are usually the worse. Seems anytime the pain gets on top of you. It’s really hard for you to get back on top of it. Nights like this I can almost […]

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Pain, Perspective, & Purpose

Most people who say their nerves are fried usually only mean they are stressed to the max. When I say the same thing I mean it literally. I believe if someone opened me up they wouldn’t believe their eyes. My interior nerves would resemble an electrical box full of twisted wires. I really don’t need […]

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I Can Still Relate

Usually at least one night every week it happens. Everything seems to be okay and then it’s not. Suddenly my body just caves in once again. It’s like somebody floods my entire body with electricity. My feet, legs, hands, chest and even my face won’t quit vibrating. Unfortunately, I can’t always tell you what ignites […]

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Are You Living to End Racism?

Wait a minute…please don’t answer that question so fast. I need to further explain what I mean. I didn’t ask whether you think you’re a racist. I asked are you living in such a way that counters racism? Meaning, are you just protesting the issue or living in a way that helps towards fixing the […]

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DEAR BELIEVER: Please Do Your Part

Folks it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that we are in troubled times. People of all backgrounds, races, and perspectives are freaking out. Please before you just identify the problems. Please make sure that you aren’t part of the problem. I say this while continually making constant evaluation of myself. If you call […]

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Dear Class Of 2020

I’m sorry your senior year came to such an abrupt ending. I know you had no idea that mid-march would be your last day of school. I’m sorry you missed precious senior moments with your friends. I’m sorry that even your graduation day has been very unpredictable. There’s no doubt we will all remember what […]

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What The World Needs Now

Many reading this right now are beyond frazzled. You keep watching the news or the next FB post. None of it makes sense to you. You want to stop the madness and you want everybody to quit going crazy. If only everyone could see through your eyes of reasoning all would be right in the […]

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We’re Not Just Fishing

Many will see this picture and think what’s the big deal. Well, the guy fishing in this boat with me today is my 18 year old son Joel. He and I used to go fishing together all the time. He and I both loved getting in that John boat and floating down the river. Until […]

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How Do You Process Things?

When it comes to unwinding from a long day we’re all different. Some of us like to be left alone and others like a hand to hold. Some of us don’t want to say one word and others can’t say enough words. Some of us hold all our emotions inside and others just let their […]

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My Daily Battle

By now, most should realize how little I speak about my pain compared to the past. Honestly, I try not to feed it or focus on it. Of course, it still stares me in the face daily. From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay down I feel it. There is rarely […]

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This Virus Is Getting Old

If we’re honest, we’ve all been highly impacted by this Coronavirus. To a degree we feel like we’ve been put on permanent house arrest. Sure, the first couple weeks were not that bad. However, we’re on the seventh week of seeing the same old faces and having no clear end in sight. Let’s be real, […]

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Everyone Should Be Awake Now

We’re all still shaking our heads in disbelief. This season feels much like we’re all on house arrest. Sure, things could always get worse. But, right now we all feel stuck. Most decisions concerning the outside world appear out of our hands. In the meantime, life just keeps on going. We still have to pay […]

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Only In The Storm

If we’re honest, the only time God has our absolute full attention is in the storm. When we totally feel we’re at His mercy. When we totally feel out of control. When we know the only way forward is by faith. When the only thing bigger than the storm in front of us is the […]

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After The Storm

Last night, I was unexpectedly tortured by nerve pain God has been keeping calm for months. Unfortunately, it’s been very hard to stick to my normally strict diet during this quarantine season. My body lit up within like someone had started a forest fire inside of me. I can’t adequately explain what I felt for […]

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The Dam Broke

The pain running throughout my body is totally debilitating. You would think a dam gave way allowing all my pain to flood back into me. Obviously, something not good for me has gotten into my system. I’ve not had pain like this in what feels like forever. Every part of my body is aching and […]

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My Life Feels Upside Down

Most of us have been thrown totally out of our normal routines. Our days and nights have felt upside down forever. Like someone embracing a new work shift. This season of chaos has forced us to embrace a totally new way of life. All we can do is adjust and make the most of our […]

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His Power In My Weakness

Today has been a very painful day. You would think I had 3 or 4 broken ribs on my right side. The pain can feel crippling with whatever is torn inside. One minute you’re nauseous and the next minute you feel like crying. I’m finally able to swallow another healing season. Only God knows how […]

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Back In The Pain Chamber

Well, I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything about my pain. That’s been the case for a few different reasons. One, I really have experienced much better good days than bad pain wise. Two, since this pandemic started I’ve never been busier as a minister. Three, I really try not to […]

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Dear Control Freak

You would think by now you would know better. That no matter how hard you try there will be no perfect days. In fact, some days you will fall short a thousand times. I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I’m just trying to help you see these clear human facts. Now, I appreciate your great […]

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5 Reasons I Love This Season

These are troubling times for many. I could list a hundred reasons why that is truly the case. Even still there’s always good things to celebrate even in the valley. Depending on your viewpoint right now you might disagree with me. But, I can tell you five things that are really good about this never […]

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Seek Him Now

This past Monday before 5am God woke me up. I was still very tired and could’ve easily gone back to sleep. However, I couldn’t with all God was flooding to my heart. It was only the second time ever that God spoke to me so clearly in a dream. He literally told me everything I […]

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Living In Uncertain Days

Right now, most of us are totally out of our comfort zone. Yesterday’s normal feels long gone. Kids can’t go to school, businesses can’t stay open and even churches can’t gather together. Everyday makes us feel like we’ve been thrown into a prison of sorts. Especially when we’ve been ordered not to leave our home […]

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When Will I See You Again?

At the present time it’s only been two weeks. In my life, it feels like two years. This was my second Sunday in a row preaching to only a camera and empty seats. Sure, I can see God at work in the midst of this pandemic. In fact, I’m certain God is doing even more […]

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The Time Is Now

I’ve not been writing like I have in the past. Now, I feel the need to process the heaviness all around me. In fact, who am I kidding. There are plenty of alarms going off within me. We’re all somewhere we’ve never been before. Honestly, you would think the sky is falling down. As a […]

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The Anxiety Level Is High

Day by day this Coronavirus is changing our usual way of life. Kids are no longer in school. Young families are simply surviving and trying to adjust. Older adults and others with weaker immune systems aren’t sure what they can do without being at a major risk. Businesses, schools, restaurants, and even churches are having […]

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Sleep Where Are You?

For nearly two weeks I’ve not been able to sleep like I once could for so long. My body has proven in the past that I typically need at least 8 hours of nightly rest for my body to function well. I’ve been averaging maybe 6 hours of daily sleep. Even that sleep has been […]

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Sometimes God Closes Doors

Right now most of our culture is in total disbelief. We hear nonstop news of this Coronavirus threat. Cancellations are happening every hour. Sporting events, schools and even churches are being shut down. This is a historic season that Americans won’t soon forget. Yet, sometimes God needs to close certain doors.  Maybe God needed us […]

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Plenty Of Reasons To Pray

This week has seemed in many respects like a bad dream. Far beyond my own body surprising me with much unwanted pain. I feel like the entire world around me is in panic mode. Who knows how many more places will be shutdown soon as the world stares at the threat of this Coronavirus. Even […]

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Need Your Prayers Again

Written: March 12th Another difficult day in the books. This is not the kind of week I expected. In fact, I hoped that I would never feel this way again. Then, seemingly out of nowhere I find myself in this puddle of pain and distress. All I’m praying now is for this storm to pass. […]

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Clueless But Confident

Written: March 11th Well, I’ve had a few rough days physically speaking. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve felt so clueless. Once again something has disrupted my entire body. This time I can’t tell you whether it’s my diet or some other contaminating component. All I know is I once again feel miserable and on […]

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God Will Reward You

We live in a world that is used to living on two different planets. Sometimes we socialize on earth. Most today primarily socialize on the internet. Yes, technology has made it possible for us to be connected to the entire world at once. Technology has also overwhelmed and distracted us in many ways. To counter […]

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The Struggle Is Real

Just hours ago I would’ve said I’m doing great considering. I was and still am very grateful for the blessings in my life. However, I don’t think I’ve gone an entire day all week without the air being knocked out of my sails. It never feels good. Nor is it easy to just get over […]

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Wake Up Sleeper

Well, last night was pretty rough. But I ended up getting nearly 10 hours of sleep with the help of medications. Anytime my body crashes it’s like recovering from some internal seizure. My entire body just aches all over and demands rest to recoup. Once I got that much needed rest I felt like a […]

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I Just Have To Remember

I’ve been at this point what seems like a thousand times. Oh how tough it is to keep eating different than most people all the time. I’ve not eaten quite as strictly for nearly a week. Today, it’s just finally caught up to me. My neuropathy has been back to running from my feet to […]

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Gotta Stay Prepared

Preaching on Sundays is never something I take lightly. I prayerfully prepare all week to the best of my ability. I ask God to direct my every thought. To give me the message He would have communicated. Then, I ask God to help me share it with great clarity, power, truth, and grace. Being a […]

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A Total Setup By God

It’s been over 9 hours since I heard the news. Since God showed up and showed out on my dad’s behalf. I’m still wondering when I’m gonna wake up from this dream. No matter when I think of what God has done. I just keep shaking my head. I’ve never felt more awe struck and […]

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I’ve Seen Enough To Pray More

I’ve decided I must write this while I’m at my highest point of confident faith. I’ve seen a lot the past 5 years alone. I’ve seen God resurrect a little boy who was sure to leave this earth. I’ve seen God restore my health, life and ministry. Now, I’ve seen God take the prayers of […]

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I CANNOT BELIEVE IT !!!

I just got a phone call from my mom. She was very hard to understand due to her intense crying. My heart dropped as the only words I could understand at first were “Your Daddy.” As her voice got clearer I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Could this really be true! They had just […]

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My Daddy Made It

Today marked exactly 50 days since we discovered my dad is fighting cancer. I would say that was the exact day my entire life perspective drastically changed. So often we think we’ve got forever on this earth. Then something exposes our humanity and the brevity of life. All things considered dad is doing the best […]

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Best I’ve Felt In 5 Years

It’s been a long week full of discovery. This past Tuesday I spent all day getting allergy testing. I’ve waited for this appointment for nearly four months. Anxiously I’ve wondered what allergies might be triggering my nerve pain. After 25 shots in the arm I finally left with some answers. First, it was discovered that […]

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Some Good News About Dad

Haven’t updated you guys lately concerning my dad. His pain and nausea have been much more under control in recent days. His doctor gave him a two week break from his chemo injections. Mainly so his body could get some much needed rest. However, he will get another infusion tomorrow. Overall, I can sense my […]

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Learning From A Boy

Today, I had the joy of visiting with my dad. He was much more comfortable than many past visits. They decided a week ago that his body needed some rest from his chemotherapy injections. However, the reality of his condition is beginning to take it’s toll on him and mom. The past six weeks have […]

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You Can’t Shut It Off

Been a lot on my mind all day long. Situations, people, problems, potential problems, and just an overall heaviness. Seems to be in the air everywhere I turn right now. Of course, I’m trying to be optimistic concerning all of it. Even still I wish I could find a shut off switch. I know many […]

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I Hate Chronic Pain

Both my college boys came home this weekend. So, I attempted to play Monopoly with them tonight. Less than 1 1/2 hours later I’m just a puddle of pain. How can I go from feeling so good to so bad that quickly? This kind of experience always leaves me shaking my head. Finally, I just […]

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God Turned Things Around

This long day has been full of moments worth celebrating. These moments involve my church, my dad and my health. I believe all three are trending in a much healthier direction. Let me briefly explain myself. One, it was a breath of fresh air to attend the church I pastor. I walked through the doors […]

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Renewed Strength Found

We were blessed to go out to eat with my parents tonight. It was so good to see dad out of the house. Even better it was great to see dad looking somewhat comfortable. After some new pain meds he was able to rest a few hours. That rest gave him just the lift he […]

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Confession Is Healing

Some may think I share too much of my feelings. However, as most people do there are lots of things I hold back too. Not everything is meant to speak out loud. Not everything is meant to be heard by everyone. So, it’s not about telling everything to everyone. However, I have learned that confession […]

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So Much On My Mind

Right now, I feel I could write a book. Not about the past, but just expressing my present feelings. My heart and body have really been hurting. My wife said something that was pretty profound. She said “you know the two are connected.” Yes, I know that sounds so silly. However, there’s no denying my […]

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Keep Praying For My Dad

My dad is once again in a whole lot of discomfort. I hate to see him or hear him crying. However, that’s what makes me know the pain is so great. We are seeking to trust the Lord with every step. We’re praying for God to bring healing to his body. His kidneys are still […]

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Struggles In Your Backyard

I used to say this all the time. I’m realizing more and more this statement is so true. Things are always different when it’s happening in your backyard. When the struggle belongs to you, a family member or a close friend. Otherwise it’s just someone you’re prayer for from a distance. Praying for someone struggling […]

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Not Tomorrow Satan

LWell, I’ve had another great day along with a very tough night. My nerve pain has been buzzing throughout my body the past 5 hours. Like always there’s so many factors that contributed. Of course, I’m not shocked anymore. I am always surprised by how bad it actually feels. I do live with a certain […]

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Still Learning Balance

Laying here on my side waiting on my body to settle down. I’m still not used to putting myself to bed early like an old man. Time keeps proving it’s my new normal. I keep showing it takes time learning to live with a new balance. I guess we’re always kinda seeking our past way […]

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Keep Them Coming Please

It’s been a 31 day roller coaster ride. Most days we’ve had more questions than answers. Of course, you hope and pray for divine intervention. Even still, each day brings many doubts. I could tell in dad’s eyes he knew his cancer was aggressive. All he needed to do was go by the chaos abounding […]

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Gotta Give You Up

Dad it’s becoming a normal routine. I wake up several times throughout each night with you heavy on my mind. Of course, I’m concerned about all that is going on with you. I go to bed with you heavy on my mind. I wake up each day with you heavy on my mind. Deep down […]

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Let God Use It

Laying here just asking God to settle my mind, heart and body. The past 24 hours have been full of much needed pain relief. Overall, my body seems to be back on track. I rested well last night. I hope to do so tonight. My body is still sore from the previous days of pain. […]

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Held By God

The past few days I’ve had some really rough moments. Pain I used to have came flooding back into my body. My wife can testify that it sends me into orbit. I’m talking the kinda pain that can’t leave you in your right mind. It’s like being trapped in misery you can’t stop. All you […]

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Hide Me Lord

Earlier this afternoon things seemed to be turning around. I finally got some quality sleep. My overall pain had gone down considerably. After a very long, uncomfortable night. I was so grateful for the relief. Yet, here I am again back in middle of the pain. This time I’m feeling a bit more overwhelmed. One, […]

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Makes Sense Now

Last night I could not understand why I felt so bad. Like way worse than I’ve felt anytime recently. I had eaten a few things not on my diet plan. But, nothing that made me tumble so quickly in recent days. Well, I’m hoping I found the answer earlier. Around 2am this morning I took […]

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Looking Back Helps

Even after hours in the tub and a lot of water digested. My hands and feet are itching. That old familiar surgical spot is aching constantly. There doesn’t appear to be any quick fix in sight. A little surprised the meds I took hours ago don’t have me totally comfortable. Now, I’m not lying here […]

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Gotta Stay Disciplined

Lots going on the past few weeks towards taking my body down. Busyness, stress, less sleep, and hardly any exercise in forever. However, the biggest issue has once again been a change in my diet. Of course, there’s no such thing as eating perfect. I did consistently eat extremely clean and healthy for nearly 80 […]

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Pray About Everything

Well, my dad looked a lot better tonight. At least, compared to the past several weeks. The circles under his eyes give away his sleepless nights. His constant agitation gives away his discomfort. But, sometimes things can only get better. Overall, I see increased strength and his appetite has improved. Probably the biggest reason for […]

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Tired Of Playing Games

On March 4th I will turn 45 years old. I have to say those years have flown by. Seems like yesterday I was still in grade school. Most of my school years I was best known as a class clown. Yet, more than ever I’m tired of playing games. It’s time to rise up. To […]

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Learning To Fight Differently

Dad preached again this Sunday. Even though he could have collapsed any moment. I can totally relate to the calling he feels within him. I’ve had countless Sundays I had no business getting out of my bed. Still God put a fire in my bones compelling me to share His words of hope with others. […]

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A Preacher’s Saturday Night

I’ve now been in the ministry for 27 years. I spent 11 years as a student minister and associate. The past 16 years I’ve been a senior pastor. Honestly, my Saturday nights have never been normal as a minister. But, since becoming a senior pastor things have drastically changed. Now, in many ways a pastor […]

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So Glad To Fight

Tonight was a huge rarity for me. Not only did I stay awake past midnight. I enjoyed every minute of it. I sat down for hours at our dining room table. I barely had any pain. There I enjoyed playing two games of monopoly with my boys. It really did feel like we went back […]

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Been A Long Time

Well, it’s certainly been awhile since I’ve been this way. Nerve pain running throughout my body. Pain in my lower back just wreaking havoc on me. My hands and feet are constantly itching. All of this because the pain has gotten on top of me. I guess it was just a matter of time. This […]

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