What If This Never Happened?

We were gone nearly eight hours today so I could get a CT myelogram done at the hospital. Unfortunately, the process and discomfort were worse than I remembered. If only the spinal cord stimulator company had told the truth. They promised the battery they implanted in my back was MRI-compatible. Instead, time would prove that was definitely a lie. Now, for the rest of my life, I will never be able to get a simple MRI on my body.

Not only do these alternative scans cost a lot more, but they also affect you for the next 24–48 hours. This ordeal and discomfort triggered many negative thoughts. What if they had told the truth? What if I had never gotten the stimulator? What if my back surgery had never needed to be done? What if my body hadn’t been severely damaged nearly ten years ago? I could go on and on about the weight of this cross I carry daily.

If this had never happened, I might never have understood other people’s pain so deeply. If this had never happened, I wouldn’t have such a powerful testimony of God’s grace, strength, and miracle-working power. If all I saw this as was a major life tragedy, I would miss all the God-given opportunities.

You see, I still have a lot of what ifs about my health conditions. However, God keeps telling me to focus on the what now so I don’t miss His divine purpose in it all.

I’ve got to go back to sleep, but I felt led to share these thoughts with you. Thanks for all your prayers and know that I’m praying for you as well.

“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” John 9:1-3 NLT