Better… But Not Whole Yet

My visible skin outbreaks and the pain on my left side are finally under control. For that, I’m grateful. But something still isn’t right. My legs feel incredibly weak, like the strength is being drained not just from them, but from my entire body. It’s as if something in my nervous system is out of sync.

I even turned off my spinal stimulator again, just to see if it might be overstimulating things. For those of us living with complex nerve pain and devices meant to help manage it this can be one of the hardest parts. Sometimes the relief and the problem can feel almost identical. It’s difficult to tell what’s helping and what’s making things worse.

Lately, something has disrupted the consistency of my pain relief. My lower body feels unbearably heavy, like I’m carrying someone on my shoulders. Even when I lie down, the weight doesn’t lift it just drains me. The fatigue brings headaches, frustration, and a deep sense of distress. And then there’s the emotional toll and pure windedness.

I feel for my wife during moments like this. She does everything she can to help, and yet I’m often left trying to figure out how to help myself. Today, all I did was get a haircut and stop by a store. By the time I got home, it felt like I had run a marathon.

Yes, I’ve improved in some ways. But this lingering weakness in my legs leaves me both concerned and confused.

So I’m praying for clarity, for discernment, for direction. I’m taking it one breath at a time, choosing to rest, and preparing my heart for Easter Sunday.

No matter what my body feels like, I’m holding onto this truth:

“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in me.”
Romans 8:11

And that same resurrection power is enough, even here, even now.

I appreciate the many prayers they are making a difference. I’m used to everyday being a physical battle, but something has derailed the consistency of pain relief. Still rotating between ibuprofen and Tylenol. Yesterday I had to take 3 emergency Valium. Praise God I’ve not had to take any today. Just fighting to get back on top of my nerve pain. Sorry this is so long!