Presently, none of these things are easy for me. I struggle to stay focused for even one minute due to my condition. My prayers are often just whispers. My thoughts are dominated by pain, frustration, and sometimes fears. My stomach is constantly churning because my soul is so overwhelmed in the present. Even still I’m reaching out to God with everything I’ve got. And, I know deep down that is all I can do.

All I can pray is that those around me choose to love me with the same understanding and grace that I choose to love them. I often wonder when others will simply get tired of me being sick. I know I’m tired of being sick. My constant prayer is that I might allow God to accomplish His will despite my afflictions and great weakness.

“You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”
(2 Corinthians 4:5-10)(NLT)