The Best & Worst Of Times
Written: November 28th, 2017
Everyday has been an uncertain challenge for over 26 months. Yes, I still battle with as much uncertainty now with my back and nerve pain as I ever did prior to any surgery. This has been the most painful and meaningful journey of my life. I do my best not to let my pain define me while I’m certain God is in the process of refining me.
Over 19 months ago I endured my first major back surgery. I really thought it would turn everything around, but it only made each day that much harder. 30 days into my recovery I was still pushing a walker over 2 miles daily throughout my subdivision. It was at that time God made one thing crystal clear. He said, “You’re not just on a painful walk you are on a faith walk.” He even made clear that the first book I will write will be called “Faith Walking.” The only thing keeping me from writing the book is I’m pre-occupied with the actual journey.
For so long I’ve hoped this journey was close to the end. But, honestly I’m not sure there will be an end to this suffering this side of Heaven. What I do know is I’m being humbled daily. I’m learning how to keep the faith when all you feel like doing is falling apart. I can better understand the pains of others while still going through much pain myself. God is developing within me a level of perseverance that is beyond human. Even greater God is getting much glory as He displays His great strength in the midst of my greatest weakness.
I’m clearly experiencing the best and worst of times. I see God constantly at work, but I feel pain all the time. I feel God taking me deeper in my faith yet my feelings are all over the place. I literally hate my present life circumstances, but I’m so grateful for all God is faithfully doing through it all. There is no doubt when this book is ready to be published it will be a total God story. A story about a man who totally reached the end of himself and then God reached in and carried him forward.
“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”
(1 Peter 4:12-13)