Warning: This Is Raw & Real
January 7th, 2018
While I strive to allow God to use my pain and truly He has a purpose for it I absolutely hate the majority of my life right now. I hate constantly hurting, feeling uncomfortable, and not being able to live what used to be my normal life.
Now, when I see people it’s not that I’m putting on a fake smile. But, no doubt underneath it all I’m bleeding inside. Every morning, day and night revolves around my pain. It’s just so hard. And I’m beyond burnout with this journey.
Let me assure you I’m not thinking about taking my life or anything. But, I’m not gonna lie that for so long life has just completely sucked. And while I want to be near the end of this painful journey I have no idea whether there will be an end this side of Heaven. Not when after surgery and a spinal cord stimulator I most often feel just as bad as ever.
How can someone so blessed feel so miserable? Tonight I’m fighting to keep my eyes on Jesus. I’m fighting not to let the flesh take over in the midst of my misery. I feel I’ve got to get back to my counselor very soon. He just called today to check on me so maybe that’s my sign.
I’ve taken every medication I could tonight and I’m praying my body and soul settle down soon.
“Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.”
Psalm 6:2
Pastor Craig Crosby 