Count Your Blessings

Posted on August 14, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’ve dealt with a bit of a flair with my nerve condition. For the past 6 hours my skin has been crawling. This uncomfortable tingling is running throughout my entire nervous system. I wish I could find the off switch. So far nothing has stopped it or slowed it down.

This chaotic disruption within me always leaves me feeling just a shell of myself. Sure, I can try to ignore it but that would be a hopeless cause. It’s like having an internal seizure with no pre-warning signs. Fortunately, this pain no longer owns me. It’s just a thorn in my flesh I have to allow for in my everyday life.

Honestly, my blessings list is way too long to complain. I’ve really had an overall great and productive week. When I recognize how far God has brought me. I can’t not be amazed. Feelings like tonight used to be my everyday and every night experience. Now, it’s just a couple nights per week this stuff takes me this far down. Evidently, God must allow me to still have these struggles so I can fully realize all my blessings.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

1400 Posts, 94,000 Views, 130 Countries

Posted on August 14, 2020     Leave a Comment

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Dad Needs Me Now

Posted on August 13, 2020     Leave a Comment

All my life my dad has worked hard. He has sought to be a great provider and dad. He has been a great man of God and example to follow. The first half of my life he was my actual pastor. The second half of my life he has still been a pastor I could call on anytime. He has certainly prayed me through some very dark valleys in the past.

Dad’s cancer battle and chemotherapy keep knocking the wind out of his sails. He keeps getting up each day striving to walk by faith. However, the body is very weak even though the spirit is very willing. There aren’t many conversations these days that don’t involve some tears. I know he hates for us to see him in such pain as he battles for his very life.

Now, my dad needs me to do what he taught me to do for so many years. It’s my turn to be his listening ear. It’s my turn to kneel by his side and pray for him. While I wish I could fix everything for him and mom. I know my role is to just be his chaplain, son, and spiritual cheerleader all wrapped into one.

What’s awesome is seeing how God is still using dad even in this season. Dad knows every Wednesday he will be surrounded by many others going through chemotherapy. Dad and I pray beforehand that God opens doors for him to minister to others. In a time when none of us can go into the treatment area. Dad knows he has been sent into this captive audience to be God’s messenger of hope.

(Romans 10:14-15) “But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!”

I’m Much Better Now

Posted on August 3, 2020     Leave a Comment

Our family made our normal Sunday visit with my parents today. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on going since I only slept three hours last night. Most of my night and day were filled with nerve pain and great anxiety. I found myself in my bed feeling so overwhelmed.

Then, I thought about my dad’s condition. I said to my wife “if my dad can get up so can I.” I went outside before we left and literally gave myself a pep talk. God was like “Craig you’ve got to get up and show up. Quit trying to play hero for everybody and quit wallowing in this pain. Just get back to walking with me and trusting me every step forward.”

The entire ride there I’m thinking this could go really bad. The last thing I wanted to do was increase other people’s stress. My dad and I ended up alone on their back patio. The sun was blazing and we were both wearing mask. But, this moment was a divine appointment of much needed encouragement.

Dad and myself were both broken for differing reasons. God quickly revealed that dad’s brokenness was much greater than my own. This shifted my focus from me on to him. Based on my pain in the past I could read his every facial expression. I certainly know what it’s like to have all the air knocked out of your sails. To be in so much physical and emotional pain that the next step feels impossible.

Together we were both mutually encouraged simply by each other’s compassion, understanding and presence. Not long after I started ministering to my dad my anxiety was lifted. All it took was a shift of perspective and seeing someone in a much bigger storm than me. Funny how God uses certain painful encounters to help us work through our pain. My heart and body have been much calmer ever since me and dad’s pain sharing experience. Hopefully tonight will be much better for us all. Please keep praying for my dad and my mom as they keep faith walking through this cancer battle.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

Gotta Keep Praying

Posted on August 2, 2020     Leave a Comment

Here I am again dealing with another heart pounding moment. My nerve condition often makes me have to sit up in bed. Every time I try laying down my heart feels like it’s beating outside of my chest. My anxiety then kicks into a much higher gear.

Fortunately, I’m a veteran at dealing with these trying moments. Five years of dealing with many intense moments teaches you a few things. Overtime you realize what you’re up against. Sure it’s never easy in the moment. However, the past gives you confidence God will take you through whatever happens.

Experience teaches you to keep praying forward. I’m talking while you breathe in and breathe out. God hears your every prayer and cares about your every anxiety. He invites you to exchange your worries for His peace. The peace of knowing everything is in His hands. The peace of knowing He is with you and watching over you. Sometimes there is nothing you can fix yourself. All you can do is keep giving it over to God until He settles the storm.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Don’t Waste Your Pain

Posted on August 2, 2020     Leave a Comment

Less than 30 minutes ago I shared about my struggle. This meant I had to get over my pride. This meant I had to be obedient in saying what God put on my heart. He has always compelled me to write in the eye of the pain. To praise Him in the storm not just after the storm.

Well, I’m here to tell you that just my simple confession has already led to God lifting some of my burden. I feel greater peace as I release things to God. I feel greater peace when I share my struggle and God’s goodness with others. The pain in my hands is just pain. The pain in God’s hands is a platform for His glory.

Let me encourage you to be honest about your struggles. Confession really is the beginning of healing. Seeing your pain used to help others lifts you both in the process. Somehow when you humble yourself before God and others He lifts you up. Don’t be afraid to tell others how you really feel. Often that is the bridge God uses to turn you pain into a platform of purpose and peace.

“Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.” James 4:10

Please Know

Posted on August 1, 2020     Leave a Comment

Please know that anything I ever share it’s not for self-pity. It’s in hopes that my faith journey encourages you on your journey. I don’t ever want to waste my God allowed pain. The greatest stuff I’ve ever seen has been through my pain. I thank God daily for every struggle along with every victory. The battle is never over as long as God is on your side. I pray for everyone of you often because I know everyday is a different battle.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

“The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

God Can Rescue You Too

Posted on August 1, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’m sick of saying it, feeling it and having to fight through it. Once again I’m in the heat of a battle I’ve faced so many times. Feels like someone has set my entire nervous system on fire. This time for some reason I just can’t find the off switch. In fact, I have no idea what has made my condition get so much worse recently.

Talking with my dad this week I realized he and I have something in common. He recently discovered that his cancer is no longer in remission. In his mind, the cancer was gone for good. Time has proven that it’s still there God has just been holding it back from overtaking him. Hopefully, dad’s present chemotherapy and radiation bring his numbers back down to remission.

As for me, this past week revealed that my nerve condition is far from cured. It has come back on me with a vengeance. Right this moment it has me feeling trapped and somewhat paralyzed in my own body. My radiating nerve damage feels as bad as ever before. I told dad that time has proven that neither of us have been cured, but God’s grace has been sufficient. God’s power has been revealed despite our diagnosis.

Anyone who has a chronic health condition knows it can disrupt your life in so many ways. The pain wrecks you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally and even spiritually. It puts you at a crossroads where you can either keep trusting God or let it derail every plan God has for you.

I decided long ago that I will trust God. No matter how I feel or what I can’t fully understand. Sure, you never like feeling miserable or out of control. However, it’s in these moments we realize only God can calm the storm or give us peace. He has swooped in on my behalf more times than I can count. I’m trusting Him again to hold my hand, calm my heart and take me through my otherwise hopeless condition.

“Hear my prayer, O Lord; Answer me because you are faithful and righteous. My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground and forces me to live in darkness. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of you faithfulness bring me out of this distress.” Psalm 143

All I Can Do Is Pray

Posted on July 29, 2020     1 Comment

This is the fourth night in a row my entire body has been hijacked with nerve pain. It is really hard to explain something that feels like you’ve got electricity constantly running throughout your body. I feel fried and weary in every way. I’ve done everything I know to do to feel better. At night my anxiety has been through the roof.

Earlier I discussed this matter with my wife. We concluded that something just isn’t working like before. Whether it be my stimulator, medications or stress load. It has been quite awhile since I’ve felt this way this long. I praise God for such long relief. However, I’m at another crossroads where something has to change because this pain is taking me down.

God led me tonight to reach out to all the leaders from my church. I just had to put aside my pride and ask for desperate prayers. That’s really difficult for many, but especially a pastor. I’m used to helping everyone else. But tonight it is me standing in the need of prayer.

I feel so much better knowing many prayers are in motion. I know there is power in the name of Jesus. I’ve seen and experienced God’s healing power. I know God will come through big again. All I can do is pray so that’s exactly what I’m going to keep doing. I know that healing will come in God’s perfect timing.

“Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” James 5:14-15

Count Every Victory

Posted on July 28, 2020     Leave a Comment

It’s 3:30am and I’m wide awake. At least my nerves and pain are settled some at this moment. Had another rough night but didn’t have to take any Valium. I used my CBD oil under my tongue and eventually the strong neurological current within me settled down. This condition of mine is often merciless. No matter how hard I try or what I take it knocks me down to size. Praise God for His mercy every single day.

I’ve learned to celebrate every victory along the way. If I go hours without any pain that’s a really big deal. When I sleep through the night that’s a really big deal. When I don’t feel like I’m having a constant panic attack that’s a really big deal. When I don’t eat or drink anything that further escalate my nerve issues that’s a really big deal. Anytime I feel better than before it’s another reason to celebrate.

Despite my countless days of misery God has been so good to me. I’ve been able to enjoy some good times with my family. I’ve been able to still preach and pastor other people. There have definitely been days I thought any quality moments in my life were over. I just couldn’t see beyond the pain that paralyzed me day and night.

Now, I know any day can be a better day. I’m so thankful for the victories even amidst my many feelings of defeat. Sure, I have moments of hosting my own pity party. But, I spend most of my time celebrating the victories and seizing the opportunities each day brings.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Down Not Hopeless

Posted on July 28, 2020     Leave a Comment

Well, I’ve not exactly been doing great with my nerve pain recently. Last week was very taxing on my mind, heart and body. However, after a very relaxing Saturday I really thought I was doing good. Then, that Saturday night brought another hurricane experience. After plenty of sleep it seemed the worst was behind me. Then Sunday night showed up and showed out.

Last night practically shook me to my very core. Whatever has gotten into my system created another train wreck. The pain was so intense, the nausea was relentless and my anxiety was through the roof. I took every form of medication I had to take. Even still it took over 6 hours straight before that earthquake stopped. Basically my body finally fell asleep due to absolute pure exhaustion. I had to sit up in my bed the entire time just to keep my racing heart calmed down.

Fast forward to today after I didn’t get out of the bed until after 12 noon. After at least 8 hours asleep I thought today would be much different. However, I’ve hurt more all throughout this day than I ever did yesterday during the day. Now, I’m not freaking out because I’ve been here many times before. I just didn’t see this intense pain coming my way.

I’ve now officially backed my nighttime meds up an hour. Maybe taking things at 9pm will do me better than my usual 10pm. All I know is I must proactively get ahead of this pain. Otherwise it is sure to body slam me for a third night in a row. What’s scary is each of the nights before I thought I was fine. Yet, the closer the clock it got to midnight the worst things got.

I definitely understand what it’s like for your life to be totally disrupted by pain. I have so many things to do and places to be. Yet, I have no way of denying my humanity or this pain. Evidently, God has a purpose for it all or He wouldn’t allow it. So, God all I ask is that you continue to use the good, bad and ugly days for your glory.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Understanding Chronic Pain

Posted on July 27, 2020     Leave a Comment

This is for those trying to understand the battle of chronic pain. First, let’s begin by giving you a very clear definition. Chronic pain is pain persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. Honestly, it’s not something that ever really goes away. You just don’t always feel it the same depending upon the moment, activity or medication. Anyone with this kind of pain doesn’t have to be reminded of it’s persistence because it totally alters their entire way of life.

Chronic pain affects your life physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally. You can’t just keep putting mind over matter. You can only pretend so long before the pain will have you on your knees. You struggle with how your pain keeps you from doing many things. You struggle with how your pain affects others that you love so much. Trust me, after experiencing it at every level I know the toll it takes on you and others close to you.

All that said, I also know with God’s help you can get through it. You have to be willing to do everything you can while trusting God for everything you can’t. There is only one way to walk through the pain and that is by faith. It takes time to learn how to live your new normal. Yes, even though you are walking by faith you still can’t ignore the facts. Rest matters, exercise matters, what you consume matters, and living with balance matters.

A person battling chronic pain must listen to their body. You should wake up each day grateful and optimistic of what God can do. However, ignoring your limitations all together is not a good idea. As Kenny Rogers’s song says “you gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. God keeps teaching me daily how to do this myself from sun up to sun down.

I will always have a strong compassion for those battling chronic pain because it’s very hard to swallow. I will always have a strong compassion for those caring for someone in chronic pain because I’ve seen the cross my wife bears daily. I also have a passion to not waste the pain I have endured. I believe every ounce of it has been God allowed. God doesn’t want me to see it as a handicap, but instead as His platform. Often, God uses our greatest pain and weakness to accomplish to display His great power.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

No More PB&J For Me

Posted on July 26, 2020     Leave a Comment

Maybe you do or maybe you don’t like peanut butter and jelly toast. I have always loved it with a big glass of milk. But, for the past year I’ve pretty much stayed away from it due to the sugar intake and my chronic pain issues. I also rarely drink regular milk as I’ve discovered dairy products do increase inflammation.

Earlier I couldn’t help myself so I had 4 slices of PB&J toast. Then, I washed it all down with a big glass of milk. Words can’t express how delicious it all tasted to me. It was liking having a piece of heaven since I hardly eat anything sweet. That enjoyment was very short lived.

In less than two hours my body hasn’t responded well. Painful nerve sensations keep running all throughout my body. The aching has been nonstop and the evidence is so clear. Sometimes I think it must be all in my head how much my eating habits reduce my pain. So, I step just a little out of bounds of my normal diet. Next thing I know my body is throbbing and my nerves are raging. Folks, trust me when I tell you what you eat and drink highly affects how your body feels.

“I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial.”
1 Corinthians 6:12

So Thankful To God

Posted on July 25, 2020     Leave a Comment

Been laying here not able to sleep. That’s when it hit me just how bad things used to be. Suddenly my mind was flooded by images of the past. Back when pain was all I saw and hope was fading. Every day felt like a year and going to sleep was my favorite part of the day. Why? Because it was the only time I didn’t hurt.

Now, here I am with just a few aches and pains. It’s the difference between the Intensive Care Unit and a regular room. Somehow, God went into my body with a magic eraser. Next thing I know the impossible became possible. My pain has been very bearable ever since.

No, it wasn’t an overnight healing process. I had to do everything I could possible towards my recovery. In fact, I still do everything I can while trusting God with everything I can’t. Next thing I know here I am feeling normal again. What God has done for me can’t be explained or denied. I’m so thankful for His mercy and favor through it all.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

My Hope Is Renewed

Posted on July 24, 2020     Leave a Comment

Hard Habit To Break

Posted on July 23, 2020     Leave a Comment

Another day and another hard lesson learned. My heartbeat is finally slowing down and my nerves are certainly shot. As I sit here waiting on my meds to kick in all I can do is breathe in and breathe out prayer. This time last week I was so relaxed while on family vacation. Now, I just completed my 3rd straight day of working from sun up to way beyond sun down. God has been doing many good things, but I’ve definitely exceeded what’s best for my condition.

I’ve been in the midst of major growing pains for quite awhile within my ministry. I really do seek to delegate all I can to others. I have to constantly say no to many things in order to say yes to the right things. This week has just brought with it many surprises. I’ve spent countless hours seeking to help many who are in the midst of real crisis.

However, I definitely know I can’t solve all the world’s problems. So, I’m reminded once again why I have to keep living a recovery lifestyle. For reasons only God knows I just can’t endure what I once could before. However, it can take quite awhile to break old habits. This present feeling is just another realty check.

The great news is I’m far from panicking. I can feel God’s presence even in the chaos. I see God increasing my faith day by day. I’m learning more and more how to endure regardless of my condition. Yes, I’ve had several rough nights recently. But, not once have I felt abandoned, defeated or hopeless. Sometimes you just have to take notes, get some rest and live to apply lessons learned.

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

When Anxiety Attacks

Posted on July 21, 2020     Leave a Comment

Prior to my nerve damage I never dealt with anything major in my own personal life. I was always very healthy and never took any medications. I was able to handle heavy loads of ministry. Sometimes I would deal with 25-30 crisis situations weekly. There were times when I preached 3 funerals in one week. This was on top of pastoring o couple hundred folks morning, day, and night. On top of all this I still had 4 kids and a wife that needed my presence daily.

Now, doing things the way I use to do them is no longer an option for me. Somehow, I can’t handle things like before. Every time I try to my nerves stop me dead in my tracks. Today alone I’ve dealt with more than most will deal with in a entire week. Around midnight it finally caught up with me.

My heart started pounding for no clear reason. My body continues vibrating continuously with nerve pain. This unexpected anxiety has created red splotches on both hands and feet. All I can do is wait out this storm. It really makes you feel so heavy hearted and out of control.

However, time has proven it’s just an anxiety attack. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can just fix or ignore. I have to keep praying. I have to marinate my heart and mind with God’s word. I have to wait on God to settle once again my heart, soul and this storm called anxiety.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Things I Must Do Daily

Posted on July 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

For those dealing with ongoing chronic pain issues. There are certain things we have to do daily. At least we need to do them in order to live our best life now. It takes awhile to learn how to live your new normal. While I’m way better than a year ago here are some things I have to watch everyday. These are keys to my healing and joy.

1.I must remember that regardless of how I feel my condition still exist.

2.I must believe with God’s help I can make it through anything.

3.I must watch closely what I eat and drink.

4.I must stay away from clear inflammatories such as caffeine and sugar as much as possible.

5.I must drink at least 80 plus ounces of water.

6.I must monitor closely my time exposed to unnecessary stress.

(Social Media, Ministry, or other activity)

7.I must get up and stay active. Staying in the bed too much does not improve my situation. I try to maintain consistency as much as possible.

8.I must avoid driving except when totally necessary. Sitting beyond a wheel can melt me in no time.

9.I must be honest about my pain and allow God to use it. Confession is a huge key to my healing and being able to help others.

10.I must stretch and keep my body used to movement.

11.I must prioritize my daily activity. I can’t just work harder anymore. Therefore I have to seek to work smarter.

12.I must avoid lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk.

13.I must focus on the positive not the negative.

14.I must set alarms in order to take my medications 3 times a day.

15.I must get at least 7-8 hours sleep for my body to function at its best.

16.I must keep believing God has a greater purpose for all my pain.

17.I must keep eating plenty of fruits, veggies, nuts, beans and baked meats.

18.I must stay on top of my hunger so that I’m not as prone to eat things I shouldn’t.

19.I must do some level of exercise whether it be walking, physical therapy or both.

20.I must keep re-evaluating my approach daily and recognizing consistent trigger points.

21.I must realize that everyday won’t be perfect. But, one bad day doesn’t define my future.

22.I must keep renewing my mind with scripture and even God led music.

23.I must keep journaling my progress so I can fully recognize my progress.

24.I must embrace my limitations but not let them cloud my God expectations.

25.I must keep taking the next Faith led step.

These are just a few of the decisions that makeup my daily lifestyle of recovery.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

New Day, Same Mercy

Posted on July 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

After a very, very rough night. I’m feeling much better today. Once I ever settled down from last night’s meltdown. I slept at least 7 hours or more. Man those tough moments always take me by surprise. But, I’m very grateful for the life that pain gives me.

One, it’s hard to take for granted all the good moments when you realize how bad it could be. Two, it gets me back praying and truly realizing my total dependence on God’s grace. Three, it keeps me mindful of so many others who walk through pain all the time. Also, it gives me a full reality check so that I’m motivated to continue living a recovery lifestyle.

You see, chronic pain is not something you just get over. You learn how to let God take you through it. Somehow he gives you peace amidst distress. He gives you strength when your strength is gone. He proves that each day is a new season. Just because you have one bad season doesn’t mean that today can’t be a new season full of hope.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:23-24

He Is Always There

Posted on July 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’ve been attempting to sleep for nearly 4 hours. My body is exhausted and my night time meds should’ve long ago kicked in. I’m definitely certain my body has been affected by food I’ve eaten the past few days. However, I really didn’t see this panic attack coming my way. It’s the type that forces me to sit up straight in my bed and take long deep breaths.

I had a similar episode late last night, but I don’t recall my heart beating so fast. These moments are always frightening. Even though I’ve had so many times like this in my past. Somehow this kind of moment always takes you by surprise. You find yourself questioning everything. I guess because you want to make sure it’s nothing more serious than usual.

Now, I don’t jump on here for sympathy. I simply feel compelled to be honest even in the grip of my struggle. I understand how a chronic illness never sleeps. How it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I also know that there has never been a moment God has not carried me through. I don’t expect God’s faithfulness to change anytime.

“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.”
Psalm 46:1

Its Been A Bumpy Landing

Posted on July 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

I just finished a wonderful 6 nights and 7 days away from reality with my family. In most every respect I was disconnected from normal life for me. I only checked my phone occasionally for any urgent messages. I never looked once at a computer. Outside of my own personal bible reading I didn’t do anything that pertained to normal ministry. I fasted completely from all social media, television, and normal everyday stressors. It was truly a wonderful week.

Our family arrived back home in South Carolina mid afternoon yesterday. After a four drive from Florida I was a little sore, but nothing I couldn’t rest off. Then, last night after maybe being home 6-7 hours my neurological system crashed. I’m sure I ate something that didn’t agree with my condition. Sadly, ice cream always creates havoc within me. I also know my mind and body have simply struggled to get back to reality.

Lord knows when this stuff hits me it forces me to cry for mercy. For the second night in a row I’m laying in my bed at 9 pm. Actually I’ve been in bed all day today. Even still last night and again tonight my entire body is vibrating with nerve pain. Honestly, I’m so seasoned with this God allowed life disruption that I don’t fight with it anymore. I usually don’t panic instead I just allow God to settle my mind and heart.

Tonight I started back doing some scripture meditation. Anytime satan is disrupting my spirit the best medicine for my soul is God’s word. There has never been a lie that God hasn’t countered with truth. So, I’m guzzling lots of water, praying and just allowing God to put everything in order within me. I’m certain that I will not only sleep great, but God will wake me up with renewed strength tomorrow.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard. The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

My Opinion About COVID-19

Posted on July 18, 2020     Leave a Comment

I realize we all have different opinions concerning these times. I don’t believe any of us are fully right or wrong. Mainly because we only know what we know. No, we can’t control all the chaos or the spreading of COVID-19. However, we all can choose to take necessary and thoughtful precautions.

I still remember like yesterday a young man that died from the Swine Flu. That man visited the church I was pastoring looking completely healthy. In fact, he gave his life to Jesus at that service. The next week he was fighting for his life in the ICU. The next week he died from the swine flu and I preached his funeral. Myself and his young family were in total shock.

Now, here we are facing something that we know can easily take out those with certain pre-existing conditions. For instance, my dad who continues to fight a vicious cancer everyday. His weakened immune system could never handle this virus. For him and others like him I’m willing to be inconvenienced. I’m willing to wear a mask. I’m willing to keep church services cancelled. I’m willing to keep my kids out of school.

Of course, there will come a point that we just have to move forward with life. But, right now all of us who don’t feel threatened must have compassion for those who are threatened. Not everything is about what I want or you want. We don’t have to even agree about everything.

What does it hurt to be considerate? God tells us to be mindful for our neighbor, friends and family. I know there are many distorted facts and stats roaming around. But, one fact you can’t deny is that people are dying daily from this virus. I keep getting reports of more and more people daily that I do know. So, in the midst of all we don’t know let’s each choose to do what we do know slows the spread of this. Wash your hands, wear a mask, and watch your distance.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

God We Need Ramps Again

Posted on July 8, 2020     Leave a Comment

Today, my dad saw his cancer doctor. He was scheduled for surgery tomorrow. This surgery was supposed to help with his back pain. However, it turns out that no surgery can stop dad’s present pain. Instead, dad’s greatest pain is related to the cancer creating havoc in his very bones.

Sadly, dad didn’t get the hopeful news he wanted. Dad has been in intense pain since Mother’s Day. Each day has just been getting worse. He keeps having to increase his daily pain meds. Now, for the most part all he can do is seek to deal with it.

They sent dad home with even stronger pain meds. However, he will start back soon with daily radiation that could reduce some of his pain. Scans show that his cancer could come back really strong anytime. So, after 7 weeks of no treatment he has to start back his chemotherapy soon. This time it will be more potent than before.

Overall, dad and mom are holding strong to their faith. They know this is just part of the beast called cancer. Of course, the medication, pain and lack of sleep all impact dad physically and emotionally. He has certainly not been himself the last several weeks. Him and mom are both exhausted. But, we have all seen God punch cancer in the mouth before.

So, here we go again through another season of unknowns. From our perspective all we see is roadblocks. However, God loves to use these times as road ramps for His glory. Yes, just when you least expect it God shows up and shows out. I fully expect nothing less moving forward during this faith walking season. Because at the end of the day God is still bigger than cancer

“When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” John 11:4

Pain Is Unpredictable

Posted on July 6, 2020     Leave a Comment

Earlier my entire family of 6 went to visit my parents. Supper was great and we certainly shared some laughs with mom. I say mom because dad’s pain has gotten the best of him recently. All he can do is proactively try to keep his pain contained. Even then he knows it can sneak up and strangle him any moment.

Yes, looking into his eyes reminded me of myself the past several years. It must have been so hard for my parents and my wife to observe my previous state of pain. When you’re the one in that nonstop breathtaking pain you’re just trying to survive. You want so much to not be seen as the burden or weakest link. After awhile all you can do is fight to survive and swallow every ounce of your pride.

Yes, I hate to see anyone in that level of pain. I know what nonstop pain does to your heart, mind and way of life. You have to do things when you can. You have to accept things you can’t do anymore. You have to stay on your knees knowing that pain is always unpredictable. Please keep my dad and mom in your prayers as each day is a battle.

“The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

The Anchor Holds

Posted on July 5, 2020     Leave a Comment

It has been a very quiet July 4th. My aching body kept me in the bed most of the day. My pain has been bearable. I just didn’t have the strength to get out much. Plus, my brother in law shot fireworks for us the night before.

Earlier, I did eat a 8oz sirloin steak, broccoli, and zucchini from Ruby Tuesday’s to go. My wife added a baked sweet potatoe to that absolutely delicious meal. I’ve been having to drink lots of water the past couple days. Fortunately, I do like drinking water. But, drinking over 80oz per day gets old quickly. Thank God this amount of water makes such a difference with my nervous system.

There is no denying that my body is just getting out of shape during this quarantine. I’ve not gained any weight, but I’ve also not gained any muscle. I have to get back to daily walking. However, I’ve got to do it when it’s not so hot outside. Also, I’ve got to start back the discipline of morning and night stretching and physical therapy.

As I’ve said many times in the past. Regardless of the season I have to maintain a recovery lifestyle. This time of social distancing can make many different health challenges even greater. But, all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. God always works all the details out. Life is a roller coaster, but Jesus is our great stabilizer.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

Gotta Shake Off The Rust

Posted on July 3, 2020     Leave a Comment

For many of us with physical struggles we always have to limit our physical activity. However, this quarantine season limited most of us too much. Sometimes it’s a good thing to have to walk somewhere. Sitting around even more than usual can lead to your body feeling mighty rusty. Next thing you know your body is not conditioned for much of anything.

I’ve been very busy with ministry the last 3 1/2 months. But, most of my work has taken place while sitting in one stationary place way too long. Every joint I have feels like it needs WD-40 sprayed on it. The lightest of weights can drain my legs quickly. It doesn’t take much movement at all for me to pull something.

I know I’ve got to get back to daily walking. Also, I’ve been very slack when it comes to doing any physical therapy exercises or stretching. When your body is not tested it doesn’t take long to lose strength and mobility. While I’ve not gained any weight due to my necessary conservative diet. My body has certainly gotten very rusty not being in my past normal routines.

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

God Is Using My Pain Again

Posted on July 3, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’m currently waiting on my body to quit aching so I can get some much needed sleep. I’m not doing terrible, but more like my past normal. Normal for me is having enough pain to keep me uncomfortable no matter what I’m doing. It doesn’t matter whether I’m sitting still or laying down. There is no feeling great when this pain rears its ugly head.

Even still, I believe all my pain is divinely allowed. Meaning God has a purpose for it even if I hate how it feels at times. If not for my pain, I would rarely feel compelled to write to encourage others. Without my pain I might forget what it feels like to struggle. So, for those reasons and many more I’m honestly grateful God has allowed it.

Absolutely nothing in my life has shaped me more than pain. I’m convinced that your faith, endurance and character can’t grow without it. Everybody has some kind of pain allowed in there life for divine reasons. You might not understand it right now, but you will realize it later. So, don’t fight with your pain. Just let go and let God use it for His own good reasons.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

God Doesn’t Waste Pain

Posted on June 30, 2020     Leave a Comment

Just finishing up a very long day. I’ve not had a break all day. The good news is God keeps giving me the strength and discernment needed. My pain and discomfort have been minimal. My health has allowed me to help many others struggling way more than me.

In many ways, I believe feeling useful is like medicine for the soul. We all want to feel like our life is making a difference. When pain consumes you it’s hard to see beyond it. The longer you lay in that bed the more you feel defeated. The longer your pain persists you feel like a hopeless cause. However, I’ve found that pain can be God’s biggest platform.

Yes, I know what it’s like to have breathtaking pain everyday. I spent nearly four years straight mainly in a bed or bath all the time. I couldn’t do much of anything except hope to preach on Sundays. It was during that 4 year stretch that I earned my degree in Chronic pain. Not literally, but through my experiences. Many days and nights were filled with tears. Yet, if I hadn’t endured that season I wouldn’t be prepared for this season.

My friends you can’t relate to true brokenness until you’ve been there. You can’t share hope until you find hope through your toughest days. God has restored me to my new normal. Sure, my body is not like it used to be. But, my heart, love, and understanding towards others has never been greater.

God allowed me to go through tough stuff so I could later share stuff with others. My four year pain degree was very rough. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone. However, I needed to experience that level pain so I could encourage others through their deepest pain. As I’ve said many times the worst pain is wasted pain. By the way, keep praying for my day as his pain has greatly increased the last few weeks.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

God Has Got This

Posted on June 28, 2020     1 Comment

Somehow I’m right back on this intense faith walking journey. One minute I’m fine and the next my nervous system goes haywire. All I can do is lay on my side, take deep breaths, and ask God for comfort. Sure, it’s something I’ve experienced many times, but you never get used to it.

My body is so tired and exhausted. I’m like an electrical appliance that has been unplugged. I feel little strength in my body to do anything more today. My condition forces me to be humbled and rely on God’s unlimited grace and mercy.

Many times in the past I would fight too much with my neurological condition. Now, I know it’s best that I recognize my limits. If that’s going to bed early so be it. If that’s saying no to something I can’t handle then I have to say no. Daily I’ve learned how to better cope and process my pain.

One thing I never plan to do is waste my pain. I wholeheartedly believe my pain is meant to be used for God’s glory. I hope to encourage others who feel like they’re drowning. Because I may not know many things. However, I do know God will always carry me when I otherwise couldn’t carry on.

Keep asking God for comfort and He will give it to you. Ask God for peace and He will bring it to you. Ask God to use your pain and He will purposely unfold His amazing plans. Stare your greatest fear and weakness in the face. Because these things may be greater than you, but they will never be greater than God.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:31,35,37

I Feel It In The Air

Posted on June 27, 2020     Leave a Comment

We are about to complete the 15th straight week of COVID-19 madness. It really does feel like the world shutdown 105 days ago. Sure life goes on, but it definitely does not feel normal. Some feel the need to wear masks and social distance. Others think this entire virus is nothing to be feared.

In the middle of this virus drama people’s emotions have been all over the place. This unprecedented season has only gotten more complicated with each new day. Racial tension has suddenly taken center stage. Political agendas from every direction can’t be denied. People are glued to social media just waiting to attack someone who holds any opposite view from them.

Honestly, I’m tired of seeing society playing a continuous game of tug of war. Don’t get me wrong I truly care about what everyone is going through. And, there are certainly things worth fighting for in these times. But, it is really important we each choose our battles wisely.

In the air, I feel a great heaviness. In the air, I feel a world exhausted from the constant struggle. In the air, there is so much stress, frustration, confusion and chaos. It is time for us to lay our burdens down at the feet of Jesus. It is time for us to seek personal“soul rest.” This is something we can’t give ourselves, but only Jesus can give us.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

You’re Still In His Hands

Posted on June 27, 2020     1 Comment

This has certainly been my most physically miserable week in quite some time. Just like it used to be in the past the nights are usually the worse. Seems anytime the pain gets on top of you. It’s really hard for you to get back on top of it.

Nights like this I can almost predict. I’ve experienced so many before. Even still, present misery always feels like the worst misery. You just want to numb the pain so bad. And, to a degree you’re willing to do anything safe to numb it.

By the grace of God I’m not addicted to any narcotics. Somehow, I’ve weathered countless miserable nights full of tears and pain. All those nights in the past boost my faith in the present. Sometimes all you can do is make sure you’re holding onto God’s hand. Plus, you must be reminded God is holding onto you and won’t let go.

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

Pain, Perspective, & Purpose

Posted on June 27, 2020     1 Comment

Most people who say their nerves are fried usually only mean they are stressed to the max. When I say the same thing I mean it literally. I believe if someone opened me up they wouldn’t believe their eyes. My interior nerves would resemble an electrical box full of twisted wires. I really don’t need any doctor to further confirm the permanent nerve damage all throughout my body.

Fortunately the past year has been far better than the four years prior. Learning my limits, eating totally different, and getting my spinal cord stimulator implant has made a huge difference. Even still, I’m certainly handicap compared to life before 40. However, I refuse to live with a handicap mentality.

Let’s just say I’m very limited at what I can do or handle on any day. Basically, I live just one degree away from boiling most of the time. I never know what food is going to make my nerves go crazy. I never know what physical activity or smallest stressor will push my nerves over the edge. Next thing I know my entire nervous is vibrating throughout my body.

I’m just approaching 9:30pm on a Friday night. Fortunately, my heart is not pounding and I’m not going crazy. However, my body has given me every indication that I must go to bed. Honestly, I’ve been in bed since 8pm. This is nothing abnormal for me. My nervous system wrecks many of my best laid plans on a daily basis.

Finally, I’m able to say all of this with no tears shed. I’ve learned my new normal. I’m thankful for what I can do despite all I can’t do. Nothing going on inside my body is a mystery to the one who created my body. Whatever He wills I trust with all my heart. No matter how bad I may feel I know what it’s like to feel much, much worse.

Sometimes God has to allow things to get really bad so you can see the good. It feels just like yesterday that all I did was spend 90% of my life in a bed or bath. Now, I’m back to living my new normal. Despite my aches my life and my pain have purpose. I live each day to share with others the comfort God has given me despite countless days and nights of misery. I’m extremely grateful for my new normal even if it’s still a far cry from my old normal.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I Can Still Relate

Posted on June 23, 2020     1 Comment

Usually at least one night every week it happens. Everything seems to be okay and then it’s not. Suddenly my body just caves in once again. It’s like somebody floods my entire body with electricity. My feet, legs, hands, chest and even my face won’t quit vibrating.

Unfortunately, I can’t always tell you what ignites the flame. Time has proven it usually is triggered either by something I ate or something stressful I’m dealing with at the moment. I have had a long day, but overall a good day. Honestly, I don’t really know why my body suddenly feels fried again. All I know is it’s always the most humbling and painful feeling.

Fortunately, I know this storm will pass sooner than later. God uses it as a reminder to pray for all those locked down in pain. I know it’s frightening and can feel completely debilitating. But, somehow, someway God always takes us through the valley of unknown.

Praise God I have way more good days than I have bad these days. But, my wife sees things change like the weather when it comes to my nerve wrecked body. All I can do is take deep breaths and ask God to help me. Even an hour ago I felt alright, but my chronic pain escalates so quickly.

If you are battling with pain nobody else understands. Pain that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I can so relate to the many thoughts that run through your head. Your heart might be pounding out of your chest right now. But, God will calm the storm that’s raging inside of you at just the right time. Just keep giving God all that weights you down. This too shall pass!

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6

DEAR BELIEVER: Please Do Your Part

Posted on June 11, 2020     Leave a Comment

Folks it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that we are in troubled times. People of all backgrounds, races, and perspectives are freaking out. Please before you just identify the problems. Please make sure that you aren’t part of the problem. I say this while continually making constant evaluation of myself. If you call yourself a true believer in Christ you should care about what I’m writing.

Do you really think a war of words solves everything? Do you really think that “screaming” out your viewpoint changes people’s minds. I emphasize the “screaming” because people really pay attention to your attitude and approach with anything you say. Somehow, some way we have to learn how to have caring conversations with one another. And, if the timing isn’t right there can be no right conversations.

So, please put your weapons down. Maybe that starts by being mindful of what YOU actually post on social media. Maybe that starts by saying “God change me from the inside out.” Maybe that starts by you saying from this point forward I won’t just live life with a “protesting mentality.” This doesn’t mean that you have to compromise the truth or agree with everybody. But, quit thinking you’re just dealing with other people’s issues.

Right now, America is dealing with an absolute spiritual issue. We can’t walk hand in hand until we truly become “One Nation Under God.” None of us are the authority of anything. God must be our authority and the Bible must be our guiding light. So, please ask God to change your heart, forgive your sins, and heal your land. Anything less is not going to make the difference you might think.

I can honestly say that I’m praying for each of you. I love you whether we share the same perspective or not. I only want God’s best for your life and this world. I’m one hundred percent sure that only God can heal our hearts and heal our land. So, please do your part by getting on your knees.

“If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

What The World Needs Now

Posted on May 31, 2020     Leave a Comment

Many reading this right now are beyond frazzled. You keep watching the news or the next FB post. None of it makes sense to you. You want to stop the madness and you want everybody to quit going crazy. If only everyone could see through your eyes of reasoning all would be right in the world. At least that’s what you think deep inside.

However, I’ve concluded that this season is not just about human reasoning. Magic words alone will not fix this kind of brokenness. We are in the middle of an absolute spiritual war. Satan is hoping to discourage us, divide us, and destroy us. Even still, God is aiming to revive us and unite us.

The only thing we can really control is our response to the chaos. Will we pray about everything? Will we trust God through anything? Will we seek to love like Jesus no matter what others say or do? Will we seek to be one of God’s agents of peace and goodwill towards all mankind?

Our prayers should not stop in times like these. Our efforts towards love, kindness and faithfulness should not cease. This is not a time you can just reason your way through things. Faith, hope and above all sincere love will lead to the greatest changes. I am praying for you, your loved ones and the broken world around us. I truly believe together we will see brighter days to come.

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

We’re Not Just Fishing

Posted on May 16, 2020     Leave a Comment

Many will see this picture and think what’s the big deal. Well, the guy fishing in this boat with me today is my 18 year old son Joel. He and I used to go fishing together all the time. He and I both loved getting in that John boat and floating down the river. Until my health took a major turn for the worse.

I can’t tell you how many times my heart grieved over missed fishing trips with him the past 5 years. You might as well say I was absent from his life most of his high school years. My chronic health battle was all I had strength to fight in the past. I figured we would never get the opportunity to enjoy fishing moments like that again together.

However, today the devil did not prevail with his plans. After nearly five years we finally enjoyed our first of many more fishing trips together. My 18 year old young man can now do all the heavy lifting and get the boat in the water for us. Honestly, I enjoyed every minute and not because we caught so many fish. It felt like we had marched back in time to when he was only 13 and picked up things from there.

This was only my second full leisurely day in almost nine weeks of COVID-19. Man I’m glad COVID-19 allowed this first year college student to be home. I’m so thankful for a second chance to get in that John boat after 5 long years of missed opportunities. We’re going back tomorrow to catch more priceless moments.

“This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

How Do You Process Things?

Posted on May 8, 2020     Leave a Comment

When it comes to unwinding from a long day we’re all different. Some of us like to be left alone and others like a hand to hold. Some of us don’t want to say one word and others can’t say enough words. Some of us hold all our emotions inside and others just let their feelings fly.

Personally, I like a hand to hold, to process things verbally, and I don’t seek to mask my emotions. I also like to write about things on my heart and mind. I’ve had another challenging evening pain wise. Mainly because I’ve not gotten enough sleep the last two nights. There’s no denying that my nerves literally go crazy when they are sleep deprived.

Even still, quit is not an option. I will lay my head down again trusting God for the rest my body needs. I will ponder all the wonderful God moments and breakthroughs in days gone by. Even when my body feels weary I can think of a million reasons to smile. One of those reasons is God often uses my pain to open my eyes of compassion for others who live in pain. So, if you ever read something encouraging you can thank my struggles for creating these opportunities.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
2 Corinthians 1:4

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

My Daily Battle

Posted on May 7, 2020     Leave a Comment

By now, most should realize how little I speak about my pain compared to the past. Honestly, I try not to feed it or focus on it. Of course, it still stares me in the face daily. From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay down I feel it. There is rarely a moment that is not affected by my chronic pain.

Praise God, I’m doing so much better these days. When I ponder where I used to be I can’t help but smile. It took walking a few thousand miles to get to this point. It took walking by faith through the fire and trusting God for my breakthrough. I basically continue with the same faith plan everyday I get up.

The past few weeks I finally started the early editing of my future book. I have over 400 pages of journaling that no one has ever read in the past. In these writings, you can taste my pain and clearly see my faith steps. I believe my first ever 40 day faith walking notes will help many find their own breakthrough.

When it comes to a recovery lifestyle there is no one size fits all. However, there are faith principles that help us all move forward. Everything found in this book will be exactly what got me here and is still taking me further. I want all who live in chronic pain to know that things can change with God’s help. Even when things don’t change God’s grace is sufficient.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

This Virus Is Getting Old

Posted on May 2, 2020     Leave a Comment

If we’re honest, we’ve all been highly impacted by this Coronavirus. To a degree we feel like we’ve been put on permanent house arrest. Sure, the first couple weeks were not that bad. However, we’re on the seventh week of seeing the same old faces and having no clear end in sight. Let’s be real, after awhile even the closest of family comes close to killing each other.

Now, it’s not like we’ve been living in the woods. We’ve got cozy beds, chilled homes, plenty of food and social media. Yet, somehow that still isn’t enough to fill the voids within us. Not to mention that nothing feels normal outside of our homes. We’re in the same world, but it feels like we’re miles apart. That six foot rule keeps us from hand shakes, hugs and people we love.

Honestly, I have a hate/love relationship towards this virus. I hate that it separates us from family and friends. I hate that it takes away meaningful connection points in society. I hate the way it interrupts life as we once knew it. But, I love the painful reality check it’s giving us daily. I love how God is getting so many people’s full attention. I love how it’s building our faith and rearranging our priorities. There is no denying that it’s impacting us all in some way, shape or form.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

Everyone Should Be Awake Now

Posted on April 29, 2020     Leave a Comment

We’re all still shaking our heads in disbelief. This season feels much like we’re all on house arrest. Sure, things could always get worse. But, right now we all feel stuck. Most decisions concerning the outside world appear out of our hands.

In the meantime, life just keeps on going. We still have to pay our bills. We still have to take care of our families. We still long for life to go back to normal. Yet, deep down we all know normal is nowhere in sight.

So, we keep waiting, watching and praying. Hopefully, by this point we’re all praying not my will, but Thy will be done. Personally, I would hate to go through all of this and God still not have my full attention. Sure, this season has definitely worn out it’s welcome. However, it’s obvious God is seeking to rearrange our perspective, priorities, and world as we once knew them.

“Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” Ephesians 5:14-17

Only In The Storm

Posted on April 20, 2020     Leave a Comment

If we’re honest, the only time God has our absolute full attention is in the storm. When we totally feel we’re at His mercy. When we totally feel out of control. When we know the only way forward is by faith. When the only thing bigger than the storm in front of us is the God with us.

For these reasons and many more. God has to allow us to go through certain storms. Where we have to look up for help. Where we have to pray earnestly and constantly. These are the only times we fully realize our desperate need for divine intervention. These are the times we truly realize that man makes plans, but God determines our steps.

In the midst of nonstop doubt and fear. Storms can really cloud our perspective. Even still, there’s just no denying God does His greatest work in the madness. As our knees learn how to keep bowing before an almighty, all knowing, and always loving God. As we see God’s hand of mercy, grace, and protection . No, God doesn’t always calm the storm. Yet, somehow He always calms His child as we seek His face for refuge.

(Psalm 46:1) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

After The Storm

Posted on April 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

Last night, I was unexpectedly tortured by nerve pain God has been keeping calm for months. Unfortunately, it’s been very hard to stick to my normally strict diet during this quarantine season. My body lit up within like someone had started a forest fire inside of me. I can’t adequately explain what I felt for what seemed like forever. I took every kind of medication I had just hoping to calm my unbearable pain. Eventually I just fell asleep and my nerves eventually settled down.

When I woke up this morning I immediately started back on my diet. God has proven this definitely works to keep me feeling healthy. I also woke up this morning with a completely new perspective. God has been so good to me for so many days and nights. I’ve been living almost pain free most days for many months. I’ve had so many more good days than bad.

I’m now so grateful for bearable pain. I’m grateful that God has given me answers and a window for healing. God’s grace and mercy has allowed me to still continue living and pastoring. There were definitely many days in the past that I thought I would have to resign from ministry. So, I’m glad I experienced my recent insane pain. Because of that storm and my present relief. I’m now seeing this as a totally God made day.

“O my Strength, to you I sing praises, for you, O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love.” Psalm 59:17

The Dam Broke

Posted on April 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

The pain running throughout my body is totally debilitating. You would think a dam gave way allowing all my pain to flood back into me. Obviously, something not good for me has gotten into my system. I’ve not had pain like this in what feels like forever. Every part of my body is aching and my heart is pounding.

This nonstop pain drains everything out of me. Breathing is a chore as the pain is breathtaking. I thank God for giving me relief for so long. And, I’m sure I will find relief again soon. However, for now it has all come back on me with a vengeance.

I certainly did not see this coming. You would think I had some bad flu. The last two days have not been easy ones. Now, things seem to be escalating to pure misery. I’ve taken extra meds that should eventually help me sleep. Yet, for now I’m fully engulfed in the flames of this agonizing nerve pain.

“Lord, have mercy on me because I am weak. Heal me, Lord, because my bones ache.” Psalm 6:2

My Life Feels Upside Down

Posted on April 18, 2020     Leave a Comment

Most of us have been thrown totally out of our normal routines. Our days and nights have felt upside down forever. Like someone embracing a new work shift. This season of chaos has forced us to embrace a totally new way of life. All we can do is adjust and make the most of our current situation.

While we all have things we wish could change. Some of you are dealing with things that are really making your heart pound. Maybe you just need a hug and someone’s physical presence. Maybe you’re not sure how you will pay that next bill. Maybe you have young kids that are absolutely wearing you out. Maybe you’re really scared because you have certain underlying health issues.

All I know is these times elevate our insecurities and desire for predictability. We want to feel like we’re calling the shots in our life. Instead, we feel like we’re totally at the mercy of an Almighty God. Honestly, God should have our full attention by now. I’ve certainly found that He is my only true refuge and strength.

Personally, I just keep seeking to free fall into Gods arms. I’ve been through much tougher seasons in my past. However, this pandemic season is still brand new to me too. I just keep asking God to show me what He wants me to see and do through this season. I know God has a plan even now. I don’t want to miss those lessons that ultimately lead to God’s blessings.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

His Power In My Weakness

Posted on April 10, 2020     Leave a Comment

Today has been a very painful day. You would think I had 3 or 4 broken ribs on my right side. The pain can feel crippling with whatever is torn inside. One minute you’re nauseous and the next minute you feel like crying. I’m finally able to swallow another healing season. Only God knows how long it will take for this to ease off.

Tomorrow, if things aren’t any better I will get a pain shot. Then, maybe I will see if the doctor might prescribe me some steroids. Overall, the rest of me is doing fine. Yes, this pain is doing its best to knock the air out of my sails. However, I’m very happy to say that I’m far from waving my white flag of surrender.

This is just another test at a time when I really needed my strength. Today I had a lot to do in preparation for our Sunday Easter services. Even in one of my weakest moments I could feel the Holy Spirit picking me up. I had to rely on the same resurrection power I seek to preach to others. I keep finding that especially in my weakest moments God’s strength is so evident.

While I certainly don’t like feeling this way. I love discovering that everything doesn’t rest on my strength. It’s all about Jesus pumping through my veins. Sometimes God has to get us off his platform. Sometimes we have to fall down so that Christ can be lifted up. Praise God His strength is constant when our strength is gone.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Back In The Pain Chamber

Posted on April 9, 2020     Leave a Comment

Well, I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything about my pain. That’s been the case for a few different reasons. One, I really have experienced much better good days than bad pain wise. Two, since this pandemic started I’ve never been busier as a minister. Three, I really try not to feed my pain. As we all know, it can easily consume and define you if allowed.

Honestly, most of my past chronic pain issues are managed very well. Especially as I keep staying away from certain inflammatory foods and continue living a recovery lifestyle. However, I do presently have another thorn in my side. It seems I’ve got a torn muscle underneath my right rib cage. General X-rays showed there is nothing broken or fractured. However, basically any significant movement brings breath taking pain. Sadly it hurts worst now than it did two weeks ago when I tore some kind of muscle in there.

This is where my past pain really helps me. I know this too shall pass. I know time and prayer can bring healing. I know I just need to walk through this pain one step at a time. I know God will use this thorn in my side for His glory. I know there will be many ups and downs throughout this journey. And, fortunately I know God’s grace is sufficient to meet my needs.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Dear Control Freak

Posted on April 6, 2020     Leave a Comment

You would think by now you would know better. That no matter how hard you try there will be no perfect days. In fact, some days you will fall short a thousand times. I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I’m just trying to help you see these clear human facts.

Now, I appreciate your great effort. You really do strive to operate with excellence in everything you do. I see your early morning and late night routines. Your daily striving to go that extra mile does make a big difference. Even still there reaches a point where you must let go of the reigns.

You see, faith is doing all you can while trusting God for all you can’t. We all make plans, but God determines our steps. There’s always gonna be things you can’t figure out or fix. You’ve gotta rest those things in God’s hands. Otherwise, your load will be too heavy and your spirit will stay restless.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

P.S. This is a struggle I face everyday.

5 Reasons I Love This Season

Posted on April 5, 2020     Leave a Comment

These are troubling times for many. I could list a hundred reasons why that is truly the case. Even still there’s always good things to celebrate even in the valley. Depending on your viewpoint right now you might disagree with me. But, I can tell you five things that are really good about this never ending season of quarantine.

First of all, faith is no longer just an option. Americans have been driven out of their comfort zones and hopefully to their knees. Before many felt like they were in control. Now, it seems there’s nothing concrete about the days ahead. All we know is God has given us another day. We must trust what God does know in the midst of all we don’t know.

Secondly, churches have been pushed outside their walls. This may be one of the biggest most overlooked blessings of this century for sure. The closing of church buildings everywhere has challenged believers to be the church. To consider a lifestyle of faith not just a place of faith. People long ago quit running to churches. It’s beyond time for churches to start running to them.

Thirdly, I see the resurgence of gratefulness. This lockdown has changed most people’s life approach. Forcing us to appreciate things we often took for granted. Now, many would be grateful to go shopping or out to eat. Many would love to have a job, still be in school or be able to attend a church on Sundays. So many used to be little things are now considered big things.

Fourthly, I see many valuing real relationships. Suddenly we actually have time for one another. We care deeply about what’s going both inside and outside of our home. Now, that sporting events are no longer our main worship event. We actually see the need for conversation and developing priceless relationships with family and friends.

Lastly, I see a culture that should not go back to the way things used to be. Before we were just going through the motions of this busy life. Suddenly we’re all forced to be still and know that He is God. Lord Jesus, may we not go back to living the same old way. May we choose to realize this is your world we’ve just been blessed to live in it. May we live in such a way that gives you the honor and the glory so deserved.

Sometimes God has to remove the distractions and chosen idols. We all have them we just don’t realize their holding power until they are removed. So please join me in fully surrendering to God. He still has a plan for each of us still breathing. Let’s choose to seek His will in the remainder of our short stay here on planet earth.

“Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. Instead you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. (James 4:13-17)

Living In Uncertain Days

Posted on April 2, 2020     Leave a Comment

Right now, most of us are totally out of our comfort zone. Yesterday’s normal feels long gone. Kids can’t go to school, businesses can’t stay open and even churches can’t gather together. Everyday makes us feel like we’ve been thrown into a prison of sorts. Especially when we’ve been ordered not to leave our home for anything not essential. Jobs are being lost, bills are stacking up, and anxiety is rising every direction.

All of the above, is on top of this pandemic that threatens many lives. We’re fighting a virus that preys on the vulnerable and even those with no underlying health issues. We just don’t know how long we will stay in this waiting chamber. We’ve been forced to pray more and free fall into God’s wide open arms. Especially the longer that none of us feel in control of anything.

Now, I could go on and on about what doesn’t seem certain. Instead, I feel led to point out what is certain. Jesus is certain and He won’t ever change. He will always be with us for better or worse. God has certain plans even if they don’t make sense to us. God is certain He will make a way when there seems to be no way. We must choose to rely on His goodness, faithfulness, and the fact He never changes.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8

When Will I See You Again?

Posted on March 27, 2020     Leave a Comment

At the present time it’s only been two weeks. In my life, it feels like two years. This was my second Sunday in a row preaching to only a camera and empty seats. Sure, I can see God at work in the midst of this pandemic. In fact, I’m certain God is doing even more now than before. That’s largely due to God having a lot more of our undivided attention.

Even still, there’s a deep desire for things to just go back to normal. I miss seeing a church full of worshippers. I miss hugging someone’s neck and not worrying about this Coronavirus. I miss sitting down for a good meal inside my favorite restaurant. I miss seeing family and friends that are usually a normal part of my life.

Honestly, I wonder when I will see you again. My only peace comes in knowing God often does His greatest work in times of great crisis. When we feel like things are at a standstill. This is usually when God has us full time in His workshop.

These seasons demand patience and enduring faith. Faith that God is not sleeping. Instead, God is working nonstop on us, around us, and despite us. On the other side of this waiting period, we will see God was creating a masterpiece all along. Even in the midst of what often only feels like madness.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

The Anxiety Level Is High

Posted on March 24, 2020     Leave a Comment

Day by day this Coronavirus is changing our usual way of life. Kids are no longer in school. Young families are simply surviving and trying to adjust. Older adults and others with weaker immune systems aren’t sure what they can do without being at a major risk. Businesses, schools, restaurants, and even churches are having to find alternative ways to even stay open.

Social distancing is becoming the biggest topic of conversation. Many are afraid to hug or handshake anyone. This uncharted virus makes you second guess whether you should even visit your aging parents or grandparents. Social media and television news is flooding us with fear and overloaded negativity. Sure, we need to be informed but there comes a point where it just overloads your mental capacity.

What’s more unsettling is it seems this war with the Coronavirus is just beginning it’s impact. Colleges and schools are already canceling the remainder of the school year. Restrictions of what people cannot do is rising by the day. Who knows what this means for many physically, financially, vocationally, emotionally and mentally. There’s no denying that intense stress alone can push anyone over the edge.

All this to say the clouds of anxiety are very thick throughout America right now. We can make light of it all we want. But, the closer it keeps hitting home, the more it won’t be a laughing matter. We need to pray more than ever before. We need to give God all our anxious thoughts and greatest fears. We need to recognize God’s goodness and faithfulness through it all.

While our lives may be turned upside down for a season. God is still holding us together and providing for our every need. One could argue we often need perspective wake up calls. You can bet that when things return back to normal. Our normal everyday privileges won’t be taken for granted.

God’s word is clear what it takes to find real peace. We must turn everything we can’t handle over to God. We must thank God for all He is handling. We must keep believing that God is faithful especially to those who seek to live faithful to Him. Join with me in giving God your every anxiety and all the praise due His name. It’s only then you can have lasting peace beyond all understanding.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Sleep Where Are You?

Posted on March 20, 2020     Leave a Comment

For nearly two weeks I’ve not been able to sleep like I once could for so long. My body has proven in the past that I typically need at least 8 hours of nightly rest for my body to function well. I’ve been averaging maybe 6 hours of daily sleep. Even that sleep has been full of tossing, turning and nonstop dreaming. And all of those hours have been scattered here and there.

There’s only a few things that I know have changed. One I did reduce my nightly Neurontin by 300mg two weeks ago. I’ve officially reduced my daily dose from 3600mg to now 1800mg. My mind is much clearer and I’m able to focus longer. But, maybe that extra 300mg of Neurontin at night was helping me sleep a lot more than I realized.

The other likely factor would be my activity. Two weeks ago I was walking nearly 5 miles per day and keeping constant balanced movement. The past 2 weeks I’ve had a lot more responsibility on me. I’ve sat way too many hours straight throughout the day. Planning, preparing and counseling obviously can’t substitute for physical exercise.

Now, I won’t be increasing or deceasing my Neurontin intake anytime soon. It took me way too much sweat, tears and prayers to reduce that by 50%. So, I’ve got to get myself back on a more balanced schedule. Plus I’ve got to make time to exercise daily. My gut tells me that increased stress mixed with decreased exercise is never a good combo.

Well, I guess I do know some things that should help better my chances for rest. I’ve just got to get some things back in order. After all, even with me taking a muscle relaxer and melatonin nightly I’m lucky if I fall asleep by 2am. The last few days it’s been after 4 am. Here it is already after 5am and I’ve still not slept a wink. Time has shown that sleep is so crucial. My mind and body can’t function long without it. My heart goes out to those who never get much sleep at night.

“His disciples replied, “Lord if he sleeps he will get better.” John 11:12

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

Need Your Prayers Again

Posted on March 13, 2020     Leave a Comment

Written: March 12th

Another difficult day in the books. This is not the kind of week I expected. In fact, I hoped that I would never feel this way again. Then, seemingly out of nowhere I find myself in this puddle of pain and distress. All I’m praying now is for this storm to pass.

This comes after experiencing one of the best weeks of my life. Now, I’m experiencing the worst week of this year. Fortunately, I’ve experienced far worse than this the past five years. So, I know I can and will get through this season. However, your faith certainly gets cloudy when you’re in the middle of such disappointment.

I’ve gone back completely on the radical diet that initially changed my life. How long it will take to right this ship I do not know. Nerve pain has been running throughout my body. It leaves me feeling so weak, nauseous and helpless. But, I’ve seen what faith and prayers can do. Please join me in praying for my much needed breakthrough. Know that I’m praying for each of you as well.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

Clueless But Confident

Posted on March 13, 2020     Leave a Comment

Written: March 11th

Well, I’ve had a few rough days physically speaking. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve felt so clueless. Once again something has disrupted my entire body. This time I can’t tell you whether it’s my diet or some other contaminating component. All I know is I once again feel miserable and on fire inside.

Everyday has gotten somewhat progressively worse. It all started shortly after getting home from our week long cruise. Daily I’ve had some equilibrium issues after being on a somewhat rocky ship. This plus the fact I definitely got away from my normal strict diet for an entire week. By God’s grace it didn’t catch me until I got back home.

Now, I’m left to recover from my risky life choices. My hands and feet are back to intensely itching. I had been taking daily doctor prescribed drops to counter any potential food allergies. Maybe they were helping way more than I assumed. So, I just started back tonight following previous routines that somehow kept me sane and thriving.

All I know is the surgical area in my lower back is very inflamed. The least little thing is sending indescribable sensations all throughout my body. I have not felt anything like this in a good five to six months. I’m definitely in another testing season of my faith.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

God Will Reward You

Posted on February 26, 2020     Leave a Comment

We live in a world that is used to living on two different planets. Sometimes we socialize on earth. Most today primarily socialize on the internet. Yes, technology has made it possible for us to be connected to the entire world at once. Technology has also overwhelmed and distracted us in many ways.

To counter the negative effects of social media. God has often led me to fast from it many times. To step away from keeping up with what everyone else is saying or doing. Instead, to focus on what God is saying and wanting me to do. I’ve stayed away from social media as long as eighty days straight before. This time God has led me to take a 10 day fast from any online distractions.

Well, it’s only been 36 hours and God is already rewarding me. I’ve got way more clarity, focus, and a greater sense of peace. My prayer life has been elevated. God has been revealing things in my life that need to change or be readjusted. God has my full attention as I continue to push aside anything necessary in my pursuit of His will.

What has God revealed to you that needs to change or go in your life? What might you intentionally fast from so that you can more intentionally pursue God? I can promise you nothing in this world can satisfy you like Jesus. Don’t let your sin or out of order priorities hinder your pursuit of God. I can promise you God will reward your wholehearted pursuit of Him every time.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3

The Struggle Is Real

Posted on February 23, 2020     Leave a Comment

Just hours ago I would’ve said I’m doing great considering. I was and still am very grateful for the blessings in my life. However, I don’t think I’ve gone an entire day all week without the air being knocked out of my sails. It never feels good. Nor is it easy to just get over how I feel.

Time has proven I simply never know when my nerves are gonna go crazy. In just a matter of seconds my nerve pain can escalate. Therefore, I’ve spent the last two hours feeling like I’m burning inside all over. The tingling is running from my feet into my face. All I have going for me is much experience and perspective with these episodes. I’m experienced enough to know I’ve got to call it a night.

So, here I am again heading to bed at 8pm on a Saturday night. I’ve taken my nighttime medications early and hoping they kick in soon. I’m well aware that many, many have it far worse than me. And, I have such a sincere compassion for all who struggle. So, if you’re struggling know that you’re not alone and I’m praying for you.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.” 1 Peter 5:7-9

Wake Up Sleeper

Posted on February 21, 2020     Leave a Comment

Well, last night was pretty rough. But I ended up getting nearly 10 hours of sleep with the help of medications. Anytime my body crashes it’s like recovering from some internal seizure. My entire body just aches all over and demands rest to recoup. Once I got that much needed rest I felt like a brand new person.

For the most part I feel back on track. This cold front moving in is doing me no favors. But, I’m back to eating wisely and living with a recovery mindset. Meaning I’m doing all I can while trusting God to do what I can’t. Overall, this has been a pretty good day.

God once again has my full attention. I find my degree of felt brokenness is always linked to my degree of openness. Sadly we often try to hit spiritual cruise control the moment we feel we have things under control. So, for the sake of drawing me closer to God I’m grateful for the awakening pain.

“This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:14

I Just Have To Remember

Posted on February 20, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’ve been at this point what seems like a thousand times. Oh how tough it is to keep eating different than most people all the time. I’ve not eaten quite as strictly for nearly a week. Today, it’s just finally caught up to me. My neuropathy has been back to running from my feet to my face. It’s a constant sensation you never get used to experiencing. It turns your plans upside down.

Thank God I’m much better than I was earlier. I just spent the entire evening in the tub out of necessity. It’s in these moments the enemy wants to take me back to the old days. Constant feelings of misery make it really hard to look past the moment. Even when I’ve seen God take me to higher ground so many times.

Fortunately, I know in my heart I this season will pass eventually. It may not pass as quickly as I would prefer. The enemy has really sought to knock the air out of my sails all week. Therefore, I’ve got to rely on all of God’s past faithfulness. Otherwise, I won’t have enough faith to see beyond this present discomfort. It’s always tough, but I’ve certainly experienced tougher. Those days in the past seemed absolutely hopeless. But, it’s those days gone by that now assure me of hope today.

“I remember the days gone by; I think about all that you have done, I bring to mind all your deeds.” Psalm 143:5

Gotta Stay Prepared

Posted on February 16, 2020     Leave a Comment

Preaching on Sundays is never something I take lightly. I prayerfully prepare all week to the best of my ability. I ask God to direct my every thought. To give me the message He would have communicated. Then, I ask God to help me share it with great clarity, power, truth, and grace.

Being a pastor makes many things challenging. You never really feel off the clock. I’m fact, you don’t feel like you’ve been hired by anyone. You feel called by God to be available any time He plans to use you. So, it can be really hard to plan other things in life. Spending time with family or just resting your own mind is tough.

Earlier this afternoon I got back from a great two day trip with my family. I always look forward to any quality time we can spend together. But, now it’s time to switch gears. To get my mind focused on the mission before me. This Sunday I will once again trust God to deliver through me. The message He alone gave to me. Fortunately, He never lets me down.

“Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:2

Best I’ve Felt In 5 Years

Posted on February 8, 2020     Leave a Comment

It’s been a long week full of discovery. This past Tuesday I spent all day getting allergy testing. I’ve waited for this appointment for nearly four months. Anxiously I’ve wondered what allergies might be triggering my nerve pain. After 25 shots in the arm I finally left with some answers.

First, it was discovered that I’m not allergic at all to titanium. This is awesome because I have plenty of it implanted in my body. Also, I have no allergic reactions to dairy, Gluten, Splenda or bakers yeast. However, I do have a reaction to dust mites, whole wheat, corn, cane sugar and for sure caffeine. All the other reactions were average. But, my reaction to caffeine was off the charts. This only confirmed what time has proven.

After my allergy testing I got to see my doctor one last time at the Center For Occupational and Environmental Medicine. It was the end of a four month discovery season. We discussed how my diet alone has changed my life all together. We talked about how I can continue to learn and take notes on my journey. Due to my allergic reaction to dust mites they suggested I get zip up allergy covers for all my pillows and mattress. The doctor was very pleased with my progress overall in such a short period of time.

Today I had a follow up with my pain management doctor. We began by deleting from the computer several medications I no longer take. We also put together a plan to help me continue my med reduction. The main reason for this appointment was to discuss my last shot and schedule my upcoming steroid injection.

For the first time ever I was informed of the dangers of too many steroid injections. Turns out that overtime these shots can make your bones begin to crumble along with other possible side effects. My doctor suggested I postpone my next shot. He wants me to wait until I know I need the greater relief. Considering I’ve had so many of these shots I certainly agreed to the plan. I left out of this doctor’s appointment all smiles.

I’m by far doing the best I’ve been in nearly 5 years. It’s been a combination of daily diet, medications, and a constant recovery lifestyle. God has been so good to me. I never thought I could reach this point after so many dreadful, tearful, and painful days. I’ve even dropped my blood pressure meds. I’m now 5 ‘11 and only 165 lbs. I was 205 lbs just a year ago. I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR GOD’S GRACE!

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

You Can’t Shut It Off

Posted on January 28, 2020     Leave a Comment

Been a lot on my mind all day long. Situations, people, problems, potential problems, and just an overall heaviness. Seems to be in the air everywhere I turn right now. Of course, I’m trying to be optimistic concerning all of it. Even still I wish I could find a shut off switch.

I know many reading this can relate. This world is filled with chaos every direction. Hearts are heavy and stress is real. There’s no use sugar coating these realities. You would be hard pressed to find anyone not going through some kind of storm.

Now, believe it or not this world has been this way a long time. Social media and the local news just keep it all in our face. Plus more people are realizing that mental wars can’t be taken lightly. Therefore, more and more people are taking their pretend masks off. That’s actually a good thing.

Fortunately, we all have somewhere to turn with our fears of today or tomorrow. Jesus came so that we might have peace and hope. Yes, this world is full of imperfect days. No, we don’t know what tomorrow will hold. But, thank God we do know who holds tomorrow. So, even when you can’t fix one thing. You can overcome anything with Jesus Christ as your savior and Lord.

Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37

I Hate Chronic Pain

Posted on January 27, 2020     Leave a Comment

Both my college boys came home this weekend. So, I attempted to play Monopoly with them tonight. Less than 1 1/2 hours later I’m just a puddle of pain. How can I go from feeling so good to so bad that quickly? This kind of experience always leaves me shaking my head.

Finally, I just had to swallow my pride and head to bed. I’m laying here again on my side just waiting on the pain to settle. I had already spent hours in the tub. Plus I took my nighttime medications several hours ago. Regardless, my pain has no mercy on me.

I guess that’s why they call it chronic pain. It’s not something you ever get over. You have to learn how to daily cope with your new normal. Sometimes I feel like I’ve come so far. Other times I feel like I’m back at square one. Thank God for medication, sleep, and new mercies everyday. I can’t wait to sleep off tonight’s pain. I have learned that God is faithful no matter what pain life brings. For that reason I’m still going to bed with a smile on my face.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Confession Is Healing

Posted on January 25, 2020     Leave a Comment

Some may think I share too much of my feelings. However, as most people do there are lots of things I hold back too. Not everything is meant to speak out loud. Not everything is meant to be heard by everyone. So, it’s not about telling everything to everyone. However, I have learned that confession is a critical component to healing.

Last night I went to bed very exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. My lack of consistent quality sleep definitely didn’t help. My many thoughts, feelings and concerns were taking me down. Unfortunately this all led to my physical pain once again being on top of me. My entire body and being was very heavy and hurting.

Somehow just admitting some of those struggles released me. I gave them all up to God and shared them with others. I went to bed just hoping to wake up much more relieved. Once again I did just that my friends. I got 8 hours of sleep for only the second time in 7 days. Oh how I needed this with how my body has felt recently.

I encourage you to let it out. Share your thoughts, concerns, and prayer requests with others. You aren’t meant to carry those burdens alone. There are others who will understand and can encourage your heart. God will take your confession and lead you out of depression. Cast all your cares upon Him. Don’t let things keep building up within you. For sincere God led confession can put you on the road towards healing.

“I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord’s mercy. I pour out my complaints before Him and tell Him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, You alone know where I should turn…No one will help me; No one cares a bit what happens to me. Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life. Hear my cry for I am very low..” Psalm 142:1-6

Struggles In Your Backyard

Posted on January 23, 2020     Leave a Comment

I used to say this all the time. I’m realizing more and more this statement is so true. Things are always different when it’s happening in your backyard. When the struggle belongs to you, a family member or a close friend. Otherwise it’s just someone you’re prayer for from a distance.

Praying for someone struggling is always easier than struggling yourself. No one wants to get that terminal diagnosis. No one wants to go through a devastating divorce. No wants to see someone drink themselves to death. No wants to hurt or see someone they love dearly hurting.

So, we would rather just see someone we didn’t know on that prayer list. The things we hear on the news may be disturbing. Yet, if it puts anyone close to us in harms way. The news and concerns may keep us up all night praying.

Maybe we all need to realize this for sure. That any struggle we hear about is in someone’s backyard. Meaning those folks need our prayers. Just like we hope others will be prayerful and understanding for us in our troubled times. We too should pray for others in battles we may not understand. But, God knows they need our love, support and prayers.

(1 Peter 5:9) Stand firm against the devil and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

Not Tomorrow Satan

Posted on January 22, 2020     Leave a Comment

LWell, I’ve had another great day along with a very tough night. My nerve pain has been buzzing throughout my body the past 5 hours. Like always there’s so many factors that contributed. Of course, I’m not shocked anymore. I am always surprised by how bad it actually feels.

I do live with a certain degree of denial when it comes to my extensive nerve damage. It’s also been a challenge transitioning back to what I call a normal work week. Maybe if I had just a 9-5 job I could handle it a little better. Right now I’m managing a ministry that is constantly growing, changing and challenging. I wake up each day outmatched.

As always I’ve evaluated things I’m sure contributed to my downfall. I should’ve rested all day yesterday. So, I will finally seek to do so tomorrow. Three straight ten hour plus days was not what the doctor ordered. I’m thrilled about what I’m seeing God doing daily. However, once again I must preach to myself. It’s always important you consider your health before help. Devil you won’t take me down again tomorrow.

(Matthew 26:41) Jesus said, “Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!”

Still Learning Balance

Posted on January 21, 2020     Leave a Comment

Laying here on my side waiting on my body to settle down. I’m still not used to putting myself to bed early like an old man. Time keeps proving it’s my new normal. I keep showing it takes time learning to live with a new balance. I guess we’re always kinda seeking our past way of life.

The last few days have been long and intense. God is doing so much at the same time. God windows are every direction. And, I don’t like to miss any opportunity to save a life. I also realize I’m not the savior.

I’ve always been an all or nothing person . When I jump into something I go all the way. My body and mind’s limitations are revealing themselves daily. Today should have been my day off. But, my heart got kicked into fifth gear. It ended up dragging my body several more miles than normal.

My overall nerve pain is fine. All my recovery efforts are on track. My nerve wrecked body just can’t go like it used to go. And, if I push it too far I’m left with a lot of unnecessary aching. So, here I am again saying God help me to keep learning balance. Keep me from the trap of today’s rat race. Help me to embrace my limitations. While I also seek to follow you with great expectations.

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” 1 Corinthians 10:23

Let God Use It

Posted on January 19, 2020     Leave a Comment

Laying here just asking God to settle my mind, heart and body. The past 24 hours have been full of much needed pain relief. Overall, my body seems to be back on track. I rested well last night. I hope to do so tonight.

My body is still sore from the previous days of pain. It’s like recovering from a 15 round boxing match. You just don’t wake up the next day without feeling the body blows. Even still, I know I’m on the other side of that unexpected storm. Most of my world seems to be back in order.

There’s no denying that pain drives me to my knees. In fact, it drives me towards greater compassion for others. I find pain to be a gift that helps me relate to other people’s brokenness. It may not feel great at the time. However, there’s no denying God does His greatest work in the midst of the madness. That is if we surrender fully and let God be God.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Held By God

Posted on January 18, 2020     Leave a Comment

The past few days I’ve had some really rough moments. Pain I used to have came flooding back into my body. My wife can testify that it sends me into orbit. I’m talking the kinda pain that can’t leave you in your right mind. It’s like being trapped in misery you can’t stop. All you can do is pray, pray, pray.

Several hours ago my body was draining me by the minute. No doubt my spirit was sinking and my body getting weaker. However, after I got my meds into my system all is well. I feel like a brand new person in every way. I can breathe, think clearly and smile. When you’re locked down in chronic pain you can’t do any of those things well.

I’m so glad God allowed me to feel all that pain again. It reminded that God has just been holding it back. My nerve wreck body is not fixed. God has chosen to give me relief and my life back. I’m smiling big as I write these words. I know I’m a God made and God held man. Anything good in my life has been done so God can get all the glory. I plan to spend my life sharing my testimony and celebrating God’s healing touch.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Hide Me Lord

Posted on January 17, 2020     Leave a Comment

Earlier this afternoon things seemed to be turning around. I finally got some quality sleep. My overall pain had gone down considerably. After a very long, uncomfortable night. I was so grateful for the relief. Yet, here I am again back in middle of the pain.

This time I’m feeling a bit more overwhelmed. One, because I’m still trying to recover from last night’s body slamming experience. Two, my nerve pain is consuming every part of my body. My overall vision feels blurred. Three, I can tell my enemy the devil is hoping to take me down again.

This time I’m being attacked relentlessly physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. These moments make it difficult just to breathe. Nothing feels right or looks right. My heart is pounding like a small animal running away from a ferocious beast. While my words may be dramatic. This fierce spiritual battle is anything but make believe.

Yes, I’ve been here before. Still it takes me by surprise and to my knees. I have to be still, quiet, and rest everything on Gods shoulders. There’s not a direction that feels safe at the moment. Therefore, I must rest underneath the protection of the Almighty. I need His peace, presence, promise, and power to pull me through. I can’t make it anywhere without Divine intervention. Only in Him can I find refuge from the storm.

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4

Makes Sense Now

Posted on January 16, 2020     Leave a Comment

Last night I could not understand why I felt so bad. Like way worse than I’ve felt anytime recently. I had eaten a few things not on my diet plan. But, nothing that made me tumble so quickly in recent days. Well, I’m hoping I found the answer earlier.

Around 2am this morning I took a couple more ibuprofen. I just couldn’t understand how my 9pm nighttime meds had done nothing. After all, I even took an extra muscle relaxer around 11pm. Well, come to find out I never took my nighttime medicine. How my mind missed it I do not know.

However, when I went to take this mornings 9am meds I discovered last night’s meds still in the container. I literally went 12 extra hours without taking my most needed medication for my nerve pain. This explains why my body has felt totally inside out. Why I kept tumbling down and down with each hour. I’m lucky to have even slept a few hours.

I literally have 4 alarms set per day for this stuff. I check behind this stuff thoroughly knowing I need every medication I’m scheduled to take. Somehow, Satan pulled one over on me. It was a roller coaster of a night. Hopefully, my body and meds get back regulated real soon. Just shaking my head in disbelief. Still I’m grateful for answers!

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Looking Back Helps

Posted on January 16, 2020     Leave a Comment

Even after hours in the tub and a lot of water digested. My hands and feet are itching. That old familiar surgical spot is aching constantly. There doesn’t appear to be any quick fix in sight. A little surprised the meds I took hours ago don’t have me totally comfortable.

Now, I’m not lying here freaking out. I’m uncomfortable, but I’m not feeling desperate. This season’s worse days don’t compete with last season’s average bad days. Back then the pain never ended and no hope seemed in sight. Now, I know this is just a rough patch that God will counter sooner than later.

So, it’s very important I remember days of old. Not to live in the past. But, to draw great faith from the past. I used to live in the fiery furnace morning, day, and night. Now, I actually get surprised when I have great discomfort lasting more than a few hours. Thank you God for taking me through those unbearable days. Now, I know I can trust you with anything.

“I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done.” Psalm 143:5

Gotta Stay Disciplined

Posted on January 16, 2020     Leave a Comment

Lots going on the past few weeks towards taking my body down. Busyness, stress, less sleep, and hardly any exercise in forever. However, the biggest issue has once again been a change in my diet. Of course, there’s no such thing as eating perfect. I did consistently eat extremely clean and healthy for nearly 80 days straight.

Now, I’ve not totally fallen off the healthy eating wagon. I still eat and drink with great discipline. But, the past week has not been acceptable. A few very poor food choices are starting to catch up with my body. All it takes is a small window for me to start tumbling due to increased inflammation.

For the most part I’ve been very fortunate on the days I’ve swallowed any inflammatory foods. But, it seems a few consecutive days of poor decisions have caught up with me. Chinese food and two donuts earlier certainly got my attention. I can feel the fire inside me rekindled. Nerve pain is radiating throughout my body from my feet to my face. Now, all I can do is get back on track tomorrow and give my body time to settle down.

Praise God I know where to find the fire extinguisher. It’s all starts with what I choose to eat and not eat. Like it or not this is the lifestyle I must live and breathe. So, once this inflammation settles I will start another streak. I will make one good decision at a time in a world where temptation sits on every corner. With God’s help I will continue on this health journey. God just needed to remind me that my diet really does matter!

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Tired Of Playing Games

Posted on January 13, 2020     Leave a Comment

On March 4th I will turn 45 years old. I have to say those years have flown by. Seems like yesterday I was still in grade school. Most of my school years I was best known as a class clown. Yet, more than ever I’m tired of playing games. It’s time to rise up. To live out my God given purpose with great faith.

When I turned 40 I thought was having a midlife crisis. I’m sure my extreme health issues the past 4 years contributed highly to some of my thinking. However, this time I feel pretty certain. I’m close if not already years beyond the midway point of my life expectancy. Statistics show the average age of death male or female in U.S. is 78.87 years old.

Now, I don’t know how this motivates or frightens you. But, it puts a fire under me to make everyday count. It’s time now to seek God’s will like never before. It’s time now to love others as God lavishes love on me. It’s time now to tell every soul I can about Jesus. I would like to see every person I encounter in Heaven one day.

You see, this life is but a vapor. You’re here one moment and gone the next. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. So I plan to live each day as it might be my last. Lord knows I don’t want to play games anymore. The brevity of this life lets me know I can’t afford to waste another minute. God take me over and use every second remaining for your glory.

(Psalm 90:12) Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

(Psalm 144:4) Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

(Ephesians 5:15-17) So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.

(Hebrews 9:27)People are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.

A Preacher’s Saturday Night

Posted on January 12, 2020     Leave a Comment

I’ve now been in the ministry for 27 years. I spent 11 years as a student minister and associate. The past 16 years I’ve been a senior pastor. Honestly, my Saturday nights have never been normal as a minister. But, since becoming a senior pastor things have drastically changed.

Now, in many ways a pastor never feels off duty. However, as a preacher Saturday nights feel like you’re waiting for the big game. You know so many people rely on your effective deliverance of God’s message. You do your best to pray and prepare the best of your ability. Then, you just keep asking God to get you out of his way.

Underneath the God-given role there are always some anxious nerves. For you know in your flesh alone things are bound to fail. Yet, guided by God’s spirit and truth lives are bound to change. As the time to preach gets closer and closer. You keep asking God to please get you out of His way and to have His way. Then, come Sunday morning somehow God does more than imagined despite you and through you.

“Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:2

So Glad To Fight

Posted on January 11, 2020     Leave a Comment

Tonight was a huge rarity for me. Not only did I stay awake past midnight. I enjoyed every minute of it. I sat down for hours at our dining room table. I barely had any pain. There I enjoyed playing two games of monopoly with my boys.

It really did feel like we went back in time. Due to my nerve condition it’s been nearly 5 years since I could endure such a time. Typically, I’ve had to pass all family game nights. But, not this time my friends. I was finally back in the game.

Just minutes into the first game competitive spirits were rising. Anyone watching might have thought a street fight was about to occur. But, it was one of the best nights of my life. There were plenty of looks and laughs. And, while playing Monopoly felt more like a family feud. I was beyond grateful to be able to fight and enjoy quality time with my boys.

“ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Been A Long Time

Posted on January 10, 2020     Leave a Comment

Well, it’s certainly been awhile since I’ve been this way. Nerve pain running throughout my body. Pain in my lower back just wreaking havoc on me. My hands and feet are constantly itching. All of this because the pain has gotten on top of me. I guess it was just a matter of time.

This week I’ve spent hours daily in the tub. I’m seeking to be reactive and proactive towards calming my pain. Not resting well night after night has caught up to me. I always hate feeling this way. Fortunately, it’s no longer always this way.

There was a time when this was a morning, day and night thing. But, I’m encouraged because it has been so long. Satan loves to get us focused on all that is going wrong. All I can see is how much has been going right for so long. God has actually given me my life back.

Fortunately, I have medications for times like these. Presently, I’m just waiting on them to kick in. It could take 30 minutes to an hour to settle down my flaring nerves. For now I’m just focused on all God has done. This has given me great confidence in what God will do. He’s proven this to me time and time again. Everything is always going to be okay in His time.

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

Faith Under Fire

Posted on January 10, 2020     Leave a Comment

This past week has been really tough. Both physically and emotionally I feel drained. God has been doing a lot of really awesome things. Yet, my emotions keep taking me for a ride. I’ve had a lot on my plate and I’ve not slept well all week. My legs are heavy and so is my heart.

In many ways, I’m in the prime of my life. God is putting so many things in order. Things I’ve prayed about for years are happening daily. Yet, at the same time I keep coming face to face with new giants and my humanity. No matter how much I do there’s always much more to be done. I mean this as a husband, father, son, brother, friend and pastor.

There is one thing I cannot deny. God has my full attention. Not in a bad way at all. I’m learning to lean on Him completely. My feet are on the prayer pedal around the clock. I just keep giving God all that’s on my heart. I keep thanking Him for all He has done, is doing and will do. I’m back on another faith walk for sure. One that feels really deep, but is also deepening my faith.

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.” 1 Peter 4:12-13

“These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:7

The Humble Pie Club

Posted on January 9, 2020     Leave a Comment

It’s been 20 days since my dad found out he has advanced Multiple Myeloma Cancer. It’s taken at least half that time for reality to move from our heads to our hearts. At first you just want to fall apart when you see someone you love struggling so much. Then, you catch your breath and start trusting God with each breath forward. That’s where we are at this point in this painful journey.

My dad is just a couple weeks into his chemotherapy treatments. Everyday appears to be unpredictable. Dads had some really good moments and some really bad ones. Putting this cancer in remission seems very possible. However, the journey towards that remission is proving long and painful. I truly hate to see my dad feeling so weak all the time.

Now, tonight my dad and I grew a little closer together. He said, “Son, I hate that you had to eat the first piece of humble pie. I realize now why all that pain you had before changed you so much. Now, it’s my turn to eat humble pie. And, it’s changing the way I think about everything. I pray more now than ever before in my life.”

I couldn’t help but get choked up as I could taste his pain. I could identify with how it strips you down to the core. When the pain is so great you can hardly catch your breath. You can’t hide your extreme weaknesses from the world anymore. All you can do is keep crying out to Jesus for relief and healing.

I was able to tell my dad how his pain was not being wasted. It’s not just changing his life, but mine too. I’m now making decisions with much greater urgency and perspective. I’m thanking God for each moment. Not just looking ahead for what may never happen. We’re both official members of the humble pie club. And, while I hate the pain I see in His eyes. I can’t deny I feel God working both in, through and around him.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6

Maybe It’s Just Me

Posted on January 8, 2020     Leave a Comment

We all know this life is full of ups and downs. One moment you feel on top of things. The next minute things feel on top of you. Presently it just feels like there’s a dark cloud hovering over this world. Maybe it’s just what I’m feeling in my soul.

Now, I don’t think things just suddenly got this way. American values have been spiraling downhill for quite sometime. No, I’m not talking about what’s going on in the White House. Im talking about things in my house, your house and even inside the school house.

I’m afraid the average American has turned their back on God. Sure, many reference the words “In God We Trust.” But, does it really count when someone’s heart is so far from meaning those words. You see, to trust God is much more than a few words.

It’s saying God I surrender all. Please forgive me of my sin and selfishness. Take my heart and lead my life. I believe your son Jesus paid it all for me on that cross and even overcame the grave. Be my salvation, my stronghold, and my reason for living every breath.

Then, somehow God lavishes us with His grace and healing. Hope becomes more than a word. It becomes a certainty in our heart no matter what life brings. By grace through faith in Christ alone. We find forgiveness of sin, eternal security in Heaven and a hope that can’t be taken away.

Maybe it’s time for America to spiritually wake up. Get down on your knees. Let God take you over. Trust God with all your heart, soul, and situation. Worry alone will change nothing. Giving things completely over to God can change everything.

“If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

Before You Look Ahead

Posted on January 6, 2020     Leave a Comment

It’s that time of year again. A time that most of us think about new beginnings and resolutions. A time we aim for old and new targets on the wall. We hope and pray this new year is full of God’s blessings. Honestly, I believe we should be looking forward with great expectations. However, there’s one thing we should do before we ask God’s blessings forward.

We need to thank God for past and present blessings. For God’s hand of protection and provision up to this point. For all the things God made possible that otherwise were impossible. For faith, family and friends that bring so much joy into our lives. Yes, we need to count our blessings naming them one by one. Otherwise, we will just be focused on what we don’t have instead of all God already has provided.

Going into 2020 I have a lot of things I’m hoping to accomplish. But, I don’t want to pursue any of it without being full of gratitude. Too often I’ve been focused on what needs to be done instead of all God has done. This sucks the joy out of my sails and makes everything feel like a job. So, my first New Year’s resolution is not just to see God do more in my life. Instead, I hope I will continually see and celebrate what God has done, is doing and will do.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Bring On 2020

Posted on January 1, 2020     Leave a Comment

Well, I definitely came into the New Year sick. This past Monday morning I went to the doctor. Seems I have some kind of viral infection. My throat has been killing me. My head has been beyond stuffy. I’ve struggled to do much. Even still I’m coming into this new year feeling stronger than ever.

By far, I’m the healthiest I’ve been in quite some time. Physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually I’m very encouraged. My overall pain has been very minimal. Making constant healthy choices have become a way of life for me. From what I eat to what I do. Finally, I’m fully embracing my new normal.

The biggest thing God has taught me the past year is crystal clear. That is with God all things are truly possible. All I’ve done is trust Him everyday. Sought to do all I can while trusting Him for all I can’t. In every way possible God has poured constant blessings into my life. He will do the same for you if you’ll just keep taking the next God led step.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Considering A Diet Change?

Posted on December 29, 2019     Leave a Comment

Sixty days ago I resolved in my heart to start eating clean. For me this has meant eating only vegetables, fruits, nuts, grilled lean meats and beans. Yep, I had to wave goodbye to sugar, caffeine, and lots of other tasty things.

Rarely have I eaten anything outside of these lines. The one day I did eat whatever I wanted was Christmas Day and it proved very painful. There’s no doubt that eating healthy has much greater value than just losing weight.

Most know that I’ve got a lot history of major chronic pain. In fact, prior to this new diet my nervous system crashed weekly for over four years. All of that changed when this diet was put in place. The inflammation throughout my body has drastically decreased. My pain level has now been consistently bearable. This new way of eating has helped me eliminate 3 medications. Also I was able to greatly reduce the dosage of 3 other medications by fifty percent. My stamina and ability to focus has completely returned.

Day by day I’m convinced that what we eat and don’t eat really matters. In fact, your diet is just as important as any physical exercise, rest or stress management. The right food is the best medicine on the market and doesn’t require a doctor’s prescription. So, if you want to feel better don’t overlook your daily diet.

Eating healthy could drastically increase both the quality and quantity of your life. No, it’s not easy, but so worth the daily discipline. Many are learning this truth. Most won’t believe the difference eating healthy can make. That is until they wholeheartedly try it for themselves and choose to eat and drink counter culturally.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

I Should Not Be Surprised

Posted on December 26, 2019     Leave a Comment

It’s been several weeks since my nervous system last crashed. Lord knows I’ve been doing all I can to eat right and live right with my condition. However, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I totally abandoned my daily diet. I knew in my heart there would be some pain to follow. Had no idea that my entire body would be vibrating with pain so quickly.

Once again a huge confirmation that my diet has been changing my life. Without warning my heart began racing and my nerves just crashed. Thank God I don’t typically feel this way. It’s paralyzing and very deflating. All this has come from just one day of me consuming a lot of sugar. Just one day of me eating like a mad man whatever I desired.

Been eating totally clean all day. Hoping now to cleanse this out with water and sleep. These breakdowns are so hard to explain to most. It’s like suddenly relapsing in your recovery journey. You feel like you were doing so good. Then, boom you find yourself in pieces on the ground. With time and rest this will change soon. While all the food was very tempting and delicious. There’s no doubt I clearly lived outside of what I knew was best for me.

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” James 4:17

Partly Cloudy And Cold

Posted on December 20, 2019     Leave a Comment

Based on stats alone it was a much better day on the books. My day began after 9 hours of sleep. Then, I ate all the foods I should and stayed away from those I shouldn’t. Overall, I was only active for a little over six hours. And, most of that was spent sitting down or lying on my side. However, I’ve just not had much energy all day long.

Of course, these rare freezing temperatures here in South Carolina aren’t doing my nerve wrecked body any favors. Inside or out it seems to cut right through my skin. Overall, I just feel zapped of all my energy. I may have some kind of bug. Right now it’s just too early to tell.

Finishing up preparation for my Sunday sermon feels impossible right now. So, I’m going to bed and praying I feel much better in the morning. If I don’t I will quickly make a doctors appointment to get on top of this sickness. I have taken some medicine for sinuses and cold symptoms. Seems like my body doesn’t handle a sugar or a little sickness well. This to shall pass!

““Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10

The Stats Do Matter

Posted on December 19, 2019     Leave a Comment

My body is definitely in need of some quality rest. The last four days straight have been very fruitful. However, they have been way too busy and long. I don’t have to look long at my Fitbit stats to recognize the problems. The past has proven the stats do matter.

Now, I’m been doing great at keeping my daily walking under 3 miles daily. But, I’m been averaging 10-12 hours of activity daily. I’ve learned 7-8 hours should be my daily max. I’ve been averaging under 7 hours sleep nightly when my body requires 8-9 hours. No wonder I’ve been coming home every night and having to spend many hours in a tub for relief.

So, tomorrow morning I will do nothing all morning. I will seek to get the rest my body desperately needs. I will give my mind rest from having to work so much. I will seek to make the next few days a lot shorter work days. This is why I keep my Fitbit charged at all times. The stats and facts speak for themselves. They provide revelation, confirmation and direction.

“Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;

Psalm 26:2

Celebrate The Blessings

Posted on December 17, 2019     Leave a Comment

Finally, I’m home from a very physically and emotionally draining day. Anytime, I’m out of the house for nearly 12 hours I’m asking for increased pain. But, this wasn’t one of those days I could just stay in the bed. I needed to get up and show up. I’ve already missed too many big moments in the past due to my health. I was determined to see my oldest son’s college graduation.

So, despite the fact my body was already exhausted I joined the family for this special day. God keeps telling me to remember the blessings. The fact I’ve gotten so much stronger. The fact my pain has become so much more manageable. That I’m no longer just stuck home and soaking in misery. I’m out living and enjoying the next God-given moment.

Now, I will probably spend hours tonight in this soaking tub. I’m just way too sore to even consider sleeping right now. Yet, my blessings are overflowing. I’m so grateful for days like today. For family and reasons to celebrate. For God carrying me this far in my recovery journey.

Having to eat so disciplined is getting much harder at day 47. However, I’m very thankful for answers and options for pain relief. With God’s help I will make this way of eating a constant part of my recovery lifestyle. That way I can be around for many more God moments to come.

Even when I want to wallow in my pain. God keeps pointing out countless reasons to keep praising Him. I’ve already run out of fingers and toes in my attempt of counting them all. So often satan seeks to elevate the pain over the gains. What’s going wrong more than what’s going right in your life. God wants us to choose to dwell on the praiseworthy.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Don’t Give Up On God

Posted on December 15, 2019     Leave a Comment

I’m still breathing in my new normal. They say if God brings you to it. Then, surely God will take you through it. Well, that’s exactly what I experienced firsthand. I truly had to see it to believe it. Honestly, I didn’t always see things working out in any positive way. I was prepared to wave my white flag of surrender at any moment.

Most mornings I could barely get out of the bed. Most days I could barely handle each minute. Most nights the only way I got to sleep was by intoxicating myself with lots of medications. It was nothing for me to spend 12 to 14 hours in the bed and 6-8 hours in the tub. Misery was my main company for much of the past four years.

Then, God reached into my desperate situation. Pulling me out of such a deep distressed black hole. I saw no way out or through before. Then, God proved He had bee working everything for my good and His glory all along. Everyday I feel like I’m getting stronger and stronger. I may not be cured, but I’m certainly on the other side of the valley.

Who knew that a total change in my diet would bring so much promise. For 45 days straight I’ve just stay away from all inflammatory foods. Now, I’m feeding myself nothing but whole and healthy foods. It’s breathing new life in me everyday that I stick to the script. I will spend my life telling others in breathtaking chronic pain there is always hope for your situation. Just put your little hand in God’s big hand. He won’t let you down. Do all that you can while trusting God for all that you can’t do.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Life After My Shot

Posted on December 12, 2019     Leave a Comment

I’ve now been on ice half of the day. My shot this morning went as smoothly as possible. In fact, it was the least painful procedure I can recall. I’ve just gotta keep icing often and resting properly. It’s not easy to stay lying down. But, I know the next 48 hours I have to let my body heal.

My doctor said today he could tell my diet was really reducing my inflammation. That if I continued on this path I won’t need a shot every three months. So, it was encouraging to heat his feedback. He said there’s just too much evidence out there. That there are inflammatory foods and non-inflammatory foods. He said people just don’t realize that the wrong diet fuels their pain. I told him I’ve definitely learned this is so true.

Not being able to use heat or the tub has been difficult. However, these shots have knocked me down way more in the past. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be. Every area of my life has progressed forward. I’ve just got to keep take one step at a time.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Keep Walking By Faith

Posted on December 11, 2019     Leave a Comment

Been a long and fruitful day. I’m so grateful God keeps giving me opportunity to be a blessing. My stamina, focus and ability to minister keep growing daily. Things have been very busy lately. Driving any distance continues to be a challenge. These are just a few things I have to work around and learn to balance.

I am now officially replacing breakfast with a cup of juiced vegetables. Again, it’s not great on the taste buds, but it’s good for the body. I keep eating several times throughout the day in order to stay ahead of my hunger. I’m learning how to maintain my new diet whether home or away. I’m always around food I can’t eat and drinks that aren’t best for me. I continue to take this one step at a time as day 42 is about to begin.

I still have to spend hours most evenings in the tub for relief. But, thank God I’ve got a very deep soaking tub that I thoroughly enjoy. Tomorrow morning my wife will be taking me to get another quarterly shot. While I know I will be sore for several days afterwards. Time has proven that I need to proactively get these caudal injections. Otherwise the lower back coccyx pain will take me down quickly.

As I’ve said to you all many times in the past. God wants to use your pain as a platform. God wants you to know that with his help you can get through anything. God just ask that you keep taking the next right step. Then, after you’ve done all you can trust God fully with all you can’t.

“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

God Uses Genuine Faith Walkers

Posted on December 10, 2019     Leave a Comment

I want to ask everyone to pray for my Uncle Mitch. Tonight he had to be admitted into Trident hospital due to extreme pain. The kind of pain you cannot hide even if you aim to mask it. CT scan revealed there is definite life threatening concerns. But, no clear answers as to what he’s dealing with exactly until other specialists get involved. I just know things are so heavy on his heart physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Right now just pray that he knows God’s love, feels God’s presence and is calmed by God’s peace. The kind of peace you can’t find anywhere else. He’s never been the church going type. However, I know he believes in Jesus. He just needs to feel the love of Jesus through people like you and me.

Earlier tonight in the Emergency Room my youngest son and I were visiting him. My 9yr old grabbed my Uncle’s hand for prayer. Then he uttered a prayer that only a person with a true childlike faith can. Power was felt in that room as God flooded His love through a little boy to a grown man.

Because my Uncle is somewhat withdrawn. I know he’s had very few if any of these type moments. The kind where you can’t help but feel God’s power in the room. The kind where God’s love surges from a little boy’s heart to a grown man’s heart. He was obviously moved even in such pain.

All I know is too often we expect people just to come to church. When we should be seeking most to be the church. People are searching in every direction for hope. Before we pray for them to change. We need to demonstrate the change God has made in us. We do this best as we love and care for others like Jesus does for us.

Even though he is my little boy. God uses Asher often to touch my heart. My son tells me that God has given him the gift of prayer. He also says that love is His super power from God. Who am I to argue with a 9yr old? One who speaks so confidently and expresses His faith so loudly. So, I’ve decided to join him in loving and praying for those around me. I encourage you to do the same.

“The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” 1 Timothy 1:5

40 Days 40 Nights Of Fasting

Posted on December 10, 2019     Leave a Comment

Maybe I need to get myself a trophy or a small ribbon. All I know is the last 40 days and nights have felt like 40 years. I’ve now gone 40 days straight eating with a discipline only God could give me. This has all been motivated most by wanting to live in much less daily pain.

This entire time has been such an eye opener. I now know without any doubt that what you eat highly impacts how you feel. You’re either feeding yourself inflammation or quality nutrition. I’m not only seeking to stay away from all inflammatory foods, but I’m trying to eat healing foods.

So far, I’ve been able to reduce a lot of my medications. No longer am I just living in a fog. Instead, I can actually concentrate most of the day. Sure I still have pain due to my nerve damage. But, eating clean has changed my extreme pain anywhere from 50-75 %. This entire time I’ve mainly eaten only fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, and very lean meats.

I just officially started juicing very healthy veggies. None of it does good to my taste buds. But, it feels like medicine as I chug it down. I’m aiming to eat around 12 servings of veggies daily. Seeking to resist all the delicious foods around me has been very challenging. Especially during the holiday season. However, by the grace if God I’ve stayed the course and my body keeps thanking me for it. If you’re trying to get healthy. Start with your diet before you take any other steps forward.

“This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:8

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Posted on December 8, 2019     Leave a Comment

God has proven faithful once again. He not only got me through both services. He kept my mind focused on the task at hand. It’s awfully hard to override fogginess when you can’t have caffeine or sugar. Still somehow I was able to keep myself out of God’s way this morning. And, I feel much much better than I did before.

I’ve got to brag on God’s faithfulness a little bit more. Based on the past 26 years of ministry God has always come through. When I feel like nothing good can happen. When I feel I have nothing more to give. God picks me up and carries me through the fire. Based on the past He can be trusted 100 % of the time.

I could share story after story of His provision, protection, and power being so evident in my life. I can promise you I’m not worthy of being a pastor. I’m not capable of being a pastor. Apart from the call of God and the goodness of God my ministry would have long ago ended. God keeps working on me to make me what I can only be through Christ. My heart will sing his praises forever.

“Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:23

Take My Hand Lord

Posted on December 8, 2019     Leave a Comment

For the first time in a month I’m not feeling well on a Saturday night. I can’t put my finger on exactly what I can do. All I know is nerve pain is running throughout my body like electricity. Over the past few years this is what I felt every single Saturday night. Then, I would get up on Sundays and preach back to back services feeling blinded by pain.

Somehow by the grace of God I’ve made it through every Sunday in the past. Somehow God uses my weakness to demonstrate His strength. God uses my desperation to help me totally depend upon Him. I guess we’re all tempted to think we can depend upon ourselves. It’s only when we reach the end of ourselves that we can be totally full of Christ.

Now, I’ve taken medication that should ensure that I get much needed sleep. But, I have no idea how I will wake up feeling Sunday morning. I do know God’s grace will be sufficient. His strength will be enough. I’m doing all I can on my side so I’ve got to trust what God sees on the other side. Lord, take my hand and lead me where you want me to go. I know I can trust you with all my heart.

“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13