7 Ways To Kill Your Marriage


Did you know you could sleep in the same bed with another person and still never know each other. Most marriages operate this way every day. Without clear communication everything is left up to speculation and everything is a guessing game. Communication between two people does not come easy, but does get easier with practice. How can your spouse know what you’ve never told them? How can you get to know your spouse when you rarely take the time to listen to their heart. Communication is more than just words, but taking time to understand each other. Many relationships are killed due to poor communication and great misunderstanding.


Distance for a long period of time rarely helps with closeness. Whether due to busyness, careers, children, or other things you have to make time for your marriage relationship. You never outgrow the need for a date night. You never arrive to the point where life can’t come between the two of you. In fact, the longer you’ve been together the more you must fight the complacency in your relationship. Many marriage partners tell me after their relationship has blown up that they never dreamed this could happen. Listen, if you don’t “Make Time” for your marriage you will wake up one day to a nightmare.


Marriage is a mutual, lifelong commitment between a man, woman, and God. There are two perspectives when it comes to the marriage relationship. One, no matter what comes our way I am committed for better or worse, richer or poorer, to make this relationship work for a lifetime. The second and most popular approach is, I am committed to this relationship as long as it feels right to me. Thoughts of divorce are often fed by a lack of commitment and therefore an attitude that says, “I’m looking for a way out instead of a way through issues that will attack any relationship.” My relationship with my wife is far from perfect. But, both of us have a strong commitment to one another and to God when it comes to our marriage. Commitment makes a huge difference!


God has never had total control of a marriage and it not work out for a lifetime. If both partners are growing in their relationship with God it will only lead them closer to one another. And, I’m not asking if you got to church, but do you have a growing relationship with God? Every day of my life I have to allow God to adjust my attitude, redirect my thoughts, and change my heart in areas that have grown cold. My spouse will never be able to fill all the God shape voids within me. Every relationship will go through storms where they have to know that Jesus is in the boat with them. Otherwise, their marriage is destined for disaster.


We all know that trust is huge in any relationship. And, it is built over time, but can be lost in one instance. Each partner has to go to every length possible to show the other person their commitment is solid and they can be trusted. My first piece of advice is for you to draw clear lines in the sand to protect your relationship. Don’t say or do anything that gives your partner a reason not to trust you. However, if you have already fallen in this area then you have to make some radical changes. Go the extra mile to show you’re sorry, you’ve changed, and you can be trusted again. Building trust back will take time, but with God’s help your relationship can heal and trust  can be restored. But, be mindful that until things heal, you are dealing with an open wound called a “Lack of Trust.”


Respect, I can’t say this word without mentioning other words such as value and appreciate. When a person feels unappreciated, de-valued, and not respected they will not like you very much. It doesn’t matter how many times you say “I love you”, you have to value your partner. You can’t pick apart everything they do, treat them like a second grader, and expect them to feel warm and fuzzy towards you. Going through my mind is Garth Brooks singing, “Somewhere other than the night she needs to hear I love You. Somewhere other than the night, she needs to know you care.” Respect is all about appreciating the other person for who they are, what they  do, and what they mean to your everyday life. “We all want to be loved, we all want just a little respect.”


I have counseled a lot of couples prior to them getting married. I have found that most were in desperate need of some pre-marital guidance before they said, I do. Most young couples have no idea what they are getting themselves into when they get married and they’ve not observed many healthy marriages. If you are not yet married please consider sitting down with someone who can give you some healthy insight as to what challenges most marriages will face. On the other hand, someone reading this right now is married and needs to call Marriage Nanny 911 in hopes of getting help as soon as possible. Most marriages that reach a point of near explosion need outside assistance and counsel to have a fighting chance of working through the mess between them.

 *I pray God uses this to save at least one marriage! God Bless!  

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