I Needed Real Life Support
Lately it’s been hard just to breathe. Trying to process anything other than my next breath has been a huge challenge. Lord knows I’ve tried so hard to be strong. Lord knows I’ve tried so hard to get well. Lord knows I’ve prayed and prayed things would turn around. Then, to my complete surprise things have actually gotten worst at times.
I’ve been to so many doctor visits, tests, and procedures I can’t even keep count. I’ve been to more physical therapy visits the past two years than most will ever go to in their lifetime. I’ve endured several painful shots with zero results. I’ve had two surgeries and have a spinal cord stimulator implanted. Trust me, I know what they mean when they say “sometimes you’ve got to crawl before you walk.” I’ve been proactive with my entire daily regiment since day one striving for recovery. I’ve studied hundreds of other people’s journey that are dealing with major back and nerve pain. I’ve got enough hours in dealing with pain I should have my master’s degrees, but instead I barely feel I’ve reached first grade in what I need to know.
I finally had to just admit that my approach is not working. Not that I regret any of my prior efforts, but they have just not produced the results I hoped. Everyday I’ve become more and more aware that doctors can’t do everything. That sometimes life just stinks and leaves you in the corner crying your eyes out. I’ve had enough struggling nights to fill a river with tears. Thank God I do have a strong faith and a very good support system. Otherwise, I’m certain I would have long ago been admitted into the crazy house.
For countless reasons I’ve had to re-evaluate my life support. I’ve concluded that I can no longer rely on others or myself for healing. If those two things could have delivered it would have already happened. So, I’m turning it ALL over to the only One that won’t disappoint. I’m plugging in my heart to the only One in full control. You see, I need a life support system that won’t continue to let me down. I need one that won’t change like the weather at the drop of hat. Therefore, from this point forward I’m counting fully on a God who never changes. I’m relying fully on a God who never wonders how things will work out, but who will carry me through until things do workout.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 4:17
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20
Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness.” John 10:10