Living Without My Full Legs

Ball And Chain

It’s been well over a year since I’ve ever gotten an ounce of sleep without medication. Even still I’m thankful for rest any way I can get it. It’s my only chance at recharging and possibly healing. Asleep is the only time I’m totally without pain and some level of discomfort. Everyday I’m learning how to live without being at full strength and without my legs fully underneath me.

Anytime I get out of the bed I hit the floor with extreme heaviness in my legs. Even if I sleep eight or more hours I will feel like I’ve got weights tied to my ankles due to my nerve pain. God always gives me a reason to get up and the strength to get out the bed. Most days feel like eternity and like I’m dragging an extra person behind me. Therefore I try to shorten my days as much as possible.

Now, I honestly don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I don’t spend countless hours saying, Why God? But, I do ask God daily to help me not waste the platform he has given me. The struggle He has given me helps me identify with others who struggle. The struggle He has given me helps me to have greater compassion and grace towards others. The struggle He has given me keeps me driven to my knees and realizing I can’t even walk without Him holding my hand.

No matter what you’re going through there is always a reason. It may be the consequence of your sinful disobedience. But, it may be something God has allowed to grow you and reveal His greatness.

“ As Jesus went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
John 9:1-3

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