Officially Call Me Psycho

5FFA4DDA-19F2-4E46-8FDA-B2746C5ED358Imagine a strong electrical current running through your entire body. I’m not talking about anything created by my spinal cord stimulator. I’m talking something that with or without my stimulator runs like a river through my veins. Every moment of my life I’m living on the edge of a very tall cliff. All it takes is any slight change in my emotions. All it takes is a sudden sound, movement, or perception of stress and my nerves quickly spike to new heights. 

It’s pretty crazy when even the sound of your own voice can take down your nervous system. I’ve always been a very extroverted person. Never bothered by crowds, pressure and I never meet a stranger. However, now I have to stop, drop and pray over every encounter. Just because I could handle certain things before has nothing to do with now.

I feel like I’m explaining someone that is crazy. Someone who has a rare psychosocial disorder. Someone that needs to be kept in a private bubble. Someone who should forget about ever trying to be a pastor, chaplain, or communicator again. You see, I don’t even have to walk out my front door to experience this freakish event. This is why I now must life moment by moment. I can’t assume anything and I must prepare for the potential worse through everything. However, I refuse to let this handicap be my excuse, but instead I want God to use it as His platform. 

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

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