Another Piece Of Humble Pie
All things considered my day didn’t start out bad at all. For me, feeling like I’ve been kicked in my lower back repeatedly is normal. What I always fear most is having a complete neurological breakdown. From my view there didn’t seem to be one one in the forecast. That was until it hit me like a category five hurricane.
I was almost done preaching the first worship service. I could feel my nerves reaching high tide. By that I mean, I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I would be crying uncontrollably. Praise God, I made with my cane the short walk to my church office. Then the dam broke and every emotion inside me broke loose. Surrounding me were some of my key leaders and best of brothers in Christ.
Even still, I wanted to just run out of the building. The neurological seizure I had made me feel so vulnerable. Like a kindergarten boy who has fallen down during recess and doesn’t want his friends to see him cry a river. Well, I had no choice but to cry it out. It took me around 20 minutes to cry the edge off my blinding pain. It’s the only thing that allowed me to preach the next worship service.
I had no choice but to start my sermon off acknowledging what was happening. Being honest allowed me to process a little what feels impossible to fully describe. I felt in need of all the grace and prayers anyone would freely give me. It’s like you feel naked standing up in front of everyone. I can’t deny that it took me to a whole new level of humility.
I understand now what a guy once said to me when I was helping him during a family crisis. Tears filled his eyes as his ego didn’t want to receive the grace and help he desperately needed at that time. He said, “I sure would rather be the one offering you a hand up instead of having to take this handout.” We both were dealing with something similar it’s called pride. I didn’t think I had any of that left in me. But, today revealed there is still room for me to grow and learn through humility.
“He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.” (Psalm 25:9)