I’m Ok Except For This

Imagine feeling like your entire insides are vibrating and aching all the time. That just a sudden sound or movement could send shockwaves straight through your nervous system. Imagine never having a true break from your discomfort. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. Imagine doctors telling you there’s nothing they can do about it. And, you’re still trying to swallow that reality.

This is still my current situation. I would be lying if I said it’s not still driving me crazy. Sure, I’ve learned how to cope with it a lot better. I’ve learned how to work despite it at times. But, it is still making everything so difficult. There’s just no break from it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I just keep trusting God with it.

It’s not just some handicap that limits me. It pure misery that torments me. By the grace of God I’m able to keep pressing forward. I do still believe it’s purposeful pain. That’s it’s meant to be used for my good and God’s glory. I’m still growing into this struggle and learning how to cope with it daily.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”                         (9’2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

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