My How Life Has Changed

I just finished preparing Sunday’s sermon entitled “Why Did That Happen?” It took me until 4am to complete. Why? Because preparing messages nowadays takes me twice the amount of time as before. Plus, I have to do things when my mind can actually focus and I’m not blinded by nonstop pain. Honestly, everything has changed in my life due to my chronic condition.

For instance, I can’t drive even one mile without my pain escalating. I can’t ever sit down somewhere without some level of discomfort. I can’t stand for more than 30 minutes before my lower back starts killing me. I can never just bend down to pick something up. Trying to tie my own shoes is still a very big challenge. Even lying down is never easy without heat or medicine.

To say my life has been drastically altered is an understatement. The medicine I take freezes my mind anytime it chooses. I haven’t gone to sleep without taking a muscle relaxer in over two years. My spinal cord stimulator does help, but you never know when it’s going to not be helping. Plus, the huge bulky battery implanted in my back hurts anytime it’s pressed against something. Basically, I have to keep a cushion behind me anytime I drive or sit.

Socially life has changed with family, friends, and ministry. I no longer get to just choose to see someone. I have to hope to feel good enough to get around anyone. My attitude and ability to process things are always affected by my condition. I’m still thrilled with my progress, but I definitely live with a handicap.

Now, my life perspective and faith level have changed for the better. I’m so much more grateful for the little things. I no longer try to do everything and I value others more than ever. I have way more compassion towards others who battle chronic pain or anxiety. It’s not always an easy thing to swallow. But, I’m truly learning to be content no matter what my situation. Overall, I choose to see my glass half full. After all, my doctor says I’m very fortunate to not be paralyzed or at least be in a wheelchair the rest of my life.

Well, I better get to sleep now. Otherwise I will have to get back in the tub for relief. While I needed to get my work done earlier my body always demands sleep the most. The crazy thing is I’ve not even scratched the service of saying how my life has been altered. My every decision still revolves around my health issues 24/7. All that said, I’m just glad to be alive and to know God is never gonna leave my side.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 20:23)

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