My Heart Hurts Deeply

Tonight, I attended proudly my son Joel’s final band awards ceremony. I can’t believe my next to oldest is about to graduate high school. That’s gonna be very tough to swallow by itself. However, what hurts so deeply is my absence during his entire high school years. Less than a month into his freshmen year my life turned upside down due to a major slip and fall. Even worse his life changed due to my ongoing excruciating pain.

Many days gone by were so sad as I wanted to be there for him so badly. Yet, when you can barely get out the bed there’s not much you can do. I missed taking him on our usual fishing trips he once loved. I missed the majority of his band competitions and regular performances. I’ve missed so much I could cry for hours and still not be over it. It’s not one of those things you get over, but somehow God takes you through.

Despite my condition he’s turning into a fine young man. I know he’s seen my struggle way beyond what he wanted to observe. I’m sure my brokenness has made him question God’s goodness. I can only pray he recognizes God’s goodness and faithfulness. That he won’t just remember his dad down a long time. But, he remembers most how God resurrected his dad’s body, mind, and heart when things appeared hopeless. I’m having to remind myself that God often uses pain to get us to His purpose. I’m choosing to believe God is using my broken heart to build something far greater than any memory I missed.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6

3 Comments on “My Heart Hurts Deeply”

  1. Appreciate being a witness to your pilgrimage, and your family’s being there with you too! Believe that this son and all of you learned some very valuable lessons that made your necessary pain and absences necessary! Praying daily for you and them!


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