I Know I’m A Pastor But….

This is my 11th blog post in just 4 days. That usually only means one thing. It’s been a very painful week. The good moments I can easily count on one hand. I’ve tried my absolute best to keep my composure and keep the faith. Yet, pain of this magnitude breaks you down in every way imaginable. This is by far the worst I’ve felt in almost a year.

The medications I’ve taken are starting to kick in and calm me. But, I’m not okay at all with my situation. I’ve given every ounce of my being towards getting better. I know without a doubt that I’ve made huge improvements. However, my heart hurts so much. Not just for myself, but how much this affects other people.

My wife doesn’t deserve this life sentence. My kids shouldn’t have to watch their day suffer so much. My church needs someone there for them. Not them having to worry about me. It just stinks and in many ways shatters my dreams. I know God is using the pain, but it’s just such a painful process. A process I trust God with as my heart bleeds daily.

Please forgive my honesty and don’t doubt my faith. I’m just letting you know that it doesn’t matter if you’re a pastor or the president. Without Jesus this life is just too much. I’ve been in over my head in sorrow, grief, and pain for awhile. I just know I’m not in this boat alone. Jesus is still there. If not I would have long ago been drowning myself in whatever drugs I could get my hands on. Goodnight!

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

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