Unfiltered Letter To God

Written: July 4th, 2019

Dear Heavenly Father,

You see the burden you’ve allowed to be placed put upon me. This thorn in my flesh. It affects me physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially day and night. It impacts my wife, children, family, friends and those I seek to minister to in so many ways. It’s like having to wear a straight jacket all the time. The misery I endure daily can’t be adequately put into words.

You know it leaves me kicking and screaming within often. How can I ignore the torture when it reaches certain levels and leaves me in a puddle of tears? You’ve stripped me down to my very core. You’ve exposed how much I can’t do without you literally holding my hand. You’ve allowed this extreme suffering to go on and on so much longer than I could ever had imagined. I see no end in sight this side of Heaven.

I feel misunderstood by so many. Yet, I’ve come to realize that most can’t understand what they’ve never experienced personally. We all only know the cross we’ve been called to bear. I’m well aware that everyone suffers in various ways. Pain or trials are no respecter of anyone regardless of age, race, position, finances or faith.

Now, I’m not trying to question anything you’re doing. I’ve known most of this journey that you are greatly at work. However, nearly four years after this appointed trial began I’m still trying to swallow all the life alterations. You never said it would be easy. You just made it clear that this faith walking journey was purposeful.

Of course, before it was a lot easier to preach to others. To tell them to trust God no matter what life throws their way. Then, came my turn to be hit directly by this hurricane of nonstop pain. All I can do is process things day by day. Sometimes only minute by minute. All I can do is rely totally on You for strength, direction, grace, and mercy.

No, I’ve not given up on Your ability to heal me. However, I know it’s not my place to determine when that healing takes place. So, I will wait for You to deliver me from this extreme affliction in Your timing. I see so much You are still doing within me, around me, and despite me. I know You are using this struggle to reveal to me and many Your grace, power, love, mercy, and glory.

So, I guess my prayer is that you continue to have mercy on me as you promised. Help me be faithful no matter what this life throws my way. Use this struggle dear Heavenly Father any way that brings you maximum glory for eternity. Even though, saying “whatever way” is hard for me to swallow at times. I trust you completely with my life. You have never failed me before. I know You will never fail me now or later.

“even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

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