Invisible Pain, Obvious Frustration

People see me on the outside and say man you look like you’re doing really good. Thank God I am now able to say I’m doing much better. I’m coping better. I getting around better. Overall, I’m just ecstatic that I’m even able to have a quality conversation, pick up a few groceries and still minister to others.

The problem is underneath everything is still going haywire. My legs quickly feel like I’m dragging someone everywhere I go. My lower back is always just a moment away from everything being unbearable. When I am feeling great with relief. My mind is floating in space due to my necessary medications. Long story short I know the brokenness is always there.

My improved coping is due to the fact I understand this is my new normal. I’m truly seeking to live my best life now. My frustration is feeling like I have to explain things often to those who mean no harm. Sadly, very few on the outside can understand my constant battle on the inside. It truly helps me the most when I know I’m talking to someone who truly understands. It does this nerve wrecked body a world of good. I believe we all have the longing to feel understood.

My advice to anyone battling something on the inside that others can’t see on the outside. Find someone who has faced a similar pain. Whether it be an online support group or local individual. Don’t expect those who have never experienced your battle to understand your pain. We all have to find our common ground tribe for the greatest of understanding. Thank God Jesus always understands our weakness and pain.

“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15

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