Focus On The Blessings
The past 3 days of my life have felt like a constant blur. I’ve literally been busy with ministry from sun up and beyond sun down. I’m just winding things down for today after starting out at 7am. I know for certain I can’t repeat many 15 hour days. If I do, I know I’m playing with fire.
I am thrilled to say that my pain has been manageable for the past 5 days. With God’s strength I’ve been able to do two things consistently. One, I’ve been staying away daily from heavy amounts of sugar or caffeine. Two, I’ve reduced my daily dose of Neurontin/Gabapentin by 400 mg. I’ve taken at least 3200mg daily for well over two years. However, after several days of just taking 2800mg I’ve not felt any complications.
My goal is to get off every ounce of unnecessary medication possible one day at a time. There’s no doubt the collide of my present medications has really affected my mind. I struggle to focus and keep a clear train of thought. My vision is blurred most of the time. It all together makes everything feel so uncomfortable. Most around me just have not idea how much I struggle. And, in some ways that’s a good thing.
Crazy as it sounds with all this going on with my health. I’m beginning to feel the most peace I’ve had in a very long time. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer fighting to cure myself or living in denial. Maybe it’s because I keep seeing God at work despite me. All I know is I just keep feeling hope swelling up within me soul. I really do believe God can heal me. In many ways I feel God began that process long ago. It’s just not quite looked the way I expected.
All I know is it’s best you take things one day a time. Recognize what God is doing. Don’t dwell on all the uncontrollable stuff and brokenness. Focus on how God is at work in the brokenness and proving He is in control. Celebrate how God is using your pain to develop your character, faith and closeness with Him. Look how God is using you even when you feel like you have nothing to offer. I find seeking to live as a blessing and counting my blessings medicates my heart more than any pill I could ever swallow.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8