When Your Heart Beats Fast
I woke up this morning in a thick cloud. I assumed that soon I would be able to shake the fog my medications had given me. But, even 4 cups of coffee and an energy drink couldn’t phase it. Honestly, I would have given anything to not have to preach in such condition. But, it was the hand I was dealt and I prayed continually that I would not get in God’s way.
By the second service I was doing everything I could to focus on my next words. I could have easily fallen asleep about 5 minutes into the 11am service. The only thing I knew to do was be honest about my struggle and just hope it encouraged someone else that was struggling.
One lady came up to me after service. She said, “I just have to tell you how much it means to me for you to be so honest about your struggle. When my dad was battling cancer I wish he would’ve been so honest about his battle. It really touched my heart.” It was at that moment I felt somewhat relieved. I felt like it was ok to have not been ok. All because someone didn’t make me feel worse, but made me believe that God was still using me even at my worst.
I’m sure someone left with a different impression. I’m sure today’s sermon was far from my best delivery. But, it was the best I had to offer at the time. After all, God only asks that I give my best and then trust Him with the rest.
Even now my heart rate continues to stay around 100. My blood pressure has been high as it appears my stimulator is still running too high. Turning it down a few notches has already left my lower back feeling like I’ve been kicked repeatedly. No, I still don’t understand it all. But, I’m convinced God can use it all if I will continue to put it in His hands.
I have my first appointment at Results Physiotherapy at 7am in the morning. And hopefully soon things will have settled down in my heart and life.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Written: October 15th, 2017