The Dam Finally Broke

Written: November 6, 2017

I realize many look at me and think he can’t be in that much pain. But, after almost 26 months of daily constant nerve pain it takes its toll. I’ve felt for so long that I’m just one step away from literally having a nervous breakdown. God just keeps carrying me.

Everyday I try to just take the next God led step. My condition and recovery guide my every thought. I can honestly say that I’ve given 100 percent effort from sun up to sun down daily towards trying to get better. I’ve also sought to let my faith guide me and not just my feelings.

But, today was so different. I could feel the pain rising within and flooding from head to toe. For whatever reason my heart was so overwhelmed and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Fortunately I had a previously scheduled counseling appointment today. Not even five minutes into conversation the damn just broke and the tears never stopped rolling. My counselor just said, “It’s ok you need to let it and sometimes cry it out.”

Later after I got home my pain got to me once again. I could barely get any words out as I just told my super supportive wife all I’ve been feeling. I said, I just hurt so bad physically it’s breath taking at times. I know so many are praying for me and depending on me. But, I’m just exhausted from trying and still feeling the same pain. This kind of pain just steals your joy when it comes to doing anything. I don’t want to give up hope, but I’m losing hope that anything about my health will change.

While not much was resolved the tears were healing. After all, God gave us tears for a purpose. I believe tears flush out things within us that just aren’t good left inside of us. So, I thank God for the cleansing and healing tears. I thank God for always providing just what I need and who I need at just the right times. And, just so you know “Big Boys Do Cry.” Well at least any that hope to be healthy and whole.

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35

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