It’s Not About Me

Back in my favorite most relieving spot the hot tub. Man on man does God continue to affirm that my present struggle has such purpose. I may not like how I feel, but it creates a straight bridge of understanding to so many hearts. Many others can identify with my pain and sorrow.

Today it took everything I had to get out of bed. My legs have felt like they could pop all day. By the second worship service I felt like I could collapse midway through. Even while I was preaching I was begging God to carry me and carry out His will through me.

While standing in front of two services full of people I felt so vulnerable. Part of me just wanted to run off stage and hide. You just feel so bad when you’re not feeling healthy in your own skin. But, I’m starting to believe God speaks loudest through obvious broken vessels.

All I could do was ask God to work despite my feelings of weakness. The last thing I want to do is get in God’s way. I keep waiting for the moment when my nerve pain makes me completely fall apart while preaching. It’s one of my greatest fears that I might literally have to abruptly leave service because my nerve pain shuts me totally down.

By the grace of God alone it’s never happened publicly and I pray it never does. I just keep asking God to help me get over my pride of being afraid of who might see what and what they might think. God is definitely using this thorn in my flesh to make clear that He is the only One with superpowers.

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

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