Covered In Ants
Somebody recently told me “all you write about is your pain.” Well, it’s just where I am and I can’t get out the ant bed. I feel like I’m covered from head to toe with ants and nothing I do is changing that. It’s the greatest test and torment I’ve ever been through. You tell me what you would say about the following.
I’ve got a spot in my lower back that continuously aches. My legs stay so heavy as if they are fifty percent lead. The metal in my lower back is more temperamental than a two year old. My hands and feet are always itching as nerve pain surges throughout my body feeling like ice water. The massive battery implanted in my right side bulges out my skin and presses against bone. This is not some times this is all the time. And I’ve been in this ant bed 30 months.
I’m physically and emotionally drained. If God’s strength was not in me I would have long ago given up all hope. My prayers are constant and at times have literally been just whispers. I would give anything to take even one foot out this ant bed. I spend two thirds of any day in the bed. I’m trying to learn the lessons God wants me to during this time. I’m trying to allow God to carry out His purposeful plan through my life, but man this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I can so relate to Jesus as he knew the cross was near!
“ Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”