Sorry, You’ve Been Sick Too Long

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I observed the following many times in my past. However, I had to experience it myself for total confirmation. I’ve been battling major chronic pain for almost 31 months. I’ve still not been cleared to work full time by my doctor to this day. Meaning most of my life is still spent on the inside of my house not the outside.

As of today, physically speaking I don’t even feel a hair better than I did 925 days ago. Nerve pain is still wrecking my body and my life. However, most who love me are carrying on with their busy lives. I actually take 6 times the amount of nerve pain meds now versus what I did at the beginning of this journey. Plus I’ve had a spinal cord stimulator implanted to help possibly give me back some quality of life. I’m not complaining I’m just speaking painful truth.

Now, I remember many hospice patients saying “I’ve been sick so long that others don’t even think I’m sick anymore. I’m still laying in this bed of pain while they are going on with their lives.” I knew then what I know now. It’s nothing personal, but it’s human nature. Sometimes you’re sick so long that you’re exhausted from experiencing it and those around you just from being around it.

It pains those who love you to see you down and possibly out. Once they realize they can’t quick fix you they have to get back to their busy lives. You have no choice but to keep living in your chronically ill body. You can’t disassociate from the pain because it consumes you sun up to sun down. It can make you feel worlds apart from friends and family.

Understand that it’s not that people don’t care. The two of you just live in two different realities that separate you momentarily. And because you have hours a day to bathe in nothing but pain your mind can easily jump to conclusions about people that without a doubt care deeply about you. They just happen to live in a world that hasn’t stopped on a dime like yours. While it’s been a very painful lesson, I’m glad God has enlightened me with this understanding that will always help me better understand other chronically ill loved ones.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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