I Want To Go To The Zoo

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The words of my 8yr old keep running through my head. He said several times yesterday to me and his momma the following. “But, I want daddy to go to the zoo with us this time. He didn’t get to go with us last week either.” I tried to let him know that daddy just didn’t feel he could endure that kind of trip even if all I had to do was walk around. If he only knew how just hearing those words break my heart.

Now, everyone else is at the zoo hopefully enjoying the day together. You gotta understand I was that dad that always went to things with the family. I didn’t just send them places and hand them money. I enjoyed the quality moments together. It was never about the destination, but the memories made along the way. Along with my physical pain that has become one of my greatest griefs.

I’ve missed so many moments the last 2 1/2 years with my family. Fun trips, fishing, sporting events, band competitions, snow fights, prom pictures, senior class moments, daddy days with my boys, date night’s with my wife, holiday family gatherings, and so much in between. It’s hard to go to stuff when you know once you get there you will be miserable and make everyone else miserable. I’m so used to being present and I long to be present with my family. My boys are growing up so quickly and these moments won’t return. All I can pray is that my 18, 16, 14, and 8 year old know that I’m simply doing all I can as I go through a season I can’t control. I would love to go to the zoo.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12

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