The Scariest Feeling
For the second time during the night I had the scariest feeling I’ve had so far during my recovery process. I felt my back going out in the most vulnerable area of my back. Deep within the very fiber of where I had my L5 S1 fusion. It’s honestly a feeling I can’t fully describe. It’s as if the very titanium disc itself was about to break in half.
Both times all I was attempting to do was sit up in the bed. I only felt if slightly around 12:30am. But, when I tried to sit up on my own around 5:15am I knew I better continue lying completely still in my bed. Because deep within the deepest part of my back’s surgical area I feel a vulnerability that just doesn’t feel right. It’s like something is just about to snap in half at the very root of my back. And I’m not just talking some bad muscle pull.
I had to ask my wife to bring me an ice pack. It did at least settle the area for the moment. But, I can tell I just can’t put this area to the test or take things likely. It really scared me in a way I’ve not experienced. Any move I make for now must be calculated and done as carefully as possible. In fact, I’m not sure I should even try to sit-up any time soon without great assistance. I believe a shot to this area must be done ASAP as it seems whatever was protecting me within their before seems to no longer be doing its job. I’m just going to lay here as still as I can for awhile and hope this settles down.
“ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
(2 Timothy 1:7)