I’m Sure I Have PTSD

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I can feel that old familiar sensation rising in my bones. Not just what I experienced last night, but so many nights the past 2 1/2 years. The first time your nerve pain takes you by total surprise. The next time your nervous system is wrecked it still takes you by some surprise. The next time It leaves you wondering if you can ever go back to living a normal life again. 

Last night alone will go down as one of the worst nights of my life. It’s like someone hooked me up to an electric chair. And while it may not have killed me it made me wish that someone would put me out of my misery. Countless nights similar to last night have truly jolted my body and mind. I find myself hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Tonight, will I be torched again for endless hours straight? Will my legs hurt so bad I would like to cut them off? Will I have no way of stopping the pain that makes me go insane? These are real questions that just keep flooding through my mind. My heart is pounding and my body is bracing itself for a possible rerun of what I’ve experienced so many times before. All I know to do now is what I knew to do before. Pray, Pray, Pray, & then Pray some more. Because some things no matter how much you want to change them only God can change them.

“Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.” Mark 9:29

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