Uncomfortable In My Own Skin
While my nerves at least settled down some earlier my body has never been able to rest. Even after two Valium earlier my heart is starting to pound again. This nerve sensation just makes you feel so ill, touchy, and somewhat unpredictable. You just don’t feel comfortable in your own skin. I can still feel tingling underneath my skin from my feet to my face. You would think I had been out all day and my face was badly sunburned.
My wife can testify that at it’s worst point I’m like the Incredible Hulk. Once I turns green it’s all over and no one is fully safe in my path. For me you can’t just walk past me, suddenly make any noise, and ask me even a simple question. Not without me being extremely startled and my emotions flaring up inside. I’ve learned that everything is dictated by the state of your nervous system.
Man, I would give anything to just feel normal. But, what really is normal? We all have a secret battle and a cross to bear. We don’t get to pick them, but evidently God picked them for us. Therefore I’ve just got to trust that while it all takes me by surprise nothing takes God but surprise. He has a plan for using my every trial to develop my faith and demonstrate His greatness.
“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.”
(1 Peter 4:12-13)