Why I Choose To Be Transparent
Praise God I slept the past 5 1/2 hours according to my Fitbit. Just woke up about an hour after my 6am medicine alarm went off. And I immediately asked my wife “you know it’s almost 7am and the kids are gonna be late to school?” She says, “It’s Saturday the kids don’t have school.” I’m like oh I’m sorry I can’t tell one day from the next.
I do hope each of you realize that I’m just choosing to be transparent every step through this journey. And I realize there is a risk with every piece of honesty I throw out there. Especially as a pastor who many expect to be perfect. But, I told you from the start that I feel led to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. This way hopefully you can see God’s greatness in the midst of my great weakness.
I’ve simply found that confession is healing for the soul. I know it’s gotten me through many a dark day and night. I do feel much more at peace this morning after a very rough night. Thanks for your constant prayers and encouragement. I do pray often that something I choose to share each day will connect, comfort and encourage you. I will keep being transparent , but for now I’m gonna try and go back to sleep. I find that it’s best physically and emotionally that I try to shorten my days. Anything beyond 8-9 hours awake really makes my body totally meltdown.
If you think I’ve spoken some words of desperation listen to what Job spoke to his friends when he was under distress. As he evidently considered friends those whom you can truly be honest with and they still love you. This is long, but read this one chapter of Job in response to his friends that were not only not being encouraging in his darkest time, but they were doubting the genuineness of his faith. When he knew in his heart he was just processing honestly with his friends.
(Job 6)(NLT)Then Job spoke again:
2 “If my misery could be weighed
and my troubles be put on the scales,
3 they would outweigh all the sands of the sea.That is why I spoke impulsively.
4 For the Almighty has struck me down with his arrows.Their poison infects my spirit.God’s terrors are lined up against me.
5 Don’t I have a right to complain?
Don’t wild donkeys bray when they find no grass, and oxen bellow when they have no food?
6 Don’t people complain about unsalted food? Does anyone want the tasteless white of an egg?
7 My appetite disappears when I look at it; I gag at the thought of eating it!
8 “Oh, that I might have my request,
that God would grant my desire.
9 I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me.
10 At least I can take comfort in this:
Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One.
11 But I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for.
12 Do I have the strength of a stone?
Is my body made of bronze?
13 No, I am utterly helpless,
without any chance of success.
14 “One should be kind to a fainting friend, but you accuse me without any fear of the Almighty.
15 My brothers, you have proved as unreliable as a seasonal brook that overflows its banks in the spring
16 when it is swollen with ice and melting snow.
17 But when the hot weather arrives, the water disappears. The brook vanishes in the heat.
18 The caravans turn aside to be refreshed, but there is nothing to drink, so they die.
19 The caravans from Tema search for this water; the travelers from Sheba hope to find it.
20 They count on it but are disappointed. When they arrive, their hopes are dashed.
21 You, too, have given no help.You have seen my calamity, and you are afraid.
22 But why? Have I ever asked you for a gift? Have I begged for anything of yours for myself?
23 Have I asked you to rescue me from my enemies, or to save me from ruthless people?
24 Teach me, and I will keep quiet.
Show me what I have done wrong.
25 Honest words can be painful,but what do your criticisms amount to?
26 Do you think your words are convincing when you disregard my cry of desperation?
27 You would even send an orphan into slavery or sell a friend.
28 Look at me!Would I lie to your face?
29 Stop assuming my guilt,
for I have done no wrong.
30 Do you think I am lying? Don’t I know the difference between right and wrong?