Grief Is Always A Process
I’m not sure I agree with the statement “time heals all wounds.” That’s definitely not true concerning all griefs in this life. Some things you don get over, but God carries you through. With time some things may get a little easier. But, anytime you’re grieving the loss of someone or something you can’t reverse you’re going to grieve and it’s always a process.
I’m finally realizing how much I’ve been grieving the loss of my health. Or at least the loss of the life I once knew. I know I’m still very fortunate to have the health I do have, but it’s far from the health I did have. I have literally gone through every stage of grief as if someone died. What died was the old me. The day I shattered my L5 S1 disc the old me slipped right out the window.
For the longest time I lived in total denial or ignorance one. I just couldn’t believe that my nerve damage could be so bad. I’ve gone through the bargaining stage where I’ve thought this or that would have kept things from reaching this point. I’ve definitely dealt with long seasons of depression that I believe have only been masked by some of my medications. I’ve dealt with wanting to isolate myself from others especially when I almost always feel terrible. Anytime you don’t feel like yourself it’s tough to be around people.
Finally, over the past year I’ve been trying to reach a greater acceptance. Maybe a big part of that is me seeking to embrace my new normal and reality. To quit wallowing in my pain and just work through it. To do what I can and quit focusing on what I can’t. To quit looking back and start walking forward. But, how do you do that when your greatest grief is simply feeling terrible from sun up to sun down.
I wish I had a clear, quick answer. But, I’ve concluded there is none. We each just have to find our way through the storm clouds. We can’t fly over the valley, but we have to trust Jesus to take us through the valley. Then, somehow, someway we will make it through the heavy and uncertain moments of life. If we keep putting our little hand in His great big hand.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time.”