Desperate For Compassion


This afternoon I had another very big appointment. One that I knew was going to be even tougher due to a night of constant pain and very little sleep. I walked in with my legs extremely heavy, lower back aching, and my nerves nearly shot. During the 1 1/2 hour drive there I just prayed that God would keep holding me together and get me through what I knew would be an intense physical evaluation ahead.

When I checked in around 2:30pm I asked the lady at the front how long I should expect to be there. She said, “tell your parents waiting that you need to allow at least 2 1/2 to 3 hours for this evaluation.” All I could do was take a very deep breath knowing how that the next few hours would test my every nerve and strength. After all, it’s been over 6 months since I’ve last done any physical therapy exercises. I knew from our preliminary conversation that my body was about to be awaken for sure.

I tried to worn the physical therapist in advance that my issues were so much deeper than just physical pain. He assured me he would take things easy and that I needed to listen to my body every step of the way. Before we even got started my blood pressure was 150/110. So we had to delay things until that number drastically decreased.

Finally we were ready to begin each grueling physical test. My first big challenge was trying to even lay down flat as requested. Pressing flat against my bulging stimulator battery and my tender lower back made me very nauseous out the gate. Just a few exercises into things my heightening nerve pain was making my hands intensely itch and producing red splotches on both arms. I knew within me a big storm was raging.

Soon, I took a quick trip to the restroom. The first thing I did while inside was text my mom asking her to please pray for me. When I returned back it was time to hit the treadmill, stairs, and do some other various exercises. Suddenly, I could feel my nerve pain rising into my chest and I knew a breakdown eventually would follow. Fortunately, I had one 5mg Valium in the car just in case my system crashed.

After gaining permission to take the Valium I returned back inside for more exercise. Honestly, I can’t tell you what else we even did after I returned. I just knew that beyond my body’s pain I was having another one of my neurological meltdowns. Next thing I know I’m balling my eyes out in front of people I never even knew 2 hours before. My very kind therapist acted like an angel from above. He took me in his office and put his hand on me for support. Then, he said “Mr. Crosby I believe we’ve seen enough. I don’t think it’s best we do any further exercises. I will be praying that you feel better soon.”

I just sat there and wept knowing I needed that cry and I needed those words of comfort not anymore condemnation of myself. While this man may not have fully understood my pain he showed genuine compassion towards me. And, in my time of great need I will never forget his Christlike kindness.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
(Colossians 3:12)

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