Mixed Emotions

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What I’m about to share is not for some pity party. Nor, is about saying my problems are greater than your problems. Honestly, my one and only greatest problem is the state of my health. However, that one problem affects every area of my life. In fact, it affects every person I hold dear in my life. Here are just three emotions that I’m feeling daily.
First of all, I’m very discouraged. I’ve given everything I have towards my recovery. Even still two and a half years later I’m facing the same old battles. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, and I’ve tried to wait on my healing. Reality just keeps hitting me in the mind and heart. It’s getting harder and harder to bounce back and keep going.
Secondly, I’m very overwhelmed. Anyone battling great health issues can testify that life keeps going anyway. There is no task, responsibility or even deep conversation that is not overwhelming to me right now. My energy is drained from this continuous fight. I deal with this morning, day, and night. By itself alone my health struggle drains me physically, emotionally, and emotionally.
Last but not least, I am encouraged. I’m encouraged that God is using my battle to help others through their battle. I’m encouraged that God is using my weakness to rebuild my perspective and increase my enduring faith. I’m encouraged that God is not taken by surprise by any of this and still has a plan. I’m encouraged that as long as God exist so does the opportunity for my miracle. I’m encouraged that through it all I still have family and friends praying for me. I’ve learned that you can have great heartache and still have great hope.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalm 34:18

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