At this moment I’m just taking a huge breath in and then exhaling out. My pain once again has taken me hostage. I try so hard to work through it and even flat ignore it. Many times neither one is an option for me. My pain is just a huge cloud constantly hovering over my head. It’s so deep it makes me want to throw up.

Only those who have experienced it can relate or truly empathize with this level of pain. It’s like you’re at the top of a very tall cliff. And, if your pain moves one more step your doomed to fall into the deepest valley of uncertainty. It makes your heart pound, your body tremble, and your mind not able to be trusted. You just desperately want someone to be able to make it all better. 

Mentally, I had been in a much better place in recent days. Maybe that’s what makes where I’m at right now feel so unbearable. This pain just keeps sucking the life out of me. Maintaining joy is extremely hard in this level of pain. I’m probably overdue for a very big cry which I hope will come sooner than later. It’s like you’re drowning and no one near you knows how to save you. Lord Jesus I once again beg you to rescue me from these feelings of distress and madness. I know you can and will because You have never failed me before. 

“In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.” (Psalm 118:5-6)

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