I’m At Such A Low
I’m at such a low point. My heart is drowning in sorrow. Maybe it’s just full blown depression. I don’t feel control over any of my emotions. I feel like an unpredictable lunatic. It’s like my mind has blown a fuse that must either be replaced or replenished.
No one needs to tell me anymore that I’ve just got nerve damage. I’m pretty sure I’ve moved to being a nervous wreck. Seems no matter how hard I try I just can’t overcome the chaos within me. I know something has to change. I’ve got to get help from someone who better understands what is going on inside of me.
My precious wife and kids have endured so much just being around my chronic illness. God knows I’m doing everything I can to get better and be better for those I love dearly. It’s just not one of those things you master. These nerve surges hit me like a hurricane. They leave my head spinning, my body shaking, and my heart so broken.
Whatever it is that I need to do to get better I’m praying desperately God will show me. I can certainly see why great illness destroys so many people, marriages and families. I’m devoted to doing whatever it takes to get healthier and guard my family. No doubt in my mind that so many who battle a severe chronic illness feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Those that love them dearly suffer right along with them through it all.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”