Real & Raw Take 1,000,000

88F8ABEB-592F-41E0-8F4E-CF4AE60B809EMy skin is crawling so bad and my heart is hurting so much. I feel like a prisoner in this broken body. Yet, I more than realize there is no quick fix. In fact, obviously there is nothing really man can do for me except listen and pray. I just never saw these days coming so early in my life. My grief of this reality just keeps coming in stages.

Pain makes it so hard to focus on anything else. Even praying is much more difficult as you struggle to even speak with words. Your prayers become groans of desperation as you just want relief. You feel so unstable minded as after awhile you just can’t process things anymore. Comfort, peace, and compassion become the greatest gifts on your wish list.

I just took a Valium that hopefully helps sooner than later. However, I know it’s comfort will be very short lived. Oh how I need the continued prayers of many. I’m bound to collapse apart from God’s grace and mercy. I feel like I’m on an IV drip that needs to be refilled. I feel on a deserted island where I’m left to cry alone. Oh God, I wish this cup could be taken from me. Yet, not my will but your will be done!

“Jesus told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
(Matthew 26:38-39)

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