Long Week, Still Hopeful

Lately, I’ve been doing one thing right on a consistent basis. I’ve made sure that everyday the past week I got up, got dressed and walked out of the house at some point. Why? I’ve discovered its critical to my mental, emotional and physical health. Pondering every second how bad you feel only feeds dark thoughts. It’s true that an idol mind is a devil’s workshop. Sit and ponder long enough how bad things are and see if the depression buzzards don’t surround you.

I’ve got a very long week ahead. First, I’m seeking to put together the best plan possible to jump start my daily recovery. Right now I’m not moving forward or backwards. My recovery momentum was disturbed many months ago. I’ve got to do whatever I can to jumpstart my recovery to a point of daily consistency. I’m doing this very prayerfully and strategically. But, I plan to do whatever it takes to get and hopefully feel better.

This week I’ve got several big appointments concerning my health. The one I’m most dreading is this Tuesday when I’ve got to endure my 3rd Functional Capacity Exam in less than 2 months. This torcher to my body can last 3-4 hours long. I’m praying I don’t have another nervous system breakdown during the process.

The appointment I most look forward to is seeing my professional counselor on Thursday. It’s been long overdue since my last visit. It does me so much good to process my griefs and many struggles associated with my health. Like the fact that I can feel my legs are getting weaker and weaker. I don’t need another doctor to remind me I’ve got permanent nerve damage in my entire lower body. I feel I am growing to a place of greater acceptance, but it’s not good for my recovery efforts that I grow in my contentment. I’ve got to keep pushing forward and somehow not let yesterday’s disappointments shatter tomorrow’s hopes.

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

(Philippians 3:13-14)

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