Prior to September 17th, 2015 I was very blessed. I was not dependent upon any daily medication. I was able to go to work all day. I was able to drive myself around anywhere instead of my wife having to carry me everywhere. I didn’t feel like I was still 15, but I felt way healthier than most my age. Then, all that changed and here I am feeling like I should be in an assisted living facility at age 43.

This new medication has definitely been working. However, it has also left me feeling very medicated. I feel like I’m in a haze every minute. That I’m awake, but I’m just not able to process much very clearly. Don’t get me wrong I’m thrilled to be comfortable, but I was always afraid this was what it would take. Having worked in hospice I’m well aware there is usually no in between when it comes to comfort. Either you’re too uncomfortable and yet aware of everything. Or you’re comfortable full of medication that makes you feel like you’re on another planet always sleepy.

I find myself very concerned about the future. I wonder how long I might be this way. Even scarier will I get much worse over time. These moments really challenge your faith more than ever. Will you still trust God even in these moments? Will you walk in fear or by faith through the dark valley?

I know God has not changed so the answer is YES. Yes, I will trust God even when I can’t see beyond this valley. Yes God is still with me even in the darkest valley. I can’t wait to visit with my counselor in the morning to process these feelings and so much more!

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)