Earlier I literally thought I heard someone screaming for help. Come to find out it was just someone’s television capturing my attention. Just the sound of potential crisis alone sent shockwaves through my entire nervous system. I used to be someone that could help and handle just about any crisis situation. Now just the sound of something difficult melts me from my head down to my toes.

It’s so hard to explain my nerve damage to just anyone. First of all, it feels like someone went into my body’s nervous system breaker box. Then, after unplugging every wire they plugged them all back into the wrong places. When things aren’t kept under control I feel a cold, piercing, miserable vibration from my feet to my face. I’m talking within just a few seconds of my nervous system malfunction.

Without my Spinal Cord Stimulator, medications and my good Lord Jesus Christ I can’t imagine how I could go on. My shipwrecked nervous system has proved to be my kryptonite. It has humbled me to my very core. It has revealed my complete dependence on a God who knows way more than me. It has stolen my seeming super powers, but it’s also helped me realize the only certain source of power.

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10)