In Over My Head Again
It’s 9pm and I’ve literally only been awake and out of my bed for seven hours. However, that hasn’t stopped my nervous system from crashing for the one millionth time. In these moments, there is nothing I can do to stop what follows these episodes. I typically feel something like fluid rising up within and above my chest. Very soon behind that are emotions that all I can do is cry out of my system.
Every neurological breakdown is so awakening and humbling. It’s like I can’t believe I’m still in this bad of shape. My blood pressure is still having to be checked and kept in check daily. And, while I hate how my newly added medication makes me feel I can’t take my condition lightly. So, I’ve taken all my nightly medications again just hoping I will be fast asleep soon!
Here I go again Lord acknowledging that I’m a broken yet blessed vessel. I’m emotionally crushed yet not destroyed. I don’t stand a chance at beating this battle by myself yet it’s nothing for You to calm this raging storm. I’m being gracefully broken so that You oh Lord can make me stronger than ever before. Into Your arms I free fall. I surrender all of my past, present and future to You.
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead. Because I am God, your personal God…”
(Isaiah 43:1-3)(The Message)