My Plans Feel Ruined
My body has been aching all day. My mind remains in a thick fog. My heart hurts as I feel trapped by my limitations. No matter how hard I try my present health reality keeps slapping me in the face. I want things to go back to normal so bad. I have so much I want to do for God’s glory.
However, for now it’s as if I’m a dog being kept in my own yard by one of those invisible shock fences. Every time I try to escape past my present limitations I’m shocked back to my senses. My entire nervous system is disturbed by my own voice. Surging and vibrating pain runs through my entire lower body. It’s so strong and disrupts my every thought. It’s something you never get used to and remains hard to accept.
Often I think I’m having some bad dream. My entire life is altered as this battle never ends. My medications make it so hard to focus and remember things. My physical discomfort makes it difficult to enjoy anything. As a husband, dad, and pastor I’m so disappointed with how my condition affects others. I’m just having to trust that God still has a plan. That His grace is sufficient and His strength is enough. That despite my plans feeling ruined He still has a plan.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)