God’s Will & Mixed Emotions
Trying to explain my present feelings towards life would sound rather conflicting. On one hand, I’ve never seen God more at work. On the other hand, I’ve never seen more work that must be done. On one hand, I’m beyond excited to see where God is taking things. On the other hand, I’m already exhausted and the journey has only just begun. I told you I’m full of mixed emotions.
I know for certain that I’m in a new season. A season of seeing God sized results after years of God seeking labor. So many times along my journey I’ve felt like giving up. Each time God has given me the strength to keep taking the next God led step. I’m afraid and excited as I look towards what God has planned. I don’t want to mess things up or get in God’s way. I’m not wanting to control things, but my human side wants to feel in control.
Maybe I’m just learning what it really means to trust Jesus with everything. Maybe in the past there were still training wheels on my faith. All I know is that free falling into the arms of Jesus is both rewarding and terrifying. You always find yourself wanting to hit the easy button. Yet, God has not called us to easy. Instead we’re each called to a mission bigger than us and beyond our ability to accomplish alone. So, while I’ve never felt more overwhelmed I’ve never felt more certain I’m right where God wants me to be. I’ve surrendered all to Jesus. However, just like Jesus headed towards the cross it’s a certain mission filled with many mixed emotions.
Matthew 26:38-39 – “Then Jesus said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”