We’re All Very Disappointed

Today has not been the worst day of my life. Today has not revealed anything new. Today has confirmed something I wish it didn’t. An hour ago I had to turn my spinal stimulator off due to being over stimulated. As much as it has helped me it clearly wrecked me today.

Since getting out of bed today I’ve been on edge. I just assumed I was having a bad pain day or my unit was not helping enough. My mouth has been a clear assassin to both my wife and children. It was obvious the common issue with everyone was me. I kept thinking I needed to get it together and change my attitude. Slowly, but surely I realized this was a familiar nightmare experienced in many days gone by.

Not until around 4:30pm did I realize the root of my problems. Only after propping both feet up could I feel my entire lower body was constantly buzzing. Evidently all day I’ve been being over stimulated which is like running a tens unit nonstop within your nervous system. When it does this for too long my nerves get fried. I clearly become someone who can’t handle anything reasonably. It’s like being poisoned and you have no clue you’re doing it to yourself.

As soon as I recognized the issue I turned off the unit. I knew it silently snuck up on me again. After settling down I asked my wife if we could talk. I said, “no matter how many times this has happened I still get so disappointed with how bad my nerve condition remains.” She said very nicely, “we’re all disappointed that things haven’t gotten any better for you. It affects us all, not just you.” That’s when the bitter truth hit me like a ton of bricks. My struggle continues to be a household struggle. And, this struggle does not appear to be going away anytime soon. I can now say that without nonstop tears rolling as this does show some coping progress.

As I wait a few hours for the vibrations to settle unwanted pain is flooding back into my body. However, I have to let my nerves rest apart from stimulation. Just like with many peoples’ ongoing struggles there are many tough reality checks. You have moments that just remind you where you really stand. You’re reminded that this life is full of disappointments. You’re also reminded that only Jesus can give you hope beyond those disappointments. I’m so thankful for His promises of peace no matter what we face in this life.

Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

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