It’s Like This, Now What?

Laying on my side after midnight with the heating pad on high. I’m now way more comfortable than before. Earlier, I just had another miserable reality check. I got out for a few hours with my precious wife. The entire trip was not good for her or me.

I chose to drive the first 30 minutes it took us to reach our destination. Before we even got out the car I knew things weren’t going to be good. My lower back was aching like crazy. Soon, I would experience nonstop shooting pain down both my legs. Trying to sit comfortably to even eat supper was an impossible task. I couldn’t ignore the pain or deny my great disappointment.

I really thought my pain was more predictable. I even thought my stimulator had things under control. I went from alright to absolutely nauseating pain in one hour’s time. Needless to say we weren’t out long. My wife drove us back home as my nighttime meds put me quickly to sleep on the way. 

I’ve just got to quit comparing my old normal to today’s normal. I keep setting my wife and I both up for greater disappointment. We both acknowledged tonight that we’ve quit shedding tears over this matter. Now, we just expect it to wreck our lives. But, we’re trying to figure out how to smile through it. I’m thinking learning how to do that will be our next phase of faith walking forward. 

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:3-5)

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