Back For The Moment

Like a cancer that just won’t go into remission. Like a nightmare that just won’t go away. The nerves within me are back to running wild. Something is not holding like it has been. Nothing evidently has been fixed within me. God has just been keeping things under control for awhile.

Those who have followed my story the past few years remember my struggles. You remember when I felt like a total nervous wreck. You remember all the mornings, days and nights I was desperate for sanity. How I would try my best to describe the absolute war going on inside my body. Well, the war has once again reared it’s ugly head.

Ever since this morning I could feel electricity running through my veins. Just a simple movement or sound nearby makes painful vibrations run throughout my body. Even my own voice makes my nerves radiate within me from my feet to my face. My spinal cord stimulator must be out of rhythm. Or some medication that’s been working before just isn’t keeping my anxiety levels in check.

Either way I’m having to feel that old familiar struggle again. It makes me feel so miserable, out of control and scared. Fortunately, time has proven that God always has a plan to see me through this seasonal storm. For that reason alone I can still find hope and peace. I always hate how this makes me feel. But, I know I’m not alone in this storm.

“But then I recall all you have done, O LORD; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.”

Psalm 77:11

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