My Current Cross To Bear

I know it’s not what anyone wants to hear. Shoot, I’m struggling admitting it to myself. However, for now my nerve pain is not under control. Maybe it never was like I envisioned it in my mind. I pictured it tucked away forever never to return with its misery.

I hate this miserable surge within me more than words can describe. My wife can’t cough and my dog can’t move around me. Not without every nerve within me jumping like someone with severe PTSD. I just sneezed and the intense pain in my lower back took my breath away. God knows I just didn’t see or want to see this reality staring me in the face again.

I guess I’m officially a member of the lifetime chronic pain club. Those who have to accept this misery as an ongoing part of this life. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Doesn’t mean I have to let it steal my joy. However, I can’t live in denial especially in these uncomfortable moments. My prayers are constant for my stimulator to get back on track and my pain to get back manageable. It’s been this way for over twenty-four hours straight. I’m thankful for any rest God has given me so I can at least escape the pain in my dreams. Hoping I can give a much better report soon.

“At night my bones are filled with pain, which gnaws at me relentlessly.” Job 30:17

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