This Pain Ruins Everything
By the grace of God my current pain didn’t ruin my entire day. However, there is only so long of this constant nerve cringing pain you can take. It’s like being constantly burned deep inside your skin. This nauseating sensation is running constantly throughout my entire body. It’s obvious that my stimulator still just isn’t in sync
I hate every second of feeling this way. It makes nothing enjoyable. You just want someone to hook you up to a constant flow of morphine. Whatever it takes to stop the pain you’re on board. No one can imagine what it’s like to feel like your nerves are on constantly on fire. Even worse that you have no idea when the flames will die down.
I just took medication that should put me out soon. I’m desperate for relief and sleep if I’m to preach back to back Sunday services. While I’m more than willing I wish tomorrow I wasn’t the preacher. I will have to rely completely on God if anything great is to happen. I will likely feel uncomfortable in my own skin the entire day. It will be a constant battle to focus, not flip out, and trust God is greater than my pain. Trust me, I’m not exaggerating in the least. I’m just forced to process this terrible pain and misery I would give anything to end. The only thing I have to cling to at this time is knowing God’s grace is sufficient despite my great weakness.
“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Oh my Brother….. I HEAR YOU… I live with the SAME agony AND thorn you so speak of!! I understand nothing touches it except the occasional pain pill relief. Your description of the inescapable pain becomes for me: burning, searing hot, dagger like, head to toe aching and hardly walk up stairs…creaming internally from the inside out, emotionally/ physically draining mind numbing pain. Yet by the grace of God we live, and I’m drawn closer to Jesus- the Holy Spirit- I hear constantly in my prayers…”…take up your cross, come follow me, my love for you is eternal.” What a crazy thorn we have…now we understand St Paul of the Apostles. With our willingness to bear and offer up our suffering for Christ- we join our cross to his and ooooooh the blessings, the blessings- how is it possible to be loved so dearly.
I’m grateful Christ considers me to be worthy to be a soldier for him and walking love- take THAT Satan!!! And yes I have mournful days I mobile on a heating pad in bed— I trust in you Jesus, I love you Jesus! May I always surrender my will to you my Lord and King! AMEN!! I love you brother- hope I don’t sound sanctimonious- on a bad day I get angry and vent at my family 🙇🏼♀️. I desire so much for you to know YOU WILL BE SO BLESSED IN YOUR WEAKNESS AND REMAINING SMALL IN THE EYES OF CHRIST JESUS…